Pep talk - what do you keep meaning to do?

Last night I did something that I've been meaning to do since this time last year. It's not profound, it's not impressive, it's something that's really simple.

And that was get in bed at 7pm with a good book and spend the whole evening in bed reading.

That might not be your cup of tea, but bear with me.

Last November, I went to Geneva for a long weekend by myself. I'd already spent most of every day by the Lake, visiting the Red Cross Museum (I would thoroughly recommend it) and having a good explore. It got to the night time, and I wasn't staying in the nicest of areas and I also hadn't clocked on how expensive everything in Geneva would be. (It was also very dark). So I decided to have a night in, as in from 5pm onwards.

It was the first time I had ever spent a weekend alone, and although I was terrified before I went, it was the one weekend that taught me that my own company is something I hugely value.

I'm sat in my hostel after cooking creamy tomato pasta (my lack of French meant I ended up putting a whole tub of creme fraiche in, yuk), and wondering what to do.

The thought crosses my mind just to get in bed and settle down with the new Jodi Picoult book I'd bought. So I did, only slightly judging my boring self for not going out to do more exploring.

And it was one of the nicest and relaxing evenings in I can remember.

Since getting back, getting in bed early with a book has been something I've tried to do, and often failed. Life often gets in the way, and often, I'm just not in the mood.

So, last night, I just did it.

I knew I had a couple of things I needed to do, but I put them to the back of my mind, and just got in bed and opened my book.

And the first thought that came to my mind was, why do I not do this more often?! But instead of beating myself up about it, I just enjoyed the moment and finished my book, waking up feeling more rejuvenated than I have in the last couple of weeks.

So that brings me back to the title of this post. What do you keep meaning to do? I don't mean a chore, or something that's on your to-do list. What's something that you've done before and meant to try again? What's something relaxing you've always fancy?

Now, go and do it. And if you can't do it, schedule it in for the next couple of days. You don't need a reason for it, just do it.

It's often the things that our mind and bodies need that we fail to do, because like I said before, life just gets in the way.

So do it now, bask in it, and plan to do it again!

What do you keep meaning to do? Get out your planner, and schedule it in! And tell me all about it in the comments!

30 things you can do to relax in under 5 minutes

I haven’t got time to relaxWhat’s spare time? 

Slow down? Are you serious? I have so much to do.

Everything will fall apart if I take my eyes off the ball.

This sound familar?

I’ve certainly found myself saying a lot in the past, and these kind of phrases are something I hear often now from clients and people around me.

It’s something that I completely understand, which is why I've created a collection of fun and relaxing things you can do in under five minutes for those days where you need time out, right now, but have a gazillion things to do.

And if you can’t find a way to free up five minutes a day, I think we need to chat.

Alternatively, if you have more than 5 minutes, going through the whole list in an afternoon sounds like a pretty good day to me!

Here we go, with Part One!

1. One person dance party

This has to be one of my favourites and it’s courtesy of the lovely Jo Tucker of jo-tucker.com. Find a couple of songs that make you feel happy, make you feel alive, or make you forget about other things you’ve got going on right now. Put them on, nice and loud, and have a good dance in your living room (or bedroom, or bathroom, or wherever really!) Dance you worries away. (My recommended songs for doing this: Holy Ground - Taylor Swift, Can't Hold Us - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and Wake Me Up - Aviccii.

2. Meditate

When you have a million and one thoughts going on in your head, often the last thing you want to do is sit still, breathe and try and forget everything. There’s often so much to do, we’re juggling so many balls (don’t even go there!) that we dare relax because we don’t want to miss anything. For those of you in this category, I can’t recommend this illustrated guide enough: ‘Quiet the Mind’ by Matthew Johnston. It’s full of lovely colourful pictures, exercises and I think it would be near impossible to find someone who didn’t feel calmer after reading it.

3. Read an article

And try and make it completely unrelated to whatever you spend your most time doing. If you’ve got your own business, forget the go-to blogs for increasing productivity and sales. If you’re an avid campaigner or work in the caring profession, avoid anything too heart wrenching or close to home. Instead find something else that fascinates you, be it the autobiography of one of your favourite writers, an illustrated guide to something creative or even just a list of uplifting quotes.

4. Look at a candle

Sounds silly, but don’t knock it till you try it. Find a comfy seating position, light a candle and watch the flame. Get lost in the flickering and allow yourself to daydream and get lost. Kudos for a nice scented candle, my personal favourite is pumpkin or apple pie. Yum.

5. Play with an animal

When I’m sad or angry, upset or frustrated, I can always turn to one of my bunnies for a quick pick me up, or instant relaxation. If you’ve got a pet, go give them a cuddle. If you haven’t, there are plenty of cute videos of animals that will make your troubles melt away in no time. (If it doesn’t work the first time, repeat, then repeat again.)

6. Walk around the block

A little walk goes a long way. That’s my philosophy anyway. A five minute walk is good for the heart as well as the soul, and exactly the kind of thing you need if a) you haven’t left the house in a while or b) every time you leave the house it’s for work or for someone else. Grab you coat (weather depending) and go for a walk. Try to look for things you haven’t noticed before and appreciate living in the present.

7. Look at a nice picture

Whether it’s looking through photo albums (or dropbox) at photos that make you go awww, or browsing for stunning landscapes on Google, spend five minutes looking at things that make you smile. Get a fresh perspective, zoom out of what’s going on with you right now and find something to be in awe of.

8. Browse some quotes

Pinterest is the perfect tool for relaxing. Setting up an account is simple and you never need to show anyone your boards. Type in whatever you’re in search for right now (hope, courage, inspiration, motivation) and let the beautiful quotes and graphics do the work for you. If you're stuck in a rut, a vision board might just to the trick.

9. Sip a hot drink

Sometimes, all it takes is wrapping my hands around a warm drink (in a nice mug) and sipping something nice and sweet (ever tried a steamer? It's warm milk with a syrup, yum!). There's something about warm drinks that can melt away troubles and let out a big sigh.

10. Doodle

Grab a piece of paper (back of a receipt, napkin, anything you can find) and start doodling. You don't have to be an artist - though you can take it up as a hobby and learn -  and you don't need equipment. Set a timer for five minutes, take your biro and just doodle. Listening to music sometimes helps. Let your thoughts wander or try and clear your mind and take it out on the paper, dammit!

11. Vine

Many an hour of mine has been spent on Vine. Vines are really short videos  uploaded by users all over the world and range from hilarious to downright bizarre. Whether you're in the office, at home, or on the move, put your feet up and put on a compilation. If you manage to keep your viewing time to just five minutes, let me know as I’ve never managed it!

12. Savour a piece of something sweet

This is a great exercise that I learned in my Positive Psychology training. Grab a piece of fruit (or chocolate!) and spend five minutes looking at the texture, the smell, the feel and the taste. Take as long as you can to eat it, and really bask in how it tastes. Remain completely focused on what you’re eating and let it bring back memories, and find new flavours you might ignore when rushing around as part of daily life. (If you want to extend this exercise, I totally recommend a tub of Ben & Jerry’s phish food, and Whip It. Just saying…)

13. Check in with your senses

You can do this anywhere, and there are about a million ways to do it, but I'm just going to suggest two:

a) You can do a five minute body scan which involves shutting your eyes, focusing on your breath and checking in with every part of your body. See where you're holding tension in your body, and release it.

b) Shut your eyes, and focus on what you can hear. What's in your immediate surroundings? What sounds further out? What can you taste? What can you feel around you? What do your feet feel like on the ground? What can you smell? Now open your eyes and look for three things you haven't noticed before, take a deep breath and continue with your day.

These exercises keep you grounded in the moment and you should return to whatever you're doing with a clearer mind and relaxed state.

14. Put headphones in with no sound

This one sounds so strange, but I can't tell you how well it works! Whether you're on your way somewhere and don't want to be disturbed, in a busy area or at work, try this on for size. It's sometimes great to feel like you're in your own little world, and putting headphones in blocks every day noises away just enough for you to get a bit of peace and quiet.

15. Look for a yellow car

There's a saying that what you focus on gets bigger. Sometimes a bit of mindful distraction is exactly what you need when feeling stressed to the max. If you're near a road, focus on finding a yellow car. They're rare enough to warrant the need to focus on finding one, but common enough to realistically find one, so win win! You can also do this for different colours, and see what you notice that you other wise wouldn't.

16. Do five minutes of yoga

I am no yoga expert. Laughter yoga yes. But yoga yoga, no. But there are lots of ways you can learn, and there are lots of positions and postures that you can do in five minutes which are great for your body and soul. There are lots of videos of yoga poses you can do at your desk, just like this one. 

17. Funny videos on Facebook

Facebook can be a source of good and evil. Let’s face it, sometimes we get sick of baby pictures and seeing what the person you went to school with made for breakfast. But, there’s also a lot of funny shit that we don’t take the time to look at. For five minutes, scroll through your timeline and only click on the funny videos and pictures. Let them cheer you up. And if you don’t have Facebook, check out this awesome video featuring a talking guinea pig:

http://youtu.be/jW3XtKBlTz0

18. Guided meditation

We touched briefly on breathing and meditation last week, but I wanted to take some time to discuss this in more depth. Meditation is a great way of accessing a sense of calmness. Try this one. Or you can read Quiet the Mind, a FANTASTIC illustrated guide to mindfulness. Think children's book meets meditation = awesome.

19. Wash your face/give yourself a quick facial

Doing something we wouldn’t usually or spoiling ourselves can be a great confidence boost. Take five minutes to look after yourself and make yourself feel good! And if you’re looking to extend the activity you can find recipes to make your own face masks here. Though, maybe just stick to the banana. The vinegar and the mayonnaise ones make me want to vom.

20. Tidy and de-clutter

Although I generally live by the rule of ‘Why should I clean my room when the world is such a mess?’, tidying and cluttering can be great for the mind.

21. Water your plant

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a plant die on you. Yeah, me too. But it’s nice to have something pretty to take care of, and plants give off oxygen and shit (science really isn’t my forte - I totally didn’t just google it to make sure I was right). But it is relaxing looking after a plant. I don’t know why, it just is.

22. Phone a friend

You can always rely on friends to cheer you up. Ring up one of your close friends and ask them what funny things have happened to them  lately. Or just catch up with someone you’ve been meaning to call in a while. Whether you end up laughing or simply feeling loved, it’s a win win situation.

23. Close your eyes and think of the last time you had a good belly laugh

I love this one. So much so that I’m going to share the last belly laugh I had. It was on the tube in London with a lovely friend and I shared one of my favourite jokes:

Knock knock

Who’s there

Harry

Harry who?

Harry Potter

Didn’t say it was funny, did I?!

24. Send someone special and e-card

Sometimes it’s all about the little things. There are loads of great e-cards (or you could send snail mail) to choose from, and it's guaranteed make a loved one’s day. Bonus points as it will make you feel all warm inside as well.

25. Google a new recipe and print it out

Shaking up your kitchen is a great way to relax, especially if you love to cook, which I do. Think about the things in your fridge, or a meal you’ve been meaning to check out, and print it out for later. Alternatively, look up recipes on Pinterest and see what you find!

26. Scrunch or rip paper

Similarly to a stress ball, ripping up paper and scrunching paper into a ball can be a good reliever of all things stressful. Extra brownie points for writing down a list of things that are on your mind and ripping them up. Let it go. And no, I wasn’t quoting Frozen. 

27. Make a gratitude list

Establishing a gratitude practice can really improve your life. Not only does it allow you to live more in the present, but if you do it regularly enough, you’ll find yourself actively looking at things in a different way, and searching for more things to be grateful for. One of the easiest ways to do this is to write down three good things that have happened to you in the last 24 hours. Alternatively, there are gratitude apps as well.

28. Write a short story

You’d be amazed at what you can create just five minutes at a time. Start a fictional story (even a piece of fan fiction if you fancy, though it doesn’t float my boat personally) and add to it in five minute chunks. Make it funny, make it provoking, make it erotic (ooh-err), whatever will bring you happiness!

29. Chant

I've recently (as in, for the purposes of this post) been introduced to the work of Deva Premal. Her music is rather beautiful, and her 'Mantra for Precarious Times' is worth giving a go, though I've been warned it can be quite intense.

30. Take five minutes to sort your bag out

I think we’re all guilty of this to a certain extent. I’ve been called Mary Poppins for the amount of things (crap) in my bag. And I get a strange sense of satisfaction when I’ve cleared my bag out and I’m all organised. Try it out and see if it works for you! And on that note, that’s my cue to leave and go do just this!

I hope you’ve found new inspiration for things you can do to relax in under five minutes! I really set out to show that you don’t need a weekend or a whole day to relax. It really is about the little things, and embracing the time youdo have and using it to make you feel amazing!

Self care is not bullshit

Let's make this short and sweet.

Most of us want to live.

Most of us want to achieve our dreams.

We all have a limited amount of energy and time.

If we hit the ground running and never stop to think of ourselves, we will fall to the ground.

Therefore looking after yourself is not bullshit.

It's a necessary requirement of every day life to keep us going and to ensure we enjoy our lives to the fullest.

Have a nice day :)

7 things to do on a shitty day

We all have bad days. For some of us they’re one offs. For others, they show up pretty regularly. It’s not about banishing the bad days, because like good old Dolly tells us, ‘if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain’.

But it’s about being able to deal with crappy days when they show up, and knowing how to respond to them.

Here are a some things you can do on down days, to help deal with what life throws at you.

1. Clear your schedule

This is more possible for some than others. The general rule of thumb here is this: what’s the worst possible thing that will happen if you cancel x, y and z, and will it matter to you next week?

If you simply can’t clear your schedule for whatever reason, do what you absolutely have to, and plan for something nice afterwards.

2. Make a playlist

I love music as therapy, and I don’t think there’s many things that can embrace how you feel as much as music. Try creating a Shitty Day Playlist. Fill it with angsty rock, opera, boy bands, whatever gives you your fix.

3. Find a quote and use it as a mantra

This is something me and a close friend do when we’re having a shitty day. We’ll send a quote we like from Pinterest to the other and repeat it as an affirmation. My favourite so far has been this beaut:

I'm an intelligent classy well educated woman who says fuck alot.

4. Do something mindless

Waste time on the internet, watch some trashy TV, play a game. Not every activity we do has to be meaningful or enriching.

5. Phone a friend

Sometimes this is the absolute last thing we want to do. Things are shit, we want to cut out the rest of the world and hide away under our duvet for the foreseeable future. But you’ll be surprised how you’d feel after talking to a good friend.

6. Get under that duvet

And own it like a motherhugger.

It might sounds woo woo, but when all else fails, put faith in the universe that things will get better. After all, what is life without hope?

7. Cry

Yep, you heard me. Let it all out. Everything feels better after a good cry. It doesn't have to be over anything particularly meaningful. Pen run out of ink? Let it out!

What do you do on a shitty day? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Is trying to relax stressing you out?

Picture the scene.

It's been a hard few weeks. You just want to relax. Everyone has seemed to want something from you, the bags under your eyes look bigger than your credit card bills, you yawn more than you talk and you can't remember then last time your brain just shut up.

So you've taken an afternoon away from everything. Or an hour. Whatever you can spare. And you're going to do something nice.

It might be picking up the book that's been on your bed side table for the last couple of months, catching up on a TV series, going out for a walk, meeting up with a friend or trying a new recipe.

You're all set. You've been looking for forward to this.

When you’ve really struggled, you’ve had this to fall back on.

Now the time has come.

And you are STRESSED.

You can't pick what to do. The minutes are ticking by. You can't make a decision. The endless options of nice things to do has turned into a quasi to do list and you haven't got a clue where to start.

Sound familiar?

I’ve been there. Multiple times. It’s similar to when you think of something to write and you get it all sorted in your head -  the moment you hit that blank page, it was as if what you had in mind never existed.

So here are a some things you can do if you’re faced with relaxation paralysis:

1. Do the first thing that comes to your head

Pick one and commit. It sounds a lot simpler than it is, but remember why you set aside this time for yourself. It’s not about doing everything at once, although that's how our minds often default.

2. Pick one and schedule the others

Similar to the first one, pick the one that appeals to you most in the moment, but first take five minutes to schedule in your other plans. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, if it’s not in the schedule then it doesn’t exist? While that’s not completely true, as people who have a tendency to put self care and relaxation on the back burner, sometimes we do need that extra push to make sure we take the time.

3. Do nothing

Aka the beautiful Italian phrase dolce far niente; the beauty of doing nothing. Sometimes it’s about not having a plan, giving your mind some space and enjoying being in the present. You never know what ideas will surface.

And remember, if nothing else, all of our experiences are learning curves. You may have felt like your time was a waste, felt like you could have done something else, but your mind and body appreciate the break.

Have you had a similar experience? I’d love to hear about it  and what you did to overcome it in the comments below!

Radical Honesty and the Shower Song Strategy

I’m a big fan of radical honesty and sincerity. I’m a fan of putting my truths out there for the world to see and not holding back. I don’t want to come across as some kind of douche expert that pretends they have their shit together and lectures other people form their pedestal of great height. Because I’m not.

That’s why today I want to share something silly and personal which I think some of you might find helpful.

I’ve not been shy about my own experiences of burnout. Burnout is a cycle, and it’s about interrupting the cycle and re-directing it. As passionate people who want to do everything right now, because we want to help people dammit, burnout is probably going to feature in our lives for a long time.

And it’s about how much of a soap box we give the bad bits, and how much of a lens we lend to the good parts that encourage us to take care of ourselves.

Anyway, I digress.

Radical honesty

I still get days where getting out of bed and into the shower is near IMPOSSIBLE. As a general rule, I find if I have to be somewhere with a tight deadline, my body goes into auto-pilot and just does it. But when I don’t, or where I have any deal of flexibility, it gets a lot harder.

It also depends on what stage of burnout I’m in. If I have very little energy, then the situation gets worse, if I’m in the heights of ideas mode, then I tend to have some great ideas in the shower.

It’s not even that I hate having a shower, it’s just another thing that I have to do that takes more energy. It’s the precursor to feeling like I have to do something (ie. leave the house) that I want to put off as long as possible.

This got me thinking. There must be something I can do about it. Even if it’s a silly solution.

RADICAL HONESTY WEB

And then it came to me. (I’m not going to pretend this was all deliberate and thought through. Like most things in life, it was quite accidental. But brilliant).

Certain music makes me happy, and also gets my adrenaline going and reminds me that I’m an actual person who has stuff to do, and wants to make the world a better place. So I started off by putting music I like on while in the shower. Yeah, it worked, but I just enjoyed the music too much and wouldn’t get out.

It wasn’t much of a solution until I found the perfect mix of two songs. A song that made me ridiculously happy*, and a song that I just had to get out of the shower to turn it off**. Not because it triggered anything, or made me feel depressed or reminded me of any bad memories. It’s just fucking annoying.

(I didn’t even aim to create it that way. The annoying song managed to creep up on one of my favourite playlists.)

A challenge

So, unintentionally it became a bit of a challenge.

If I could shower by the end of the first song, then I could have a bit of a boogie in the shower and avoid the annoying song. Win win. If I was too long, I had to put up with that song. Lose.

Bam!

It’s something simple, but it works. It’s an exercise that I give to my clients to get over the hurdle, and it works.

You don’t need to use the two songs together. For some people, having a song that really pisses them off after goes a step too far and puts them in a bad mood. So perhaps have a playlist with just the one song on it, and make it your goal to have showered by the end of the song. And don’t pick a song that’s too short, and makes you rush - I won’t be held responsible for slips in the bath/shower.

Give it a try, see if it works for you. It could be just the thing you need to kick your day into action.

If you’re in a sharing mood, I’d love to hear what songs make you happy and motivate you in the comments. And if you do use the second song, I’d love to hear what irritates the crap out of you. I could do with mixing my songs up a bit!

*My happy song is Fforest by Australian band Castlecomer. The lead singer is a guy who went to my primary school who I had a huge crush on (aged 9) and I came across his band about a year ago. I would message him and tell him I love his music but “One of your tracks is my happy song and I listen to it every day when I’m naked in the shower” would be a bit awkward. It may even sound a tad perverted.

** The winner of the song that drives me fucking crazy is Kenny Chesney with his awfully titled song She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy. Kenny, she really doesn’t. Misread signals and all that.

Fooling yourself into taking time out

I have grown up with a strong sense of selflessness and caring for others. As I’ve written about before, in the past, I've really struggled with doing my best, putting healthy boundaries around my work and my personal life, and taking on too much. Sometimes this has manifested in the form of illness (both physical and mental), resentment, confusion and huge disappointment.

However one thing has stayed pretty stable during these periods. I am a creative person with a need to create, but I don’t make time to let myself create.

There are countless numbers of times where I’ve sat at my desk in a spare ten minutes, and thought about the novels I one day want to write. There are times when I’ve built myself up to getting really excited at work about my latest project, but by the time I get home, I’ve got another to do list on the go, and frankly not enough energy or time to do things for myself.

That got me thinking. What can we do, - while quietening our guilt/busybee complex - that is ultimately going to work for ourselves?

In other words, how can we trick ourselves into slowing down and having valuable down time, while not having to fight off feelings of guilt and thinking of the billion and one things that we need to do.

Temporary Solution: do things that we love to do and find relaxing, and blend them with our need to serve others.

Before I start really exploring this, I want to just make an aside. We’re talking about first steps here - in no way am I saying that we should only be creative for the sake of other people’s happiness.

We should make art because art matters. We should express ourselves because we have a human need to express ourselves, and for creativity’s sake.

But, when we’re busy humming around, taking care of everyone but ourselves and don’t have a moment spare, and we're not in a place where we are able to recognise our own needs, this can be a great start.

So let’s take an example  - I enjoy making jewellery. I enjoy putting different colours and textures together, using my own unique tastes to create bold jewellery that has personal meaning.

But, I rarely make jewellery for myself.

OK, maybe every six months or so, I might get out my wires, beads and cutters and sit in front of the TV and make myself a couple of pairs, but that is extremely rare.

When I do make the time and the space to create, it’s been to make gifts for other people. That’s not good and I’m really not advocating for people to begin and continue their creative projects for the sake of others, but if we’re not going to be able to get creativity into our life in other ways, then perhaps this is a temporary solution.

FOOLING YOURSEL WEB

Going back to my jewellery making - if I allow myself the space and time for a couple of evenings to make some jewellery, say, to cheer up my best friend who is feeling down,   I’ve metaphorically (of course) killed two birds with one stone. I’ve met my need to help others, and I’ve also met my typically not-so-recognised need of relaxing and taking some time out.

If we can approach creating for others as a relaxing activity - I’m not talking about deciding to crochet your neighbour a  five foot by 3 foot granny square blanket for the next day! I'm talking about random act of kindness that we can do at our own pace, where we can take time out of our busy days and really reap the benefits of being creative and relaxing.

I know, I know, I'm the first to complain when people suggest the first step of self care is giving to others. But let's work with what we know as a spring board and bounce from that. The end goal is finding time in our hectic lives to look after ourselves, and if tricking ourselves for now is the only thing that's going to do it, I say, give it a shot!

As always, I'd love to hear from you about the ways you find to be creative in your lives. Does this work for you? What silences those voices for you, so that you can take care of yourself?