What happens when you show up but you forget yourself?

You know when you have one of those days where you're trying to put milk in the kitchen drawer and peanut butter in the fridge? Today is one of those days. This morning, I found myself completely puzzled as to why my tea wasn't turning brown to only realise that I was pouring hot water into an empty cup.

And it really made me think.

When we get tired and we need a break, these are the silly things we end up doing. We end up doing things out of muscle memory, but our brains are too tired that we end up getting it wrong.

And I think there's a lot in here to unravel about how we do the work we feel we were meant to do, and our own creativity. 

And how our work shows up and how we show up when we’re frazzled, overwhelmed and out of sorts. Because sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need to stand back, do something passive like binge watch Netflix and just give our brains some time to chill. the. fuck. out.

But sometimes, you expect yourself to produce the same work as if you’ve had a week’s break and taken some time to re-charge - but you haven’t.

It’s like pouring into a cup without a teabag and expecting it to turn to tea and getting angry with yourself when it doesn’t.

The work we’re called to do, and all of the creative things we do, they don’t just show up. We spend so long trying to find them, and when they do, we often end up so burnt out because we’re so caught up in this cycle of being good enough, feeling responsible and being hard on ourselves that we produce things we’re not proud of and end up blaming ourselves.

But here’s the thing. If we’re showing up exhausted and we’re showing up completely frazzled then of course we’re missing the key ingredient. Of course the water isn’t going to turn brown and the tea leaves aren’t going to diffuse.

That makes logical sense.

Yet we blame ourselves and beat ourselves up like we’ve just committed some huge crime. Then we tell ourselves we’re not good enough and end up down that rabbit hole, and by the time we’ve finished, end up feeling like crap and trying to work harder as if we have to prove something to ourselves.

There’s a song I love by Kacey Musgraves, and in the chorus she sings:

“You can't be everybody's cup of tea

Some like the bitter, some the sweet

Nobody's everybody's favorite

So you might as well just make it how you please”

And I think we’re getting stuck even before we’ve started to make the tea.

Because when we don’t look after ourselves and end up working for work’s sake, we’re not creating a space to even make it.

We just assume that we have to make that cup of tea and it has to turn out beautiful, no matter how we started.

But that isn’t how it works.

Not that I’ve got it completely figured out. Of course I haven’t.

But what I’m learning is that you need that teabag. Chances are you already have the boiling water or whatever equipment you need to make your work. Whether it’s a laptop, paints, paper, wood, whatever.

But you need that tea. You need that thing that brings it all together and makes the magic happen.

And that, by the way, is you. The skills you bring to the table, your perspective, your unique combination of strengths. Your stories, your experience, your ability to tell a story and paint the picture.

The magic is never going to happen if you forget you. And you get lost in a crazy frantic pace of life and you don’t take time to sit and give your brain a bit of a vacation.

We all get stuck in that land where we forget ourselves, of course we do. The important thing is coming to recognise it and doing something about it.

For me, today that looks like not judging myself for lying on my bed and watching Jane the Virgin for the whole day. It looks like finding the Headspace app and trying to slow down my thoughts and my continually playing to-do list in my mind.

And that’s going to look completely different to yours.

Because isn’t that the whole point in all of this anyway? We’re bringing things to the world that come as a result of our direct experiences, our own skill sets and our own strengths combination that only we can bring.

So I think you’ll agree with me, that’s something worth treasuring, right?

Do something today to remember you. Because you are worth more than your to-do list and all the things you feel you have to do today.

I’d love to know what you do to remember yourself and what you need to produce the work you love! Let me know in the comments!

EPIC POST: What to do when you lose all your enthusiasm

At times, there can be nothing scarier than losing your enthusiasm. Losing your enthusiasm for life, losing enthusiasm for passion projects that you were once so excited about, losing your enthusiasm for your dreams. Believe me, I've been there and it feels like a seriously lonely place. Enthusiasm is a massive driver for me, and it feels so scary when I lose it, because suddenly things stop making sense like they used to.

Things that I once loved doing cease to exist and things I had enthusiasm for become these unspeakable things that I simultaneously try not to think about, and obsess over how I can get back.

It's a lot like grieving. It's a lot like saying a heartfelt goodbye, not knowing when you're going to see it again. It's a lot like the world has been pulled from under your feet, and you've lost your place in the world.

I know what it's like to have so little enthusiasm it's hard to find a reason to get out of bed. And I've had plenty of days where taking a shower feels as possible as flying to the moon on a lime green marshmallow. In this post, I'm going to share some questions  and some practical things that might really help if you're feeling like you've lost all your enthusiasm. All these things have really made a difference for me.

The Questions

While, like many things in life, there isn't a rhyme or reason, it's sometimes worth pondering over these questions to explore why your enthusiasm seems to have up and left you.

1. Has the voice of self doubt taken over?

Who are YOU to think you can do it? You'll never succeed. (Insert successful person's name) is so much better than you. This is never going to work out. Who do you think you are? Don't be so stupid.

That, right there, is the voice of my self doubt. The internal critic that sits in my head, feeding me toxic waste, and trying to do everything she can to stop me in my tracks, believing that I'm not enough, that I'm not smart enough, and that I should just give up.

The thing about our internal critic (we've all got one) is that they have one job to do. And that's to keep you safe. Keep you from taking risks, doing something that might not work out or trying anything without a certain outcome. And your internal critic? She's going to say whatever she has to in order to make you stop. Truth doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's all bullshit. Your internal critic only cares as long as it stops you from doing perceived dangerous things, and keeps you safe.

If this sounds like what's going on for you right now, I really do encourage you to do several things:

• Read Tara Mohr's Playing Big Or listen to this podcast episode

• Write a list of every little thing you've done that you're proud of

• Right now, think of 3 ways you've defied odds

• Thank your critic and tell them that you've got this and they can leave now

• And if you're struggling with something creative, check out Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. It's got some gems in there. She's also got a great podcast which is a good alternative to her book.

2. Did expectations get higher?

Joy seeps out of my body when I start setting high (read: unrealistic) expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting to write a New York Time Bestseller. But in a week?! That's when things start to get messy. Let's look at this logically - if you're putting so much pressure on yourself to do something, you're not going to want to do it. The F word is going to come out to play. Yep, I said it - failure. You're going to get so scared of letting yourself down (because that's the person we always fear letting down the most) and not meeting our expectations, that previous joyful things become BIG ISSUES.

For me, when I get caught up in all of this, I try to remember my why. Why did I start it? What motivates me? What keeps me coming back to it?

Write your answer on a postit note and look at it regularly.

3. Did you get what you came for?

When I first stumbled on multipotentiality, I felt like I'd won the lottery. When I started reading Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose, I started to realise that when you have many passions, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like there's never enough time. I also learned a huge lesson which is that sometimes we lose enthusiasm because we got what we came for. Say you're an ideas person but hate planning finite detailed plans - when a project goes past the ideas stage, it makes sense that you'll lose some/all enthusiasm. This is why it can help collaborating with someone who loves the bits you don't.

Sometimes you lose enthusiasm because you've taken all the joy you can and you feel done with it. Don't beat yourself up - be glad about what happened and move on. If you're a fellow multipotentialite, and you're willing to give yourself a break, I'm sure it's not going to take long for the next project to show up.

In the meantime, check out these great articles on Puttylike (the best resource for multipotentialites!)

• Why you shouldn't finish what you start

• When you shouldn't quit

• How to stop feeling guilty about new interests

4. Is it time you let it go?

Seriously, I've been there. As an activist who burned out pretty damn hard, I know what it's like to lose enthusiasm, yet feel like you should grip onto any last remaining bit of passion with everything you have. I also know what it's like to work through the loss of enthusiasm, forcing yourself to do things that your heart isn't in anymore, and ending up ill because of it.

Letting go of things you once had a world of enthusiasm for is really fucking hard. You're left with feeling like somehow you didn't do a good enough job, you weren't good enough, you weren't cut out for it, you weren't committed enough, you could have done MORE. But sister? If you're anything like me, you did everything. You did enough.

What To Do When You Lose All Your Enthusiasm

It just doesn't serve you anymore. And that's a hard thing to admit. But once you can? Then there's a whole world of possibilities out there. And the world can wait until you feel up to it. And yeah, of course it's scary (what if this happens again?! I hear you ask). But that's when true bravery comes into it. Going all in anyway. 'Daring greatly' as Brene Brown would say.

There can also be nothing braver than believing that your enthusiasm still exists, and it will return.

And if you can grab that courage and hold onto it like the last Lindt chocolate in the world, then you can start to look towards a bright future.

Some things you could try are:

• Go back to the things you loved doing as a child - they often hold the key to a whole abundance of joy

• Write about it. Journal about it. Get your feelings out. Writing sorts out so much head-mess, chances you'll finish with a deeper understanding of what's going on for you right now

• Really embrace play and do things just for fun. Follow your curiosity. (Elizabeth Gilbert recently did a fantastic interview on following your curiosity instead of your passions. I think it might be right up your street).

But sometimes, trying to find the answer, spending time pondering over questions just isn't going to cut it.

THE PRACTICAL SHIT

Sometimes that's going to make it plain worse, and you know yourself the best - you know when that might be the case. If that's the case for you right now, try these on for size.

Make a Pick Me Up Box

This is one of the first things I did for myself when I got really ill. I was struggling with depression, anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. When you lose enthusiasm and your zest for life, it can become really hard to make decisions, and you can literally sit there, trying to figure out what to do for hours or days.

A Pick Me Up box goes a long way to getting you out of the cycle of sitting there. You fill a box with pieces of paper with things that you can do that will inspire you, distract you, energise you, and with pieces of paper with quotes on them. When you're in that place, go to the box and let is make a decision for you. You can find a very easy 4 step tutorial I wrote right here.

Give yourself a break

One thing that's taken me a tonne of shit experiences to learn is that the time when I feel like I can't take a break is the time I should be taking a break. Sometimes we just go so hard at it, and wonder why it's not working, and we just need to STOP.

A break and time away provides:

• Fresh perspectives

• Escapism

• Time for your body and mind to get some much needed rest

• A chance to connect - with nature, with friends, with pets, with fictional characters

• An opportunity for new ideas to develop

• The space you need to evaluate things properly and make thought out decisions

Take a break now. Plan a break. Give yourself some time. And don't feel selfish or guilty for doing it - this is what you'd tell your best friend to do, right? (And you don't have to plan some exotic break. Lying in your bed with a box of chocolates and Homeland is perfectly acceptable, if not downright encouraged in my book!)

Go cold turkey

This might sound a bit ridiculous but stay with me, okay?  Work and passions can be addictive. If you know something isn't serving you, and is probably the root cause of your lack of enthusiasm, try and cut down on it. Or go cold turkey.

That can include distancing yourself from things that hurt.

Real life example from my own life: For now, I avoid any form of activism. I don't go to demos or marches. I'm not involved in activist groups. None of it. Why? Because right now as I'm trying to distance myself from things I know have caused so much pain in my life, I know it would hurt too much. It would be a reminder of who I was versus who I am now, it would make me even more bitter at people and experiences that slowly drained me. By keeping away, I protect my own sanity and I'm spending time exploring other things I previously wouldn't have. And life's become pretty damn interesting! (I'm starting a podcast, for one thing!)

This might be easier said than done if it's a work thing that's making you feel this way. If that is the case, start considering other careers. Talk to people you love and trust about the things they think you would rock at that you might not have thought of. There is always a way out. And if you feel really trapped in your job and like there's no way out, read this.  (No really, read it). Sometimes you just can't see all of the options available to you when you're in that dark place.

Tips for going cold turkey:

• Tell someone and ask them for loving encouragement and to check in with you from time to time

• Don't say yes to things immediately. Take some time to make decisions based on your own sanity and your own wellbeing. This may be tough at first, but when it becomes a practice, you start making decisions from a place of love, not fear, and that's always a good thing!

• Give yourself a deadline to evaluate how it's been going cold turkey. Take an honest look at your life and see if anything has changed of the better.

Recognise the truth

With a loss of enthusiasm, can come a loss of confidence. And that shit is hard.

But here's the thing. If the most energy you have right now is pressing play on Netflix, that's okay. Because you have skills, you have strengths, and you have a personality unique to you, that when combined, makes you a pretty hardcore genius and wonderful person. And you don't have to be on fire all the time.

Whether you feel like you've lost your confidence, or things have been taken away from you, spend some time getting to know your skills and strengths. A couple of ways you can do this are:

• Take the Fascination Advantage test and see how the world sees you

• Take the Strength Finder Test (this costs about $20 but it is seriously worth it

• Start a little book of compliments, and every time someone says something nice to you or about you, write it down. And try and look over it every week.

• Do something just for fun that involves your skills. Give yourself permission to do whatever you like, and just play.

Surround yourself with inspiration

I find a hell of a lot of my motivation by surrounding myself with inspiration. And this can be virtual as well as real life. When I was in the job I hated, I would listen to The Good Life Project and The Lively Show for my entire commute. I didn't know anyone else who had decided to live life on their own terms in real life, but the guests on these podcast showed me opportunities, ways of living beyond my own bubble. (It's also why I've decided to start my own podcast).

And the great thing about surrounding yourself with people who inspire you? It starts to become the norm. And for me, that was the biggest motivation in making huge changes in my life. By spending my time listening to people who had taken risks, who were living unconventional lives and doing it for themselves, it became something that was tangible. It became my new norm. 

• Amber Thomas recently wrote a fantastic guest post on That Hummingbird Life, about how consumption can influence our creativity. Give it a read and start your own experiment.

• Surround yourself with passionate people. Or spend a day reading every post on the Live Your Legend blog!

• Write a list of things that inspire you, and for each thing, find a way to incorporate them into your daily life. Here's something I made that sits above my desk and inspires me every day:

Do nothing

Chances are, that if you're all out of enthusiasm, you're also pretty exhausted. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is rest. And by rest I mean listen to you body and do what it needs. If you need to sleep all day, sleep all day. If you're craving a nice hearty meal, go cook yourself something tasty. Don't focus on being productive, but instead just rest.

Your body needs rest. It's not lazy. It's absolutely essential. Give yourself opportunity to rest and you might just find enthusiasm creeping back up on you when you least expect it.

Trust

This is perhaps the hardest one, but the one that is going to have the most profound effect on your life. And that's to trust that everything will be okay, that your enthusiasm will return and things won't always be this hard.

Things might be hard as hell right now but they won't always be. How things will work out is a mystery, but they will work out, somehow. You've got yourself this far - have a little faith in yourself.

Finally, some reminders:

• Your enthusiasm will return. It might come in a different form, but it will return.
  

• Taking a break is important. It's not selfish or lazy, it's essential.
  

• You are more than a sum of your actions
  

• The world will is still turning and you will find the right rhythm and dance for you
  

• You are one fucking amazing person, and you have a lot to be proud of.

I hope this has helped you in some way, and I hope at the very least, you feel less alone. I know everything feels scary right now, so be kind and gentle with yourself. You're dealing with some really hard shit, so try to give yourself as much compassion as you can.

You've got this my love, you really have. You know more than you think you do, and you have everything you need inside you <3. I know that might sound like utter bollocks right now, but you just need to trust that. And if you feel alone, there's a whole bunch of like-minded women sharing their stories over on The Couragemakers Podcast.

I would love to know your experiences in the comments, or send me an email at meg [at] thathummingbirdlife [dot] com) if you prefer :)

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

On Creative Resistance & Doing the Work

Creative resistance is really hard. Sometimes doing the work is really really hard. You might be a writer, you might be a painter, or a blogger, or you might sell handmade things on Etsy. Or you might have a dream of owning your own business, or be in college doing final exams to graduate in a subject you adore. But for some reason, even though you know exactly the steps you need to to do the work, you just can’t do them. Everything around you becomes SO much more appealing. Checking your email suddenly becomes the most urgent thing you need to do - wait, there’s a corner in the living room that needs tidying - oh and the dishes need to go away. And you might as well phone bank and sort out your debit card at the same time - and while you’re on the phone, it would be nice if you called your brother to see how he is.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone.

Sitting there googling productivity hacks, or trying to work out how you can maximise you time isn’t going to work. It’s still a distraction. That’s not the issue.

Nor is over planning and completely getting stuck in your own head about what you need to do - this is me a million percent.

(But a lot of people want you to believe it is, because they have products, apps, everything to solve that. This is worth remembering.)

Chances are, you already know what works for you. You know how to get into your flow - you know what environment you like to work in, you know whether music does or doesn’t work for you, and you know what kind of work you need to do.

Your productivity skills, time management skills, and your organisational skills aren’t what this is about. They may play a role in it, but ultimately, that’s not what’s going on here.

So what's happening here?

I was talking this over with my fabulous friend last night, and today I woke up to this quote she sent me:

“The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

And it’s all there. That’s it.

Chances are, you’re doing work that really matters and you’re scared of fucking up.

You’re scared of failure, scared that it might not turn out the way you want it to, scared of what will happen if you do do it, scared of what will happen if you don’t do it.

And that fear? It becomes paralysing and completely all-encompassing.  So of course you can’t create the work that you need to do from that place.

But you can’t fuck up if you started. We all learn so much from every creative endeavour we have. We’re putting faith into ourselves. We’re betting on ourselves. Even if it doesn’t get finished, we’re reinforcing that we believe in our own vision. And that right there, is really important shit.

The call to do the work isn’t going away anytime soon. And we’d be even more scared if it did.

Why am I talking about this today?

Because I’m finding it seriously hard to get work done. I’m finding it hard to sit and just do the work. Work that I LOVE, I should mention. Writing blog posts, creating online courses, writing e-books, editing show notes for future podcast episodes, writing newsletters, make art. All of it. I absolutely love it, but I’m seriously struggling.

And If you’re struggling too, chances are the work is really important to you. Or there is a chance you might be using that work as a distraction for not doing what you know if really important.

Right now, the only thing that’s stopping both me and you is the voice in our head that’s designed to make up whatever shit it can to stop us doing something outside our comfort zone.

And it always shows up when we take a risk, when we bet on ourselves, and when we sit down to make things reality and concrete.

So let’s both be a bit more gentle with ourselves.

Let’s try and accept this as part of the creative process. Let’s sit with the uncomfortableness and see what this is trying to teach us.

Instead of swearing at ourselves and getting trapped in a cyclone of blame and shame, thank that voice inside your head, but tell it you don’t need it right now.

Ask yourself what your best friend would tell you to do right now.That might be to walk away and take a break, to celebrate what you’ve already achieved or to sit with it a bit longer and trust in the process.

Find something that keeps you inspired. You could look to the people who inspire you, and acknowledge that they didn’t have some super secret. They did the work, pushed through and made it work.

Or read something that goes completely against what you’re trying to achieve, and use that to reinvigorate your enthusiasm for what you’re trying to achieve. 

And if this doesn’t work, stop worrying. Know we’re both going to get bored of the inane tasks and organising, and the cleaning we do to get away from doing the work. And that’s when the work will actually happen!

Resistance is completely normal, especially when it comes to creative work, and work that really matters.

Not every day is going to be productive, and that’s okay too. Have compassion for your work, and compassion for yourself, and see where that takes you.

From one creative soul to another - you've got this!

** I have a feeling you’re going to love the interview I did with Amber Thomas  for The Couragemakers Podcast where we talked all about creating from the margins, the creative process and creative resistance! She shares some really practical tips and advice that are helping me so much! The podcast launches on 29th February - you can keep updated here!

I’d love to know how you deal with creative resistance - let me know in the comments!

My bizarre morning routine (& the joys of being un-instagrammable)

I wrote a while ago about how it's okay to not be a morning person and the mystery of having a morning routine. And I still stand by that 100%. But what I have come to learn is that it is helpful to have something in place in the morning that starts you off to a good day. No, it's not about green smoothies or Insta-ing (is that a word?) your breakfast. No, it's not about getting up 2 hours early to do sun salutations.

Instead it's finding something that works for you. It's about finding something that works with how you already live your life. Something that is minimal effort but has a big effect on your day. It doesn't have to make sense to everyone else. It doesn't have to be something Oprah magazine feature worthy. It just has to be something that you can do that helps you.

Because, you know what? You know yourself better than anyone else, anyway. So stop googling the perfect morning routine, stop beating yourself up for pressing snooze a few (a dozen for me) too many times, and embrace your own madness.

With that in mind, let me share with you my morning routine. This is going to be no holds barred, so warning: reality to ensue.

(This feels pretty vulnerable, like sharing with you the colour of my knickers. (They have owls on them, they're cool).

My morning routine

An average day for me either involves working from home (or a coffee shop), blogging, doing design work and generally trying to work out how I can use my skills to make the world a better place, or involves going out to a research consultant job (completely freelance, random hours) mid-morning.

Either way, Mr. Meg is always up before me, about 6.45am and he heads off to work at 7.30am (the fact that I used to do this is pretty inconceivable to me.) The fact that I used flexi-time and usually got there half hour later than I wanted to because I convinced myself (in a very dozy state, most mornings) that I could shower, wash & blow dry my hair, feed the bunnies, have breakfast in 12 minutes however, is very conceivable.

But, I digress.

Between him getting ready and going out, I'm usually in a semi-conscious mumbling state, trying to tell Mr. Meg all about my latest dream, and after our morning hug, despite telling myself I really should get up, I doze back off to sleep.

8.15am and Mr. Meg rings on his walk to work and after muttering more shit for a while, I finally convince myself that it might be worth getting up.

Now, I want to be really honest here.

I don't arise like a fairy and skip downstairs (alert: nobody does), instead I lie in bed, check my email (a habit I'm really trying to change because it doesn't put my day off to a good start), and go downstairs to get breakfast sorted.

My breakfast is definitely not instagrammable. It involves two little pieces of toast, a tin of spaghetti and a couple of fried eggs. (Didn't I tell you that this isn't going to make sense to everyone? I probably should of added that your morning routine is probably going to actively repulse some people. Oh well. Shit happens.)

Before the spaghetti and the frying pan gets warmed up, using Podcast Addict on my phone, I start my morning properly with a podcast episode. My favourites at the moment are Raise Your Hand. Say Yes and The Joy Patrol Podcast, but on days where I can't find anything I want to listen to, I'm usually singing this Kacey Musgraves or Chris Stapleton at the top of my lungs.  That gets listened to while I simultaneously empty the dishwasher, make a cup of chai tea and sort my breakfast.

And then it's pretty simple. Podcast gets listened to. Breakfast gets eaten. And life begins to happen for the day.

Why on earth am I telling you all this?

There's a couple of reasons:

1. I'm a huge fan of honesty and being open about real life. There's this notion that everything has to be impressive, and setting an example all the fucking time. And I'm sick of it. So by showing you my not-perfect-but-perfect-for-me morning routine, I want you to feel okay about yours.
2. Because this might not seem like a great morning routine for you, but it seriously works for me. And my mornings started working for me when I started to ignore this idea that each of our mornings have to look, sound and taste a certain way. I struggle with anxiety, and some days, I'm not going to lie, it is hard to get out of bed. So having this simple morning routine helps with that. And I also find listening to a podcast in the morning really helps get my inspiration flowing, my mind working and prepares me for the day.

What does this have to do with you?

Basically this is a really long and roundabout way of saying do whatever works for you. It's permission (because don't we all need to feel like we have permission sometimes?) to do your morning however the fuck works for you.

It's not about making it impressive. It's not about having a CV/resume worthy morning routine.

It's about finding something that works for you, something that gets you inspired, or some days, something that just encourages you and helps you to partake in life.

Adult-ing is hard 

We think that everyone has it all together all-the-fucking-time but they really don't. We all believed that we'd grow up to be this magical adult human that could do all the things. But often we can't. And in a way, I'm glad I don't do all the adult things, because like what I believed when I was a child - adulthood kind of sucks. (By the way, here are 99 things you can do instead of growing up.  Essential reading, I'd say).

I'm a firm believer that courage is an everyday thing. Because life is pretty hard.

So, find a way of doing life that works for you. If that's getting up in the morning and watching Pepper Pig in your underwear while eating porridge with Nutella, then so be it. If it's suiting up, checking how the stocks are doing and calling your PA, then I think you're on the wrong website, goodbye.

You do you boo. And the rest will fall in to place.

5 things to remember when all hope is lost

1. You can't compare your pain.

Yes the world is hurting right now, but that doesn't invalidate anything going on with your life. Try not to minimalize anything that's happening with you and get stuck in comparing your pain to what you're reading and seeing on TV. You are important.

2. A world without kindness is a dark place indeed.

It's really easy to lose hope. Sometimes it's a hell of a lot easier to believe that the world is an awful place than it is to trust there are good people out there and at times be proved wrong. Focus on the people around you - your family and friends, your neighbours and your community. There is more human kindness found in one small community than sometimes a heart has the capacity for. 

3. It is okay to not watch the news.

It doesn't make you ignorant. I think this tweet by Rae Earl some it all up:

If you find events trigger your mental health issues turn rolling news off. It doesn't mean you don't care. You're being responsible to you.

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) November 13, 2015

The news is designed to scare us. Our grandparents coped just fine without second by second news updates. Not keeping up with them doesn't make you a cruel person. It means you're protecting your own sanity. 

4.  Keep the media at a distance.

Unfortunately horrific things happen all the time, in the name of religion, money and power, but we don't hear about a lot of them. It's all politics. Instead of reading every news item you can find, hug someone you love. Ring someone who matters to you. Do something to celebrate the fact you're alive. 

5. Whatever you're feeling is whatever you're feeling.

There is no right and wrong. Try not to put emotions on a pedestal and beat yourself up for not feeling a certain way. Meet yourself where you are and give yourself the comfort you need.

And to borrow the words of my favourite poet, Shane Koyczan:

Go down to the store

Buy some light bulbs,

And when you run out, buy some more.

Because the light at the end of your tunnel needs to be maintained.

Dream Chasing: 30 things before 30

It's a couple of days after my 25th birthday and I've been thinking a lot lately about life. About how slow time goes now I'm not having the same mundane day over and over again working at a job I hated. About how I have so many goals but because I only keep them in my head, they end up feeling all over the place instead of exciting. And ultimately about how I need to take more risks and look fear in the face. So my 30 things to do before I'm 30 list started.

Why 30?

Because it sounded much more realistic than 101. And why before 30? Because I don't know where life is taking me, and that is EXCITING! For once, I don't have a 3 year plan and I'm not obsessing about the HOW but instead I'm focusing on the WHY.

If you'd asked the 21 year old me what my life goals were by 30, I'd probably have said to start my own charity, have children and and to have saved the world.My life looks a lot different now I've learned to manage my expectations and learn who I am and I couldn't be happier.

Because here's the truth of it.

I don't know what's going to happen. I certainly couldn't have predicted at 15 what I'd be doing at 25. I couldn't have predicted it at 20. Because so many weird and wonderful things have happened and so many opportunities have opened up as I've changed my perspective from a type a stress head to a recovering type a stress head!

So here goes with my list (in no particular order). It definitely feels pretty vulnerable putting it online! I'll be updating it as I go along and adding more things as I discover things I want to do that keep me up at night and keep my zest for life alive.

30 Things to Do Before I'm 30

(last updated August 2018, age 27, 2 and a bit years to go!)

1. Backpack across US DONE, India and South East Asia

2. Get tattoos

3. Ride/meet an elephant

4. Write a fictional novel

5. Finish my amazing patchwork throw made of fabrics I've collected on my travels

6. Create a big piece of art on canvas

7. Perform a live country gig

8. Become a spoken word poet and perform

9. Become location independent as a self employed person DONE!

10. Start and sustain a successful podcast DONE!

11. Speak in front of a live audience of 1,000 people

12. Publish a book (including self published)

13. Produce artwork & jewellery to sell

14. Edit and produce a magazine

15. Perform a stand up gig

16. Sustain and take That Hummingbird Life to the next level DONE!

17. Develop a better relationship with my body

18. Go to Nashville & dance my feet off DONE!

19. Actually pass my driving test

20. Write collection of short stories

21. Have a civil partnership with Mr. Meg and have the a festival wedding

22. Have my own line of stationery

23. Go to a silent disco, paint rave and colour festival

24. See Macklemore & Ryan Lewis live! DONE! TWICE - London & Vegas

25. Go on a creative retreat

26. Explore European cities including Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, eastern europe

27. Write a postcard to myself every week for the next 5 years

28. Write, direct and perform my own one person musical (even if only to family and friends.)

29. Go to CMA fest & C2C DONE! Went to C2C, not so bothered about CMA fest now!

30. Learn to cook GOOD Tapas, Thai, Indian and American southern food.

So here goes! 5 years of very exciting things! I'd LOVE to know if you have a bucket list or how you've recorded your goals! Let me know in the comments!

Creative ruts & re-filling your cup

I've been thinking a lot about inspiration and creativity lately. Amber's guest post on creativity and consumption has really had me questioning my own creative process, and how getting sidetracked on social media has a huge impact on my work and what I produce. And Helen's guest post on women, creativity and creative afternoons has really had me thinking on the space I create in my own life to be creative.

Couple that with the work of the late Scott Dinsmore, on how surrounding yourself with people who inspire you is essential to creating work that matters, and Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Big Magic (on creativity, fear and magic), I think it's fair to say, creativity and inspiration has definitely been on my mind.

And it's on my mind because I've felt a bit stuck in a creative rut. I've been getting lost in the black hole that is the comparison trap, and I've been spending too much time looking at what other people are doing, and not enough time focusing on myself.

So, the last two weeks have seen me going back to things I know work for me. And I want to share them with you today!

1. Find an environment that works for you

Since I've started working from home, it's taken me a while to get into a routine. If I get up late, the quality of my work is sacrificed. If I start the day on Facebook, I waste half the day. Home is full of distractions, and it's taken me the past couple of weeks to really remember that my best way to start a project is in a coffee shop, and as much as I love music, I can concentrate the best with earphones in but no music on. But working from a coffee shop all the time = expensive. Working from a coffee shop all the time while saving up for a round the world trip = a bit silly. Libraries however? Here I come. It may take time but it's worth it to find the environment that best feeds your creativity. Everyone has somewhere different, there is no right and wrong, it just takes a bit of practice!

2. Take the time to realise that there is enough room for all of us

This is something I've been really struggling with. And I know I'm not alone in this. We start looking at what other people are doing, how they're doing it and trying to measure their success compared to our own. We know we're doing it, but perhaps we don't realise the effects of it for a while. The effects for me are being creatively blocked, feeling like there's no point in anything because everyone has already done it all, and feeling completely uninspired. So here's a reminder, to myself as well as you. There is room for all of us. We all have unique stories, and a rare combination of skills, strengths and values. We could all write a book about changing the world tomorrow, and every single one of those books would be different. Different stories, different approaches, different take aways. No matter what you're working on right now, the world needs to hear it, and we need to hear it from you!

3. Read books that have been on your shelf/reading list for years

It's SO easy to get seduced by shiny object syndrome and spend your time searching out new books to read. But if you're anything like me, there are probably many sitting on your shelf that you couldn't wait to get, but still haven't read! Be inspired by what you already have, not just by what you want. For me, exchanging the time I've spent procrastinating to actually reading things I've wanted to read for years has made me so much happier. If I'm not feeling in the mood to work, instead of farting about on the internet looking at a whole lot of nothing, I grab something off my shelf, or binge read someone's blog that I've been meaning to do for months. If you're on the search for inspiration, you're gonna have more light bulbs going off doing this instead of beating yourself up over your lack of productivity.

4. Cut the shit out/ turn off notifications

So, I deleted Facebook from my phone, and it feels AMAZING! Our lives are full of so much shit that we don't even notice. Okay, not all of it is shit, but do you really need notifications from every Facebook group you're a part of, and to see what your friend of ten years ago is cooking for dinner? No. Now, instead of perusing the lives of people who I haven't seen in years, I've enjoy commuting to places, looking out the window, people watching, reading things that I want to read and surrounding myself with people that make me feel great. And it's had such a big effect. (Pocket is a great app for saving articles and posts you've been wanting to read but haven't got around to. It saves everything offline, so you can peruse at your own leisure, anywhere)

5.  Audiobooks/Podcasts

This is easily the biggest one for me. When I was stuck HATING my office job and feeling like this was all my life was ever going to amount to and being desperately unhappy, I discovered Emilie Wapnick, The Lively Show and Good Life Project. I surrounded myself with people who were actively going against the grain and creating a life they loved. By listening to a podcast every morning and listening to other people's stories, I found there was a new alternative to my life. I could live a life that existed outside the mainstream. Find and surround yourself with people you admire and find inspiring. And do it on purpose. This is the big thing. Before when I was getting myself through that period and learning that there could be another way, I was purposefully choosing who I spent my headphone time with. But somewhere along the way, I got out of the routine. Find people who set your heart on fire and make you feel alive, and purposefully surround yourself with them. It will honestly change your life

Since becoming more intentional about my creativity and finding inspiration, things have changed a lot. In the last two weeks, I have started work on a book I've been thinking of writing for a couple of years now, and I've also started work on another book. I've also written an entire e-mail course which I'm really proud of, which is going to be a game changer for many people.

If things feel stagnant right now, change it up. Approach your creativity and inspiration like a glass of water. You need it to live your fullest life and it needs to be topped up on a regular basis.

Thank you to Amber Thomas, Helen Jones, Scott Dinsmore and Elizabeth Gilbert who have filled my glass and helped me get back to work that matters.

You have so many gifts to give the world. Your way of looking at the world, the order you write your words and the way you put paint onto paper - it all comes from your unique perspective. No one can create that. Only you. 

What an amazing opportunity it is to be alive!

How to throw a one person dance party for yourself (& epic playlist!)

If you've never had a one person dance party, you've never lived. Ok, perhaps that's a bit extreme. But seriously, a one person dance party is one of the best ways to make yourself feel great.

What is a one person dance party? I hear you ask. Well, if it was an algebraic equation, it would look something like this:

dance party = pjs (bra optional, essential for me for health & safety) + closed door + loud music + bad singing

I mean, when was the last time you really let yourself go, put on your favourite music and danced like no one was watching?

A one person dance party also caters for most situations:

• Dealing with a break up? Scream Mr. Brightside

• Hate your job? Want to break freeeeeeeee?

• Quit your job & a boss that made you feel shit? I think P!nk has several songs for that.

Going on holiday? Going on a date? Need a pick me up?  I've got you covered.

So get your comfiest PJs on, turn the music up loud and party like it (isn't) 1999.

Watch on Youtube

Follow on Spotify (for spontaneous offline dance parties)

(minus the Taylor Swift. Sad face)

A Day in the Mind of a Self Care Warrior

It won’t come as a surprise to hear that I’ve spent a great proportion of life struggling with guilt, feeling selfish and going full pelt, with no thought to the effect on myself. A lot of us do.

I’ve talked a lot on my blog about how things have changed for me in the past couple of years, and how my mindset has shifted. I used to be someone who would google how to relax, how to find a hobby and symptoms of burnout.

Self care? It wasn't even part of my dictionary!

Now, I’m a lot happier - doing  things for my own pleasure, and taking time out. I’ve changed my perspective on changing the world, and I’m a hell of a lot happier.

But, that doesn’t mean that every day is a breeze. So, I thought today’s post would cover what it’s like to be in the mind of a self care warrior and the things I do every day to really solidify and affirm that mindset.

It’s not an easy transition, and is absolutely a work in progress.

What it takes is constant grounding, bringing myself back to what’s important, and regular reminders to slow down, take time for myself and appreciate the beauty of the moment, instead of getting lost future-tripping.

The Decision Filter

For example, I try to make sure that decisions go through a filter - that filter is mainly unconscious now as I’ve worked hard to instill these values. My decision filter goes a little something like this:

1. Will it bring me joy?

2. Does it align with my values?

3. How much energy will it realistically take, and do I have that energy?

4. What have I already got going on?

Remembering to think about my energy, being seriously realistic about how long things take, and figuring out whether it's going to be something that sets my heart on fire, or paves the way for something to do just that, is super important.

Daily Reminders

On days that are harder than others, where old thought patterns start creeping in, I remind myself of following things. They keep me grounded, they keep me in the moment, and they keep my self-esteem up.

I am enough. 

Self care is a necessity, not a luxury.

I am not responsible for other people's decisions or the way they live their live.

[Tweet " I am not superwoman, she does not exist."]

That first one? That's the mothership of everything self care related. It's not about being good enough, being nice enough, kind enough, smart enough. It's about knowing you are enough, right in this moment, without needing to change anything.

 Inspiration

As a creative person, and someone who loves thinking about ideas and hearing about other people's stories, feeling inspired is really important to me.

I take a bit of a no-nonsense approach to keeping inspired. I spent about ten years waiting for a muse to arise out of mid-air, and I hardly wrote a word during that time. I became blocked, stuck, and waiting on some external thing to come and rescue me. Inside secret: it never did.

Instead, I had to focus on feeding my mind and soul instead.

There are a couple of things that work for me, really really well:

1. Showing up

Allowing myself excuses, but recognising them as just that. I give myself breathing space, and then I woman up and get down to it. Showing up is about 80% of the effort behind being successful. (Percentage picked out of thin air, but I think it's pretty accurate).

2. Surrounding myself with inspiring people

Spending time with people who are loud and proud themselves, and are living their life their own way really inspires me. That includes spending time with friends and listening to talks, reading and listening to interviews. I find passion contagious.

However, I also think it's so important to create your own path and know that you can change things, using your strengths in the only way you can. While I love being surrounded by people who inspire me, it's so crucial to not try and be a watered down version of someone else. Let you freak flag fly and be the only thing you can be - you.

3. Taking time out

If I'm starting to feel tired, or ideas just aren't flying, I really acknowledge that it's time to take time out. I always know that having some downtime and doing things that make me really happy puts the sparkle back in my life, so I kick back, take care of myself and trust that I'll be back in the game belong.

The quote 'It will all be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end', is a really important element of how I live life.

It's not easy

Putting yourself first, and nurturing yourself is always a work in progress. Some days it's harder than others to remember that I am enough. Some days decisions don't go through the filter properly and I panic about little things.

And that's okay.

None of us are perfect, and it's never going to go 100% right, and that's okay.

It's how we pick ourselves up when we go off track, when we fall off the wagon that counts.

Like Mary Ann Radmacher said (warning! favourite quote ever coming up!)

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow."

You don't have to be a morning person

I can say with a certain element of pride, that I’m never going to be someone that gets up at 6am to meditate and really embrace the new day. Now, I’ve seen my fair share of instagram pictures of nutritious smoothies, and read about the rituals of the zen and famous.

You know the ones I’m talking about - getting up at 4am to practice mindfulness and do a spot of morning yoga.

Now,  I’ve got no problem with that - I’m of the party that believes that if it works for you, that’s amazing.

But I do think sometimes, it can be a bit guilt inducing, whether it’s meant or not.

And I do think that it is mostly unintentional. It’s just people who’ve found something that’s rocking their life sharing it to help others.

But sometimes, it can just leave the rest of us feeling a bit urghh. 

It’s the idea that if you do X then you become a better person. If you can’t do X or you don’t make time for it, then you’re not dedicated enough, invested enough, good enough.

Usually, I think it’s our patterns and our stuff coming up.

Why can’t I do that. I’m secretly jealous but I’m not going to show it so I’m just going to get annoyed.

And I’m here to shut that down.

Damn, I love the idea of getting up early and greeting the new day with a spot of peace and nice candles, but going on my life experience, and knowing myself the way I do, I know it’s not going to happen.

Instead, I’m more of an owl, burning the midnight oil. I appreciate the evenings, and staying up late.

For me, I know that’s when I’m my most creative and inspired. And I know that’s also when I do my best work. And when I get my ideas that are just crazy enough that I think they might work.

And that’s the point.

It’s about finding something that works for you, not anyone else.

You know yourself better than anyone, and there are already enough hitting sticks in the world making us feel bad and making us feel like we’re not good enough. We don’t need something else to beat ourselves up over.

So instead of feeling bad, focusing on nourishing and cultivating your own best time of the day.

Use it to do things that make you feel good and feel inspired. Use it to achieve that feeling that anything is possible.

Use it to get through the day, or the next day.

Whether it’s night or day, or stupid o’clock in the morning, make it something you look forward to.

Are you a morning person or more of a night owl? I'd love to hear about what works for you in the comments!