20 Ways To Get Shit Done!

As creative and multi-passionate women, it’s fair to say that we all struggle with getting shit done. Now, before you start judging yourself, and beating yourself up, know that you’re not alone: we all struggle. Why do you think there are so many books on productivity, focus and life hacks?

It can be so hard to sit down and work.  It can be hard to find the focus, know where to start, have the discipline to keep going, fight through the creative resistance and and have the courage to start when you have gremlins of self doubt sitting in your shoulder.

Now, if that isn’t one big messy mix, I don’t know what it is. But it’s not just a messy mix. It’s a toxic recipe for keeping you small, keeping you blocked and keeping you from doing the things only you can do.

I heard a sobering quote by Les Brown this morning that sums up a lot of my thinking on this subject lately:

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

I don’t know about you, but that just hits me.

And I want to fight for a world where women believe they matter, that their ideas matter, and they find the courage to bring the things only they can do to the world. I want to try to make a drop in the ocean so that we collectively have the courage to work on our ideas, put them out into the world and bring them TO LIFE instead of taking them to the grave.

As much as I like talking about creative resistance, self doubt, courage, creative processes, sometimes we need to take a big gulp of courage and just take action. So today I’m sharing with you 20 things you can do right now to start getting shit done so you can start bringing your ideas to life. Some are deceptively simple and some seem counterintuitive but they all work.

If you’re feeling stuck, just pick one and do it. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our heads, over analyzing why we’re not taking action that we inadvertently keep ourselves stuck. We end up getting in our own way.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, just pick the one you feel most called to do, and just do it. I’ve created a killer printable poster to go along with this episode for you to stick on your wall and pick one whenever you get stuck. And because I know there’s a LOT of information packed into this episode, I’ve also published it as a blog post so you can go back to it whenever you need to. I’ve put the link in the show notes!

Now, we’ll get onto that list. They’re in no particular order - although in hindsight it would have been fun to do a reverse countdown Top 20 like I’m some radio DJ, but that right there is an example of overcomplicating!

So, Couragemakers! Are you ready to get shit done?

Let’s go.

1.Set a timer

Okay, so you’re thinking, Meg this is bloody obvious. Yes! But, when did you last do it? Sometimes when we’re tackling a huge to-do list or something we just can’t be bothered to do, the only thing to do it set a timer and make yourself do it in a timed environment. I find it helpful going to YouTube and finding some kind of epic motivational video can help as well. There are a couple of ways of using this method. One of the most popular methods is the Pomodoro method devised by Francesco Cirillo in the 80s. The idea is you break a task down into 25 minute chunks with a small break in between. Another way of thinking about this, is really asking yourself how long you can get deep work done. Deep work is the idea of really focusing on one thing, and giving yourself an hour or more to really focus without any distractions. Figure out your optimal time, and set a timer. There are literally no excuses for not setting a timer - you’ll be amazed at what you can do even if you’ve only got five minutes, and we’ve all now got timers built into our phones, you can google set a timer for five minutes, and it does it for you. If you find yourself endlessly procrastinating, just set a timer.

2.Eat the frog

This one definitely wins for the best title! It’s a way of getting shit done devised by Brian Tracy and it’s all about tackling the thing you least want to do first. You know those niggly things that sit at the back of your brain that you try to drown out but deep down you know need doing? The thing you endlessly procrastinate on but is pretty important? Yep, those things. While yes, they are it’s worth thinking about the fact that it takes quite a bit of mental energy to keep pushing them down. Think of what you could do when you’ve got that out of your life and you’ve got some brain space back.. I know it’s not fun, but it’s necessary, so eat the frog, friends! Eat the frog!

3. Blast music

Sometimes we need silence and to really think. Other times we need to blast Macklemore (what can I say, I’m biased), up as loud as we can and use the energy to push through. Choose music that makes you feel good, has a good bass or a good beat, and anything that encourages a bit of chair dancing is definitely a bonus! Spotify has some great playlists, so does YouTube. The secret is to find something that works for you and just let it play instead of wasting time changing the song every five minutes. When you have time where you have less shit to get done, schedule in some time to make your own Get Shit Done Playlist and set yourself up for a fun and productive working session! Alternatively, if you find music too distracting, white noise can really help. Apparently it distracts the part of our brain that is most likely to wander, so we can really focus and get what we need to done.

4. Make a plan

Again, this one sounds all too simple, but have you ever sat down to do something, got really stuck, and find yourself watching baby goat videos because you don’t know where to start? Yep, me too. Work out what you need to do and work backwards to see what you need to make happen to complete your goal. Write out every mini step and go through it in an order that makes most sense to you (sometimes I sort things by my enthusiasm, deadline, the most boring thing first etc). Trello is a great and simple online tool for getting your plans out of your head, so if you haven’t used it before, I recommend trying it out. And a bonus tip on this one, I’ve found that adding how much time it will take to do something to the list helpful. That way you keep things realistic and don’t end up setting yourself up for failure

5. Recruit a friend

You won’t always be working on the same thing as a friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tackle things together. Whenever you have something to get done, I can guarantee that someone you know if also trying to get shit done. Post on Facebook, reach out to your nearest and dearest and see if they’re struggling to get something done too, and cheer each other on. Bounce ideas to make both of your things easier to get done, and create a deadline. If you work for yourself, I’ve found co-working sessions really helpful. The idea is that you find someone else who’s in a pretty similar circumstance to you and set a time together when you will both work on something. I tend to do this in two hour slots; we check in with each other and set a goal at the beginning of our session, then turn off all notifications and really focus for a couple of hours, then check in to see how we did after. There’s something about knowing that someone else is working really hard too that keeps you accountable, makes it easier, and makes you less likely to procrastinate or cheat! If you don’t know anyone you could do a co-working session with, someone recommended Focus Mate to me where you essentially do this virtually with someone you don’t know!Alternatively, you can ask a friend to cheer you on, and you don’t necessarily have to do it together. Tell your friend why it’s so important you do it, ask her to remind you regularly why it’s important to you, and check in every couple of days to see how you’re doing. It’s not selfish - cheerleading is a huge part of any good friendship and I know you’d only be too happy to return the offer.

 6. Make it fun

I’ve got a bit of a motto this year to stop overthinking things and just get things done and that’s to try and make things fun and easy. We’ll dive into the easy bit when we get to the simplifying section. So, how can you make something fun? Maybe that looks like taking yourself out for a hot chocolate when you have to tackle something ridiculously boring. Maybe it’s about adding a one person dance party to a hectic day. Maybe it’s buying yourself a really fun fluffy pen that reminds you to not take things so seriously. Maybe it’s getting really dressed up to go to work. Maybe it’s changing up your routine and going for a walk before you do your best work. What do you find fun? How can you add that to whatever you need to get done?

7. Get an accountability buddy

Accountability can make you seriously get shit done. There’s something about knowing that you’re going to have to explain why you didn’t get it done, that can really kick us int action. Accountability works like nothing else when you have a buddy that’s willing to kick you up the bum a little bit, you set clear boundaries and very specific goals. You can do this with a friend, or you can post in a group online to see if someone else wants to join you. I recommend only getting an accountability buddy if you actually intend to cheer someone else on as well. Accountability buddies are a two way thing, and can be absolute magic if you’ve both got clear expectations and you’re both committed to your check in days!

8. Break it down

I remember when I used to revise for exams, there was a TV show called Bitesize which addressed each of the topics and broke them down into really manageable chunks. As we adult, we forget how important that is. Sometimes it’s just too overwhelm to look at the whole project - we wonder how on earth we’ll ever get it done and end up talking ourselves out of it. Remember that graveyard we were talking about earlier? A way of getting rid of the overwhelm is to really break things down into small tasks you can do and use them as a checklist. If they seem too big, break then down even further. Break them into the tiniest things you can do, and give yourself the grace and patience you need to get through them!

9. Simplify

Now, I know I’m not the only worrier and over-complicator here. I love getting new ideas, but I’m the first to admit that I can end up getting completely overtaken by a wave of excitement that before I know it, my knickers are in a right twist. Then the excitement starts to fade and overwhelm takes its place, and if you have been in the same situation, you know it’s not fun. Now, I’m not arguing for keeping your ideas small or reducing your excitement and I’m never going to. Seriously, take your idea as far as you can, get lost in the process, really claim and own your excitement and enthusiasm and THEN, before you start to take an action or write a plan,  pause and ask yourself these three questions:

What is the simplest way I can do this? What is the easiest way I can do this that sounds like fun? What makes the most logical sense that is still me?

Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to bebrilliant by thinking that every idea you have has to be the most original, complicated and complex thing ever. It really, really doesn’t.

10. Ask for help

Over the years I’ve come to learn that asking for help is a bit of an art form, in that it takes a lot of practice to start becoming comfortable with it. Tad Hargrave from Marketing for Hippies has exercise which is a five minute support asking blitz. The idea is that for five minutes, you do nothing but ask for support and for help - to the point that it becomes almost embarrassing. His point is that it’s only when we reach that point of feeling embarrassed that we even begin to touch on how much support we actually need in life.As strong, brilliant women, sometimes it can feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness, but I’ve come to learn that it’s actually an act of courage. If asking for help or leaning on someone feels like a huge step, consider this: none of us can live as humans without some help. We all rely on oxygen, food which we largely don’t grow or produce ourselves, fuel, gas etc you name it. We are all already dependent to some extent whether you like it or not, so while we’re debunking this myth of independence, you might as well ask directly for the help you need. There are people who want to help you and would be delighted to offer you some support - how can you start to take that support? And if you feel stuck in knowing what you’d even ask for help you, ask a friend to sit down with you and help you out with that. Like my Mum and countless others I would imagine say, if you never ask, you never get, and my Mum? She’s pretty much always right.

11. Reward first

This one seems pretty counterintuitive, but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes. We usually come to getting shit done from a place of scarcity, or a place of procrastination or a place of sometimes even desperation. What if we could change that? If we started getting shit done from a place of feeling better rested, having more energy and with a whole lot more enthusiasm and inspiration, it’s going to be a whole lot easier. Ever pushed through and pushed through and then realised nothing’s got done and you should have stopped three hours ago and instead started again tomorrow? It’s a bit like that. Rest first, reward yourself first and then get really disciplined, choose something else on this list then start. You might well be amazed what a difference it makes!

12.  2:1 work to fun ratio

This one’s also pretty simple. So much of the time, we approach getting shit done as working with blinkers on, not stopping to eat, drink or do much of anything else. We just barge on through, determined that if only we work harder, we’ll get it done. Wellllll! That’s not always the case. You need to give yourself time to pause, do something else for a while, have some fun and make it all worth it. Write a list of things you can do to treat yourself during a break, and tick them off as you go. Of course, work can be hugely fun, especially if we get into a flow state where we just get lost in it, but sometimes it doesn’t always feel that way. Intentionally add more fun into your schedule and factor it in as part of a process. Because it really is - it’s not wasting time, it’s about working sustainably and not driving yourself to exhaustion and depletion at the same time like we so often do!

13. Breathe

If your thoughts are spinning, you don’t know what to start on and overwhelm has truly got you wrapped up in your own head, just breathe. Pause, take a minute, and breathe. Not many things in life are actually life threatening, so breathe, take a moment for yourself and you’ll return with a clearer mind and a route forward. You can take this a step further and go for a walk if you’re able to. Fresh air can do wonders for our creativity, inspiration and our thought processes.If you find it hard to stop and breathe, I really recommend checking out the Calm App or Insight Timer.

14. Stop multitasking

Okay, so here’s the truth about multi-tasking: it makes us feel good. Look how busy I am! Look how capable I am! I have all of these things to do and they’re getting done and how brilliant am I?Well, maybe not so brilliant when you’re multitasking after all. There’s A LOT of research out there about multi-tasking, but I’ll just go into these: multitasking slows you down, changing your focus so often means you never really get into the flow state or your zone of genius and while it feels productive, it’s usually anything but. Instead of making you actually productive, it makes you feel really busy, is usually exhausted and usually ends up with disappointment of not actually having been able to do everything you needed to.I hold my hands up. It feels like my natural mode is to multi-task. I forever have about twenty tabs open, and I often get distracted mid-task and end up thinking of something else to do. But what doesn’t usually tend to get done when I work like this? The important main thing I intended to do when I sat down!While I haven’t found anything to cure the tab problem apart from some old fashioned discipline, there are a bunch of great apps out there to stop you from picking up your phone or getting distracted by Facebook (which I know is the tip of the iceberg). I recommend the chrome extension Kill News Feed which stops your news feed from showing whenever you get on Facebook, the Bashful App for stopping you from using your phone for a select period of time (Selected calls can still come through if you’re worried about that) and I know there are so many more out there. RescuTime is a brilliant way of tracking how you actually spend your time, and it might be the wake up call you need to really start getting focused.

15. Celebrate the shit out of your small wins

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that I’m all about the small wins. In life we tend to focus on the big things and I remember a sign from back when me and Mr. Meg were travelling across the US in one of the places we stayed in that said, ‘Enjoy the little things in life for someday you will realise they are the big things’. Our lives are built of many tiny moments, and our huge accomplishments are built of many small steps along the way. You’ll always feel overwhelmed if the celebrating only comes after the big things, so celebrate the shit out of each small win along the way. Here's an epic guide to doing just this and a printable of 26 ways you can celebrate your wins!

16. Set intentions not goals

Sometimes it’s not about the actual goal, it’s about the reason why you’re doing it in the first place. When you’re feeling stuck, you’re not sure how to progress or those gremlins of self doubt are sitting on your shoulder, take a moment to focus on your intentions. Why did you start in the first place? Or if you haven’t started already, what made you want to do it in the first place? Set your intention next to any plan you make, and you’ll have a reminder why you started to pick you up along the way. Focusing on your intentions also makes you less likely to set yourself up for disappointment, because instead of a rigid set of unmovable expectations, you’re setting how you would like to feel, why you’re doing it and those things can’t help but be much bigger than a rigid goal.

17. Surround yourself with Couragemakers

This is a huge one, and one I have borrowed from the fantastic work of Scott Dinsmore and Live Your Legend. One of Scott’s biggest rules was to surround yourself with people who inspire you. It’s amazing what happens when you start spending time with people who align with your values, who just get you and they’re going after their own dreams as well. Instead of feeling like an anomaly, you start feeling like you’re part of a movement, part of something bigger and the courage of the people around you is always infectious.This might start by examining the people you have in your life and looking out for the people who inspire you and spending more time with them. It might be starting to watch TED talks, listen to more podcasts or finding ways to virtually surround yourself if you haven’t found your tribe yet, or it might be going to meetup.com and seeing the things around you that you never knew existed.I guarantee that being intentional about who you spend your time with, and cutting out the energy vampires will make a huge difference to the enthusiasm you approach your work with!

18. Turn off notifications

I made the decision to turn notifications off on my phone a while ago, and I’ve never looked back. Seriously, you don’t need something pinging every five minutes, you know this. But it can be hard to break away from the habit, and sometimes the energy surge that comes with the notifications.The only notifications I receive now are phone calls, texts and sometimes Facebook messages depending if I’m doing a coworking session. Go into your settings and just turn them off. It doesn’t mean people will forget you, or you’ll miss anything important - if nothing else, it means that you’ll start to be more intentional about how you spend your time online, and I think that’s something we’re all striving for. Make space for the things you genuinely want in your life, not the endless noise that takes you away from the things that matter.

19. Take a break

Now, I can hear you saying “But, Meg! I haven’t got enough time to get shit done, let

alone breathe or take a break.” I know. And that’s part of the problem. One of the biggest

times you need to take a break is exactly when you feel like you can’t. It’s exactly then

that we end up in burnout territory, which often takes the element of choice away from us

as our bodies force us to stop. So, take a break often, and really pay attention to those

times where you feel you can’t. You come first, and that’s not a negotiable, my friends

20. Start somewhere

If you don’t know where to start, just start somewhere! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overcome by fear or self doubt or it just feels too scary, fuck logic and pick somewhere that excites you. The biggest risk is never starting in the first place, so get over that hurdle and just challenge yourself to start ANYWHERE. Things often fall into place, but you’re not giving yourself any way of knowing that if you never start.Think of your favourite books, your favourite films, your favourite artists and musicians. All of them have tread this path you’re walking on. All of them had to start somewhere. While it can feel unique, lonely and like you’re the only one to have ever experienced it, you’re not alone. Think of how happy you are that they started. Imagine that there is someone somewhere waiting for you to start.

BONUS 21. Join the brigade!

The Get Shit Done! Brigade: 30 days of community, accountability, action and coaching to get your ideas of our your all-be-it beautiful notebooks into tangible things that exist in the world. We’re starting on 15th February and it’s going to be a group of like-minded couragemakers who want to see you shine bright, getting shit done together, with accountability, coaching with me and encouragement parades on a Wednesday! For four weeks, we’re going to work together and prove that it is possible to get a lot of shit done and have a life at the same time, while really put some sustainable strategies into place for the long term as well.

To find out more about the brigade, click here!

I hope you’ve found this post helpful. You have so much to give the world, you have a story that the world needs to hear, and you can do things only you can do. I want to live in a world where your work, your creations and the things that make you uniquely you exist.

Please don’t deprive all of us and the world of that.

The Ultimate Self Care Q&A!

Welcome to this super post all about self care! If you’ve ever thought about self care, struggled with self care, or don’t know what the hell self care is, this post is for you. If you’ve ever felt stressed, found it hard to justify doing things just for you, or been burnt out, this post is for you. If you’re a human being, reading this, right now, this is for you.

Self care has become this thing that gets bounded around everywhere, and it can be pretty confusing - I mean, what if I don’t like hot baths? What if I don’t like candles? Fear not. Let’s debunk some myths, answer some questions, and get this shit on the road.

What is self care?

Self care is the art of doing things for yourself that make you feel great. It’s about taking time to refill your cup, adding more joy into your life, learning to unwind and enjoy being in the here and now. At a base level, self care is a practice about looking after yourself. On a deeper level, it’s learning that you have your own back, learning to love your own company and learning that you’ve got everything you need right inside yourself. And once you have those beliefs fine tuned, anything is possible.

Self care is a skill, that you get better at, and gets easier the more you do it. At first it might feel hard to justify doing things just for you, and not feel guilty, but as you up your self care, you begin to see how necessary it is, and how it can change your entire outlook on life.

But, isn’t self care selfish?

Ahh, the holy grail of self care - dealing with this notion that if you’re taking the time for you, it means you’re selfish, you’re ungrateful, you’re self absorbed and you only care about yourself. I call BULLSHIT on this. I used to believe that. I used to believe it so strongly that I’d run myself to the ground, and didn’t even know where to start when it came to doing things for myself. Then someone who I really admired said to me, ‘If you don’t help yourself, how can you expect to help other people?’ Mind. Blown.

I’ve come to learn that it can be more selfish to NOT look after yourself. Think about it - if you’re constantly stressed out, frazzled and have no time, chances are you have a short fuse with friends and family, you overcommit to things and end up either letting people down or doing a shoddy job (been there!), you neglect relationships because there aren’t enough hours in the day, and you’re only ever a couple of steps away from a melt down. So while you might think taking an afternoon out to do something you love is something you feel bad about, I can guarantee that you’ll come back to the people you love, and things you’re working on, with more love, more patience, more passion and feeling more like you and less like a hyena on speed.

So, in a word, no - self care isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely necessary if you want to live a wholehearted life.

Isn’t self care just about hot baths, candles and going to bed early?

Nope. Well, it can be if those are the things that give you energy, make you feel alive, renew your faith in humanity. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. Here’s the thing about self care - it’s not a one off thing. You cant just have a hot bath and expect everything in your life to be fixed.

a) because you have responsibility over your own life

b) because if something is going to fix every aspect of your life, I'd expect more glitter and camp show tunes involved.

It has to be built into your daily life. You might have a hot bath one day, and it might make you feel great, but the effects aren’t going to last forever. They might not last as long as the bubbles do. Nor is self care about spending lots of money doing one-off things like going to a spa or getting a manicure. Sure, if they make you feel great, that's fantastic, but don’t treat self care like a one-off thing that costs you loads of mullah. Because if you do, you’ve got a whole load of excuses not to get your self care on! I haven’t got the money for self care! I haven’t got the time for self care!

So, what counts as self care?

Self care can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be green smoothies, impossible yoga poses or waking up at the crack of dawn to meditate. It can be dancing around the room in your underwear to Taylor Swift, taking time at the end of the day to think of 3 good things that have happened, going out for a walk listening to a podcast, lying in bed watching as many episodes of the Gilmore Girls as you can fit in one day or reading a book in the early hours of the morning. In short, self care is unique to you. You don’t have to justify it to anyone.

How can I find self care activities that work for me?

Go grab a pen and paper.

Write down any activities you loved doing as a child.

Now write down any activities that make you lose track of time because you get so into them.

Now write down anything that makes you feel good.

Add the names of your favourite books, films and albums. There you go - you’ve got a pretty good start!

Why haven’t I heard of self care before?

In short, because we live in a culture where we’re rewarded for working until we’re exhausted, where our self worth is based on the grades we get and the job title we have, and where this notion of doing something just for the fun of it doesn’t exist. Think about it for a second - if employers started to value self care, we’d have more days off, we wouldn’t be so put upon and we’d be happier in our jobs. Sounds great, but doesn’t do a lot for the capitalist machine. Also, a lot of self care is free, so if it doesn’t make money...

And if you have heard of self care, chances are it’s because you were in a place where you were exhausted, stressed and feeling overwhelmed and realised something had to change.

How can I make time for self care?

All of our lives look different. What I might count as having no time is going to look different than your version of having no time. The other day, I was listening to a podcast (I forget which one) and it was all about making time, and it really shut a lot of my excuses up. Because, when you don’t have time, you do make time for things you HAVE to do. You make the time to go to toilet, to feed yourself (even if it is junk food/ready meals) and remember to lock the front door. Even when life gets busy, when you don’t feel like you have enough time in the day, you do all of those things. So, you do have time, it’s just a case of needing to prioritise and decide what you’re willing to spend you time on.

Here are a couple of tricks for making more time for self care in your life:

1. Take it as seriously as a hospital appointment - Put self care in your diary, and keep the appointment. You owe it to yourself. Every week I send out self care check ins to my mailing list - I know I have to do that every Sunday, and every Sunday, I make time for it. Not only does it help to remind other people to up their self care, it forces me to sit down and see how I’m doing, and how I’m looking after myself.

2. Start small - Put it this way - five minutes of self care every day is going to have a huge effect on your life, if you’re currently spending zero minutes a day on it. You can do a lot in five minutes, as I found when I wrote a HUGE list of things you can do to relax in under five minutes. Increase your five minutes as time goes forward, but for now, start the routine of having just five minutes every day, to do something just for you.

3. Have things set up already - If you’re a multipotentialite like me, you’ll have learned that organisation is a pretty big thing. One of my favourite books, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, shares a really simple tip for spending time on things you love. And it’s this: set up stations. For example, if you love painting, set up a clean space with your canvas/paper with your paints. That way, when the moment comes, it’s so much easier.

Why should I care about self care?

You’re reading this, so I’m going to assume that you want to live a wholehearted life, you want to make a difference and you want to follow your passions. All of those things take a shit load of effort, conviction, and energy. We’re human, we don’t have an endless supply of passion and inspiration. We have a tendency to work ourselves ill, to push ourselves until we can’t and a tendency to get overwhelmed.

Your dreams, your passions, your life - they all begin with YOU. And if you’re nourished, you’re nurtured and you’re well looked after, you’re more likely to chase those dreams, live those dreams and live a life you love. You’ll have time for the people in your life, you’ll have the love to get you through the day, and the strength and courage to get up tomorrow and do it all over again.

But how do I know self care is for me?

If you have a pulse, self care is for you.

While self care is universal, and isn’t limited to class, gender, culture, age, ability, all of those things have an effect on how we self care. Some people have more time for self care, for others, it might not be that simple. Some people live in a culture of which is more accepting of self care, for others, it’s more of a battle. For some people self care might be an energetic activity, for others, self care might have to be a low energy activity. What’s important is finding something that works for you, and knowing that wherever you are in the world, whoever you are, self care is a necessity. Like your fingerprint, your self care is going to be different, and that’s a good thing.

Does self care lead to self love?

YES. By taking the time for you, you’re giving yourself so many unconscious messages:

I am worth spending time on I am worth looking after I love myself enough to stop I have value and am valued I am enough I matter

OK - I’ve got it! Now what?

Pick something small and start. Something I really found helped me to begin with, was getting a sheet of paper, dividing it into strips, and on each strip, writing down something I loved to do. I then put them into a pot/jar and rather than stressing out about relaxing, picked something out and went for it. Here's the tutorial! I also wrote a post of 50 thing you can do to show yourself you matter, which I think might be just the thing you need!

In the beginning, it’s about just getting going. What I mentioned earlier about starting just five minutes at a time, or putting it in your diary and keeping to it, is really helpful. Once you’re finding yourself doing things you love that make you feel good, you’ll have given yourself enough reasons to keep going, just by how much better life feels when you do things you love and look after yourself.

EPIC POST: A Creative's Guide on What to Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

Feeling like giving up for me, is on the same level of scariness as losing your enthusiasm (read that epic post here).

When I feel like giving up, I go really deep into a spiral of shame, frustration, depression, and to be honest, I usually sink into an all out existential crisis.

And this is a snapshot of what’s going on in my head when I feel like giving up:

What is the point?

Who gives a fuck? No one cares, no one’s ever going to care and this is just pointless bullshit. Let’s just burn everything, and move the hell on.

Who was I to think I could do this in the first place?

That’s it. I’m done. This is pointless, I’m useless and ARGHHH.

Fuck it. Just fuck it. I’m not doing this anymore. I don’t care what anyone thinks  and I’m sick of this shit.

And from that, I just sink into this place where I think nothing I do matters, nothing I could ever do would matter and I just want to eat Ben & Jerry’s, get under my duvet and cry.

Or I go into this place of deep sadness where I wish I didn’t care so much, wish I didn’t have a dream or vision in the first place and wish I could just be happy going to some mundane desk job and getting on with life.

I know I’m not alone in this. As creatives and multi-passionates, and as people who want to leave a mark, this happens to all of us. This happens with the people who inspire you and the people you’re inspiring. None of us are exempt from this one. So I wanted to write a practical guide that might help you, full of things that have helped me and people around me.

But first of all, I want to start with a couple of reminders if this is where you’re at right now.

Reminders

1. You my love, have so much value to give the world. But it’s completely up to you how much you give and how you give it. That’s your decision alone.

2. You’re not defined by what you do and what you achieve. Your worth does not stem from there.

3. It is okay to feel the way you feel. Your feelings are valid and it’s time to give yourself permission to feel them.

And if that’s what you needed to hear right now, and that’s taken the pressure off even a little bit, get offline right now and go have a break. Go do something that gives your head a bit of a breather and lights you up (for me, that’s going for a walk in a park and getting lost looking at dogs) or do something that reminds you of who you (listen to a song that makes you feel alive, read your favourite book).

Now we’ve got those essential reminders out of the way, let’s dig into some really practical things you can do to help yourself where you’re at right now.

Start Noticing

Start becoming aware of what makes you feel like giving up.

To give some examples, here are 5 things that I’ve come to recognise send me on that downward slope. Mine might be similar to yours or they could be completely different. The idea behind this is to start acknowledging the things that send you on that downward slope and thinking of ways you can stop yourself before you go in deep. So the things that make me feel like packing it all in:

1. Measuring the success of something I’m doing by traditional means and numbers.

I get the need for stats, analytics and having a real picture of the effect of something you’re working on, but it’s all too easy to get bogged down with numbers and the ‘shoulds’. You know what I mean - at this stage I should be at this point or if I want to be successful at this, then I should be doing much better than I am right now. And that shit just makes us feel bad. If I start looking at my blog stats, or analytics, it’s so easy for me to fall down the rabbit hole of giving up because I’m looking at cold hard data. And cold hard data doesn’t show the stories, it doesn’t give you any more details. Some people are motivated by that, and that’s great, but that’s definitely not me!

Instead, I’ve really turned around what success means to me, and tailored it to what is important to me. When it comes to writing, if I’m proud of it, then it’s successful. If it’s helped me, or someone else, that’s great. But the number of engagements isn’t the bee all and end all. Something that’s really helped me, is capturing the other things, the stories. On my desktop sits a folder called ‘Everybody Loves Meg’ (a play on the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond), and in that folder are screenshots of nice tweets from people, lovely emails, and things that have made me feel really proud. That way if the stats start to get me down, I’ve got somewhere to go to fix that!

2. Working too hard and too long without a break

I feel like I need to remind myself ever single day that it’s possible to get burnt out doing things you love as well as things you don’t want to do, or don’t fill your cup. I know for me, if I feel like I can’t stop, then that’s exactly the time I should stop. Even if I am absolutely loving the work, if that’s all I’m doing, or I’m staying up late to work and not spending much time with Mr. Meg, I know I need a break. Because here's the thing. No matter what you’re doing,we all need a break and to find our own rhythm. It’s like job searching - you can spend every day all day doing it and feel like you have so much further to go, or you can set parameters around it and have a life at the same time.

For me, it’s all about spotting the signs early. If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, take some time out. Even if you’re on a deadline, go put on a TV show, go have a nap, or go get some fresh air. Try getting out of your head by changing your environment and getting a fresh perspective, and chances are you’ll return with a lot more energy and get things done a lot quicker!

3. Sharing my excitement and it not being reciprocated

This is a big thing for me. I’m like an excitable puppy. When I get excited about something (and it happens A LOT), you can tell. But my version of excitement, like many things, isn’t the same as everyone around me. Everyone has their own way of being happy, being excited, being sad, being scared, the whole she-bang, and it’s going to look different for each person. And what I’ve come to learn is that when I share my excitement and it’s not met with the same level of enthusiasm, then it feels like a bit of a downer and my mood goes down pretty quickly. (FYI, I think sharing your excitement with someone can be really vulnerable).

So now, when I get excited, instead of rushing to share it with everyone I know, I give myself space to feel it first. This often looks like turning Macklemore up loud and having an epic mime-athon (where I basically pretend I’m Macklemore) or writing what I’m thinking so I can go back and read it. I try to carve my own memory first then send it outwards. That way if my excitement isn’t met with what I’d love it to be, I’ve already had my moment.

4. Comparing myself to where others are at

Holy shit, can we just have a moment for this one right now. Seriously. We spend so much time comparing ourselves to others and it’s now so easy to do just that. I’ve definitely been in the place where I compare myself or get stuck looking at someone else is doing too much that I start seeing them in my writing and in my work. And that’s when I know it’s got bad. It’s so easy to start looking at what everyone else is doing (which is always going to be different than what you’re doing) and think that you should change course, or do something else. And right at that moment, it’s hard to remember that we’re the only ones who can do what we’re doing. I feel the need for another reminder here: Facebook or whatever you’re looking at NEVER gives you the full story. EVER.

If I find myself stuck in that comparison paralysis, I know the first thing I need to do is get off Facebook (is it just me or is Facebook the worst for this?!) and focus on my own stuff. I know I need to start thinking about why I started in the first place and start counting my own achievements. The best thing I’ve found to work is by reducing the amount of noise I’m surrounded by, in my industry, online and on social media to just the people who I respect, and share my values. As with any project, it’s your baby and boundaries are really important

The Strategies

Try and remember what brings you joy (aka go chill the fuck out)

This is a huge one. Joy is so important. So much of the time, we get completely bogged down in work, work, work mode, or hustling (eww, I hate that word) that we forget there are things in the world that can even bring us joy. By the time we come up for air, it’s been so long since we’ve done something just for ourselves that we forget how to do it.

Try and establish a self care routine, and make joy a huge part of that. And give yourself permission to have your own definition of joy that you don’t have to explain or defend to anyone else. If the Gilmore Girls theme tune makes your heart swell, go watch that. If you love the feeling of chopping vegetables and trying a new recipe, do that. It only has to make sense to you.

Self care is one of the best things you can do when you’re feeling like giving up. Because often, it’s in those moments that you take for yourself that you start to replenish your energy, when glimmers of light start to shine through and hope starts to appear.

Self care is also a great time for reflection, and you might find that with a certain project you’re working on, in fact you do want to give up - it’s come to the end of the road and you’d prefer to leave it as it is than flogging a my little pony (is it just me but is flogging a dead horse a bit vile?).

And if you do want to give up, give yourself permission to. It only has to make sense to you. If other people are involved, be graceful, explain your reasons and leave in a way that feels good to you.

Look at how far you’ve come

If you feel like giving up but you don’t want to give up, actually do something to record how far you’ve come. Start a list, and include all the baby steps. The baby baby steps.

Go year by year and see how things have changed, and instead of searching for negatives, look for the positives. Art journal a page of all the things you’re proud of, and remember, they don’t have to be completely tangible - go as abstract as you like.

Write a list of your skills and ways you use them in your life, and if the inspiration strikes you, how you’d like to use them in the future.

Once you’ve done something to see how far you’ve come, celebrate the shit out of that motherfucker! And if you’re looking for ways to celebrate the shit out of your small wins, check out my 26 ideas here!

Do something FUN and completely unproductive

Sometimes all the introspection in the world isn’t going to help, and instead you just need to go let your hair down and have some fun. The work of being a creative and putting great shit in the world can be wonderful but it can also get very serious very quickly.

Take off your cloak of creative responsibilities for a minute and just go do something silly. Do karaoke or mime to epic love ballads on one of the music channels (just me?). Find somewhere you’ve wanted to check out in your area and go do it. Start a new completely random project. Start a funny collage. Turn embarrassing photos of yourself into memes.

Whatever it is, go do some meaningless fun. Don’t open the TED app, go do something completely unproductive, for the sake of it. In fact, start a challenge - see just how unproductive you can get! And don’t use it as a way of procrastinating - do it with intention and do it on purpose!

Go back to your values

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know I’m huge when it comes to values. Things have to feel good to what is right to you. Some of the time, our projects and our work stretch into things that just don’t feel good anymore. Perhaps we’ve been persuaded by someone else to go in a different direction. Perhaps we’ve got so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we’ve lost the soul of what we’re doing.

Write your values down on a post it note and keep it where you work, or keep a list on your phone. Honesty is a huge value of mine, and I find if a project starts getting glossy or I’m hiding part of the story, it quickly makes me feel uneasy. Challenge what feels uncomfortable and what doesn’t feel right and ask yourself how you can do it in a way that only you could do it.

Try something completely new

Trying something new doesn’t have to link to a direct outcome of becoming a sudden genius in X new art form. Perhaps you’re a performance poet and you’ve always wanted to know how the mechanics of something like an old radio works. Perhaps you only write and want to check out a painting class. Perhaps you’re a hand letterer and you want to try your hand at animation.

Do something creative for the pure fun of it. Forget the accolades, the outcome and the bigger picture. CreativeLive by the wonderful Chase Jarvis has some fascinating free courses - go check them out! I bet you can find something that intrigues you!

Follow your curiosity. You’ll never know where it might lead to.

Go back to your zone of genius

This one’s short and sweet.

It’s really easy to be tempted to try and do everything. And that can get pretty overwhelmed pretty fast. Of course there are lots of things to do, and often it does feel like you’re the only one who can do it. But as much as you can, ignore the other shit and just give yourself some dedicated time to really focus on what brings flow into your life. You know, the thing you do when you forget the time and just get completely and utterly absorbed.

And if you can’t remember the last time that happened, that’s your new challenge.

Make the necessary bullshit more fun

There is so much bullshit that comes with being a creative.I know for many of us, the ability to just knock off work until we feel inspired isn’t an option. If only the act of creating things was the bigger part of the pie chart. There’s self promotion, admin, daily bureaucratic bollocks and more often than not, having to balance what we really love (the creative stuff) with daily life, which can often include doing work that doesn’t make us feel quite as happy or fulfilled.

But I’ve found a couple of ways of approaching it to make it more fun, and to start making you feel a bit more human:

2. Batch task the things that bore you to tears, and play your favourite music while you do it, and cook an epic lunch to look forward to

3. See self promotion as sharing and not as marketing. Give a bit of yourself in a way that feels good to you, and see what comes back your way

4. Start ignoring the ‘experts’ whose values don’t align with yours. It’s never going to work. Instead, seek out people you actually respect and people who get you and what you do, and listen to them instead. And take everything with a shitload of salt.

If you find yourself often sending invoices, make them more colourful, make them more you. If you find replying to emails challenging, put on a good album and see how many you can reply to within the 45 minutes. If you’re creating graphics for social media, go outside the box and have fun with them.

Talk to someone who inspires you and gets your work

It’s been said so often, but so much of the time we feel like giving up, it’s at a pivotal moment when things are just starting to turn around for us, but we just can’t see it.

I don’t know if it’s true, it could in fact be a steaming pile of bullshit, but it makes me feel better!

Don’t suffer alone when you feel like giving up. Instead, reach out to fellow creatives and share your struggles. They’ve been where you are, and they can relate. Allow yourself to feel less alone.

If you have an audience, reach out to them. You inspire far more people than you know - there are always people who admire your work and who you are from afar, but never hear from. Get vulnerable about how you’re feeling, and see if stories start to emerge. Allow yourself time to remember why you started in the first place.

So in summary, chill the fuck out, go have some fun, get some rest and go experiment.

The world needs what you have to give. If what you’re working on right now - even if you’ve been working on it for years - is no longer serving you, and you can’t think of a way it could serve you, let it go. That’s okay too. Start the adventure of finding something new.

But if you feel like giving up but wish you didn’t, chances are that the work matters to you more than you know.

You my friend, are so important and have so much to give the world. But you need to give yourself a chance first. You have a story to tell, and you need to live that story as well as share it.

So go have so fun, give yourself some space and give yourself a fucking break!

What makes you feel like giving up? What strategies do you put in place to start preventing it from happening? Let me know in the comments!

The Epic Guide to Celebrating the Shit Out of Your Small Wins

I talk a lot about celebrating the shit out of your small wins. I mean a lot. Celebrating your small wins helps you to propel you to doing things you thought you wouldn’t be able to, helps you to take a chance on yourself and helps you to find new opportunities. It’s also the difference between starting to work towards your dreams and staying stuck because everything feels so scary.

But one thing I haven’t spoken much about is how to celebrate the shit out of your small wins. And it’s about time that happened!

We’re unconventional folk around here, and the traditional ways of doing things don’t always work or sound appealing.

For most people, celebrating something fits into a specific narrow category and involves one or more of the following:

• Going out for a meal

• Buying yourself or someone else buying you something luxurious/more expensive than normal

• Going out for drinks

• An all-nighter that you can’t quite remember in the morning

• A party

• Inviting a bunch of people over

• And there’s one thing that most of those things have in common - they typically involve either celebrating someone else’s achievements and the decision to celebrate is made by someone else.

And those are okay for some things. But they don't really fit with celebrating the small things.

And you know what I’m going to say, right?

Fuck that shit.

That’s not how we do it around here. Because it is perfectly legitimate to celebrate yourself. It’s perfectly legitimate to plan how you’re going to celebrate, and not just reserve the party poppers (metaphorical or real) for big events.

So I want to start by sharing my three truths when it comes to celebrating the shit out of your small wins:

1. Celebrating alone doesn’t make you a loser

Far from it. Sometimes we need the solitude to really reflect and be proud of ourselves. Sometimes when we share our small wins with others, we don’t get the reaction we’d love and the bubble pops or we have no one around us who would get it.  So celebrating by yourself doesn’t make you a loser. What it does mean is that you have faith in yourself and you value yourself enough to celebrate. That’s epic shit right there.

2. Nothing is too small to be celebrated

Life is a strange thing. Sometimes you’ll achieve things you never thought you could and other days, getting out of bed and having a shower will be something you’re really fucking proud of.

3. Celebrating yourself is revolutionary, not conceited

If you’re having any thoughts that this sounds really conceited, I kindly ask you to leave them at the door for now. It’s not about being arrogant or being too big for your boots (or boobs as I nearly typed). Instead it’s about recognising that life is hard, that you have your own back and you’re a pretty incredible person with a combination of skills, strengths and abilities unique to you.

So now that we’ve busted those myths, let’s talk about the most important bit. (Or the duh! moment).

With the risk of sounding like I’m running an AA meeting, the most essential thing when it comes to celebrating the shit out of your small wins is to actually acknowledge them.

I know what you’re thinking I know this Meg, get a move on.

But let’s just stay here for a couple of seconds longer. It’s not as obvious as it sounds.

We spend so much of our lives on autopilot and see what we need to do as these huge tasks. It’s rare that we actually break things into manageable chunks and small things. And when we do, the focus is on getting them done and moving on to the next thing. Not celebrating them.

Think about these two things.

What was the last thing you celebrated?

When was the last time you celebrated yourself?

See my point?

We go around doing all of these things, thinking about what’s left to do and how far behind we are. We rarely stop to acknowledge just how much we do, or how much guts it often takes.

And on days where we’re not feeling it, or we’re stressed, or if we deal with pain on a regular basis, we don’t really stop to celebrate the things that feel impossible.

Like deciding to give something another try. Leaving the house when we feel we really can’t. Getting out of bed when depression kicks in. Deciding that enough is enough and we need to rest.

So step number 1, is acknowledging every you do and that small wins happen all the time.

Step 2  is celebrating the shit out of those small wins. 

So for those of you who were waiting for a list of things you can do to celebrate the shit out of your small wins, here it is!

Some of these things might seem small. They might not be as epic as you might have wanted them to be. But there’s a reason for that.

So many of us struggle to make time for the things we love. We feel like we have to justify doing something nice for ourselves. It might not seem like the world’s grandest list, but have a look at the list and work out when the last time you did some of them were.

You might be surprised.

And I think there really is something to be said about trying something new as a way of celebrating the shit out of your small wins.

While you’re riding on that wave of feeling good about yourself, use it to expand your comfort zone a bit more. Use your faith in yourself to propel yourself.

There is one thing I’ve missed off that list.

And that is to do nothing, just bask in it.

Sit with it, feel proud and give yourself some space to do nothing.

Because there are so many things you do in your life that you don’t stop to think about. There are so many small accomplishments that we make that we pass off like they’re nothing.

But they’re not nothing.

They’re something.

And if we’re looking at the big picture of our lives, they’re a pretty big fucking something.

All of those small things you do? They add up. And the small steps you take towards doing something that scares you, that light you up, that move you closer towards your dream?

They really are the huge ones. And you’re pretty fucking brave.

So find something to celebrate right now (because there’s something that needs celebrating right this minute), and celebrate the shit out of it.

26 Ways-to-Celebrate-the-Shit-out-of-your-small-wins

I'd love to know any ways you celebrate your small wins! Let me know in the comments below!

EPIC POST: What to do when you lose all your enthusiasm

At times, there can be nothing scarier than losing your enthusiasm. Losing your enthusiasm for life, losing enthusiasm for passion projects that you were once so excited about, losing your enthusiasm for your dreams. Believe me, I've been there and it feels like a seriously lonely place. Enthusiasm is a massive driver for me, and it feels so scary when I lose it, because suddenly things stop making sense like they used to.

Things that I once loved doing cease to exist and things I had enthusiasm for become these unspeakable things that I simultaneously try not to think about, and obsess over how I can get back.

It's a lot like grieving. It's a lot like saying a heartfelt goodbye, not knowing when you're going to see it again. It's a lot like the world has been pulled from under your feet, and you've lost your place in the world.

I know what it's like to have so little enthusiasm it's hard to find a reason to get out of bed. And I've had plenty of days where taking a shower feels as possible as flying to the moon on a lime green marshmallow. In this post, I'm going to share some questions  and some practical things that might really help if you're feeling like you've lost all your enthusiasm. All these things have really made a difference for me.

The Questions

While, like many things in life, there isn't a rhyme or reason, it's sometimes worth pondering over these questions to explore why your enthusiasm seems to have up and left you.

1. Has the voice of self doubt taken over?

Who are YOU to think you can do it? You'll never succeed. (Insert successful person's name) is so much better than you. This is never going to work out. Who do you think you are? Don't be so stupid.

That, right there, is the voice of my self doubt. The internal critic that sits in my head, feeding me toxic waste, and trying to do everything she can to stop me in my tracks, believing that I'm not enough, that I'm not smart enough, and that I should just give up.

The thing about our internal critic (we've all got one) is that they have one job to do. And that's to keep you safe. Keep you from taking risks, doing something that might not work out or trying anything without a certain outcome. And your internal critic? She's going to say whatever she has to in order to make you stop. Truth doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's all bullshit. Your internal critic only cares as long as it stops you from doing perceived dangerous things, and keeps you safe.

If this sounds like what's going on for you right now, I really do encourage you to do several things:

• Read Tara Mohr's Playing Big Or listen to this podcast episode

• Write a list of every little thing you've done that you're proud of

• Right now, think of 3 ways you've defied odds

• Thank your critic and tell them that you've got this and they can leave now

• And if you're struggling with something creative, check out Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. It's got some gems in there. She's also got a great podcast which is a good alternative to her book.

2. Did expectations get higher?

Joy seeps out of my body when I start setting high (read: unrealistic) expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting to write a New York Time Bestseller. But in a week?! That's when things start to get messy. Let's look at this logically - if you're putting so much pressure on yourself to do something, you're not going to want to do it. The F word is going to come out to play. Yep, I said it - failure. You're going to get so scared of letting yourself down (because that's the person we always fear letting down the most) and not meeting our expectations, that previous joyful things become BIG ISSUES.

For me, when I get caught up in all of this, I try to remember my why. Why did I start it? What motivates me? What keeps me coming back to it?

Write your answer on a postit note and look at it regularly.

3. Did you get what you came for?

When I first stumbled on multipotentiality, I felt like I'd won the lottery. When I started reading Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose, I started to realise that when you have many passions, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like there's never enough time. I also learned a huge lesson which is that sometimes we lose enthusiasm because we got what we came for. Say you're an ideas person but hate planning finite detailed plans - when a project goes past the ideas stage, it makes sense that you'll lose some/all enthusiasm. This is why it can help collaborating with someone who loves the bits you don't.

Sometimes you lose enthusiasm because you've taken all the joy you can and you feel done with it. Don't beat yourself up - be glad about what happened and move on. If you're a fellow multipotentialite, and you're willing to give yourself a break, I'm sure it's not going to take long for the next project to show up.

In the meantime, check out these great articles on Puttylike (the best resource for multipotentialites!)

• Why you shouldn't finish what you start

• When you shouldn't quit

• How to stop feeling guilty about new interests

4. Is it time you let it go?

Seriously, I've been there. As an activist who burned out pretty damn hard, I know what it's like to lose enthusiasm, yet feel like you should grip onto any last remaining bit of passion with everything you have. I also know what it's like to work through the loss of enthusiasm, forcing yourself to do things that your heart isn't in anymore, and ending up ill because of it.

Letting go of things you once had a world of enthusiasm for is really fucking hard. You're left with feeling like somehow you didn't do a good enough job, you weren't good enough, you weren't cut out for it, you weren't committed enough, you could have done MORE. But sister? If you're anything like me, you did everything. You did enough.

What To Do When You Lose All Your Enthusiasm

It just doesn't serve you anymore. And that's a hard thing to admit. But once you can? Then there's a whole world of possibilities out there. And the world can wait until you feel up to it. And yeah, of course it's scary (what if this happens again?! I hear you ask). But that's when true bravery comes into it. Going all in anyway. 'Daring greatly' as Brene Brown would say.

There can also be nothing braver than believing that your enthusiasm still exists, and it will return.

And if you can grab that courage and hold onto it like the last Lindt chocolate in the world, then you can start to look towards a bright future.

Some things you could try are:

• Go back to the things you loved doing as a child - they often hold the key to a whole abundance of joy

• Write about it. Journal about it. Get your feelings out. Writing sorts out so much head-mess, chances you'll finish with a deeper understanding of what's going on for you right now

• Really embrace play and do things just for fun. Follow your curiosity. (Elizabeth Gilbert recently did a fantastic interview on following your curiosity instead of your passions. I think it might be right up your street).

But sometimes, trying to find the answer, spending time pondering over questions just isn't going to cut it.

THE PRACTICAL SHIT

Sometimes that's going to make it plain worse, and you know yourself the best - you know when that might be the case. If that's the case for you right now, try these on for size.

Make a Pick Me Up Box

This is one of the first things I did for myself when I got really ill. I was struggling with depression, anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. When you lose enthusiasm and your zest for life, it can become really hard to make decisions, and you can literally sit there, trying to figure out what to do for hours or days.

A Pick Me Up box goes a long way to getting you out of the cycle of sitting there. You fill a box with pieces of paper with things that you can do that will inspire you, distract you, energise you, and with pieces of paper with quotes on them. When you're in that place, go to the box and let is make a decision for you. You can find a very easy 4 step tutorial I wrote right here.

Give yourself a break

One thing that's taken me a tonne of shit experiences to learn is that the time when I feel like I can't take a break is the time I should be taking a break. Sometimes we just go so hard at it, and wonder why it's not working, and we just need to STOP.

A break and time away provides:

• Fresh perspectives

• Escapism

• Time for your body and mind to get some much needed rest

• A chance to connect - with nature, with friends, with pets, with fictional characters

• An opportunity for new ideas to develop

• The space you need to evaluate things properly and make thought out decisions

Take a break now. Plan a break. Give yourself some time. And don't feel selfish or guilty for doing it - this is what you'd tell your best friend to do, right? (And you don't have to plan some exotic break. Lying in your bed with a box of chocolates and Homeland is perfectly acceptable, if not downright encouraged in my book!)

Go cold turkey

This might sound a bit ridiculous but stay with me, okay?  Work and passions can be addictive. If you know something isn't serving you, and is probably the root cause of your lack of enthusiasm, try and cut down on it. Or go cold turkey.

That can include distancing yourself from things that hurt.

Real life example from my own life: For now, I avoid any form of activism. I don't go to demos or marches. I'm not involved in activist groups. None of it. Why? Because right now as I'm trying to distance myself from things I know have caused so much pain in my life, I know it would hurt too much. It would be a reminder of who I was versus who I am now, it would make me even more bitter at people and experiences that slowly drained me. By keeping away, I protect my own sanity and I'm spending time exploring other things I previously wouldn't have. And life's become pretty damn interesting! (I'm starting a podcast, for one thing!)

This might be easier said than done if it's a work thing that's making you feel this way. If that is the case, start considering other careers. Talk to people you love and trust about the things they think you would rock at that you might not have thought of. There is always a way out. And if you feel really trapped in your job and like there's no way out, read this.  (No really, read it). Sometimes you just can't see all of the options available to you when you're in that dark place.

Tips for going cold turkey:

• Tell someone and ask them for loving encouragement and to check in with you from time to time

• Don't say yes to things immediately. Take some time to make decisions based on your own sanity and your own wellbeing. This may be tough at first, but when it becomes a practice, you start making decisions from a place of love, not fear, and that's always a good thing!

• Give yourself a deadline to evaluate how it's been going cold turkey. Take an honest look at your life and see if anything has changed of the better.

Recognise the truth

With a loss of enthusiasm, can come a loss of confidence. And that shit is hard.

But here's the thing. If the most energy you have right now is pressing play on Netflix, that's okay. Because you have skills, you have strengths, and you have a personality unique to you, that when combined, makes you a pretty hardcore genius and wonderful person. And you don't have to be on fire all the time.

Whether you feel like you've lost your confidence, or things have been taken away from you, spend some time getting to know your skills and strengths. A couple of ways you can do this are:

• Take the Fascination Advantage test and see how the world sees you

• Take the Strength Finder Test (this costs about $20 but it is seriously worth it

• Start a little book of compliments, and every time someone says something nice to you or about you, write it down. And try and look over it every week.

• Do something just for fun that involves your skills. Give yourself permission to do whatever you like, and just play.

Surround yourself with inspiration

I find a hell of a lot of my motivation by surrounding myself with inspiration. And this can be virtual as well as real life. When I was in the job I hated, I would listen to The Good Life Project and The Lively Show for my entire commute. I didn't know anyone else who had decided to live life on their own terms in real life, but the guests on these podcast showed me opportunities, ways of living beyond my own bubble. (It's also why I've decided to start my own podcast).

And the great thing about surrounding yourself with people who inspire you? It starts to become the norm. And for me, that was the biggest motivation in making huge changes in my life. By spending my time listening to people who had taken risks, who were living unconventional lives and doing it for themselves, it became something that was tangible. It became my new norm. 

• Amber Thomas recently wrote a fantastic guest post on That Hummingbird Life, about how consumption can influence our creativity. Give it a read and start your own experiment.

• Surround yourself with passionate people. Or spend a day reading every post on the Live Your Legend blog!

• Write a list of things that inspire you, and for each thing, find a way to incorporate them into your daily life. Here's something I made that sits above my desk and inspires me every day:

Do nothing

Chances are, that if you're all out of enthusiasm, you're also pretty exhausted. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is rest. And by rest I mean listen to you body and do what it needs. If you need to sleep all day, sleep all day. If you're craving a nice hearty meal, go cook yourself something tasty. Don't focus on being productive, but instead just rest.

Your body needs rest. It's not lazy. It's absolutely essential. Give yourself opportunity to rest and you might just find enthusiasm creeping back up on you when you least expect it.

Trust

This is perhaps the hardest one, but the one that is going to have the most profound effect on your life. And that's to trust that everything will be okay, that your enthusiasm will return and things won't always be this hard.

Things might be hard as hell right now but they won't always be. How things will work out is a mystery, but they will work out, somehow. You've got yourself this far - have a little faith in yourself.

Finally, some reminders:

• Your enthusiasm will return. It might come in a different form, but it will return.
  

• Taking a break is important. It's not selfish or lazy, it's essential.
  

• You are more than a sum of your actions
  

• The world will is still turning and you will find the right rhythm and dance for you
  

• You are one fucking amazing person, and you have a lot to be proud of.

I hope this has helped you in some way, and I hope at the very least, you feel less alone. I know everything feels scary right now, so be kind and gentle with yourself. You're dealing with some really hard shit, so try to give yourself as much compassion as you can.

You've got this my love, you really have. You know more than you think you do, and you have everything you need inside you <3. I know that might sound like utter bollocks right now, but you just need to trust that. And if you feel alone, there's a whole bunch of like-minded women sharing their stories over on The Couragemakers Podcast.

I would love to know your experiences in the comments, or send me an email at meg [at] thathummingbirdlife [dot] com) if you prefer :)

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Gratitude: the good, the bad and the ugly

I like gratitude. We live in a fast-paced culture where we're always teetering between future tripping or stressing out about what needs to happen right now. It's fair to say we're not very good at being present. We can miss out on so many things, and gratitude can be a really good way of staying in the present. But I think it does have its limitations. No matter what's going on in your life, you're supposed to be grateful. Even if something unexpected has happened that has pushed your life in a completely unexpected direction.

In fact, especially if that happens.

There are some great ways to really practice gratitude in a way that gives more meaning to your life (read to the end of this post to get some practical ideas), but before I start waxing lyrical, let's get something out of the way.

While it can be essential for living a wholehearted life, there's also a danger in forcing positivity onto ourselves and feeling like we have to be grateful, regardless of circumstances and situations that leave us feeling low. Sometimes we end up using gratitude as the stick to beat ourselves with.

It's okay not to be positive all the time

Life can be shit. You know that, I know that, the Pope knows that. But regardless of that, gratitude seems to have become this blanket thing to practice and apply to all situations.

I disagree.

If I'm having a shit day, or dealing with hard stuff, or something happens to my family and friends, telling me to be grateful that:

A. It could have been worse

B. I'm still alive

C. I'm more fortunate than others

isn't going to help. It's going to make me feel worse, and very likely, very pissed off.

Firstly, everything can always be worse. That's not helpful, that's just irritating.

Secondly, sometimes being alive and surviving everything is the hard part.

And thirdly, comparing yourself to others 'less fortunate' is a great way of patronising a whole load of people and also an effective way of reaffirming the power dynamics that keep this society as unequal as it is. And I'm not into that.

So give yourself a break. It's okay to not be grateful for things that make you or the people around you feel shit. That's human. Acknowledging how you feel and appreciating that you're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling, however, is always going to make the situation better, as hard as it can be to do that. Self validation can often be a much better tool than gratitude.

You don't always have to see the lesson

This is a HUGE one. While I believe that sometimes the shit in life does share an important lesson, sometimes believing that everything happens for a reason just doesn't help. It can leave you bewildered, lost, furious and heart-broken.

Going back to a point I made earlier - you don't have to be grateful and positive about everything. You don't always have to find a lesson in everything. While I really do value reflection and trying to pull the flower buds out of the compost, deal with one thing at a time.

Besides, sometimes you're not going to see the lesson until years later. And often, it only turns up exactly when you need to learn the lesson.

You don't have to be thankful to anyone in particular

I'm not religious. When I'm thankful things, I just am. I guess if I were to have to put a name to it, I would say I'm grateful to the universe.  But I think we often get so stuck into thinking who we should be grateful for, and working out all the logics of it; why did this happen, when that didn't happen? Who's pulling the strings here?

We can also get seriously stuck in trying to wish things were different, or trying to change our fate. In my view, gratitude is for gratitude's sake. Not this kind of piecemeal, I've said thanks, now when am I going to win the lottery kind of deal.

Gratitude is about acknowledging what's good in your life and taking time to reflect on the things that can be swept under the rug when life gets busy (when was the last time you really thanked your best friend, just for being her?). It's not about asking for more, demanding things be different and getting pissed off that things haven't happened for you yet.

When combined with intention and action, that's goal setting. Not gratitude.

But that's not to chuck gratitude out of the proverbial pram. There's plenty a time when gratitude it going to make you feel amazing, appreciate the moment and add to a more wholehearted life.

And for those times, here are some great ways to welcome gratitude into your life

Gratitude practices you can try

•  3 good things - a couple of years ago, I did a positive psychology course, and this really stuck with me. Every day, try to think of 3 good things that happened in the last 24 hours. And where you can, share them. This can be a really nice thing to do with a friend or a partner, a really positive way of starting a team meeting, or something to make you feel warm as you fall asleep at night.

•  Keeping a Gratitude journal - this can be an extension of the above exercise, where you record your good things in a small notebook, which you can look at when you're feeling low. You could also try doing this once a week on a Sunday night to kickstart your work. There are approximately a gazillion ways you could keep a gratitude journal. Ultimately, it's what works for you, how you think, and how you live your life.

•  Tell people on a regular basis you appreciate them. This could be writing random postcards to family/friends, sending short texts/e-mails or through big bear hugs (my favourite). And that includes being grateful for YOU. Ever written yourself a letter of gratitude? No? Now's the time to try!

•  From Mind, Body, Green - Reach out to an author whose book has changed your life and share your gratitude in an email or letter. I did this when I was 17 and was astounded by the response. I need to remember to do this again soon

• This post has a great list of ways of practicing gratitude that you can start today. I love that it includes giving compliments and taking walks

Life always feels better when you're taking notice of the good things, storing them in your internal memory and appreciating them. Just don't beat yourself with the gratitude stick when life gets hard!

I'd love to hear any gratitude practices you have - let me know in the comments!

A couragemaker’s guide to navigating the self help world

I’ve ranted a lot lately. About online gurus, about get rich quick schemes, and other bullshit that creates an alluring trap for couragemakers like you and me but ends up with us feeling worse in the long run. Now, believe it or not, the self-help (or as dream chasing as I prefer to call it) and autobiographies sections in my local library are by far my favourite sections. For me, there's something so powerful in someone telling their story, and sharing their dreams, and being vulnerable as hell about where they’ve come from and where they’re going.

That inspires me above all else.

But it’s taken me a while to navigate that whole world and make it work for me.

When you're in a place of quiet desperation, you'll try near enough anything. But when you're in that place of quiet desperation, you're also incredibly vulnerable.

And let’s face it - we all need help sometimes. Whether you're wondering what to do out of college, trying to figure out how to chase your dreams, want to improve a relationship or want to up your confidence, sometimes we need a gentle reminder, or strategies to deal with something we’re going through.

And there’s a whole lot of help out there. Everyone wants to help. Everyone has an opinion. And let’s face it - there are a lot of people want to charge you thousands for things you already know. Some want you to buy into (quite literally), their way of doing things.

It’s a messy world.

As it stands right now, on Amazon UK, there are 405,108 books in the Mind, Body, Spirit section. In the kindle store, there are  253,342 e-books in the Self Help/Counselling section. That’s just books. That doesn’t include the thousands of self-help podcasts, the hundreds of thousands of life coaches online, or the thousands of YouTube clips on self-help.

Wow.

That’s a whole load of people with a whole load of different opinions on how they can improve your life. They have conflicting viewpoints, conflicting methods, and conflicting promises. But they all have something in common. They want to help you.

But where on earth do you turn to? Who can you trust?

That’s where these questions come into it. Answer them, and you’ll find a much better tactic of finding help that’s suited to you than just picking up the latest bestseller.

When you’re finished, you’re going to have a better idea of what you want, how you want it and what works for you. (Me? Ryan Gosling, on the kitchen table. Thanks.)

So, let’s get started!

What do you actually need?

What are you dealing with? And what do you actually need?

When you're looking for help (this also applies to when moaning to a friend about something), you generally want one of the following:

• Permission - and confidence to do something.

• Reassurance - that things will work out, that we’re a good person, that everything will work out okay in the end

• Confirmation - that you’re doing the right thing and you’re making the right decision

• Understanding and knowledge - you want to get down to the root cause of it. Knowledge is power!

• Actionable steps - easily laid out things you can do to get your where you want.

Figuring out what you need makes it a lot easier to find what you’re looking for. It’s also an excellent way of cutting out a lot of the shit!

What qualifies them to help YOU?

I used to trust easily and I used to be pretty naive.

Now things are different. I know that not everyone who says they want to help genuinely wants to help. Some are more motivated by money, and some bring absolutely no experience and aren’t qualified on any level to help.

The way I see it, if I’m going to take my vulnerabilities anywhere, I want to know that they know their shit, that I can trust the information I’ll receive. I want to be respected and I want to feel safe.

That’s why I recommend creating a quick mental criteria that someone has to meet (whether they’re an author, podcaster, or a coach you’re hiring) that they have to meet. My criteria might look differently to yours, but it looks a little something like this:

1. They have to have experience with what they’re dealing with. They have to be brave in sharing their story and respect that others are being courageous in just seeing help.

2. They have to be passionate about their subject area, and not just see it as a quick money-making scheme

3.They have to be realistic about what they’re promising.

4. Credentials and initials don’t mean shit unless they have the experience to back it up. Now, when I’m in the library, I flick straight to the about the author section before checking out a book. I want to know who the are to help me, and whether we’re a good match. Make your criteria, and stick to it!

What are they promising?

I’ve said this before, as have many people, and I’ll say it again. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

If you’re struggling with your weight, if someone is promising you a bikini body in 6 weeks, it’s probably bullshit.

If you’re struggling with relationships and someone is promising you the perfect partner in 12 simple steps, it’s definitely bullshit. It’s a bit of a balancing act: having realistic expectations for yourself, and finding someone who can help on those expectations.

What works for you?

We all find motivations in different ways, and we all take things on board via different means. For me, I love podcasts and things that are very action oriented. The more practical the better for me. But we’re all different.

Do you like workbooks? Do you like practical exercises that gently take you outside your comfort zone and put what you’re learning into practice? Do you like working with someone 1:1?

Does the idea of sitting with someone and chatting it through sound like hell to you? Do you prefer reading a book or listening to an audiobook/podcast in the comfort of your own home with some privacy? Do you get motivated through watching?

It’s all about YOU. There is no right and wrong.

And I think where people go wrong when wanting to make a change in their lives, is buying into something that was never going to work for them in the first place.

Spend some time working out what works for you, and then when it comes to sorting shit out and making your life work for you, you’re more likely to find something that is actually effective. And a last couple of things on the topic:

Please, judge a book by its title

Perhaps you’re struggling because you’re single and you think your self-confidence is holding you back. Let me tell you, a book called something like ‘Little Black Dress: Why you’re still single and sitting on the shelf’ isn’t going to help you.

You don’t need to be shamed into changing. You don’t want to be told what you’re apparently doing wrong.

Chances are, you’re not doing anything wrong, and reading a book that makes you feel more shit about yourself is only going to feed your anxiety and problem. Nor is a book titled ‘Fat Pig: adventures in greed, rejection and flab’ going to help you with body issues.

And if you’ve picked up a book called '10  Short Steps To Success, Riches and Happiness', I think you know what I’m going to say.

Protect yourself

When you’re looking for help, chances are you’re in a vulnerable place. Look after yourself. Only give your heart to people you trust not to crush it.

Give yourself time, space, and celebrate the shit out of your small wins.

And finally, and perhaps most importantly...

Sometimes you don’t need anyone else. You have more wisdom than you know inside yourself. Ask yourself  the question you want answered, listen hard for the answer, and trust yourself.

You matter, you’re the expert on your life, after all.

I’d love to hear what you think - let me know in the comments!

The Online Gurus You Don't Want To Listen To

I want to tackle the controversy of online gurus. You know, the people online who have millions of followers and tell you that you can be happy, if you just choose to be happy - and then wealth will follow! And you just need to do this one little thing, and you'll basically be Bill Gates! Yep, them.

It seems like everyone has become an expert. Especially online. I wrote a post earlier this week about the bullshit that lies behind how apparently 'easy' it is to make 6 figures online.

(It also seems like my tolerance for bullshit has lowered)

So, if you keep finding yourself falling in the trap and in with the hype (I know I sometimes do), or you're unsure of who to listen to, here's a quick reminder of the online gurus you don't want to listen to.

1. The people who say there is only one way of doing things

There are many ways, and there are no definitive right or wrong ways. Instead, look for things that feel right for you and follow them. Don't feel ashamed that you're doing something differently. Different is good!

2. The people who actively judge others or think they’re stupid for doing other things

A Brené Brown quote comes to mind when I think of this: “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” If someone thinks you're stupid for doing something, screw them. They don't deserve to be in your life

3. People who just chat shit about money

Another saying comes to mind here: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And the people that only chat about money? Generally speaking, they're not the people who are going to teach you to build a purpose driven life/business that helps others. They're just about making money. And making money isn't a bad things - heck, we all need it. But it can't all just be about making all the money, all the time.

4. People who claim that overnight success is a thing, or it’s easy working for yourself

This really pisses me off. What you don't see behind these people who claim to have 'overnight success' is the years of hard work, and the blood, sweat and tears that have gone into this (or, perhaps cynically, the blood, sweat and tears of the people they've outsourced to). I don't know what it is about the online world and not showing the efforts it takes to get from A to B. Either way, this fairytale 'and then it just happened and I became rich and happily ever after' is a myth. Don't buy into it. It'll just make you feel shit.

5. People who make you feel bad. Period

Again, going back to the Brené Brown quote, shame isn't going to make someone change their behaviour. It can bring on self-destructive behaviours, or make you give your life savings (if you have them) to someone who bullies you into buying their product, making a gazillion promises they can't keep. Instead, work on setting good boundaries and remember that you're an amazing person and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

6. People who make you feel shit about what you’ve done so far and suggest their way, is THE ONLY way

Girl. Seriously. What you've done so far is epic and you don't need those fools. Be proud of what you've done, go celebrate.

7. People who don’t have problems

This is a HUGE one for me. Everyone has problems. Rich people, poor people, those in-between. We all have problems. I get so angry when I look at people at the top-level of their niche, and they're flouncing around having this perfect life and everything is so wonderful and nothing bad ever happens. I get that not everyone wants to declare their problems/issues to the world, but damn we've all got them. Admitting you struggle makes you human. Showing the not so exciting and not so colourful parts of life makes us remember that we're all in this hot mess of human-ness together. Don't trust the people who tell you they have it all figured out. They don't.

HOWEVER

That's not to say that there aren't loads of people online you could learn from, or who could add massive value to your life.

I love blogs and podcasts. I love learning from other people. I love learning and listening to people who are full of passion, flaunt their human-ness and want to see other people fly.

The people worth listening to are:

People who hold similar values to yourself

People who don't shy away from their back story

People who own their struggles and share them

You know more than you think you do. You don't need someone else to tell you how to succeed. You don't need a guru to make your life better. Chances are, what you need is to start believing in yourself, to surround yourself with people who make you feel alive, and to take the pressure off yourself a bit.

You, my friend, are doing great.