192: The opposite of yes
Today we're looking at the flip side of saying yes and what it tends to mean for our empathetic, big-hearted selves.
Episode transcript:
Good morning, Daily Peppers, and a very happy Thursday to you. You're listening to the Daily Pep. And if you need a dose of Rebel Rousing, if you need a bit of encouragement, and if you're a bit sick of standing in your own way, you've come to the right podcast. So around here, I think it's a fair generalization to say that we are the helpers, we are the empaths, and we like to make a difference. And in a lot of ways, those are huge superpowers of ours. And in other ways, it can lead to some pretty people pleasing tendencies, and I say this with both hands firmly raised in the air. So today, I wanna share something which has been a huge game changer for me, and it's this idea of the opposite of yes or the flip side of yes. Now when it comes to any requests that come our way, anybody asking us to do things, or any demands on our time and energy, it can be really hard to say no.
It can feel selfish to put ourselves first. And let's face it, as women, we're socialized with people pleasers to always put others before ourselves, and I think that's where a lot of this kind of selfish narrative comes into it. But I think something really starts to change when you realize that when you say yes to something, you're also saying no to something else. And the thing that we're usually saying no to is ourselves. We honor the score when it comes to things that we do for ourselves. They are the first thing to escape off the bottom of our to do list. They are the first thing to go when we're busy or overwhelmed. And it's often the first thing we sacrifice when we're saying yes to other things.
And while it can feel good at the time to say yes to things and get that kind of validation and appreciation, which I know isn't why we say yes, we genuinely want to help, but we can't escape the fact that it often comes with it. We also know the bitter other side of it where our internal monologue is like, why did you say yes? Come on. I thought we weren't gonna do this anymore. And we're really regretting saying yes. And also, I know I've definitely been in the place where I say yes to way too many things in the aims of being helpful. And I say this with compassion, if you've ever been in this place, let's not judge ourselves. I've definitely ended up disappointing people because I couldn't do it all. And looking back, it was kind of inevitable because the amount of things I was saying yes to, well, I'm not Superwoman, and neither are you and that's okay.
The thing is it takes courage to accept your limitations. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you have a huge heart and it needs to be protected. If you struggle with saying no, I seriously recommend the book, The Curse of Lovely by Jacqui Marson. It has changed so much for me. And there's one tip I remember, and it's always stuck with me. And it's this idea of when somebody asks you to do something, instead of immediately saying yes, which is a new enough automatic reaction, just take a pause. Give yourself a second to think.
And if you're not sure whether you want to do it, it's okay to say I'll get back to you on that. So, yeah, really recommend that book. And just for today, let's remember that everything we say yes to has a flip side, and the opposite of yes is usually saying no to ourselves. And I think it's about damn time we started saying yes to ourselves too Because you matter just as much as all the other people in your life. You matter just as much as all the causes you're fighting for. You matter, full stop. So here's to saying yes to yourself, and my challenge for you this week is to find one way you can say yes to yourself and really claim that. So I hope you have a fabulous Thursday. And remember that everything changes when you believe you matter. And that can start with saying no to some things and yes to yourself. See you tomorrow.
Episode transcript produced automatically by Castmagic.io
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A short, snappy and sassy daily podcast to keep your internal - and external - dreamshitters at bay!
The Daily Pep! is the rebel-rousing, daily podcast for couragemakers, creative, multi-passionate and unconventional women.
If you’re surrounded by people who don’t get who you are or what you do, if you want reminders you’re on the right path (no matter how scary it feels), or you’re sick of being your very own worst enemy, this is the podcast for you.
Every weekday, your host - writer, coach and professional rebel-rouser - Meg Kissack helps you build a creative and wholehearted life, one day at a time. Through short and snappy insights, reminders and stories, The Daily Pep! is here to remind you you’re not alone, and that everything changes when you believe you matter. Each episode is short and snappy, designed to fit in with (or help you start) your habits and routines
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