493: This one's for all us people pleasers

Courtesy of The Curse of Lovely by Jacqui Marson, today's episode explores a fabulous starting point for saying no.

Episode transcript:

Good morning, Daily Peppers, and a very happy Thursday to you. Now here on The Daily Pep, We are diving into some practical tools this week to help you get shit done without treating yourself or feeling like shit. And today, I wanna share one of my favorites, courtesy of the fabulous Jacqui Marson. So Jackie is the author of a book that I recommend to literally every single one of the women I work with, and it's called The Curse of Lovely, How to Break free from the demands of others and then how to say no. Now I don't know about you, but that title alone resonates with me. Around here, we tend to be recovering people pleasers, and it is so much easier to say yes than it is no. And like we all know far too well, that often means that we end up overcommitting, overpromising, And that doesn't feel great if we can't deliver, but it also leads to resentment. And I know I'm not alone in the fact that I've had So many conversations where a yes has literally slipped out of my mouth before I've really had a chance to think about it.

And within about 5 seconds, I'm already having a conversation with myself in my head around why on earth did you say yes to that, But also feeling like I can't go back and change my mind. Now the reason I share the curse of Lovely today is because there's one bit in it where she shares A really simple, practical way of starting to learn to say no that I come back to time and time again. And it is as simple as this. When somebody asks you to do something, rather than give an automatic yes Or give a yes if it feels like a good yes. Pause, try and catch yourself, and tell them that you'll think about it or you'll have to get back to them. Now this might feel particularly scary if you are just not used to saying no to people, Or your yeses kind of come out automatically. But what this does is it buys you some time to think about it, To assess whether you actually want to or can do this thing, and gives you the space to make the decision on your own terms, Rather than feeling like you have to please a person and you're used to saying yes, they're used to you saying yes, and just going with that. I think it's also worth remembering here that your people pleasing comes from a really good place.

But knowing that your time and your energy is Just as valuable, if not more valuable, than anybody else's, and that you get to respect yourself and please yourself too. So if you are a fellow recovering people pleaser, I really encourage you to try this one on for size this week. See if you can do it twice. Push yourself a little bit, and see what it feels like to give yourself that room. It can be really scary starting to say no, but it also can be really fucking liberating. So start small. Know that saying no alongside self compassion is a bit like building up that muscle. We're gonna start really, really small first.

Celebrate the fact that you've done it, and soon you'll start to see that the reward comes in the same low in the 1st place. So that is my practical tip for today. I can't wait to be back with you tomorrow. And remember that you are definitely not alone in this hole. Learning to put yourself first or learning to take care of yourself, this is hardship. There are a lot of people doing this right alongside you, And you've got this. I'll see you tomorrow.

Episode transcript auto produced by Castmagic.io

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A short, snappy and sassy daily podcast to keep your internal - and external - dreamshitters at bay!

The Daily Pep! is the rebel-rousing, daily podcast for couragemakers, creative, multi-passionate and unconventional women.

If you’re surrounded by people who don’t get who you are or what you do, if you want reminders you’re on the right path (no matter how scary it feels), or you’re sick of being your very own worst enemy, this is the podcast for you.

Every weekday, your host - writer, coach and professional rebel-rouser - Meg Kissack helps you build a creative and wholehearted life, one day at a time. Through short and snappy insights, reminders and stories, The Daily Pep! is here to remind you you’re not alone, and that everything changes when you believe you matter. Each episode is short and snappy, designed to fit in with (or help you start) your habits and routines

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