Guest Post: Encouraging and inspiring through creative afternoons

When Meg asked me if I could write a guest post about this, I was over the moon - the opportunity to be on her fantastic website and to share the experience I've had hosting craft afternoons, wow! But when I've tried to write it, it's been more difficult than I expected. It's so hard to capture the emotion and the level of supportiveness and the small changes in people that occur. So please forgive me if I overuse words such as excitement and support and inspiration.

I love listening to women talk about creating

There's an excitement and a passion which shines through. And so often, these conversations are with people who "aren't creative" but who thoroughly enjoy knitting or cross stitch or whatever it is. Somehow being creative is so intrinsically linked with fine art that many people just can't get away from that. For the record, creativity is a huge spectrum of different techniques and processes and outcomes.

A creative afternoon

As well as listening to women talk about creating, I love getting women together to create. I had the honour of doing just that in August. An email went to friends, acquaintances and friends of friends inviting them for croissants, tea and making stuff. They were invited to bring works in progress, their own equipment or just to turn up and have a play with my stash of materials.

At previous creative afternoons I've taught some basic bookbinding, women have taught other women to knit and everyone has got involved. There has been an amazing organic nature to these afternoons, synchronicity that I could never have planned.  This was no exception. Despite the normal "I'm not creative " protests, everyone went home having made something. It ranged from mixed media art work to cards to decorations and more. But the thing I hope everyone took away was inspiration and a feeling that they can be creative.

I think the key to these afternoons is very much the women themselves.  I could provide the most amazing craft materials, books with instructions and inspiration, detailed tutorials etc but without the women, it would fall flat.

Women are often considered to be nasty, bitchy and judging when they get together in groups. But not these groups. This was a group of mostly strangers who were sat round my table, creating away and providing positive encouragement to everyone else.  It's something I would love to see so much more of.

Genuine encouragement

I don't think I can begin to express how heart warming it is to see this in action - genuine support and encouragement between strangers, the amazement when people see that they have created something and the twinkling of the idea that maybe they are creative.  It's beautiful.

 So if you have a table, a bit of craft stuff and a kettle, get emailing! Invite everyone you know to a tea and creative (creativi-tea if you will) afternoon.  I know it's an invitation I would love to receive.

Since I wrote this, I've come across

Mind's Christmas Crafternoons:

Crafternoon means getting together with friends, family or colleagues and holding an afternoon of festive crafting to have fun and raise money for Mind.

Make someone's Christmas and help us make sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.

Helen bio

You can find Helen here: Flickr | Blog

50 ways to show yourself you matter

No matter who you are, where you live and what you do, I don't think anyone can have too many reminders that you matter. That being said, as passionate and compassionate women, I think often we spend so much time boosting other people up, and not enough time making ourselves feel valued.

That's why I wrote a list of 50 ways to show yourself you matter. Because sometimes, it's hard to give ourselves that boost. Sometimes we lack inspiration, and sometimes it slips our mind completely. Use this list as a checklist, print it off and keep it somewhere you can see it or write you own!

Remember, you matter just as much as the people you're looking to help and inspire. You matter just as much the causes you're fighting for. You matter. Period.

1. Cook yourself your favourite meal

2. Buy/pick yourself a bunch of flowers

3. Watch re-runs of your favourite shows/ have a netflix binge

4. Schedule a nap

5. Keep a list of compliments people have given you

6. Send yourself a love letter

7. Buy yourself a new book

8. Watch your favourite film

9. Organise a date night for one

10. Start a gratitude diary

11. Bring affirmations into your life

12. Write yourself permission slips

13. Have a one person dance party

14.  Write funny memories on post it notes and put them around your bed

15. Learn a new skill

16. Go on a day trip

17. Give yourself permission to daydream,

18. Have coffee with the people you love in your life

19. Take a book/podcast to a coffee shop and enjoy time on your own

20. Say no to unreasonable demands

21. Put your favourite song on repeat and sing like your life depends on it

22. Only say yes to things that light you up and make you feel good

23. Meditate

24. Wear that dress you've been saving for a special occasion

25. Bake a cake/buy yourself a nice pudding

26. Read your favourite childhood book

27. Watch your favourite childhood film

28. Make something

29. Send yourself a postcard

30. Watch the sunset

31. Watch the sunrise

32. Feed some ducks

33. Go for a walk and enjoy your own company

34. Write a letter to your younger self

35. Watch something funny/make yourself laugh

36. Write nice things about yourself on your mirror with lipstick

37. Think of 3 qualities that you like most about yourself

38. Write down your values

39. Step outside your comfort zone and trust in yourself

40. Savour a hot drink

41. Take yourself out for breakfast

42. Start a scrapbook

43. Write a list of things you've done that you're proud of

44. Frame a favourite photo & put it on your nightstand

45. Keep and feed a pretty plant or cactus

46. Write a list of things that make you feel alive, and schedule those things into the next week

47. Block off half-hour (minimum) every day just for yourself

48. Eat a bowl of fresh fruit

49. Start a blog/journal - capture your life and share your story

50. Write your life as a short story, with you as the badass heroine

51. BONUS start every week on a great note with my free Sunday Reminders straight to your inbox! 

[et_bloom_inline optin_id="optin_4"]

Go on, go fall in love with yourself!

30 things you can do to relax in under 5 minutes

I haven’t got time to relaxWhat’s spare time? 

Slow down? Are you serious? I have so much to do.

Everything will fall apart if I take my eyes off the ball.

This sound familar?

I’ve certainly found myself saying a lot in the past, and these kind of phrases are something I hear often now from clients and people around me.

It’s something that I completely understand, which is why I've created a collection of fun and relaxing things you can do in under five minutes for those days where you need time out, right now, but have a gazillion things to do.

And if you can’t find a way to free up five minutes a day, I think we need to chat.

Alternatively, if you have more than 5 minutes, going through the whole list in an afternoon sounds like a pretty good day to me!

Here we go, with Part One!

1. One person dance party

This has to be one of my favourites and it’s courtesy of the lovely Jo Tucker of jo-tucker.com. Find a couple of songs that make you feel happy, make you feel alive, or make you forget about other things you’ve got going on right now. Put them on, nice and loud, and have a good dance in your living room (or bedroom, or bathroom, or wherever really!) Dance you worries away. (My recommended songs for doing this: Holy Ground - Taylor Swift, Can't Hold Us - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and Wake Me Up - Aviccii.

2. Meditate

When you have a million and one thoughts going on in your head, often the last thing you want to do is sit still, breathe and try and forget everything. There’s often so much to do, we’re juggling so many balls (don’t even go there!) that we dare relax because we don’t want to miss anything. For those of you in this category, I can’t recommend this illustrated guide enough: ‘Quiet the Mind’ by Matthew Johnston. It’s full of lovely colourful pictures, exercises and I think it would be near impossible to find someone who didn’t feel calmer after reading it.

3. Read an article

And try and make it completely unrelated to whatever you spend your most time doing. If you’ve got your own business, forget the go-to blogs for increasing productivity and sales. If you’re an avid campaigner or work in the caring profession, avoid anything too heart wrenching or close to home. Instead find something else that fascinates you, be it the autobiography of one of your favourite writers, an illustrated guide to something creative or even just a list of uplifting quotes.

4. Look at a candle

Sounds silly, but don’t knock it till you try it. Find a comfy seating position, light a candle and watch the flame. Get lost in the flickering and allow yourself to daydream and get lost. Kudos for a nice scented candle, my personal favourite is pumpkin or apple pie. Yum.

5. Play with an animal

When I’m sad or angry, upset or frustrated, I can always turn to one of my bunnies for a quick pick me up, or instant relaxation. If you’ve got a pet, go give them a cuddle. If you haven’t, there are plenty of cute videos of animals that will make your troubles melt away in no time. (If it doesn’t work the first time, repeat, then repeat again.)

6. Walk around the block

A little walk goes a long way. That’s my philosophy anyway. A five minute walk is good for the heart as well as the soul, and exactly the kind of thing you need if a) you haven’t left the house in a while or b) every time you leave the house it’s for work or for someone else. Grab you coat (weather depending) and go for a walk. Try to look for things you haven’t noticed before and appreciate living in the present.

7. Look at a nice picture

Whether it’s looking through photo albums (or dropbox) at photos that make you go awww, or browsing for stunning landscapes on Google, spend five minutes looking at things that make you smile. Get a fresh perspective, zoom out of what’s going on with you right now and find something to be in awe of.

8. Browse some quotes

Pinterest is the perfect tool for relaxing. Setting up an account is simple and you never need to show anyone your boards. Type in whatever you’re in search for right now (hope, courage, inspiration, motivation) and let the beautiful quotes and graphics do the work for you. If you're stuck in a rut, a vision board might just to the trick.

9. Sip a hot drink

Sometimes, all it takes is wrapping my hands around a warm drink (in a nice mug) and sipping something nice and sweet (ever tried a steamer? It's warm milk with a syrup, yum!). There's something about warm drinks that can melt away troubles and let out a big sigh.

10. Doodle

Grab a piece of paper (back of a receipt, napkin, anything you can find) and start doodling. You don't have to be an artist - though you can take it up as a hobby and learn -  and you don't need equipment. Set a timer for five minutes, take your biro and just doodle. Listening to music sometimes helps. Let your thoughts wander or try and clear your mind and take it out on the paper, dammit!

11. Vine

Many an hour of mine has been spent on Vine. Vines are really short videos  uploaded by users all over the world and range from hilarious to downright bizarre. Whether you're in the office, at home, or on the move, put your feet up and put on a compilation. If you manage to keep your viewing time to just five minutes, let me know as I’ve never managed it!

12. Savour a piece of something sweet

This is a great exercise that I learned in my Positive Psychology training. Grab a piece of fruit (or chocolate!) and spend five minutes looking at the texture, the smell, the feel and the taste. Take as long as you can to eat it, and really bask in how it tastes. Remain completely focused on what you’re eating and let it bring back memories, and find new flavours you might ignore when rushing around as part of daily life. (If you want to extend this exercise, I totally recommend a tub of Ben & Jerry’s phish food, and Whip It. Just saying…)

13. Check in with your senses

You can do this anywhere, and there are about a million ways to do it, but I'm just going to suggest two:

a) You can do a five minute body scan which involves shutting your eyes, focusing on your breath and checking in with every part of your body. See where you're holding tension in your body, and release it.

b) Shut your eyes, and focus on what you can hear. What's in your immediate surroundings? What sounds further out? What can you taste? What can you feel around you? What do your feet feel like on the ground? What can you smell? Now open your eyes and look for three things you haven't noticed before, take a deep breath and continue with your day.

These exercises keep you grounded in the moment and you should return to whatever you're doing with a clearer mind and relaxed state.

14. Put headphones in with no sound

This one sounds so strange, but I can't tell you how well it works! Whether you're on your way somewhere and don't want to be disturbed, in a busy area or at work, try this on for size. It's sometimes great to feel like you're in your own little world, and putting headphones in blocks every day noises away just enough for you to get a bit of peace and quiet.

15. Look for a yellow car

There's a saying that what you focus on gets bigger. Sometimes a bit of mindful distraction is exactly what you need when feeling stressed to the max. If you're near a road, focus on finding a yellow car. They're rare enough to warrant the need to focus on finding one, but common enough to realistically find one, so win win! You can also do this for different colours, and see what you notice that you other wise wouldn't.

16. Do five minutes of yoga

I am no yoga expert. Laughter yoga yes. But yoga yoga, no. But there are lots of ways you can learn, and there are lots of positions and postures that you can do in five minutes which are great for your body and soul. There are lots of videos of yoga poses you can do at your desk, just like this one. 

17. Funny videos on Facebook

Facebook can be a source of good and evil. Let’s face it, sometimes we get sick of baby pictures and seeing what the person you went to school with made for breakfast. But, there’s also a lot of funny shit that we don’t take the time to look at. For five minutes, scroll through your timeline and only click on the funny videos and pictures. Let them cheer you up. And if you don’t have Facebook, check out this awesome video featuring a talking guinea pig:

http://youtu.be/jW3XtKBlTz0

18. Guided meditation

We touched briefly on breathing and meditation last week, but I wanted to take some time to discuss this in more depth. Meditation is a great way of accessing a sense of calmness. Try this one. Or you can read Quiet the Mind, a FANTASTIC illustrated guide to mindfulness. Think children's book meets meditation = awesome.

19. Wash your face/give yourself a quick facial

Doing something we wouldn’t usually or spoiling ourselves can be a great confidence boost. Take five minutes to look after yourself and make yourself feel good! And if you’re looking to extend the activity you can find recipes to make your own face masks here. Though, maybe just stick to the banana. The vinegar and the mayonnaise ones make me want to vom.

20. Tidy and de-clutter

Although I generally live by the rule of ‘Why should I clean my room when the world is such a mess?’, tidying and cluttering can be great for the mind.

21. Water your plant

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a plant die on you. Yeah, me too. But it’s nice to have something pretty to take care of, and plants give off oxygen and shit (science really isn’t my forte - I totally didn’t just google it to make sure I was right). But it is relaxing looking after a plant. I don’t know why, it just is.

22. Phone a friend

You can always rely on friends to cheer you up. Ring up one of your close friends and ask them what funny things have happened to them  lately. Or just catch up with someone you’ve been meaning to call in a while. Whether you end up laughing or simply feeling loved, it’s a win win situation.

23. Close your eyes and think of the last time you had a good belly laugh

I love this one. So much so that I’m going to share the last belly laugh I had. It was on the tube in London with a lovely friend and I shared one of my favourite jokes:

Knock knock

Who’s there

Harry

Harry who?

Harry Potter

Didn’t say it was funny, did I?!

24. Send someone special and e-card

Sometimes it’s all about the little things. There are loads of great e-cards (or you could send snail mail) to choose from, and it's guaranteed make a loved one’s day. Bonus points as it will make you feel all warm inside as well.

25. Google a new recipe and print it out

Shaking up your kitchen is a great way to relax, especially if you love to cook, which I do. Think about the things in your fridge, or a meal you’ve been meaning to check out, and print it out for later. Alternatively, look up recipes on Pinterest and see what you find!

26. Scrunch or rip paper

Similarly to a stress ball, ripping up paper and scrunching paper into a ball can be a good reliever of all things stressful. Extra brownie points for writing down a list of things that are on your mind and ripping them up. Let it go. And no, I wasn’t quoting Frozen. 

27. Make a gratitude list

Establishing a gratitude practice can really improve your life. Not only does it allow you to live more in the present, but if you do it regularly enough, you’ll find yourself actively looking at things in a different way, and searching for more things to be grateful for. One of the easiest ways to do this is to write down three good things that have happened to you in the last 24 hours. Alternatively, there are gratitude apps as well.

28. Write a short story

You’d be amazed at what you can create just five minutes at a time. Start a fictional story (even a piece of fan fiction if you fancy, though it doesn’t float my boat personally) and add to it in five minute chunks. Make it funny, make it provoking, make it erotic (ooh-err), whatever will bring you happiness!

29. Chant

I've recently (as in, for the purposes of this post) been introduced to the work of Deva Premal. Her music is rather beautiful, and her 'Mantra for Precarious Times' is worth giving a go, though I've been warned it can be quite intense.

30. Take five minutes to sort your bag out

I think we’re all guilty of this to a certain extent. I’ve been called Mary Poppins for the amount of things (crap) in my bag. And I get a strange sense of satisfaction when I’ve cleared my bag out and I’m all organised. Try it out and see if it works for you! And on that note, that’s my cue to leave and go do just this!

I hope you’ve found new inspiration for things you can do to relax in under five minutes! I really set out to show that you don’t need a weekend or a whole day to relax. It really is about the little things, and embracing the time youdo have and using it to make you feel amazing!

7 things to do on a shitty day

We all have bad days. For some of us they’re one offs. For others, they show up pretty regularly. It’s not about banishing the bad days, because like good old Dolly tells us, ‘if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain’.

But it’s about being able to deal with crappy days when they show up, and knowing how to respond to them.

Here are a some things you can do on down days, to help deal with what life throws at you.

1. Clear your schedule

This is more possible for some than others. The general rule of thumb here is this: what’s the worst possible thing that will happen if you cancel x, y and z, and will it matter to you next week?

If you simply can’t clear your schedule for whatever reason, do what you absolutely have to, and plan for something nice afterwards.

2. Make a playlist

I love music as therapy, and I don’t think there’s many things that can embrace how you feel as much as music. Try creating a Shitty Day Playlist. Fill it with angsty rock, opera, boy bands, whatever gives you your fix.

3. Find a quote and use it as a mantra

This is something me and a close friend do when we’re having a shitty day. We’ll send a quote we like from Pinterest to the other and repeat it as an affirmation. My favourite so far has been this beaut:

I'm an intelligent classy well educated woman who says fuck alot.

4. Do something mindless

Waste time on the internet, watch some trashy TV, play a game. Not every activity we do has to be meaningful or enriching.

5. Phone a friend

Sometimes this is the absolute last thing we want to do. Things are shit, we want to cut out the rest of the world and hide away under our duvet for the foreseeable future. But you’ll be surprised how you’d feel after talking to a good friend.

6. Get under that duvet

And own it like a motherhugger.

It might sounds woo woo, but when all else fails, put faith in the universe that things will get better. After all, what is life without hope?

7. Cry

Yep, you heard me. Let it all out. Everything feels better after a good cry. It doesn't have to be over anything particularly meaningful. Pen run out of ink? Let it out!

What do you do on a shitty day? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

What trimming my bush taught me about my mind garden

I would love a nice garden. A lovely garden with flowers of every colour, a nice patio set and some home-made lemonade, outside where I do my best work. The reality is that right now, my life is super busy, and even mowing the lawn (it’s not even a big lawn) only happens when we realise that the garden’s owning us, not the other way around.

After a particularly stressful day, I decided to pick up the shears and tackle the bushes that have been growing wildly for quite some time now. We have ivy growing around fencing, flower bushes cutting off the sunlight to others, and branches of bushes going from one side of the garden to the other. It’s pretty much an overgrown mess.

(There is a point to all this.)

Now, I’m no garden expert. I mean, I hacked at the bush like a trainee hairdresser having a go at her first mannequin.

I found plants I didn’t even know I had. I found strange yellow things growing in the ground that may have resembled potatoes quite some time ago. And I discovered a tree stump.

It got me thinking.

Overgrown gardens are a bit like our minds. (Bare with me, I’m not gonna get super woo-woo).

There are some things we don’t nourish, there are things that we neglect, and sometimes we just don’t take the time or the effort to look deeper at things.

As people who spend a lot of our lives on fast forward, always thinking of the next thing, and subsequently often feeling drained, I think it’s fair to say that at some point or another, we stop observing our thoughts and focus only on what we can see.

MIND GARDEN WEB

Sometimes we skim the surface, accept the first thing that comes to mind and don’t care to take another look. It may be a reaction to a situation, a feeling when we hear good or bad news, a spurge of emotion when things don’t go the way we plan.

Sometimes it’s the things that are hidden which are the most surprising and the most valuable.

Our hidden things could be memories we haven’t thought about in a long time. They could be life plans that we’re too scared to follow. Perhaps they’re dreams we’re too terrified to admit even to ourselves? Or areas of our lives that we want to change, but have no idea how.

But what do I do when I discover the hidden things? I hear you ask.

Here are a couple of things you could try:-

1. Sit it out

I think this is by far the hardest. When you’re not used to sitting down as you’re always on full pelt, sitting with uncomfortable emotions can be really tough. On the other hand though, it can be really beneficial. Sometimes it’s about giving yourself the time to sit on your sofa in the quiet and focussing on one thing. You’d be surprised at how your mind makes links, and how you can discover things about yourself you never knew.

2. Write it out

Or draw it out. Or doodle it out. Creative arts are a great therapy. There’s something about getting lost in your thoughts, getting lost in the flow that gives you head space like nothing else. Put on some nice music, create something that you’re not expecting to be a masterpiece and shake it out.

3. Talk it out

Sometimes there’s nothing like a good heart to heart over a good cup of hot chocolate. Or picking up the phone and pacing back and forth. Good friends help to keep us grounded, keep us feeling connected and provide a judgement-free space. Sometimes it’s about remembering that we’re not alone..

4. Time out

Our minds are strange things. There’s times when uncomfortable thoughts will pop out of nowhere. The trick is not to ignore them, but if you’re not in the right space, it’s about finding a way to contain them. Maybe make a plan to think about it later, maybe it’s something we’d like to work through with a professional, maybe it’s something we’d just rather not acknowledge. Have some time out and go back to it. The lens we see the world through changes every day.

One of the most liberating things to learn is that we control our thoughts. We can decide what we think. We can decide how much air time we give to what.

Think about that.

Fooling yourself into taking time out

I have grown up with a strong sense of selflessness and caring for others. As I’ve written about before, in the past, I've really struggled with doing my best, putting healthy boundaries around my work and my personal life, and taking on too much. Sometimes this has manifested in the form of illness (both physical and mental), resentment, confusion and huge disappointment.

However one thing has stayed pretty stable during these periods. I am a creative person with a need to create, but I don’t make time to let myself create.

There are countless numbers of times where I’ve sat at my desk in a spare ten minutes, and thought about the novels I one day want to write. There are times when I’ve built myself up to getting really excited at work about my latest project, but by the time I get home, I’ve got another to do list on the go, and frankly not enough energy or time to do things for myself.

That got me thinking. What can we do, - while quietening our guilt/busybee complex - that is ultimately going to work for ourselves?

In other words, how can we trick ourselves into slowing down and having valuable down time, while not having to fight off feelings of guilt and thinking of the billion and one things that we need to do.

Temporary Solution: do things that we love to do and find relaxing, and blend them with our need to serve others.

Before I start really exploring this, I want to just make an aside. We’re talking about first steps here - in no way am I saying that we should only be creative for the sake of other people’s happiness.

We should make art because art matters. We should express ourselves because we have a human need to express ourselves, and for creativity’s sake.

But, when we’re busy humming around, taking care of everyone but ourselves and don’t have a moment spare, and we're not in a place where we are able to recognise our own needs, this can be a great start.

So let’s take an example  - I enjoy making jewellery. I enjoy putting different colours and textures together, using my own unique tastes to create bold jewellery that has personal meaning.

But, I rarely make jewellery for myself.

OK, maybe every six months or so, I might get out my wires, beads and cutters and sit in front of the TV and make myself a couple of pairs, but that is extremely rare.

When I do make the time and the space to create, it’s been to make gifts for other people. That’s not good and I’m really not advocating for people to begin and continue their creative projects for the sake of others, but if we’re not going to be able to get creativity into our life in other ways, then perhaps this is a temporary solution.

FOOLING YOURSEL WEB

Going back to my jewellery making - if I allow myself the space and time for a couple of evenings to make some jewellery, say, to cheer up my best friend who is feeling down,   I’ve metaphorically (of course) killed two birds with one stone. I’ve met my need to help others, and I’ve also met my typically not-so-recognised need of relaxing and taking some time out.

If we can approach creating for others as a relaxing activity - I’m not talking about deciding to crochet your neighbour a  five foot by 3 foot granny square blanket for the next day! I'm talking about random act of kindness that we can do at our own pace, where we can take time out of our busy days and really reap the benefits of being creative and relaxing.

I know, I know, I'm the first to complain when people suggest the first step of self care is giving to others. But let's work with what we know as a spring board and bounce from that. The end goal is finding time in our hectic lives to look after ourselves, and if tricking ourselves for now is the only thing that's going to do it, I say, give it a shot!

As always, I'd love to hear from you about the ways you find to be creative in your lives. Does this work for you? What silences those voices for you, so that you can take care of yourself?