A Day in the Mind of a Self Care Warrior

It won’t come as a surprise to hear that I’ve spent a great proportion of life struggling with guilt, feeling selfish and going full pelt, with no thought to the effect on myself. A lot of us do.

I’ve talked a lot on my blog about how things have changed for me in the past couple of years, and how my mindset has shifted. I used to be someone who would google how to relax, how to find a hobby and symptoms of burnout.

Self care? It wasn't even part of my dictionary!

Now, I’m a lot happier - doing  things for my own pleasure, and taking time out. I’ve changed my perspective on changing the world, and I’m a hell of a lot happier.

But, that doesn’t mean that every day is a breeze. So, I thought today’s post would cover what it’s like to be in the mind of a self care warrior and the things I do every day to really solidify and affirm that mindset.

It’s not an easy transition, and is absolutely a work in progress.

What it takes is constant grounding, bringing myself back to what’s important, and regular reminders to slow down, take time for myself and appreciate the beauty of the moment, instead of getting lost future-tripping.

The Decision Filter

For example, I try to make sure that decisions go through a filter - that filter is mainly unconscious now as I’ve worked hard to instill these values. My decision filter goes a little something like this:

1. Will it bring me joy?

2. Does it align with my values?

3. How much energy will it realistically take, and do I have that energy?

4. What have I already got going on?

Remembering to think about my energy, being seriously realistic about how long things take, and figuring out whether it's going to be something that sets my heart on fire, or paves the way for something to do just that, is super important.

Daily Reminders

On days that are harder than others, where old thought patterns start creeping in, I remind myself of following things. They keep me grounded, they keep me in the moment, and they keep my self-esteem up.

I am enough. 

Self care is a necessity, not a luxury.

I am not responsible for other people's decisions or the way they live their live.

[Tweet " I am not superwoman, she does not exist."]

That first one? That's the mothership of everything self care related. It's not about being good enough, being nice enough, kind enough, smart enough. It's about knowing you are enough, right in this moment, without needing to change anything.

 Inspiration

As a creative person, and someone who loves thinking about ideas and hearing about other people's stories, feeling inspired is really important to me.

I take a bit of a no-nonsense approach to keeping inspired. I spent about ten years waiting for a muse to arise out of mid-air, and I hardly wrote a word during that time. I became blocked, stuck, and waiting on some external thing to come and rescue me. Inside secret: it never did.

Instead, I had to focus on feeding my mind and soul instead.

There are a couple of things that work for me, really really well:

1. Showing up

Allowing myself excuses, but recognising them as just that. I give myself breathing space, and then I woman up and get down to it. Showing up is about 80% of the effort behind being successful. (Percentage picked out of thin air, but I think it's pretty accurate).

2. Surrounding myself with inspiring people

Spending time with people who are loud and proud themselves, and are living their life their own way really inspires me. That includes spending time with friends and listening to talks, reading and listening to interviews. I find passion contagious.

However, I also think it's so important to create your own path and know that you can change things, using your strengths in the only way you can. While I love being surrounded by people who inspire me, it's so crucial to not try and be a watered down version of someone else. Let you freak flag fly and be the only thing you can be - you.

3. Taking time out

If I'm starting to feel tired, or ideas just aren't flying, I really acknowledge that it's time to take time out. I always know that having some downtime and doing things that make me really happy puts the sparkle back in my life, so I kick back, take care of myself and trust that I'll be back in the game belong.

The quote 'It will all be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end', is a really important element of how I live life.

It's not easy

Putting yourself first, and nurturing yourself is always a work in progress. Some days it's harder than others to remember that I am enough. Some days decisions don't go through the filter properly and I panic about little things.

And that's okay.

None of us are perfect, and it's never going to go 100% right, and that's okay.

It's how we pick ourselves up when we go off track, when we fall off the wagon that counts.

Like Mary Ann Radmacher said (warning! favourite quote ever coming up!)

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow."

An Open Letter to Fellow Couragemakers Who Have Lost All Hope In The World

Dear fellow Couragemakers,

It's pretty hard not to think that we're all fucked.

As the empathisers, the carers, the world shakers, we know how it works. We know how much of the world is held up by misogyny, racism, class war, ablism and homophobia. While we strive to make the world a brighter place, we're reminded every day just how much injustice and oppression we're fighting.

But behind our rage, our disappointment and perhaps our indifference, lies a bigger danger. A loss of hope.

The same loss of hope that can lead to despair, depression, and total burnout. We can start to feel like we've become disillusioned and we've lost our purpose.

And that's completely normal. Especially with such a build up, so much uncertainty, and with the news and political parties installing fear into every essence of our being

But seriously, it doesn't have to be that way.

Being burnt out isn't a trophy of your hard work. It doesn't justify your work as an activist, and it certainly isn't a measure of how much you care.

It's a call that you need to start looking after yourself, and regain your strength.

Turn off the news. Go off grid. Do something completely unrelated. Find whatever it is that takes you outside of the activist realm and gives you peace, and go do it.

That doesn't mean that you won't start again tomorrow, next week or next year. You're not giving up on the the world. It doesn't mean you don't care about the world.

It simply means you acknowledge that before you can help others, you need to help yourself first. You need to replenish yourself, regain your strength, and find a way to keep grounded in what's important to you, as well as the cause.

And the great thing about that?

You start to see your own wellbeing on the same level as the cause. And as a result of that, you start playing a more important role in the cause. You start to bring a new perspective, and action that only you can bring.

And it starts to become sustainable. You can impact change in a measured way, that doesn't drain you or demoralise you.

You can bring more joy into your life, amongst the trauma and the pain.

You can start to feel good, amongst the shit and quit feeling bad about that.

You can change the people around you, who will change the people around them, and then slowly, you begin to change the world.

One person, one mindset at a time.

Change doesn't always have to come in the form of a political upheaval, especially if that system isn't rigged to work anyway.

Change can come from deciding to share more positivity with those closest from you. From deciding to make sure you use community facilities, and encouraging your friends to do the same.

Change can come from picking up shopping for your next door neighbour when you go out. From making an effort to welcome new people into your community.

Change can happen from a smile.

We spend so much time focusing on the end goal that we become depleted and detached.

What if the end goal was to impact the world by becoming the best person you can be, to be a positive influence to those closest to you , in the faith that it'll rub off on them and the cycle will continue?

So wherever you are, whatever you're fighting for, take the time now to take care of yourself.

Because that's truly the best thing you can do for the world in the long run.

Yours,

A fellow fighter

peace-outline

Is trying to relax stressing you out?

Picture the scene.

It's been a hard few weeks. You just want to relax. Everyone has seemed to want something from you, the bags under your eyes look bigger than your credit card bills, you yawn more than you talk and you can't remember then last time your brain just shut up.

So you've taken an afternoon away from everything. Or an hour. Whatever you can spare. And you're going to do something nice.

It might be picking up the book that's been on your bed side table for the last couple of months, catching up on a TV series, going out for a walk, meeting up with a friend or trying a new recipe.

You're all set. You've been looking for forward to this.

When you’ve really struggled, you’ve had this to fall back on.

Now the time has come.

And you are STRESSED.

You can't pick what to do. The minutes are ticking by. You can't make a decision. The endless options of nice things to do has turned into a quasi to do list and you haven't got a clue where to start.

Sound familiar?

I’ve been there. Multiple times. It’s similar to when you think of something to write and you get it all sorted in your head -  the moment you hit that blank page, it was as if what you had in mind never existed.

So here are a some things you can do if you’re faced with relaxation paralysis:

1. Do the first thing that comes to your head

Pick one and commit. It sounds a lot simpler than it is, but remember why you set aside this time for yourself. It’s not about doing everything at once, although that's how our minds often default.

2. Pick one and schedule the others

Similar to the first one, pick the one that appeals to you most in the moment, but first take five minutes to schedule in your other plans. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, if it’s not in the schedule then it doesn’t exist? While that’s not completely true, as people who have a tendency to put self care and relaxation on the back burner, sometimes we do need that extra push to make sure we take the time.

3. Do nothing

Aka the beautiful Italian phrase dolce far niente; the beauty of doing nothing. Sometimes it’s about not having a plan, giving your mind some space and enjoying being in the present. You never know what ideas will surface.

And remember, if nothing else, all of our experiences are learning curves. You may have felt like your time was a waste, felt like you could have done something else, but your mind and body appreciate the break.

Have you had a similar experience? I’d love to hear about it  and what you did to overcome it in the comments below!