Pep Talk: Stop Judging Yourself & Other People

This post was going to be something entirely different, but it turns out sometimes life happens and the story has to pan out before the main point becomes clear. Let me back up. I recently went to a 3 day country music festival and was in my absolute element. Seriously, if anything makes me feel like my heart is on fire and like I’m truly alive, it’s dancing, singing and foot stomping to my favourite songs. And that's exactly what I did. (Well, it wasn't quite that easy, but that's another post).

So it's coming to the last 3 songs of Carrie Underwood’s set and people are leaving. They're grabbing their bags, and heading out of the arena to avoid queues. (did I mention it was the most popular arena in the world?) And I'm thinking WHY?!

At this point, I've got an entire blog post written in my head ready to put on paper, about leaving before shit gets real, giving yourself excuses to miss the main event and missing out on epic parts of life because something more convenient came up. And I’m feeling pretty good about it.

Well. 

That was until the last night. When I had to leave early to make my last train and ended up missing out on the finale of Eric Church’s gig (cue sad face). And I thought holy shit:

A. I’m a hypocrite

B. Life isn't that fucking simple

I’d made all these presumptions about the people who had left the day before, and then it happened to me.

And it got me thinking a lot about how we judge other people without knowing their whole story and situation. Especially how we treat people when they don’t work to achieve their dreams in the way we’d approach them, or if they abandon their dreams.

When we’re in our own heads, it’s easy to make up stories and get on our dream chasing high horse, even if we’re not meaning to.

For most people, including me and you, chasing your dreams is really bloody complicated. There are SO many factors involved, there are so many different elements that go into making a decision, and choosing what path to follow.

And some elements aren’t chosen by us. Each of us have our own unique set of challenges.

We all have things in our lives that make it extremely difficult to get the work done, to find what it is we feel like we’re meant to do, and to follow our dreams.

And all of our challenges vary, and most of them are completely hidden, or at least not very obvious. (And it’s not up to us or for other people to make them completely visible.)

We don’t always have to explain ourselves to others. We’re allowed to struggle in the dark if we want to.

It may be that someone is paralysed by fear, that they don’t think they can see it all the way through. It may be that they’ve never finished anything and have yet to find the tools they need to get them over than final hurdle. Maybe they have children and balancing childcare and dream chasing is tough. Maybe they get 90% the way through and their budget is blown. Maybe the car breaks down and the savings went. Maybe they’re in poverty and savings were never an option. Perhaps someone became ill and priorities change. Perhaps the project was never serving them in the first place and they were doing it because of guilt. Maybe they have mental health problems and sometimes the biggest achievement of the day is managing to get out of bed. Maybe they have a having a chronic illness and are dealing with the daily struggles and ups and downs that comes with that. Or another one of the 986,746,735,361 other situations I could have thought up.

There are a billion reasons why people do things or don’t do things.

And you might be the most empathetic person in the world, but you’ll never know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes. 

Because you only have your own frame of reference to go by. And often, our individual frames of references can’t even begin to think of what it would look like for someone else. We make assumptions, we think about what we’d do if we were in that situation and even if our interests come from a really kind place, we end up judging.

Whatever our circumstances are, they’re all different.

And I think we can all relate this back to ourselves. 

We judge ourselves all the fucking time because we don’t take into account our own challenges.

Instead, we beat ourselves up, we tell ourselves we should be doing better and we call ourselves lazy. We convince ourselves we can’t follow things through, and wonder what the point was in the first place.

We become our own harshest critics, and then wonder why we can’t create, why we can’t follow our dreams when we’re in a place of complete self sabotage.

So this is your reminder to give yourself a break and give others a break. We won’t always know the rhyme or reason. We won’t always understand what motivates others or what stops them in their tracks. It’s hard enough to do that for ourselves

We all have challenges. And they’re complicated, messy and often uncomfortable.

Welcome to the joys of being a human.

I’d love to know what you’re doing to be kinder to yourself and how you’re giving yourself a break. Let me know in the comments!

The Epic Guide to Celebrating the Shit Out of Your Small Wins

I talk a lot about celebrating the shit out of your small wins. I mean a lot. Celebrating your small wins helps you to propel you to doing things you thought you wouldn’t be able to, helps you to take a chance on yourself and helps you to find new opportunities. It’s also the difference between starting to work towards your dreams and staying stuck because everything feels so scary.

But one thing I haven’t spoken much about is how to celebrate the shit out of your small wins. And it’s about time that happened!

We’re unconventional folk around here, and the traditional ways of doing things don’t always work or sound appealing.

For most people, celebrating something fits into a specific narrow category and involves one or more of the following:

• Going out for a meal

• Buying yourself or someone else buying you something luxurious/more expensive than normal

• Going out for drinks

• An all-nighter that you can’t quite remember in the morning

• A party

• Inviting a bunch of people over

• And there’s one thing that most of those things have in common - they typically involve either celebrating someone else’s achievements and the decision to celebrate is made by someone else.

And those are okay for some things. But they don't really fit with celebrating the small things.

And you know what I’m going to say, right?

Fuck that shit.

That’s not how we do it around here. Because it is perfectly legitimate to celebrate yourself. It’s perfectly legitimate to plan how you’re going to celebrate, and not just reserve the party poppers (metaphorical or real) for big events.

So I want to start by sharing my three truths when it comes to celebrating the shit out of your small wins:

1. Celebrating alone doesn’t make you a loser

Far from it. Sometimes we need the solitude to really reflect and be proud of ourselves. Sometimes when we share our small wins with others, we don’t get the reaction we’d love and the bubble pops or we have no one around us who would get it.  So celebrating by yourself doesn’t make you a loser. What it does mean is that you have faith in yourself and you value yourself enough to celebrate. That’s epic shit right there.

2. Nothing is too small to be celebrated

Life is a strange thing. Sometimes you’ll achieve things you never thought you could and other days, getting out of bed and having a shower will be something you’re really fucking proud of.

3. Celebrating yourself is revolutionary, not conceited

If you’re having any thoughts that this sounds really conceited, I kindly ask you to leave them at the door for now. It’s not about being arrogant or being too big for your boots (or boobs as I nearly typed). Instead it’s about recognising that life is hard, that you have your own back and you’re a pretty incredible person with a combination of skills, strengths and abilities unique to you.

So now that we’ve busted those myths, let’s talk about the most important bit. (Or the duh! moment).

With the risk of sounding like I’m running an AA meeting, the most essential thing when it comes to celebrating the shit out of your small wins is to actually acknowledge them.

I know what you’re thinking I know this Meg, get a move on.

But let’s just stay here for a couple of seconds longer. It’s not as obvious as it sounds.

We spend so much of our lives on autopilot and see what we need to do as these huge tasks. It’s rare that we actually break things into manageable chunks and small things. And when we do, the focus is on getting them done and moving on to the next thing. Not celebrating them.

Think about these two things.

What was the last thing you celebrated?

When was the last time you celebrated yourself?

See my point?

We go around doing all of these things, thinking about what’s left to do and how far behind we are. We rarely stop to acknowledge just how much we do, or how much guts it often takes.

And on days where we’re not feeling it, or we’re stressed, or if we deal with pain on a regular basis, we don’t really stop to celebrate the things that feel impossible.

Like deciding to give something another try. Leaving the house when we feel we really can’t. Getting out of bed when depression kicks in. Deciding that enough is enough and we need to rest.

So step number 1, is acknowledging every you do and that small wins happen all the time.

Step 2  is celebrating the shit out of those small wins. 

So for those of you who were waiting for a list of things you can do to celebrate the shit out of your small wins, here it is!

Some of these things might seem small. They might not be as epic as you might have wanted them to be. But there’s a reason for that.

So many of us struggle to make time for the things we love. We feel like we have to justify doing something nice for ourselves. It might not seem like the world’s grandest list, but have a look at the list and work out when the last time you did some of them were.

You might be surprised.

And I think there really is something to be said about trying something new as a way of celebrating the shit out of your small wins.

While you’re riding on that wave of feeling good about yourself, use it to expand your comfort zone a bit more. Use your faith in yourself to propel yourself.

There is one thing I’ve missed off that list.

And that is to do nothing, just bask in it.

Sit with it, feel proud and give yourself some space to do nothing.

Because there are so many things you do in your life that you don’t stop to think about. There are so many small accomplishments that we make that we pass off like they’re nothing.

But they’re not nothing.

They’re something.

And if we’re looking at the big picture of our lives, they’re a pretty big fucking something.

All of those small things you do? They add up. And the small steps you take towards doing something that scares you, that light you up, that move you closer towards your dream?

They really are the huge ones. And you’re pretty fucking brave.

So find something to celebrate right now (because there’s something that needs celebrating right this minute), and celebrate the shit out of it.

26 Ways-to-Celebrate-the-Shit-out-of-your-small-wins

I'd love to know any ways you celebrate your small wins! Let me know in the comments below!

On Dream-chasing: What would the world look like if we all spoke about our dreams?

How many people know your inner-most dreams?Not the ones that sound good when you're meeting new people, or the half-beat ones you tell your family. But the ones that you struggle to barely whisper to yourself. The ones you're too scared to say out loud.

The ones that sometimes you're too afraid to tell yourself. (If you don't know what these are, stay tuned for Thursday's post where I'm talking all about discovering and realising those dreams). 

I'm guessing hardly any, right? And that's true for most people.

We all go along, trying to chase whatever desires we have like it's no big deal, and shrug it off. And we don't talk about it in the office, in the supermarket, in the shopping mall, sometimes in our own homes. Instead, those conversations often only happen deep inside our heads in the middle of the night and often, with no one.

And when we do share them, they’re framed as goals. Socially acceptable goals - goals that people won’t laugh at you for, goals that are achievable so you don’t feel like a failure if they don’t work out (notice how we always plan for failure but never success?) and goals that fit in with the norm.

I find myself doing the same.

Sharing your dreams takes a shitload of bravery, just like creating something and putting it out there in the world does.

But for me, there's nothing more empowering than being with women who aren't only telling people their dreams, but sharing their journeys. The ups, the down, the whole lot. (If you’re craving this, check out The Couragemakers Podcast!).

Because we don’t have enough role models in this area. We don’t have enough women standing up, declaring their dreams, sharing their successes and failures while admitting it is some tough shit.

But sometimes you just have to go out on a branch, as Todd Henry would say, and fly the flag for yourself. And hope that in doing that, you’re inspiring someone else to do the same.

Because what is life if we’re all going to be so fucking polite about our dreams and desires?

If we never admit them, life becomes this ridiculous facade where everyone is too concerned about what other people think about them to take a risk.

Life becomes the grand total of to-do lists, paying bills, keeping up with the Joneses and the other bullshit all that entails. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a world like that.

So today, I want to leave a question:

What would the world look like if we all spoke about our dreams like the valid things they are?

Imagine for a second if people's dreams were used as their descriptors! So instead of Anne from IT, it would be Anne who dreams of owning a farm and having a sustainable and ethical jewellery business. Imagine how much it would tell us about each other, instead of the bullshit snippets we hear that say a grand total of zero.

And if that sounds a bit bloody ridiculous to you, then think how ridiculous it is that we don’t really know the people we work with, the people closest to us and how we subdue our dreams to protect ourselves.

My challenge for you this week is to go out on a limb and take a chance on yourself. Tell someone you know something you dream of that they don’t know.

It might feel uncomfortable (most of the important things in life do).

But I’d imagine you’ll be surprised by the support. And the connections.

Because going back to Anne in IT. What if in telling people about her ambitions, discovers that Molly in finance has a successful Etsy shop and is happy to help?

Give yourself the gift of telling someone you love about a dream you have. Because you never know who is willing to help, who can help you, and the connections you’ll make when you do.

Let go of that facade and hedge a bet on yourself.

And you never know, maybe it might even add a spring in your step.

(And for the people who just don't get it and are never going to be supportive, check out How to Deal with Dreamshitters).

I'd love to know in the comments how you think your life could change if you told other people your dreams.

Introducing The Couragemakers Podcast

In extremely exciting news, The Couragemakers Podcast launched this week! And it has blown my mind. I started Couragemakers because I wanted to speak to women all over the world, women like you and me - mission driven doers, makers and world shakers, about their dreams, their stories, and get really vulnerable and courageous about what sets them on fire as well as the monsters that hide under their beds.

Because putting stuff in the world takes a shitload of courage, and sometimes it feels like a lonely and scary place.

And I wanted to start a movement (download the beautiful manifesto here).  A movement of women choosing ourselves, owning and sharing our stories, and embracing and celebrating our every day courage.

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying the experience, how much I have been blown away by the conversations I've had. How honest they've been, how inspiring every woman I've spoken to has been, and how willing they are to share their stories to help others.

This has been such a journey for me. Going from a job that sucked the soul out of me, left me feeling a shell of the person I once was, and feeling like I had nothing to give to the world, to THIS - it's amazing. I feel like I'm using my strengths and skills to put the great shit into the world I was meant to. It's been vulnerable as hell, but seriously, I am enjoying every second of it. (Well, perhaps not when the editing goes wrong, or the mic plays up... but you get what I mean.) 

I even released a prequel where I got SERIOUSLY vulnerable and honest about my vision for the podcast and why I started the podcast. 

If you haven't checked out the podcast and you're a mission-driven doer, maker or world shaker, I think you're going to really enjoy the honest and vulnerable conversations we're having.

If you want to subscribe on iTunes click here.

If you use Android, click here.

And because I'm all about celebrating the shit out of your wins, here's how the Couragemakers has gone down this week. (Eg. This is really surreal, and holy shit this is fantastic!)

The reactions and support have been AMAZING:

Finally getting started on the brand new #Couragemakers Podcast today! @megkissack Because I could always use more inspiration

— Ashley Lorelle (@ash_lorelle) March 2, 2016

Loving the #Couragemakers manifesto by @megkissack - now displayed behind my computer to remind me what's important pic.twitter.com/5GzllRMsIN

— Kate (@iamkateevans) March 2, 2016

If you haven't checked out @megkissack's podcast get you are missing out my friend. https://t.co/WhZg2d9W6G

— Melissa Hebbe (@melissahebbe) March 3, 2016

@megkissack Found your blog this week and have been bingelistening to your podcast, Meg! I'd love to take part in your twitter chat :)

— Wendy (@TheGratefulist) March 3, 2016

Congrats @megkissack on the launch of The CourageMakers Podcast today! Go listen, it's amazing & Meg is lovely! https://t.co/MejbpvRD9n

— Michelle Anneliese (@manneliesemedia) February 29, 2016

New #Podcast launched #Couragemaker by @megkissack Important and inspiring conversations. Cheer up this rainy day and listen to it.

— AnabelRoqueRodriguez (@anabelroro) February 29, 2016

Literally cried reading @megkissack's Couragemakers Manifesto. Want to know how I feel about life? Read it! https://t.co/kuqvTOAmko

— Maria Northcott (@asweetstart) February 29, 2016

Umm, New & Noteworthy in iTunes?

AHHHH!!

Screen Shot 2016-03-03 at 21.30.13

My aim right now is to spread this podcast to every woman that needs it. I'm doing this by trying to get it into the top 16 of iTunes New & Noteworthy. If it gets into that exclusive spot, then it will be seen by literally millions of people. Think how many people we could inspire through that! If you want to help get it out to the world in a BIG way, leave a review/rating on iTunes and subscribe following this link here! 

And this came from a woman who thought she might be able to make something kind of cool and put it off for a year because she didn't have the confidence, was being scared of being visible and didn't like the sound of her own voice.

Here's to courage and spreading it like fucking wildfire.

Photo on 04-02-2016 at 14.25

EPIC POST: What to do when you lose all your enthusiasm

At times, there can be nothing scarier than losing your enthusiasm. Losing your enthusiasm for life, losing enthusiasm for passion projects that you were once so excited about, losing your enthusiasm for your dreams. Believe me, I've been there and it feels like a seriously lonely place. Enthusiasm is a massive driver for me, and it feels so scary when I lose it, because suddenly things stop making sense like they used to.

Things that I once loved doing cease to exist and things I had enthusiasm for become these unspeakable things that I simultaneously try not to think about, and obsess over how I can get back.

It's a lot like grieving. It's a lot like saying a heartfelt goodbye, not knowing when you're going to see it again. It's a lot like the world has been pulled from under your feet, and you've lost your place in the world.

I know what it's like to have so little enthusiasm it's hard to find a reason to get out of bed. And I've had plenty of days where taking a shower feels as possible as flying to the moon on a lime green marshmallow. In this post, I'm going to share some questions  and some practical things that might really help if you're feeling like you've lost all your enthusiasm. All these things have really made a difference for me.

The Questions

While, like many things in life, there isn't a rhyme or reason, it's sometimes worth pondering over these questions to explore why your enthusiasm seems to have up and left you.

1. Has the voice of self doubt taken over?

Who are YOU to think you can do it? You'll never succeed. (Insert successful person's name) is so much better than you. This is never going to work out. Who do you think you are? Don't be so stupid.

That, right there, is the voice of my self doubt. The internal critic that sits in my head, feeding me toxic waste, and trying to do everything she can to stop me in my tracks, believing that I'm not enough, that I'm not smart enough, and that I should just give up.

The thing about our internal critic (we've all got one) is that they have one job to do. And that's to keep you safe. Keep you from taking risks, doing something that might not work out or trying anything without a certain outcome. And your internal critic? She's going to say whatever she has to in order to make you stop. Truth doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's all bullshit. Your internal critic only cares as long as it stops you from doing perceived dangerous things, and keeps you safe.

If this sounds like what's going on for you right now, I really do encourage you to do several things:

• Read Tara Mohr's Playing Big Or listen to this podcast episode

• Write a list of every little thing you've done that you're proud of

• Right now, think of 3 ways you've defied odds

• Thank your critic and tell them that you've got this and they can leave now

• And if you're struggling with something creative, check out Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. It's got some gems in there. She's also got a great podcast which is a good alternative to her book.

2. Did expectations get higher?

Joy seeps out of my body when I start setting high (read: unrealistic) expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting to write a New York Time Bestseller. But in a week?! That's when things start to get messy. Let's look at this logically - if you're putting so much pressure on yourself to do something, you're not going to want to do it. The F word is going to come out to play. Yep, I said it - failure. You're going to get so scared of letting yourself down (because that's the person we always fear letting down the most) and not meeting our expectations, that previous joyful things become BIG ISSUES.

For me, when I get caught up in all of this, I try to remember my why. Why did I start it? What motivates me? What keeps me coming back to it?

Write your answer on a postit note and look at it regularly.

3. Did you get what you came for?

When I first stumbled on multipotentiality, I felt like I'd won the lottery. When I started reading Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose, I started to realise that when you have many passions, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like there's never enough time. I also learned a huge lesson which is that sometimes we lose enthusiasm because we got what we came for. Say you're an ideas person but hate planning finite detailed plans - when a project goes past the ideas stage, it makes sense that you'll lose some/all enthusiasm. This is why it can help collaborating with someone who loves the bits you don't.

Sometimes you lose enthusiasm because you've taken all the joy you can and you feel done with it. Don't beat yourself up - be glad about what happened and move on. If you're a fellow multipotentialite, and you're willing to give yourself a break, I'm sure it's not going to take long for the next project to show up.

In the meantime, check out these great articles on Puttylike (the best resource for multipotentialites!)

• Why you shouldn't finish what you start

• When you shouldn't quit

• How to stop feeling guilty about new interests

4. Is it time you let it go?

Seriously, I've been there. As an activist who burned out pretty damn hard, I know what it's like to lose enthusiasm, yet feel like you should grip onto any last remaining bit of passion with everything you have. I also know what it's like to work through the loss of enthusiasm, forcing yourself to do things that your heart isn't in anymore, and ending up ill because of it.

Letting go of things you once had a world of enthusiasm for is really fucking hard. You're left with feeling like somehow you didn't do a good enough job, you weren't good enough, you weren't cut out for it, you weren't committed enough, you could have done MORE. But sister? If you're anything like me, you did everything. You did enough.

What To Do When You Lose All Your Enthusiasm

It just doesn't serve you anymore. And that's a hard thing to admit. But once you can? Then there's a whole world of possibilities out there. And the world can wait until you feel up to it. And yeah, of course it's scary (what if this happens again?! I hear you ask). But that's when true bravery comes into it. Going all in anyway. 'Daring greatly' as Brene Brown would say.

There can also be nothing braver than believing that your enthusiasm still exists, and it will return.

And if you can grab that courage and hold onto it like the last Lindt chocolate in the world, then you can start to look towards a bright future.

Some things you could try are:

• Go back to the things you loved doing as a child - they often hold the key to a whole abundance of joy

• Write about it. Journal about it. Get your feelings out. Writing sorts out so much head-mess, chances you'll finish with a deeper understanding of what's going on for you right now

• Really embrace play and do things just for fun. Follow your curiosity. (Elizabeth Gilbert recently did a fantastic interview on following your curiosity instead of your passions. I think it might be right up your street).

But sometimes, trying to find the answer, spending time pondering over questions just isn't going to cut it.

THE PRACTICAL SHIT

Sometimes that's going to make it plain worse, and you know yourself the best - you know when that might be the case. If that's the case for you right now, try these on for size.

Make a Pick Me Up Box

This is one of the first things I did for myself when I got really ill. I was struggling with depression, anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. When you lose enthusiasm and your zest for life, it can become really hard to make decisions, and you can literally sit there, trying to figure out what to do for hours or days.

A Pick Me Up box goes a long way to getting you out of the cycle of sitting there. You fill a box with pieces of paper with things that you can do that will inspire you, distract you, energise you, and with pieces of paper with quotes on them. When you're in that place, go to the box and let is make a decision for you. You can find a very easy 4 step tutorial I wrote right here.

Give yourself a break

One thing that's taken me a tonne of shit experiences to learn is that the time when I feel like I can't take a break is the time I should be taking a break. Sometimes we just go so hard at it, and wonder why it's not working, and we just need to STOP.

A break and time away provides:

• Fresh perspectives

• Escapism

• Time for your body and mind to get some much needed rest

• A chance to connect - with nature, with friends, with pets, with fictional characters

• An opportunity for new ideas to develop

• The space you need to evaluate things properly and make thought out decisions

Take a break now. Plan a break. Give yourself some time. And don't feel selfish or guilty for doing it - this is what you'd tell your best friend to do, right? (And you don't have to plan some exotic break. Lying in your bed with a box of chocolates and Homeland is perfectly acceptable, if not downright encouraged in my book!)

Go cold turkey

This might sound a bit ridiculous but stay with me, okay?  Work and passions can be addictive. If you know something isn't serving you, and is probably the root cause of your lack of enthusiasm, try and cut down on it. Or go cold turkey.

That can include distancing yourself from things that hurt.

Real life example from my own life: For now, I avoid any form of activism. I don't go to demos or marches. I'm not involved in activist groups. None of it. Why? Because right now as I'm trying to distance myself from things I know have caused so much pain in my life, I know it would hurt too much. It would be a reminder of who I was versus who I am now, it would make me even more bitter at people and experiences that slowly drained me. By keeping away, I protect my own sanity and I'm spending time exploring other things I previously wouldn't have. And life's become pretty damn interesting! (I'm starting a podcast, for one thing!)

This might be easier said than done if it's a work thing that's making you feel this way. If that is the case, start considering other careers. Talk to people you love and trust about the things they think you would rock at that you might not have thought of. There is always a way out. And if you feel really trapped in your job and like there's no way out, read this.  (No really, read it). Sometimes you just can't see all of the options available to you when you're in that dark place.

Tips for going cold turkey:

• Tell someone and ask them for loving encouragement and to check in with you from time to time

• Don't say yes to things immediately. Take some time to make decisions based on your own sanity and your own wellbeing. This may be tough at first, but when it becomes a practice, you start making decisions from a place of love, not fear, and that's always a good thing!

• Give yourself a deadline to evaluate how it's been going cold turkey. Take an honest look at your life and see if anything has changed of the better.

Recognise the truth

With a loss of enthusiasm, can come a loss of confidence. And that shit is hard.

But here's the thing. If the most energy you have right now is pressing play on Netflix, that's okay. Because you have skills, you have strengths, and you have a personality unique to you, that when combined, makes you a pretty hardcore genius and wonderful person. And you don't have to be on fire all the time.

Whether you feel like you've lost your confidence, or things have been taken away from you, spend some time getting to know your skills and strengths. A couple of ways you can do this are:

• Take the Fascination Advantage test and see how the world sees you

• Take the Strength Finder Test (this costs about $20 but it is seriously worth it

• Start a little book of compliments, and every time someone says something nice to you or about you, write it down. And try and look over it every week.

• Do something just for fun that involves your skills. Give yourself permission to do whatever you like, and just play.

Surround yourself with inspiration

I find a hell of a lot of my motivation by surrounding myself with inspiration. And this can be virtual as well as real life. When I was in the job I hated, I would listen to The Good Life Project and The Lively Show for my entire commute. I didn't know anyone else who had decided to live life on their own terms in real life, but the guests on these podcast showed me opportunities, ways of living beyond my own bubble. (It's also why I've decided to start my own podcast).

And the great thing about surrounding yourself with people who inspire you? It starts to become the norm. And for me, that was the biggest motivation in making huge changes in my life. By spending my time listening to people who had taken risks, who were living unconventional lives and doing it for themselves, it became something that was tangible. It became my new norm. 

• Amber Thomas recently wrote a fantastic guest post on That Hummingbird Life, about how consumption can influence our creativity. Give it a read and start your own experiment.

• Surround yourself with passionate people. Or spend a day reading every post on the Live Your Legend blog!

• Write a list of things that inspire you, and for each thing, find a way to incorporate them into your daily life. Here's something I made that sits above my desk and inspires me every day:

Do nothing

Chances are, that if you're all out of enthusiasm, you're also pretty exhausted. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is rest. And by rest I mean listen to you body and do what it needs. If you need to sleep all day, sleep all day. If you're craving a nice hearty meal, go cook yourself something tasty. Don't focus on being productive, but instead just rest.

Your body needs rest. It's not lazy. It's absolutely essential. Give yourself opportunity to rest and you might just find enthusiasm creeping back up on you when you least expect it.

Trust

This is perhaps the hardest one, but the one that is going to have the most profound effect on your life. And that's to trust that everything will be okay, that your enthusiasm will return and things won't always be this hard.

Things might be hard as hell right now but they won't always be. How things will work out is a mystery, but they will work out, somehow. You've got yourself this far - have a little faith in yourself.

Finally, some reminders:

• Your enthusiasm will return. It might come in a different form, but it will return.
  

• Taking a break is important. It's not selfish or lazy, it's essential.
  

• You are more than a sum of your actions
  

• The world will is still turning and you will find the right rhythm and dance for you
  

• You are one fucking amazing person, and you have a lot to be proud of.

I hope this has helped you in some way, and I hope at the very least, you feel less alone. I know everything feels scary right now, so be kind and gentle with yourself. You're dealing with some really hard shit, so try to give yourself as much compassion as you can.

You've got this my love, you really have. You know more than you think you do, and you have everything you need inside you <3. I know that might sound like utter bollocks right now, but you just need to trust that. And if you feel alone, there's a whole bunch of like-minded women sharing their stories over on The Couragemakers Podcast.

I would love to know your experiences in the comments, or send me an email at meg [at] thathummingbirdlife [dot] com) if you prefer :)

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Why being visible & creative takes a shitload of bravery

Here’s the thing. Not many people are talking about how scary it is to put yourself out there; how scary it is to make yourself completely visible. And how brave that makes you.  

They’re not talking about how vulnerable you feel when you create something that comes straight from your heart, and you know that there’s every chance your nan and everyone you went to school with ten years ago will see it.

How you know you have so much to say, so much to tell and so much to give but that doesn’t mean that you want everyone and their pet hamster to know. That’s just something that comes with the territory.  

When you stay up all night working on something that sets you on fire only to feel that excitement disappear when you start looking at stats and metrics (the shit we’re told to believe is important).

Or when ten people tell you ten nice thing and one person says something shitty and it’s that one comment that you hear in your mind whenever you’re about to start on a new project.

Or that your parents have never read your blog, or seen your work, or know what you do. Or how your friends just don’t get it.

How you sometimes feel embarrassed telling people what you do, or what you want to do, because you fear being judged and fear what they’ll say.

And how you try not to admit to anyone just how much it matters to you because you're worried how it's going to turned out, and you don't want to look stupid.

It feels so vulnerable because our creative endeavours are our most heartfelt expressions of ourselves. And in the I’m fine, how are you? culture we live in, we don’t have enough of those deep conversations. It's like nobody wants to have the conversations. 

I’m just gonna come out and say it.

Every piece that you put out there? That’s some serious brave shit right there.

And the scale doesn’t matter. You could be pressing publish on a blog you think no one is ever going to read, or you could be getting up on stage performing your own songs. It all takes that leap of faith, that push and that conviction in yourself to put yourself out there as yourself.

There’s a world of people who wish they had your guts. And a world full of people that are desperate to make themselves visible but are scared of the reactions.

(If you are in that camp of people who want to but are shit scared, you’re not alone. Read this and this).

Remember, when you’re procrastinating, beating yourself up and finding it hard to do the work, take some time to remind yourself that what you’re doing is brave.

And it isn’t just brave.

It’s rebellious and revolutionary. No matter what it is you do, every time you create something, every time you put something (and yourself) out there, right there with it is your vision of a different future, a glimmer of hope and something that could only come out of you.

What to do if you feel trapped in your job

In my world, January 29th isn't any other day; it's Meg Freedom Day. Today marks the one year anniversary of leaving my job and choosing myself. I wrote this for anyone who's feeling like I was, to show there is hope, and there is another way.  If you’re getting home and sobbing at the bottom of the stairs, or if you’re feeling physically sick and trapped whenever you get near the building, or if your job makes you feel like a shell of the person you once were, get out.

Or if you have a gut feeling that you shouldn’t be there, or if it’s something you thought you wanted but it turns out you now don’t, get out.

Or at least make a plan.

Let’s face it, very few people in the world are able to just to up and quit a job. I know I wasn’t. I had to sacrifice a lot to leave, and chances are, you do too.

But once you’ve got your plan, that ‘out’, everything is going to feel a lot more positive. Even if that out is in a year or two year’s time.

There’s little worse than feeling trapped in a situation that you feel you’ll never get out of. Your mind starts going to really dark places, and it feels like you’ll never see light again.

So when you’ve got a plan, the light starts to get in. You have an opportunity to imagine a different life for yourself. And a different version of yourself that uses your skills, your strengths and your gifts for something you want to do.

And while you’re opening the crack for light to get in, do other things to widen that gap. While I was making plans, I started religiously listening to podcasts (The Lively Show and Good Life Project). I listened to podcasts featuring people who had escaped and were making their own life. I listened to people who were doing life their own way and the hard journey they had to make to get there.

And something started happening.

By surrounding myself with people - even if they were only in my earphones - who had done it, and were in the process of doing it, it was starting to become the new normal. The idea of me getting out, and starting a new life and journey didn’t seem so far away. (Which is also why I started my soon-to-be Couragemakers podcast, but more details on that soon).

Once this happens, other options start opening up. For me,  it was realising I don’t have to work in the charity sector, and I might be able to work for myself. And that I might even be able to pursue my dream of travelling the world. You begin to feel less trapped.

When those options start becoming clear, shit gets both exciting and scary. Which is a hell of a lot better than the present.

But the present can teach you a lot about what you don’t want in your life. For example, you can write a list of things you don’t want in a future job/career/path and use them as a non-negotiable checklist when searching out new opportunities.

You can reverse engineer what you hate to find the things you might like.

If you’re stuck in a job right now that’s draining you, that’s making you feel like a stranger in your own life, that has you dreading the morning, sit down with a friend and look at your options. And include the crazy out-of-this-world ones. Especially include those ones. When you start to get creative, that’s where the magic starts to happen.

What to do if you feel trapped in your job

And know that you are not alone. This is only temporary, and it will soon be a distant memory.

I’m not saying it’s an easy journey or decision. It’s hard as hell. A lot of people probably won’t understand you wanting to leave, especially if you’ve got a contract and everything looks good from the outside.

But it’s not their decision. And you don’t have to justify it to anyone other than yourself.

So, if you’re struggling right now, do these 3 things:

1. Sit down with a friend and look at your options. And I mean really explore each option

2. Make a non negotiable list of things your next journey can’t include

3. Work out your baseline - what is the minimum amount of money per month and per year that you need to survive

And then make a plan.

This doesn’t have to be your life. I’m not saying I know what your life is going to look like or you do either. But I know that right now, it’s not serving you and it’s taking away from the wonderful person you are.

And you sure as hell are worth more than that.

It’s going to take time. And it’s going to take time to re-build yourself. But you will get there.

Love yourself enough to leave and see what could be.

For me, that looked like moving in with in-laws, working for myself and saving up to travel the world. I'll be leaving in August August to spend  3 months travelling from the West to East Coast of the States, and 6 months across India, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos and Indonesia. And then, who knows?!

What could it be for you? 

Pep talk: Give yourself permission to try

Waiting for a permission slip to do life, is like waiting for your Hogwarts letter.  It’s something you desperately wish you had, but something that isn’t going to happen.

It would be great if someone knocked on your door, told you that your plans are worthwhile and you’re the right person to execute them, but it doesn’t work that way.

And we both know that.

So then why are so many of us living like that? Like we’re waiting for a sign, waiting for the right moment, waiting to get everything right.

It’s not the right time, I’m too busy, I need to know more, I’m not an expert, I just need to invest in this one thing.

Sometimes this is true. Sometimes you do have too much going on in your life. Sometimes everything is too chaotic and it would be ridiculous to add more to the mix. Sometimes you do need invest in something (this was definitely true for Skype Recorder for my podcast). And sometimes you do need to learn more.

But sometimes they’re also just excuses. They’re ways of keeping within our comfort zones, ways of making us feel safe, but at the same time, keeping us level-headed, because, it’s going to happen. Right?

I’m going to be real.

The books I planned out in my head since I was about fifteen - they’ve never been written.

My podcast - it took a year longer than I thought to get started.

A lot of my creative plans - they’ve yet to see the light of day.

Why? Because I’ve been scared. My inner critic started to take over. All the usual shit started showing up:

I’m not good enough. What if no one takes any notice. Who am I to be doing this? I don’t know enough. They’re for other people, not for me. 

And I wanted validation. I wanted someone to tell me I was on the right path, and it would be wonderful. I wanted to not have to deal with the creative blocks, the resistance and the fear that it wouldn’t work out, or my work wouldn’t matter.

But here’s the thing. Your work does matter.

Your life matters. But it doesn’t matter if I think that, if Ryan Gosling thinks that or if your neighbour’s cat thinks that.

That doesn’t count for shit. What counts is that you believe that.

And that you’re able to give yourself your own permission slip. You’re the only one who has earned that right. And you’re the one that’s going to be most affected by it.

Because there are always going to be haters, nitpickers and naysayers. Just like there’s always going to be people doing similar shit to what you’re doing. And that fear and discomfort? That’s not going away either.

permission to try

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bother. It means you need to get creative. And start taking yourself seriously.

Let’s face it. How much time do you spend thinking about what you want to be doing? How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think, and what the reaction will be?

A lot of time, right?

So why not just use that time to just do it?

Why don’t we just use that time to create the things we want to create. Say the things we want to say. And just do the things we want to do.

Give yourself permission. 

Give yourself permission to try and succeed.

Give yourself permission to try and fail.

Just give yourself permission to stand up with your head tall and say:

"I fucking tried and do you know what, I learned something.I learned that I have courage, I have conviction, and I have something to say."

You are enough!

You are enough. Everything that you've done, everything that you've been through - they make up a story of who you are, sat here, right now reading this.

Some of those things will have been great, some of those things will have been downright shit, but they make up the person you are right now at this moment.

And let me tell you - you are a fucking amazing person who has so much to give to the world.

You're not regular Joe from the status quo. You don't live your life with a fill in the blank narrative - you're choosing your own path and you're hitting the ball out of the park. And that is brave, really brave.

And sometimes people are going to criticise you. They're gonna try to shit on your dreams because they don't understand you and they think they know better and what's in your best interest. But they don't.  Because you and only you, are the only one certified to write the bible of your life. You have more wisdom than you know and you are able to make good decisions.

You don't need to change who you are. You really don't. Anyone who says you do has their own agenda - one that benefits them and doesn't benefit you. You can either spend your whole life trying to change who you are and feeling like you'll never be enough, or you can try believing that you're enough and start living a life from that place instead.

You don't need to do what's expected of you. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to life - you get to do it your way and light that beacon of nonconformity to other people. And sometimes life isn't going to go the way you plan, and sometimes there's going to be bad bits. But we all have bad bits, and sometimes sharing your bad bits with other people is going to make them feel less alone, and let them see that they too are enough.

It's your life - you get to create your own adventures. You get to make your own stories and you get to be the central character. And you're a pretty awesome heroine. (But I think you know that already...)

You are enough, and you matter.

Stop Playing It Safe

I could bet you my future wedding with Macklemore/Ryan Gosling that you don't want to be Regular Joe From The Status Quo. Why? Because you're here, you're reading this blog for a start.

I know you want to make a difference. You want to live a wholehearted life. You don't want to be the same as anyone else.

You have dreams bigger than a supersize Big Mac. And that's not ok. That's fucking amazing. The world needs more people like YOU.

But sometimes, like me, you fall into the trap of playing safe.

And let's face it, sometimes it feels good to play safe. It's like being in your granny pants and PJs, wrapped up in bed with your favourite blanket, watching Netflix. You're in your comfort zone, it's familiar, it feels good.  And your inner critic isn't yelling its head off.

But when you play it safe, you're not honing your own skills, your talents, your unique genius that makes you YOU.

It's like making a bacon sandwich and forgetting to put the bacon in.

I'm not just talking about taking big risks like quitting your job tomorrow to move to Nashville and starting your life over as a songwriter (however, you could do just that and it would be awesome).

I'm sick of people talking about taking risks, and them all having a huge financial implications. 

Because there are so many ways you can change you life up, today, that are going to make huge differences to your life, improve your everyday and give you a much more wholehearted life which don't involve blowing your savings, moving halfway across the world or following someone else in blind faith.

What I'm talking about is the steps, you can take today, to enrich your life, put yourself out there in a way which is more bold, more courageous, more YOU. I'm talking about doing the things that set you apart, that make you feel alive and give you a sense of purpose in your life.

And those things could involve:

• starting a novel you've been telling yourself you'll write for the past decade

• sprucing up your wardrobe with bold colours - or even wearing the bold colours you own but you've not been sure of

• making time for your art

• starting a blog

• planning that trip

• learning a new way of using our skills

• volunteering

• starting an Etsy shop

• planning regular dance parties with your friends via Skype

or whatever keeps you up at night wondering and curious.

That's not to say the big risks aren't worth taking. Sometimes they're the only possible outcome when you're stuck in a rut. If I hadn't quit my job, packed up my life, moved in with my to-be-in-laws and started planing and saving for my around the world trip with Mr. Meg, I'd still be sobbing at the bottom of the stairs, scared shitless that my dreams were dying and working in an environment that made feel approximately 1.2 millimetres tall.

But I think as a whole, the world heralds those huge risks and overlooks the everyday things that feel terrifying that can also massively improve your life.

So what's one thing you can do today to stop playing safe? What's one thing that's going to make you feel proud of yourself when you fall asleep tonight?

You can deal with dreamshitters. What you can't deal with is a life un-lived.

Gratitude: the good, the bad and the ugly

I like gratitude. We live in a fast-paced culture where we're always teetering between future tripping or stressing out about what needs to happen right now. It's fair to say we're not very good at being present. We can miss out on so many things, and gratitude can be a really good way of staying in the present. But I think it does have its limitations. No matter what's going on in your life, you're supposed to be grateful. Even if something unexpected has happened that has pushed your life in a completely unexpected direction.

In fact, especially if that happens.

There are some great ways to really practice gratitude in a way that gives more meaning to your life (read to the end of this post to get some practical ideas), but before I start waxing lyrical, let's get something out of the way.

While it can be essential for living a wholehearted life, there's also a danger in forcing positivity onto ourselves and feeling like we have to be grateful, regardless of circumstances and situations that leave us feeling low. Sometimes we end up using gratitude as the stick to beat ourselves with.

It's okay not to be positive all the time

Life can be shit. You know that, I know that, the Pope knows that. But regardless of that, gratitude seems to have become this blanket thing to practice and apply to all situations.

I disagree.

If I'm having a shit day, or dealing with hard stuff, or something happens to my family and friends, telling me to be grateful that:

A. It could have been worse

B. I'm still alive

C. I'm more fortunate than others

isn't going to help. It's going to make me feel worse, and very likely, very pissed off.

Firstly, everything can always be worse. That's not helpful, that's just irritating.

Secondly, sometimes being alive and surviving everything is the hard part.

And thirdly, comparing yourself to others 'less fortunate' is a great way of patronising a whole load of people and also an effective way of reaffirming the power dynamics that keep this society as unequal as it is. And I'm not into that.

So give yourself a break. It's okay to not be grateful for things that make you or the people around you feel shit. That's human. Acknowledging how you feel and appreciating that you're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling, however, is always going to make the situation better, as hard as it can be to do that. Self validation can often be a much better tool than gratitude.

You don't always have to see the lesson

This is a HUGE one. While I believe that sometimes the shit in life does share an important lesson, sometimes believing that everything happens for a reason just doesn't help. It can leave you bewildered, lost, furious and heart-broken.

Going back to a point I made earlier - you don't have to be grateful and positive about everything. You don't always have to find a lesson in everything. While I really do value reflection and trying to pull the flower buds out of the compost, deal with one thing at a time.

Besides, sometimes you're not going to see the lesson until years later. And often, it only turns up exactly when you need to learn the lesson.

You don't have to be thankful to anyone in particular

I'm not religious. When I'm thankful things, I just am. I guess if I were to have to put a name to it, I would say I'm grateful to the universe.  But I think we often get so stuck into thinking who we should be grateful for, and working out all the logics of it; why did this happen, when that didn't happen? Who's pulling the strings here?

We can also get seriously stuck in trying to wish things were different, or trying to change our fate. In my view, gratitude is for gratitude's sake. Not this kind of piecemeal, I've said thanks, now when am I going to win the lottery kind of deal.

Gratitude is about acknowledging what's good in your life and taking time to reflect on the things that can be swept under the rug when life gets busy (when was the last time you really thanked your best friend, just for being her?). It's not about asking for more, demanding things be different and getting pissed off that things haven't happened for you yet.

When combined with intention and action, that's goal setting. Not gratitude.

But that's not to chuck gratitude out of the proverbial pram. There's plenty a time when gratitude it going to make you feel amazing, appreciate the moment and add to a more wholehearted life.

And for those times, here are some great ways to welcome gratitude into your life

Gratitude practices you can try

•  3 good things - a couple of years ago, I did a positive psychology course, and this really stuck with me. Every day, try to think of 3 good things that happened in the last 24 hours. And where you can, share them. This can be a really nice thing to do with a friend or a partner, a really positive way of starting a team meeting, or something to make you feel warm as you fall asleep at night.

•  Keeping a Gratitude journal - this can be an extension of the above exercise, where you record your good things in a small notebook, which you can look at when you're feeling low. You could also try doing this once a week on a Sunday night to kickstart your work. There are approximately a gazillion ways you could keep a gratitude journal. Ultimately, it's what works for you, how you think, and how you live your life.

•  Tell people on a regular basis you appreciate them. This could be writing random postcards to family/friends, sending short texts/e-mails or through big bear hugs (my favourite). And that includes being grateful for YOU. Ever written yourself a letter of gratitude? No? Now's the time to try!

•  From Mind, Body, Green - Reach out to an author whose book has changed your life and share your gratitude in an email or letter. I did this when I was 17 and was astounded by the response. I need to remember to do this again soon

• This post has a great list of ways of practicing gratitude that you can start today. I love that it includes giving compliments and taking walks

Life always feels better when you're taking notice of the good things, storing them in your internal memory and appreciating them. Just don't beat yourself with the gratitude stick when life gets hard!

I'd love to hear any gratitude practices you have - let me know in the comments!

5 things to remember when all hope is lost

1. You can't compare your pain.

Yes the world is hurting right now, but that doesn't invalidate anything going on with your life. Try not to minimalize anything that's happening with you and get stuck in comparing your pain to what you're reading and seeing on TV. You are important.

2. A world without kindness is a dark place indeed.

It's really easy to lose hope. Sometimes it's a hell of a lot easier to believe that the world is an awful place than it is to trust there are good people out there and at times be proved wrong. Focus on the people around you - your family and friends, your neighbours and your community. There is more human kindness found in one small community than sometimes a heart has the capacity for. 

3. It is okay to not watch the news.

It doesn't make you ignorant. I think this tweet by Rae Earl some it all up:

If you find events trigger your mental health issues turn rolling news off. It doesn't mean you don't care. You're being responsible to you.

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) November 13, 2015

The news is designed to scare us. Our grandparents coped just fine without second by second news updates. Not keeping up with them doesn't make you a cruel person. It means you're protecting your own sanity. 

4.  Keep the media at a distance.

Unfortunately horrific things happen all the time, in the name of religion, money and power, but we don't hear about a lot of them. It's all politics. Instead of reading every news item you can find, hug someone you love. Ring someone who matters to you. Do something to celebrate the fact you're alive. 

5. Whatever you're feeling is whatever you're feeling.

There is no right and wrong. Try not to put emotions on a pedestal and beat yourself up for not feeling a certain way. Meet yourself where you are and give yourself the comfort you need.

And to borrow the words of my favourite poet, Shane Koyczan:

Go down to the store

Buy some light bulbs,

And when you run out, buy some more.

Because the light at the end of your tunnel needs to be maintained.

Creative ruts & re-filling your cup

I've been thinking a lot about inspiration and creativity lately. Amber's guest post on creativity and consumption has really had me questioning my own creative process, and how getting sidetracked on social media has a huge impact on my work and what I produce. And Helen's guest post on women, creativity and creative afternoons has really had me thinking on the space I create in my own life to be creative.

Couple that with the work of the late Scott Dinsmore, on how surrounding yourself with people who inspire you is essential to creating work that matters, and Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Big Magic (on creativity, fear and magic), I think it's fair to say, creativity and inspiration has definitely been on my mind.

And it's on my mind because I've felt a bit stuck in a creative rut. I've been getting lost in the black hole that is the comparison trap, and I've been spending too much time looking at what other people are doing, and not enough time focusing on myself.

So, the last two weeks have seen me going back to things I know work for me. And I want to share them with you today!

1. Find an environment that works for you

Since I've started working from home, it's taken me a while to get into a routine. If I get up late, the quality of my work is sacrificed. If I start the day on Facebook, I waste half the day. Home is full of distractions, and it's taken me the past couple of weeks to really remember that my best way to start a project is in a coffee shop, and as much as I love music, I can concentrate the best with earphones in but no music on. But working from a coffee shop all the time = expensive. Working from a coffee shop all the time while saving up for a round the world trip = a bit silly. Libraries however? Here I come. It may take time but it's worth it to find the environment that best feeds your creativity. Everyone has somewhere different, there is no right and wrong, it just takes a bit of practice!

2. Take the time to realise that there is enough room for all of us

This is something I've been really struggling with. And I know I'm not alone in this. We start looking at what other people are doing, how they're doing it and trying to measure their success compared to our own. We know we're doing it, but perhaps we don't realise the effects of it for a while. The effects for me are being creatively blocked, feeling like there's no point in anything because everyone has already done it all, and feeling completely uninspired. So here's a reminder, to myself as well as you. There is room for all of us. We all have unique stories, and a rare combination of skills, strengths and values. We could all write a book about changing the world tomorrow, and every single one of those books would be different. Different stories, different approaches, different take aways. No matter what you're working on right now, the world needs to hear it, and we need to hear it from you!

3. Read books that have been on your shelf/reading list for years

It's SO easy to get seduced by shiny object syndrome and spend your time searching out new books to read. But if you're anything like me, there are probably many sitting on your shelf that you couldn't wait to get, but still haven't read! Be inspired by what you already have, not just by what you want. For me, exchanging the time I've spent procrastinating to actually reading things I've wanted to read for years has made me so much happier. If I'm not feeling in the mood to work, instead of farting about on the internet looking at a whole lot of nothing, I grab something off my shelf, or binge read someone's blog that I've been meaning to do for months. If you're on the search for inspiration, you're gonna have more light bulbs going off doing this instead of beating yourself up over your lack of productivity.

4. Cut the shit out/ turn off notifications

So, I deleted Facebook from my phone, and it feels AMAZING! Our lives are full of so much shit that we don't even notice. Okay, not all of it is shit, but do you really need notifications from every Facebook group you're a part of, and to see what your friend of ten years ago is cooking for dinner? No. Now, instead of perusing the lives of people who I haven't seen in years, I've enjoy commuting to places, looking out the window, people watching, reading things that I want to read and surrounding myself with people that make me feel great. And it's had such a big effect. (Pocket is a great app for saving articles and posts you've been wanting to read but haven't got around to. It saves everything offline, so you can peruse at your own leisure, anywhere)

5.  Audiobooks/Podcasts

This is easily the biggest one for me. When I was stuck HATING my office job and feeling like this was all my life was ever going to amount to and being desperately unhappy, I discovered Emilie Wapnick, The Lively Show and Good Life Project. I surrounded myself with people who were actively going against the grain and creating a life they loved. By listening to a podcast every morning and listening to other people's stories, I found there was a new alternative to my life. I could live a life that existed outside the mainstream. Find and surround yourself with people you admire and find inspiring. And do it on purpose. This is the big thing. Before when I was getting myself through that period and learning that there could be another way, I was purposefully choosing who I spent my headphone time with. But somewhere along the way, I got out of the routine. Find people who set your heart on fire and make you feel alive, and purposefully surround yourself with them. It will honestly change your life

Since becoming more intentional about my creativity and finding inspiration, things have changed a lot. In the last two weeks, I have started work on a book I've been thinking of writing for a couple of years now, and I've also started work on another book. I've also written an entire e-mail course which I'm really proud of, which is going to be a game changer for many people.

If things feel stagnant right now, change it up. Approach your creativity and inspiration like a glass of water. You need it to live your fullest life and it needs to be topped up on a regular basis.

Thank you to Amber Thomas, Helen Jones, Scott Dinsmore and Elizabeth Gilbert who have filled my glass and helped me get back to work that matters.

You have so many gifts to give the world. Your way of looking at the world, the order you write your words and the way you put paint onto paper - it all comes from your unique perspective. No one can create that. Only you. 

What an amazing opportunity it is to be alive!

The Online Gurus You Don't Want To Listen To

I want to tackle the controversy of online gurus. You know, the people online who have millions of followers and tell you that you can be happy, if you just choose to be happy - and then wealth will follow! And you just need to do this one little thing, and you'll basically be Bill Gates! Yep, them.

It seems like everyone has become an expert. Especially online. I wrote a post earlier this week about the bullshit that lies behind how apparently 'easy' it is to make 6 figures online.

(It also seems like my tolerance for bullshit has lowered)

So, if you keep finding yourself falling in the trap and in with the hype (I know I sometimes do), or you're unsure of who to listen to, here's a quick reminder of the online gurus you don't want to listen to.

1. The people who say there is only one way of doing things

There are many ways, and there are no definitive right or wrong ways. Instead, look for things that feel right for you and follow them. Don't feel ashamed that you're doing something differently. Different is good!

2. The people who actively judge others or think they’re stupid for doing other things

A Brené Brown quote comes to mind when I think of this: “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” If someone thinks you're stupid for doing something, screw them. They don't deserve to be in your life

3. People who just chat shit about money

Another saying comes to mind here: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And the people that only chat about money? Generally speaking, they're not the people who are going to teach you to build a purpose driven life/business that helps others. They're just about making money. And making money isn't a bad things - heck, we all need it. But it can't all just be about making all the money, all the time.

4. People who claim that overnight success is a thing, or it’s easy working for yourself

This really pisses me off. What you don't see behind these people who claim to have 'overnight success' is the years of hard work, and the blood, sweat and tears that have gone into this (or, perhaps cynically, the blood, sweat and tears of the people they've outsourced to). I don't know what it is about the online world and not showing the efforts it takes to get from A to B. Either way, this fairytale 'and then it just happened and I became rich and happily ever after' is a myth. Don't buy into it. It'll just make you feel shit.

5. People who make you feel bad. Period

Again, going back to the Brené Brown quote, shame isn't going to make someone change their behaviour. It can bring on self-destructive behaviours, or make you give your life savings (if you have them) to someone who bullies you into buying their product, making a gazillion promises they can't keep. Instead, work on setting good boundaries and remember that you're an amazing person and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

6. People who make you feel shit about what you’ve done so far and suggest their way, is THE ONLY way

Girl. Seriously. What you've done so far is epic and you don't need those fools. Be proud of what you've done, go celebrate.

7. People who don’t have problems

This is a HUGE one for me. Everyone has problems. Rich people, poor people, those in-between. We all have problems. I get so angry when I look at people at the top-level of their niche, and they're flouncing around having this perfect life and everything is so wonderful and nothing bad ever happens. I get that not everyone wants to declare their problems/issues to the world, but damn we've all got them. Admitting you struggle makes you human. Showing the not so exciting and not so colourful parts of life makes us remember that we're all in this hot mess of human-ness together. Don't trust the people who tell you they have it all figured out. They don't.

HOWEVER

That's not to say that there aren't loads of people online you could learn from, or who could add massive value to your life.

I love blogs and podcasts. I love learning from other people. I love learning and listening to people who are full of passion, flaunt their human-ness and want to see other people fly.

The people worth listening to are:

People who hold similar values to yourself

People who don't shy away from their back story

People who own their struggles and share them

You know more than you think you do. You don't need someone else to tell you how to succeed. You don't need a guru to make your life better. Chances are, what you need is to start believing in yourself, to surround yourself with people who make you feel alive, and to take the pressure off yourself a bit.

You, my friend, are doing great.

They're lying! On get rich/happy quick schemes and bullshit free dream chasing

The truth will set you free, right? It also has a tendency to make you pretty unpopular. But, we don't care about popularity around here. We care about dream chasing, living for a purpose, and standing up yourself even when it's doesn't make you a cool kid. Sometimes, especially when it doesn't make you a cool kid. So, I got pretty pissed off yesterday. I was checking in to Twitter like I normally do, and I'm getting pretty good at ignoring stupid hashtag trends, but this one I couldn't shake:

#solveyourproblemsin4words (or something to this extent)

Wondering what the most common answers were? Easy - 'Win the lottery now. 'A fat pay check' and so on.

I am so fucking tired of this myth

That some external miracle is going to come and solve every single issue you could ever have (spoiler alert: it won't), and that someone is going to come knocking at your door and give you all the answers.

That you can make 6 figures in 6 minutes, that you can work for an hour a day and become a millionaire, that you can basically sit on your ass, think of money, and some will fall out of the sky right onto your lap.

And I'm really sick of marketers massively exploiting dream chasers like you and me, who don't just want to make money, we want to put good shit into the world.

Because, let's face it. It's a hell of a lot harder putting yourself out there and making your own income when you give a shit about the world, you have a passion and a cause and you have ethics. (There, I said it. I used the E word.)

We're not out to make a quick buck. We're in it for the long haul, to somehow make a difference, to inspire, to change things, to shake shit up.

And chances are, we also don't have the ridiculous amount of money needed (or the desire) to outsource all the work that takes the hard work out of making money. Nor would we want to gain from cheap labour and words that aren't ours.

Let's be honest.

No magic drink is going to make me a hundred pounds lighter, the same way as a £10,000 retreat isn't going to make you successful.

What's more likely to make you successful is spending an afternoon with a bunch of coloured pens and a drawing pad, working out what success means for you.

And what's more likely to make me a hundred pounds lighter is going for more walks and limiting my chocolate intake.

What's more likely to make you more money is figuring out what you love to do and how much money you really need or want.

These people who are out to solve all your problems in 5 easy steps? It's bullshit.

There are no 5 easy steps to happiness.

No 5 easy steps to make you a more positive person

There are no 5 quick things you can do to give yourself the body of Jennifer Anniston, the wealth of Bill Gates or the success of Taylor Swift.

There just aren't.

And when you stop reading the bullshit that tells you otherwise, you actually get somewhere. You start making those plans, working on your confidence, setting yourself goals and following you own intuition.

And when you start to realise that those 5 steps, those 4 quick hours, those six figure fixers are bullshit and just don't exist, you're going to feel liberated.

You'll realise that doing things your way is more than okay. That you have you own definition of success, and your own way of getting there.

That's not to say there aren't people out there who can help you.

Of course there are. But make sure they're people who are speaking your language. Who share your values. And who are totally upfront about the amount of hard work and courage it takes to chase your dreams.

You've got all the answers inside you, you've got the creativity, the determination and the passion to create your own version of success.

And you've got the common sense in your head that tells you that not all problems can be solved - but they can be halved when shared with a friend and a cup of the tea :)

Dream chasers, bold and courageous women, passionate and compassionate souls? We're being sold a lie.

And damn right we're not going to take it anymore.

How to throw a one person dance party for yourself (& epic playlist!)

If you've never had a one person dance party, you've never lived. Ok, perhaps that's a bit extreme. But seriously, a one person dance party is one of the best ways to make yourself feel great.

What is a one person dance party? I hear you ask. Well, if it was an algebraic equation, it would look something like this:

dance party = pjs (bra optional, essential for me for health & safety) + closed door + loud music + bad singing

I mean, when was the last time you really let yourself go, put on your favourite music and danced like no one was watching?

A one person dance party also caters for most situations:

• Dealing with a break up? Scream Mr. Brightside

• Hate your job? Want to break freeeeeeeee?

• Quit your job & a boss that made you feel shit? I think P!nk has several songs for that.

Going on holiday? Going on a date? Need a pick me up?  I've got you covered.

So get your comfiest PJs on, turn the music up loud and party like it (isn't) 1999.

Watch on Youtube

Follow on Spotify (for spontaneous offline dance parties)

(minus the Taylor Swift. Sad face)

50 ways to show yourself you matter

No matter who you are, where you live and what you do, I don't think anyone can have too many reminders that you matter. That being said, as passionate and compassionate women, I think often we spend so much time boosting other people up, and not enough time making ourselves feel valued.

That's why I wrote a list of 50 ways to show yourself you matter. Because sometimes, it's hard to give ourselves that boost. Sometimes we lack inspiration, and sometimes it slips our mind completely. Use this list as a checklist, print it off and keep it somewhere you can see it or write you own!

Remember, you matter just as much as the people you're looking to help and inspire. You matter just as much the causes you're fighting for. You matter. Period.

1. Cook yourself your favourite meal

2. Buy/pick yourself a bunch of flowers

3. Watch re-runs of your favourite shows/ have a netflix binge

4. Schedule a nap

5. Keep a list of compliments people have given you

6. Send yourself a love letter

7. Buy yourself a new book

8. Watch your favourite film

9. Organise a date night for one

10. Start a gratitude diary

11. Bring affirmations into your life

12. Write yourself permission slips

13. Have a one person dance party

14.  Write funny memories on post it notes and put them around your bed

15. Learn a new skill

16. Go on a day trip

17. Give yourself permission to daydream,

18. Have coffee with the people you love in your life

19. Take a book/podcast to a coffee shop and enjoy time on your own

20. Say no to unreasonable demands

21. Put your favourite song on repeat and sing like your life depends on it

22. Only say yes to things that light you up and make you feel good

23. Meditate

24. Wear that dress you've been saving for a special occasion

25. Bake a cake/buy yourself a nice pudding

26. Read your favourite childhood book

27. Watch your favourite childhood film

28. Make something

29. Send yourself a postcard

30. Watch the sunset

31. Watch the sunrise

32. Feed some ducks

33. Go for a walk and enjoy your own company

34. Write a letter to your younger self

35. Watch something funny/make yourself laugh

36. Write nice things about yourself on your mirror with lipstick

37. Think of 3 qualities that you like most about yourself

38. Write down your values

39. Step outside your comfort zone and trust in yourself

40. Savour a hot drink

41. Take yourself out for breakfast

42. Start a scrapbook

43. Write a list of things you've done that you're proud of

44. Frame a favourite photo & put it on your nightstand

45. Keep and feed a pretty plant or cactus

46. Write a list of things that make you feel alive, and schedule those things into the next week

47. Block off half-hour (minimum) every day just for yourself

48. Eat a bowl of fresh fruit

49. Start a blog/journal - capture your life and share your story

50. Write your life as a short story, with you as the badass heroine

51. BONUS start every week on a great note with my free Sunday Reminders straight to your inbox! 

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Go on, go fall in love with yourself!

13 things you'll gain from starting that big project

Today I'm sharing with you the big fuck off reminders life gives you when you're undertaking any big project. Whether you're writing a book, thinking of starting your own business, planning a wedding, or even thinking that you'd like a big project; there are so many great takeaways. Now, if you're anything like me, you like to take on big projects. Or the idea of taking on a big project. Over the last 3 months, I have completely overhauled That Hummingbird Life's website, and when I completed it, like most things in my life, I asked myself, what are the lessons in this?

Any big project will tell you a lot about yourself. Pursuing any big dream, and the hard graft that it takes to get there, will teach you invaluable lessons.

So whatever project you're working on, or even thinking of starting, hopefully these home truths will help and inspire you.

1. You find out what really matters to you

When we take on projects, of course we always have hopes and aspirations for the end result, but it's fair to say that a guaranteed and specific financial income isn't set in stone. Money might not even come into it, like many things in life we love. What that means is that so many of us are motivated by the things that matter to us. Fulfilment, working for a purpose,  happiness, connection.

Taking on a project is a chance to get to the root of what lights us up. It's an opportunity to remind ourselves of what really matters, what we're working towards, and keep us grounded and focused. And no matter where we are in life, it's a welcome and much needed reminder for all of us.

2. You gain so much more confidence and resilience

Something will always go wrong last minute. And it's usually something you don't plan for. But it's not a reason not to try in the first place. After all, by the time you're near completing your project, you've gained so much self trust and confidence, the thing that goes wrong usually comes as a surprise. And as a result of that, you deal with it. It's a great cycle that shows you that you're able to deal with anything life throws at you, and in turn increases your confidence further. Win win.

3. Everyone will have advice but you have all the answers

E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. It might be well meaning from someone you love, it might be someone manipulating where you're at to sell you something (buy this book to write a BESTSELLING novel). Everyone loves to give out free advice. But somewhere in between starting out and really getting stuck in, you'll realise how much knowledge you already have. And how much listening to your gut tells you. And that's pretty fucking powerful stuff.

4. You realise you can't please everyone, and that's OK

The same way as everyone always has advice, everyone always has an opinion. And they'll give it to you, unsolicited at a moment's notice. If you have a friend/partner that you trust to tell you the truth (in a loving way), use them as a sounding board. But what many famous writers have advised around not telling everyone the whole story until it's done? I think there's some leg room in that. It's not your job to please everyone - it's an impossible goal, and you'll just end up feeling shite. But you'll learn that along the way, and that is pretty fucking powerful.

5. You have to trust in yourself, that you will be able to bring your vision to life

Putting your idea into words is hard. Explaining it can be even harder. Even with the most elaborate Pinterest boards or deck of notecards, it's hard to show other people your vision before it's come to life. But just because you can't find the right words, or other people seem confused as to what it is you're aiming for, doesn't mean that it's not going to happen. And it certainly doesn't mean your ideas are silly, or too big. In the moment when you're faced with fear and self doubt, remember that you had the idea. You have what it takes to bring it to life. And if people aren't understanding it just yet, it's more likely to be because you've tapped into something special, instead of your idea being intangible.

6. You'll accumulate a ridiculous amount of skills

You get such a larger set of skills by starting a project that sets your heart of fire, instead of starting out to just learn a skill. Instead of starting by trawling through technical details, you start with what makes you excited, and pick the skills you need up on the way. Research and development are two of the most essential parts when it comes to working on a project, and it's always worth writing a quick list of skills you accumulated after it's done. I guarantee you'll be surprised.

7. You have to start before you're ready

While research is important, it also functions as a defence mechanism against fear. When I was a teenager, I spent years buying writing magazines instead of just putting pen to paper. There's something safe about learning more about doing something, without actually doing anything. One thing starting a project shows you is that you'll never be 100% ready. There will always be something else you could have looked up, or something else you could have spent money on. But when you get that urge just to start already? That's an image that's going to stay in your head and motivate and inspire you for a long time to come.

8. You'll find courage you didn't know was there

Starting before you're ready takes a lot of fucking courage. And throughout all of the twists and turns of whatever you're working on, you'll find courage that you didn't even know existed. Courage to tell the outside world what you're doing. Courage to share yourself with the world, and courage to feel the fear and keep on going.

9. While everyone will marvel at what you've done, not many people will see the blood, sweat & tears

Dealing with other people's reactions is an important one. People will wonder where you found the time, where you found the energy and where the talent came from. It's always worth remembering that jealousy and admiration can be sides of the same coin, and the bitter ones? The words they speak say more about themselves than what you're doing. We're increasingly living in a world where people produce the latest shiny things as if it's as easy as taking a shit. They don't show you the messy bits, the late nights, the tears of frustration. They want to be seen as having it all figured out. 1) No one has it all figured out and 2) Seeing the messy bits shows that you're human. That you didn't come out of the womb dressed in a tutu and with an iPhone.

10. You learn that it's okay to take a break

You can only have so many sleepless nights, stare at the computer for so long, or read the same paragraph so many times. At some point, you're going to realise that, like it or not, you really need a break. Then you realise that when you're rested, you can get so much more done and it starts becoming fun again.There's nothing like tiredness and exhaustion to suck all the fun and enthusiasm out of your life like a dementor. When you learn that your mind and your body needs a break, and it's often the best thing you can do, life gets a hell of a lot easier.

11. Deadlines increase your ability to make decisions

When you have no timeframe, it's so easy to get caught up in analysis paralysis. Decisions can take days and it just gets really frustrating. But when you've got a big project and you set yourself deadlines, it can be a different story. Decisions that might have taken you a week to make? You don't want to stall the project for too long, so they're made much quicker. And you end up trusting your own judgement so much more. And self trust? That's something you're not going to find on Amazon.

12.  There is no right feeling when you've finished

This is a big one for me. When you finish a project, it's a whole mixed bag of emotions. We can put too much pressure on ourselves to feel over the moon and enthusiastic. For me, right when I finish a project, exhaustion sweeps over me. Any sort of pride, or ability to give a fuck goes. Then a couple of days it all catches up with me and I get a huge boost. Whatever you're feeling, your feelings are legitimate. Just remember to mark it/celebrate it in some way!

13. You learn to manage your own expectations

Starting a big project can do wonders for managing your own expectations. We tend to downplay the things we're great at, simultaneously giving ourselves huge goals that aren't always attainable. Somewhere in the process, you start working out your own definition of success and managing your own expectations to something that makes you feel great.

Everyone's experiences are different, but I know one thing for absolutely certain. Starting a big project gets you closer to where you want to be. Whatever the motivating factor, the main thing is that you start.

Because once you start? The world is your oyster. You have so much genius only you can put into the world, and the world needs to see it! Wrestle those fears!

I'm looking forward to writing more posts on starting and planning projects.

I'd love to know any questions you'd love me to answer, or any experiences you've had in the comment box below!

Why stepping outside of your comfort zone is like being in a dystopian novel

The other day I saw a card that read ‘stepping out of your comfort zone has never killed anyone’. At the time, I chuckled and kept on walking. I was on the way home from work and when you’re commuting in London, you don’t really stop, stare and think. (People will stand on you.)

Stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn’t mean auditioning for a Broadway Musical, or walking down your nearest high street stark bollocks naked. Though, if that’s your thing - go for it.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone is more about recognising where your comfort zone is, figuring out how often you step outside of it, and looking at the WHY.

It’s about and deciding that your desire to live life to the full is bigger than coming face to face with your fears. It’s about and seeing how far your potential stretches. It’s about knowing that you may fail, and doing it anyway.

It’s like dystopian novels, where the main character figures out the walls that they thought were built around them to protect them, restrain them.

They’ve become so afraid of what’s outside of the world, that it takes a long time to question the purpose of the wall.

They’re terrified of life outside the walls and it takes a while to see that life beyond the walls gives them more freedom, adventure and ability to be, than the walls that cage them.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone? It's learning that there’s more to life than the box we’ve built for ourselves.

Stepping outside of our comfort zone is about seeing if those wing you've been building for yourself will let you fly.

An Open Letter to Fellow Couragemakers Who Have Lost All Hope In The World

Dear fellow Couragemakers,

It's pretty hard not to think that we're all fucked.

As the empathisers, the carers, the world shakers, we know how it works. We know how much of the world is held up by misogyny, racism, class war, ablism and homophobia. While we strive to make the world a brighter place, we're reminded every day just how much injustice and oppression we're fighting.

But behind our rage, our disappointment and perhaps our indifference, lies a bigger danger. A loss of hope.

The same loss of hope that can lead to despair, depression, and total burnout. We can start to feel like we've become disillusioned and we've lost our purpose.

And that's completely normal. Especially with such a build up, so much uncertainty, and with the news and political parties installing fear into every essence of our being

But seriously, it doesn't have to be that way.

Being burnt out isn't a trophy of your hard work. It doesn't justify your work as an activist, and it certainly isn't a measure of how much you care.

It's a call that you need to start looking after yourself, and regain your strength.

Turn off the news. Go off grid. Do something completely unrelated. Find whatever it is that takes you outside of the activist realm and gives you peace, and go do it.

That doesn't mean that you won't start again tomorrow, next week or next year. You're not giving up on the the world. It doesn't mean you don't care about the world.

It simply means you acknowledge that before you can help others, you need to help yourself first. You need to replenish yourself, regain your strength, and find a way to keep grounded in what's important to you, as well as the cause.

And the great thing about that?

You start to see your own wellbeing on the same level as the cause. And as a result of that, you start playing a more important role in the cause. You start to bring a new perspective, and action that only you can bring.

And it starts to become sustainable. You can impact change in a measured way, that doesn't drain you or demoralise you.

You can bring more joy into your life, amongst the trauma and the pain.

You can start to feel good, amongst the shit and quit feeling bad about that.

You can change the people around you, who will change the people around them, and then slowly, you begin to change the world.

One person, one mindset at a time.

Change doesn't always have to come in the form of a political upheaval, especially if that system isn't rigged to work anyway.

Change can come from deciding to share more positivity with those closest from you. From deciding to make sure you use community facilities, and encouraging your friends to do the same.

Change can come from picking up shopping for your next door neighbour when you go out. From making an effort to welcome new people into your community.

Change can happen from a smile.

We spend so much time focusing on the end goal that we become depleted and detached.

What if the end goal was to impact the world by becoming the best person you can be, to be a positive influence to those closest to you , in the faith that it'll rub off on them and the cycle will continue?

So wherever you are, whatever you're fighting for, take the time now to take care of yourself.

Because that's truly the best thing you can do for the world in the long run.

Yours,

A fellow fighter

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