Repeat after me: I am not superwoman

Maybe people have called you Superwoman. It feels good, right? We’re in control, we’re pleasing everyone, we’re doing all that we can, we may even become canonised (a step too far?).

Right?

Ummm.

Being Superwoman may be a massive compliment regarding how we treat others. But it’s not such great news for how we treat ourselves.

But what does it actually mean?

 It probably means that you take little-no time for yourself. And that doesn’t work. Because we need to look after ourselves in order to do anything, to breathe, to be happy, to help others, to name a few. (read this piece). 

But I can do everything. I am Superwoman, I hear you say.

Well, let’s look at the facts. You don’t have the (sexist) outfit, you don’t have the cape, and I know I’ve talked about flying before, but I didn’t mean actual flying. People may call you superwoman, but evidence suggests otherwise (sorry, not sorry).

What you do have though, is an amazing set of skills and gifts which are unique to you, which you can use to work for you in a way that could only ever work for you.

What you don’t have is a limitless amount of energy and time. And these are the things that run out quickly, and lead to burnout and overwhelm.

Instead, it means that you have a set amount of energy and time, and it’s up to you to decide what works for you.

Hesitant?

SUPERWOMAN WEB

Well, it’s actually a good thing. Those things that take up a long time that you think you should be doing but you hate? Those things that you do for people that they don’t even appreciate? Those times that you spend working your arse off with no recognition?

Throw them away, and start putting your time and energy into things that you enjoy, and that work for you.

Because it all comes down to expectations.

The more unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves are, the more stressed we get. And the more we do for others, not complaining or putting ourselves first, the more other people expect us to do.

And life shouldn’t be about doing things just because you expect yourself to, or others expect you to.

I haven’t quite figured out the meaning of life yet, but I know living it whole heartedly and having fun are a key part to any good life.

So hang up your cape, keep the boots on, and enjoy being you. You don’t need to have superhero capabilities to do amazing things in the world.

And you don’t need wings, or a cape to fly.

This one word could change everything

As passionate women who are committed to making an impact in the world, we tend to say yes a shitload more than we say no.

Imagine:

1. A colleague asks you if you could do a bit of extra work as they won't get round to it and they've got a really important deadline to meet. You've always got on really well with this person on a personal level, but this isn't the first time they've asked. You wanted to get home normal time because you've had a really long week and it's the one night of the week where you have the house/flat to yourself. You can nearly hear that book calling you from your bedside table. But you know if you do that piece of work, it'll be great for your company, and it really doesn't take much.

2, A friend asks you last minute if you can have a quick look over a letter they're writing. You're rushing out of the house and need to get going, but you love your friend, and know it won't take long. You don't want to be late to dinner with your sister, but you're sure she'll understand when you explain it. Everyone usually does, afterall!

Let's say you say yes to both your colleague and your friend. Despite being completely different scenarios, there are two things that are happening here.

1) You technically could do it

2) You're putting their needs ahead of your own.

Technically, you could stay around to do that extra bit of work, or read over that letter for your friend. It probably wouldn't take you that long, and sometimes the end justifies the means right? Both are possible, feed into your image of being a good person (no offence, I'm completely with you here), and are pretty easy.

But let's throw a couple of other scenarios into the pot as well.

Technically you could create a pair of wings, go jump off a building and try to fly.

Technically, you could eat your body's weight in chocolate,

Technically, you could sell your left foot on the black market.

But it doesn't mean you're going to. You I could do all of those things, but it doesn't mean you should. They would end in a great result, to say the least!

The difference between the situation? Acknowledging the difference between could and should.

Let's shake shit up. Technically you could do it, but that doesn't mean you have to/should do it. 

Here's the thing. When you say yes for the reason that you could do it because it is possible, your needs go further and further down the list. It's only something little, you tell yourself.

But when you add all of those little things together, including the energy and time, that leaves very little left for you.

They add up.

So here are some things to try out:

1) Most important, life changing tip - replace your shoulds with coulds

2) Deliberately say no to one thing that you could do, but you don't want to (for whatever reason).

3) Watch and monitor how people react when you say no. Is it what you expected, and how does that make you feel?

I don't know about you, but when I replace should with could, life feels a bit lighter. I feel like I have more choices, I feel like I'm a bit more free.