Decision making 101 - heart vs logic
When was the last time you made a decision for yourself without relying on others? For some, that might not even be an issue, for others, it’s a bit of a wake up call.
Giving decisions away
I have always relied on others to help me make decisions. I find big decisions scary, and have always asked people around me for their ten cents (or twenty, hell, maybe a dollar). I can recall plenty of times where I would have happily given the decision for someone else to make, just for it to be out of my hands, and for the decision to be made dammit. This was the case when deciding whether to quit a job, change courses and get my adorable house rabbits.
In the past, I’ve got myself so het up trying to make decisions that I’ve ended up feeling sick, and becoming truly obsessive. I’m like a girl with a one track mind (minus the filth).
If you spoke to me on any given day a couple of years ago and asked me what my gut feeling was, it would have gone something like this:
‘I think I know what I should do, but what if a happens. What is b doesn’t happen. What about c? What do you think?’
‘I shouldn’t do it. There. I’ve made my decision’. A couple of minutes later ‘Nope, I’m going to do it, ahhhh I don’t know what to do’
Hence the need to rely on others in making decision.
But here’s the thing. When you start relying on others to help you make decisions, they’re not your decisions. This may seem obvious, and it is, but there are a myriad of underlying factors that I didn’t realise while running to other people:
1. The only person that has your best interests at heart is you
It doesn’t matter how much someone loves you, or does for you, at the end of the day, the person who cares most about what happens to you is yourself. I’m not being mean, I’m telling you the truth. Hence the best person to make decisions in your life really is you.
2. The people you turn to may have their own motives
Hard to admit but sometimes true. And they might not even realise it.
3. Your self esteem
Take a minute to think about the internal messages you’re sending to yourself when you’re looking to other people to (help) make decisions for you. You’re telling yourself ‘I can’t do this on my own’, ‘I don’t trust myself to make a good decision’ and ‘Other people have more control over my life’. These aren’t good messages.
4. Dependency culture
If you get to the point where you can’t make a decision without phoning a friend (or using a lifeline - kudos if you got the reference), you become dependent on other people. Power within relationships becomes reinforced and that doesn’t make for a healthy relationship.
But we don’t think of them. We focus on how much better it is to have more people involved in the decision making process. Maybe there is even some relief, that if it doesn’t work out, you’re not the only one to blame (or so you may tell yourself).
I’m not advocating for all decisions to be made by yourself all the time.
I’m advocating for trust in yourself.
[Tweet " You know how to make good decisions for yourself."]
Exercise
If that sounds all good and well but you’ve got no idea how to go about it, try these on for size:
• Set a timer- there’s a great quote that says that every problem can be solved in 15 minutes. Next time you’re stuck, set a timer, apply the below and see where it gets you.
• Make a decision and don’t go back on it, (if it feels right.) Sometimes our decisions aren’t logical. Sometimes, what may logistically work out, is the very thing we try to avoid. (For example, let’s say I want to make money. It may make logical sense to climb the corporate ladder in a job I don’t enjoy. That’s just not going to work for me, because I value my time a lot more than I value money). The heart usually wins over the mind.
• Pros & Cons list - good old fashioned two column list works like a treat, just be sure to remember that some points are worth more than others, so tallying each side up and seeing which one is the highest doesn’t always work.
• What makes you feel good? As long as you’re not exploiting others, this is often the best to go with.
[Tweet "Living a whole hearted and heart centred life starts with trusting yourself."]
You, and only you are the expert in your life.
You know what makes you happy, you know what makes you want to scream, and what sends you running for your duvet.
Friends & families are important and they do matter when it comes to the big decisions, but when you’re making a decision to make your life more [insert your own adjective here], you’re the only one that can make the decision and get it right.