Dear the Online Business/Blogging World. It's time we addressed the bullshit.

If you are a creative, a blogger, a business owner or a one person band and you're feeling overwhelmed, you're going to want to read this!  I am pissed off.

Blogging and generally being online started as a way of expressing ourselves. Limited customisation options, and it was all about the writing and actually connecting to other people and forming communities. Then it became that + having a pretty blog. Then social media got involved. And then multi-purposing our content for things like Periscope. Then webinars. Then…

Am I the only person who thinks this is a bit ridiculous?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a multipassionate person, and I like the variety, but seriously??

What started off as a need to tell stories, find common ground and express yourself has ended up as this completely saturated marketing ploy where if you struggle you're told to just outsource, or if you don't do ALL THE THINGS, you're told you'll never get anywhere.

And it's pretty fucking impossible to keep up with.

I'm actually sad about all the people who have valuable experiences and stories to share who end up giving up pretty quickly because of the ridiculous amount of things they feel they're expected to do.

Shit, I know I’ve felt like giving up before.

And it's really fucking hard to not cave into the pressure.

Especially when you have noise from EVERYWHERE telling you what to do to grow your audience, how to increase your traffic, how to get more exposure, how to grow your email list.

And when you raise your hand and admit you're overwhelmed (which I don't think enough of us do), we're met with the same answer. Outsource. Or we’re told we haven’t implemented one of ‘the strategies’ properly. Or some other bullshit.

Not everybody can afford to outsource. And not everyone wants to. While it's great that tools exist for Bootstrappers to DIY everything themselves, I wonder how helpful it actually is, or if it's actually just piling more things for us to do that takes us a way from the work that really matters.

And not all of us want to use the exact same marketing ploy or create identical products with slightly different wording.

Blogging and being a creative has gone from sharing your experiences, your stories and your life to this three person full time job.

If you follow the advice of popular bloggers, people who have a business which is all about making money online, and people who blog about blogging, then there's this enormous expectation to do ALL. THE. FUCKING. THINGS.

And I worry about the online community of bloggers and writers as a whole. If we're spending minimal time writing, a massive amount of time promoting, scheduling, creating social media images and the rest of it, we don't have much time to look up and notice what other people are doing. And that doesn't make for a healthy community. That makes for a pretty fucking narcissistic one.

We spend so much time trying to keep up with the gazillion tasks we've already got to do, that most of the things we end up consuming are sales emails in our inbox.

And how on earth can we be inspired in this environment?

While we’re running around like a blue assed fly feeling like the Worst Creative Business/Blog Owner Ever, we’re forgetting that most of the businesses trying to have the same impact that we want have TEAMS. Remember that forgotten word? In very few other industries do you have one person who is responsible for ALL of the strategy, writing, marketing, graphic design, social media management, administration, book keeping, and goodness knows how many other things. Many other industries find the idea of one person being able to do all of this laughable.

(And no, this is not a call for outsourcing, I’m just laying on the table just how much we’re expecting ourselves to do)

Yet without even properly realising it, we take all of this on as if it's completely normal and THEN feel bad when we don't get it all done.

We try to be everywhere all the time and in some industries, some of the ways we’re convinced to try and get clients, get an audience etc would be seen as outright predatory. We’re almost taught to forget that our audience and our clients are real life people with real life passions and problems, and not just a number problem to solve on Twitter or email lists. And as creatives, when everything becomes ALL about the numbers and the analytics, then shit starts to become very boring, very quickly.

And we’re convinced that we have to be on Instagram, Twitter, Periscope, Facebook, Facebook groups, Snapchat, Pinterest, and - countless others I've not heard - of all the time. You really don’t. What you do have to do is live your life as well. And living your life doesn't have to look like being on your laptop until your eyes feel funny, moving onto Netflix for a quick break, maybe a nap and back to your laptop. And yes, I've been there more times than I'd like to admit.

The people you're probably reading who are telling you all about what you NEED to be doing? Chances are, a lot of them have staff. A lot of them outsource. A lot of them aren't staying up until their eyes physically feel like they can't take it anymore watching yet another webinar or signing up for another free checklist. No, they actually get sleep (remember what that is?). And make actual money. And yes they might have been in your position once, but I don't think the expectations were so high when they started out. In fact I think they've been instrumental in helping raise these impossible expectations. It’s kind of convenient, isn’t it?

Most of this bullshit is about making money. Not about helping people, or being really honest or sharing your story to make people feel less alone. Fuck, it felt like that went a LONG time ago. The people who believe that (like me) are called endearing or naive and told to have a better business brain. Values seem to have gone out of the window a long time ago. I mean, for fuck's sake, don't write about your experiences or your life, please, flat lay all the stationary on your desk instead.

And let’s face it, a lot of this feels like Mean Girls 2.0.

What I'm really trying to say is that the blogging/online business world needs to chill the fuck out.

If you are a one person business/blogger/creative entrepreneur, whatever you like to call yourself, you have to stop somewhere.

You are one person - a pretty amazing person at that - and you have to have a life as well.

No one is going to be inspired or moved to action with whatever you put out there if you're too fucking tired to think, or if your heart isn't in it. And no one’s going to care what you do if you treat them as another number or a problem to solve instead of someone who you genuinely want to help.

And frankly, your audience wouldn't want you pushing yourself to exhaustion creating content for them. And if they wouldn't care either way, perhaps you're doing it for the wrong people.

Why did you start the work you were doing? What was your reason?

Go back to the beginning and examine how you can achieve your mission while thriving at the same time.

Because I'm guessing it didn't involve sitting through hours of trainings and webinars and fuck knows what other things we've been told we MUST have or do. (Let me ask you this - when was the last time you actually implemented any of that stuff instead of going straight onto the next training?)

If you're starting out and you're feeling overwhelmed, I don't blame you. Because it's a space full of people trying to get you to pay your fee for the London marathon before you can walk. And a space full of so many huge and ridiculous expectations that you’ve got people panicking because they published their first blog post twelve days ago and haven’t made five figures yet. (I mean, please). That does not make you a failure, people.

And if you started out a while ago and still feel overwhelmed - hi.

If you’re feeling way too overwhelmed and like packing it in, create some space for yourself. Turn down the noise and filter your social media feeds so you’re not seeing all of these things you feel like you should be doing all the time. Unsubscribe to the millions of sales emails and concentrate on the people that provide you genuine value because they want to, instead of click baiting and guilting you into buying their product. Find the people in your niche that align with your values and stick with them. Make connections, struggle together. Promote your stuff in a way that feels good to you and doesn’t make you feel like a shitty person. Find a way to make it totally you and defend that with everything you have.

It’s a huge online world out there, and a whole lot of it feels like it’s designed to make you feel stupid, designed to make you feel like you have to be doing SO much more than you already are, and if you’re looking for confirmation that you should be doing more, then you’re always going to find it. So much of this shit is designed to make you do anything and everything for you to part with your hard earned cash.

So instead of giving time to the people who don’t really care about anything other than what’s in your wallet or filling their own purpose, give to yourself instead.

Please, for the love of all things, start creating.

Get off  Facebook, stop adding keywords to your blog posts for a second and please start creating. Start building the things that only you can build. Get stuck in the flow and let the hours pass like seconds because you’re so absorbed. Go to bed with a full heart, excied to get going again, instead of feeling inflated and like you didn’t achieve much that mattered.

Try not to get bogged down in the little things. Because a lot of this shit we beat ourselves up is exactly that.

I can guarantee that when you look back on your life, you would have preferred to have had a full life instead of a full buffer feed.

You my friend, have so much to give the world. You don’t need all this brain clutter. At some point we started trusting google and anyone who called themselves an expert more than ourselves, and that is some scary shit right there. You have all the answers you need inside you to make the work that matters in the world. And in the areas you feel like you could use more input and knowledge, pay attention to the people whose values align with yours and genuinely want to help you.

Make friends online instead of frenemies, stop comparing yourself to everyone else you come across and instead when you find something you really value - let that person know. That person’s website you keep clicking back to and it makes you feel bad? Stop.

And instead of focusing on follower numbers and engagement stats, focus on each individual person who gives a shit about what you do. When someone takes time to read what you write, to give feedback, to look at your work and gets inspired from something you did? That’s where the magic lies, and how fucking amazing is that you did that? That's a huge honour. You have the power to inspire, to empower and make someone’s day, hell - even change their life. Shouldn’t that really be the focus?

You have epic shit to put into the world and it’s time to start creating it, in the way only you can.

Have fun, get creative, and be intentionally and unapologetically you.

The world needs YOU. And it’s waiting.

I know I'm not alone in how I feel - I'd love to hear your experiences and your thoughts and how you're navigating the online world. Let's start a conversation in the comments!

5 Reasons Why You Can't Create (and what you can do about it)

Feeling uninspired is the dreaded fear of all creatives. It's like the He-Shall-Not-Be-Named of creativity but we all get it. And when we get it, we panic that it’s never going to come back. And sometimes that ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy.

Maya Angelou said, “You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have” and I’m completely with her. Especially the bit about not being able to use it all up.

Because it’s going to come back, it’s not gone for good. But that doesn’t mean sitting down and waiting for the apple to hit you on the head. That my friend, worked for Newton, but it’s an easy excuse to put your hands up and absolve yourself from creative responsibility.

And we’re about making life happening, not letting life happen to us around here.

There are things you can do to nourish your creativity. There are things you can do.

So if you feel completely blocked and stuck right now, I hope this helps you. And chances are if you’re really honest with yourself, that you’ll find something that really helps you below.

And remember - reasons you can't create are valid, and definitely completely different from the voice in our head that tells us that we're not good enough, that we should just quit and asks us who we are to be doing this in the first place. That voice is bullshit.

5 Reasons You Feel Uninspired

1. You're 'waiting for inspiration'

This old chestnut. If I could go back and cut out the scene in every film about a writer/painter which involves them sitting down, waiting for their muse and suddenly being inspired, I would.

I have bought into this myth time and time again.

If only I had a nicer notebook/pen It will come to me, I just need to wait

Nope, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. If anything, it’s going to give space to those voices of self doubt and make you less likely to create.

If you only create when you feel really inspired to, you’re going to put so much pressure on yourself and judge yourself so much more harshly. We all need to sit through the shitty first drafts and a lot of us have piles of work we’re not that impressed with. But the difference is doing it. Use that muscle, even when it’s not screaming for exercise. Especially when it’s not screaming for exercise.

Things you can do: Go outside. Get out of your comfort zone. Make memories. If you’re a writer, take a camera out with you to one of your favourite places and get creative. If you’re a painter, try writing. If you like all manner of creative pursuits, try a new one. Just try something. Just do something.

2. You're underestimating what you have going on in your life right now

As creatives, we often give ourselves excuses, but I think this is something we massively underplay. So many of us have so much going on in our lives and sometimes we don't have the head space to create. I know a lot of us creatives struggle with our mental health, and put an enormous amount of pressure and guilt on ourselves to create when we're feeling less than great.

And we're not only underestimating ourselves, but we're berating ourselves for not being able to live up to our often unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves while we've got so much going on all at once (I'm absolutely raising my hand for this one!)

So be kinder to yourself and stop hating on yourself so hard. You're doing great!

Things you can do: 

1. Start small. And do something that's going to make you feel good. If you paint, mix colours and find one that speaks to you. Carve out a space and some time for you, and just play. Do things to show yourself you matter. Our creativity heals us in so many ways, but only if we save some for ourselves. And if you have got a lot going on, start a journal, or an art journal. You'll be surprised how much it can help you.

2. Take a break and just focus on looking after you. Take it off your shoulders and give yourself some love instead.

3. The pressure has built into a mountain

Somewhere along the line, the pressure started piling up on us: to make everything we do a great piece of art, to be able to create a masterpiece in a heartbeat, to be able to live from our art, and to be able to create on demand.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are human. And while humans are capable of many incredible and wonderful things, they also take time as well. I've said this before but I really wish we could see more bad drafts and more ideas that went wrong from the people who are well established in our fields. Because so often we only get to see the end product and that's bullshit. It lures us into this trap of thinking that everything we do has to be great and has to be measurable in some way.

It really doesn't.

And I learned that the hard way because I put so much pressure on my ability to write stories that I haven't written fiction in a long time. I spent a good 8 years not writing full stop.

The only thing pressure does to your creativity is kill it. And we're pretty peaceful around here.

Things you can do: Allow yourself to be messy. Give yourself permission to fuck up. Give yourself space to suck (my friend Violeta Nedkova has a great 30 Days of Sucking Challenge!). Create things just for the fun of it. Start silly projects that make you smile and not a lot else. You have great things inside you but they're going to stay inside you if you don't get off the mountain.

4. You're consuming too much

Okay, so I think all of us are guilty of this one. Of constantly checking social media, ending up in the internet black hole for hours, finding things to procrastinate with that make us feel like shit - like looking up people you went to school with on Facebook, spending too much time in our inboxes and not enough time connecting with people in real life. Or binging TV series' to the point that we lose all sense of reality. (I once watched so much One Tree Hill that I thought I saw one of the characters in the street and nearly asked him how his fictional life was going.)

But the problem here is that we're consuming too many of other people's ideas that we're not leaving any room for ourselves. We're bogging our brains with so much that it responds to that it's no surprise that we can't produce jackshit.

Things you can do: Amber Thomas wrote a great guest post for That Hummingbird Life on her experiment on how what and how she consumes influences her creativity. Start your own experiment and see what you find out! Turn notifications off your phone and give your brain a bit of space to think. Have an internet-free hour at the start of every day and see what's naturally on your mind instead of responding to everything you see. When you start consciously consuming, things start to change and your creativity will come back.

5. You're comparing yourself

If you do your work online, it's seemingly impossible not to find people who are relatively similar to you and start comparing. Or to start stalking your favourite writers/artists/creators and compare where they are to where you are. And if anything is likely to demotivate you and make you feel completely uninspired this it.

But here's what you need to remember.

No one can do exactly what you do in the way you do it. You have stories and experiences and memories which are completely unique to you. And you have an understanding of all those things in a way that is unique to you.

And if you think about it, there is no competition when you look at it that way.

Your step 2 is going to look like someone else's step 45. And someone else's step 9 is going to look like your step 109. And that's okay. We're all taking a different route and we all have a different destination. And how you choose to get there is two thirds down to you and one third down to the pure randomness of life.

Know that when you're comparing yourself and it makes you question where you're at, you're not building yourself up, you're slowly chipping away at what makes you you.

Things you can do:

Get some willpower and stop checking up on people you think you're in competition with. Unsubscribe from any emails that end up with you doubting yourself.  Write a list of things that only you've got the experience and understanding to do. Use your creativity to write yourself a letter about what makes you you, and pin it up somewhere you can see it. Do things that give your light instead of finding things that add to your darkness.

You have so much to give to the world, but shit isn't going to come out if you're waiting for inspiration to show up, if you're unintentionally making yourself feel like shit by comparing yourself and you're putting the world on your shoulders.

You have something to say and you have a story that no one else in the world has or gets to tell.

That's pretty fucking amazing.

So be honest with yourself, and instead of  waiting, start doing things and go make life happen.

How does creativity show up in your life? I'd love to hear what you do when you're feeling uninspired. Let's get chatting in the comments!

7 Films to Warm Your Heart

Now, like most people, I enjoy a good Netflix binge. But sometimes, it’s so easy to start a series, put life on pause (even when you have too much to do and so little time) and just get stuck in. But other times we just need a bit of a lift and some inspiration, and something to remind us that the world isn’t as bad as we think it is and that good things do happen. So this week, I thought I’d share with you my favourite films to watch to warm your heart. Some of them you’ll expect to see here, others are perhaps a bit more cult or need a bit more explanation. But my hope is that this list can provide you with a bit of hope, or a much needed laugh, inspiration and give you a couple of hours of escapism, without falling into the binging hole (and believe me, I’ve been there…many many times!)

Amelie

Amelie - 7 Films To Warm Your Heart

This is one of my all time favourite films - it warms my heart like nothing else, reminds me of the good and kindness of strangers and also just makes me so happy that creative people follow their dreams and create masterpieces that make unconventional and sensitive people like me and you feel more understood and give us inspiration.

Watch this when:you feel like the world is going to pieces, if you want to appreciate really good storytelling and if you want to be reminded of the beauty in the world.

Watch the trailer here. 

Crazy, Stupid Love

Crazy Stupid Love - 7 Films To Warm Your Heart

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in one film? That’s a winner in my books. But seriously, this is one film that always puts a smile on my face and just makes me happy. It might be a chick flick of some variety, but the story is just so satisfying and it’s nice to get caught up in someone else’s drama for a while instead of your own.

Watch this when:You need a good laugh, when the drama in your own life feels too much and if you think chick flicks are stupid!

Watch the trailer here. 

Whip It

Whip It - 7 Films To Warm Your Heart

Okay, maybe I was lying when I said Amelie was my favourite film. Whip It is all about embracing your individuality and rebellious nature, doing things that aren’t expected of you and putting a massive finger up to the status quo and choosing yourself instead. It’s also about female friendship, roller derby and giving yourself permission to follow the path that draws you in.

Watch this when:You’re doubting whether chasing your dreams are worth it, when you feel like you’re on your own and you don’t fit in and when you need a boost to choose yourself and embrace yourself for all your quirks.

Watch the trailer here. 

The Help

The Help - 7 Films To Warm Your Heart

When I think about changing the world, this film comes to mind. (The book is even better). Set in 1960s America, it explore the injustice faced by black Nannies and how owning your story and telling your story can start to change history, and what you have to gain and to lose along the way. /The Help/ reminds me of the bravery and the courage it takes to tell you story even when people won’t listen or don’t want to know, and how women can change the world.

Watch this when: You feel like one person alone can’t make a difference, when you feel like everything around you is falling apart and you can’t change history, and if you feel like you were born to do something much bigger than yourself.

Watch the trailer here. 

The Perks Of Being a Wallflower

The Perks Of Being a Wallflower - 7 Films To Warm Your Heart

I’m a big believer in crying, for me, if I’m dealing with a lot of things and feel like I need a good cry but I can’t, this is the film I watch. There is something about this film that gives me tingles on my skin from the moment I put it on, and makes me well up every five minutes. Ultimately, it’s a story of incredible friendship and our profound resilience and ability to survive.

Watch this when: You need a good cry, when you believe things won’t get better and when you want to feel alive.

*Trigger warning: mental health/ and mentions of sexual abuse

Watch the trailer here. 

Harry Potter (any of them but the third is my favourite)

Harry Potter - 7 Films To Warm Your Heart

Okay, okay, this one might be a bit cliched, but stick with me on this one. There’s something about the Harry Potter books and films that we all need. It’s about letting the light in, and believing that good does succeed evil.

Watch this when: You feel like the world is doomed, when you’re struggling to overcome your personal demons and dementors and when you feel disappointed that you didn’t get your Hogwarts letter.

Watch the trailer here. 

Cemetery Junction

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Now, I happen to think this is the most under-rated film of all time. I can’t explain it without it sounding shit, so please just watch the trailer *need link*. This film makes me feel alive, reminds me that there are so many paths not taken that we can choose, and that we’re not limited to what’s expected of us.

Watch this when:You want to pack a bag and go on an adventure, when you’re stuck wondering if this is it, and when you feel an urge to follow your crazy dreams but aren’t sure if you can.

Watch the trailer here. 

I hope you enjoy these films as much as I do. I'd love to hear your favourite go-to films! Let me know in the comments!

The Loneliness That Comes with Not Fitting In

I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I don’t fit in. When I was thirteen I started a zine called Broccoli (okay, I only got round to designing the front cover). It was going to be all about the experiences of growing up a misfit and not feeling like I fit in.

In high school I was bullied about everything, from laugh to the Doc Martens I rocked (I think I was way ahead of the time). I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, I stuck out like a dislocated arm.

Sometimes I welcomed the terms freak and misfit like a warm hug, and sometimes I would have given my left tit to fit in. I had friends, but they didn’t get me, not really. They weren’t creative, they didn’t seem to feel things as deeply as I did, and were much happier gossiping about boys and the latest trends in H&M whereas I would be happier doodling and listening to music for the rest of my life.

While everyone was looking up to Melissa from the OC for inspiration, I was idolising the character Sky Mangel, a blue haired teenage girl from the Australian soap Neighbours.

Going to college was the closest I came to feeling like I fit in because I turned my back on everything that was familiar and refused to go to the college built into my high school. College was made up of misfits and people like me, grappling with their struggles and just trying to make it through to the other side, whatever that was. But while I felt like I fit in through circumstance, I didn’t feel much more understood.

I went to university and I really didn’t fit in. I didn’t fit in in my first job. I didn’t fit in when I moved to London and I still don’t. I’ve found the bigger the city the lonelier it can feel. I certainly didn’t fit in when I spent 3 months backpacking around America. And I still don’t.

I’ve spent my whole life not feeling like I fit in, and as I’ve grown and the years have gone by, my reasons for not fitting in list have grown with me.

I’ve been with Mr. Meg for coming on 14 years, I’m not a huge drinker, I’m fat, I don’t have a 9-5 job and hate everything about the rat race, I don’t give a shit about fashion and I’m always putting my foot in my mouth. I struggle with anxiety and way over think conversations, and my OCD can look pretty odd sometimes. I can’t keep my mouth shut when I feel passionately about something, I overshare, I say it like it is and I’m very chirpy.

And on one hand I would never have it any other way because I couldn’t conform if I tried, but I can’t escape the fact that sometimes it can feel so lonely.

I’m feel really lucky to have found my people online. Through The Couragemakers Podcast, I’ve found my people, through this blog, through my weekly emails and through the magic of Twitter. It took a long time to find my tribe and often I felt like I never would, but it happened.

But that doesn’t mean that day to day the loneliness goes away. Sometimes it comes to the surface, but more often that not, it’s something that I’ve come to be with for such a long time that it’s like a humming in the background.

If you have the same humming in the background, I want to tell you that you’re not alone.

Even though sometimes you feel like no one gets you and you feel completely on your own, you’re not. There are so many of us who feel the same way, some for the same reasons and others for entirely different reasons.

It's okay to not want the things you're supposed to want. It's okay to have a completely different idea of fun than everyone around you. It's okay to want to have a different lifestyle, a different identity and different hobbies than everyone around you. It’s okay to have different values, different outlooks and a different way of being.

Scratch that. It’s not okay (and if you started singing the My Chemical Romance song in your head, we need to be friends). It’s fucking brilliant.

Your quirks, your weirdness, the way you do things is what sets you apart.

The Loneliness That Comes With Not Fitting In

And the world needs you exactly as you are. There’s no one out there like you and no one who can bring to the world exactly what you do in the way that you do it.

Here’s the thing that I go back to. There are so many things I wouldn’t have done if I felt like I fit in. I would never have started this blog or The Couragemakers Podcast for one. I never would have sought out the things that make me happy, like laughter yoga, performance poetry, forest bathing, I wouldn’t have found Mr. Meg (we were e-pals back in the 2000s and found each other through our joint not fitting in and love of emo music), I wouldn’t have honed my skills and talents like I did.

And there are things and experiences you would never have had if you fit in. If you conformed, you would have had to give up so many of the things that make you you, and wouldn’t be two-thirds of the person you are today. Your difference is what sets the world on fire.

And you’re so much stronger than you think because of it. You can’t get through years of feeling like you don’t fit in without being strong and standing up for yourself. Even if that’s just in your head.

But we need to start talking about the loneliness that comes with feeling like we don’t fit in.

We need to start sharing our experiences. Of course, some of them make us feel ashamed, some of them make us feel lame (like the voice I’ve had through writing this telling me not to hit the publish button), but it’s really damn important.

Because so many of us think we’re feeling this alone. So many of us are struggling with similar things thinking we’re completely on our own and nobody gets it.

But trust me, I get it. And so many others do as well.

So let’s shine light on the loneliness and band together in standing out.

What’s your experience? Comment below and let’s get this conversation started!

This is the scariest thing about dream-chasing

While I’ve been in the US, I’ve really learned how huge Halloween is over here. The decorations vary from pretty to over the top, the candy looks delicious and there’s definitely something in the air. I’ve definitely seen my fair share of scary skeletons, but I think there’s definitely something a lot scarier that none of us talk about, at any time of the year:

How scary life is, when it is full of chances you didn’t take, words you didn’t write, things you didn’t try and dreams you never chased.

I get it, I really do. I get the fear, the courage it takes to put yourself out there, the vulnerability in being seen, the chance of failure and the overwhelming feeling that you can’t do it.

But I think sometimes we don’t think of the actual consequences apart from the here and now of how impossible something feels, and what bad things could happen as a result of trying.

And that’s this idea of the life unlived. Not just the one thing you didn’t have the courage to do, but how they add up over a period of time, depriving you (and the world) of the amazing things you have to give and create. How they accumulate and you end up creating a life that doesn’t reflect the person you are, or the dreams and wishes you dare to dream late at night when no one’s around.

It’s a bit like ordering cheese (I don’t know why I picked cheese, I don’t know that many cheeses, but bare with me on this).

Imagine you’re a cheese connoisseur and you go up to a counter of delicious cheeses and you hand over your money,and in return, you get given the really shit cheese that comes in a tube. Even though you can see all of these fancy mature cheeses that have you salivate, you’re stuck with the one that comes in a tube for goodness sake.

While perhaps a bizarre metaphor, I think you get what I’m saying here. We have all these amazing things inside of us and yet sometimes we end up settling and getting a shit deal of it.

You would be gutted if you were a cheese connoisseur and you got tube cheese, the same way as you’d be gutted if one day you realised the fantastic person you are and how you settled for the lesser option.

Because here’s the thing: you are not tube cheese.

You are the real fucking deal. And perhaps if you can allow yourself to believe that for just a second, things could change.

I want what you have to give to the world to be in the world. I want to read your words, see your art, hear your message, watch you shine brightly as you know deep down you can.

And the world wants it to. There might be 7 billion people in the world right now, but there is only one you. And you have a shit tonne more than you could ever imagine to give the world.

And you might not know what that is yet, but it doesn’t mean it’s not worth exploring.

We all have dreams, we all have wishes, and we all have a vision for ourselves that we sometimes dare to think of. But that doesn’t mean only the lucky ones get to achieve their dreams or live the life they want to. Of course, priviledge plays a factor in everything, but convincing ourselves that only the special ones get to live the life they have in their head is dangerous. And really fucking scary.

So, this Halloween, think about the life unlived, and then think of all the possibilities of the life lived instead.

Be the girl that lived.

And if you got that Harry Potter reference, I think we need to be BFFS.

What's one thing you've been to scared to do that you're going to try? Let me know in the comments!

Dreamshitters, Standing Up For Yourself & Losing People Along The Way

There's something people don't tell you when you start to stand up for yourselves and following the beat of your drum. And that's this: often you'll lose someone along the way. Somewhere between finding your voice and dealing with dreamshitters, something changes.

You stand taller. You talk with conviction. You start to lose your people pleasing tendencies (don't worry, I'm 100% with you on this!) and you start to believe.

Believe you've got something to say. Believe you've got something to give the world. Believe that you matter. Believe that you deserve to be treated a certain way.

And that is AMAZING. Believe me.

But something else shifts as well. And that's your tolerance forbullshit.

Your eyes start to open to the people who take you for granted, the people who belittle you, and the people who don't like this new 'you'. (Except it isn't really new, that bold courageous version of you has been right in there, hiding for some time).

Some people just aren't going to be there for the ride. And sometimes those people who aren't going to be on the journey with you are the exact people you always assumed would be there.

When we start to live with our eyes open, embrace a wholehearted life and start saying yes to the dreams that scare us, we unknowingly force other people to take a long hard look at themselves.

Sometimes they don't like what they see. And they take it out on you.

So I want to assure you:

Everyone has their own shit to deal with. And every now and then, people will throw their shit at you. And it will hurt. But that doesn't mean you need to take it.

You are not responsible for the world's shit.

And no one has the right to make you feel small, or stupid, like your dreams are too big, or anything less than the fucking rockstar you are.

I get it, it's pretty scary losing people. It plays into a lot of our fears, like the fear of 'I'll never find someone else' and the fear of rejection that probably led to the person still being in your life.

So today, I want to give you a huge hug and tell you that cutting out the people in your life who make you feel like shit, might hurt at first, but you'll feel so much better afterwards.

And you'll get great new people in your life. People who see you as you are now, and root for you. People who lift you up and help you be the best version of yourself.

People who are worthy of you. 

And you might only be able to count those people on one hand. But that doesn't matter. Those people are one in a million, and it's those people to hold onto and never let go.

So let's raise our bowls of ice cream to the people who appreciate us for the fabulous people we already are.

Magical Qualities of Laughter You Didn't Know About

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how much time we spend feeling connected, happy and generally smiling. And that got me thinking about laughter. When was the last time you laughed until your belly ached. Or had a smile as wide as the moon or felt like you were glowing inside?

A year and a half ago, I trained as a laughter yoga instructor and I couldn't put my finger on exactly why at the time. I just knew I needed to do it - I felt called to do it, for no particular reason, and just went for it. Looking back now I can see that I really needed to release some stuff and just put things into perspective and have a good laugh.

So today, I'm sharing three great things about laughter that you probably didn't know, and focus the 3 intention setting questions around giving yourself that feeling of laughing until you're going to burst, or just feeling so full and loved.

1. Your body cannot tell the difference between real laughter and fake laughter.

Yep, as odd as that is, you heard it right. Laughter yoga is based around this principle and the fact that laughter gives you so many health benefits. So, as strange as it might sound, it you force yourself to laugh for twenty seconds, you're going to start feeling it! Go on, what are you waiting for?

2. Laughter has SO many health benefits and is definitely better than any cleanse

Move over juicing, laughter is so much more fun and fulfilling. Not only does it boost your immune system, but it does so much to help your breathing, help the oxygen pump around in your body (can you tell science isn't my strong suit?!) and it's generally FANTASTIC for your mental health

3. Laughter is one of the best tools to have in your resiliency toolkit

Not only does it have all of those amazing health benefits, but it is also SO helpful for dealing with so much of life. Laughter helps you connect with others, find a way to deal with tough decisions and situations and just generally helps you to bounce back and keep inspired.

And the next best thing? Laughter is FREE. There are so many things you can do this week to make you laugh, but for now, I'll leave you with this laughter challenge!

Self Care Doesn't Have To Be Glamorous

This week I want to debunk some myths and share with you something I've been struggling with lately. And that's this notion that self care has to be beautiful. It has to be these set of serene moments that are simultaneously Natural Geographic worthy, as well as worthy for high esteemed food blogs. And these serene moments should preferably happen as the sun comes up.

In all honesty, I'm pretty fucking sick of that shit. (I made this pretty clear when Sarah Starrs interviewed me for her Punk Rock Personal Development Podcast)

One of the irrefutable truths I found when I first started taking care of myself and trying to prevent myself from getting burnt out, was this notion that self care doesn't have to be this high horse, impressive thing.

You don't need to listen to Oprah every morning (though, I've just started What I Know For Sure and really recommend it), drink a green smoothie and take a picture for Instagram to practice self care. It doesn't have to look pretty. Often it's messy and you wouldn't want someone to take a picture. It potentially involves a duvet, a boxset or Netflix, greasy hair (come on, I see you! I'm with you too!) and a bar of chocolate.

Self Care Doesn't Have To Be Glamorous

But it's taken a while to get to this perspective. I've struggled with falling into the trap of putting strict parameters on what my self care should look like. I've tried to force myself to grab a cup of tea and an inspirational book, listen to non-fiction audiobooks and feeding my inspiration.

And subsequently haven't done anything to make myself feel more rested. Instead of making me feel relaxed, it's made my brain hurt, when all I need is a bit of time off.

There's a time for filling yourself with inspiration, and there's a time for just doing passive activities. And when you're feeling stressed out, tired, anxious or like your brain won't shut up, you don't need to be forcing new ideas into your head. Sometimes you just need to do a passive activity that's going to take you out of your current reality, and give your brain some time to take it slow.

I love binge watching shows when my brain feels full and it turns out that it's my go-to self care for a reason. Because I need something that's passive and going to let me out of my own head. And that I need that couple of days to do just that, and give my brain a good and proper rest.

If you're feeling like this, turn to your time-tested method of what works for you. (And if it's binge watching tv shows, I really recommend the series Scorpion!) And if you don't have a time tested method, then now it's time to experiment. It doesn't have to be binge watching Netflix. It could be grabbing a coffee and people watching, putting your favourite songs on and shutting your eyes, starting a good fiction book, or anything that doesn't feel like it takes much effort for you, and lets you get into that relaxed state.

Your self care is absolutely necessary, and it doesn't have to be some worthwhile worthy thing. It can be putting trashy TV with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and getting lost in the drama. You know you best!

You do you!

What helps you get into that relaxed state? Let me know in the comments!

On Dream-chasing: You have the right to feel happy

Yesterday  marked two weeks until me and Mr. Meg leave for our big adventure. Starting with three months in the US and then six months in Asia (budget permitting), we're going to be living a dream that we've thought about, obsessed about and planned for, for a very long time. I've been really honest about the process and about the not so glamorous side of dream chasing, but there's still been one thing nagging me at the back of my head. And that's this idea that I can't act too happy about it, or be too excited about it. And I think this idea of having to tone it down is huge when it comes to dream chasing. We get so bogged down with managing other people's reactions (often dreaming them up), and thinking about how other people are judging us, that when the good shit comes out way, we act like it's no big deal. (When it's a huge fucking deal).

So here's what's been going on in my head lately:

• I want to share about my adventure but I don't want to seem uber privileged and I've been really concerned about coming across like I've got everything sorted and my life is perfect. Because I don't and it's not.

• SO much stress and so much chaos but feeling like I can't talk about it because it would make me seem ungrateful

• I'm level 14757 excited, but I'm just not very good at showing it. I don't want to come across as sauntering all over the world without giving two pieces of flying monkey poo

We deserve to be happy. As creatives, as Type A or recovering Type A women, as people who are working really damn hard to put good shit in the world, we get to have happiness as well. I know so many of us work to make the world a brighter place for other people, but when something good happens, let's embrace ,

And here's the thing. We work really fucking hard to make our dreams happen. We deal with so much uncertainty, and sometimes life takes us in such a different direction that we think they're never going to happen.

And we make huge sacrifices for our dreams.

We often have to do things that break our hearts and go through periods which are really really scary.

All this is to say, when you get that bit closer to your dreams, or when you're starting to feel joy, don't be so concerned about making other people feel bad, or worrying what other people feel that you don't let yourself feel happy.

Quite frankly, the people in your life that can't be happy for you and are just shrouded with bitterness - they don't deserve to be a part of your big dream chasing adventure. You don't have to share everything with them, especially if they're dreamshitters. Find your own way to celebrate.

But if you're surrounded by people who support you, who love you and who want to see you fly, then share with them. They want to know! They want to join in the excitement with you.

I know I have such a loving and supportive community around That Hummingbird Life and The Couragemakers Podcast, and I'm excited to share my travels with you. I'm excited to share what I learn, how I grow, and all the things that I think are going to be helpful for you. I couldn't do this trip and not share it, because it's me and it's a huge dream I've been chasing for years.

So in the next week, I'm going to be sharing a really honest and detailed behind the scenes look at what it's taken to make this adventure a reality, how we've planned everything and what we've learned along the way.

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

I would say worrying is definitely one of my top 5 skills.

I can worry until the cow's come home. I can worry about ANYTHING. And I have a pretty creative imagination when it comes to turning a non-situation into something epic-ly awful.

And if you're anything like me, you also probably  have a tendency to overthink things and think of the worst possible outcome. I think so many of us passionate an creative souls do. And I think as women, we can be plagued with self doubt. 

Now, I definitely don't have the answer as to how to stop worrying. But I do know something about how to work with your mind to stop yourself going down the rabbit hole of extreme worrying and anxiety. 

So today I wanted to share some things that help me, because I've got a feeling they're going to help you too!

1. Distract yourself and don't judge yourself on what you distract yourself with.

This could be working, binge watching a TV programme, working with a friend through their problem, grabbing a new book. Anything that gives you a bit of escapism and some time out. If you find working helps you through things, watch out for exhaustion though.

2. Don't be hard on yourself if you're not productive.

This is a huge one. Our brains can only take so much. And worrying is EXHAUSTING. Believe me, I know this from experience. Worrying can take all your energy away and really reduce your capacity to make decisions, listen to people and do anything relatively productive. So be kind to yourself and take that pressure off yourself. You don't need it. Accept that shit is tough and remind yourself you're doing all you can.

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

3.Tell someone.

This really really helps me. Because when we go to that dark place, it is easy to think you're all alone. Especially at night. Sometimes by telling someone, you can come up with different ways to handle the situation, different perspectives on the situation, and sometimes find that you've been completely losing yourself in this nightmare you've ended up concoting for yourself. I bring Mr. Meg with me to all my doctors appointments. He can remind me everything went okay, and remember the information I'm told that I often lose through panicking.

4.Think of a plan.

This is really helpful, if like me, you're a planner and a fan of all things practical. Allow yourself to go to that worst case scenario place in your head, and think about the practicalities. Think what you could to to cope if that thing you're worrying about did come true. The fact of the matter is that you've survived a lot to be sat here today reading this. You have so many skills and tools to deal with situations. You're not out of your depth, you have everything in you to cope. And you would cope even if you cant see how right now.

5. Remind yourself you're not alone.

Every human experience is shared by many people. Though someone might not be in the situation you are, there are so many people out there talking about their story and how they got through it.

I'd love to know how you help yourself when you're worried and what works for you! Let me know in the comments!

Challenge: Shake things up & do something different

It's so easy get caught up in being so busy that everything else falls to the sideline. Especially when it comes to what we do in our downtime, when we have some. And it's so easy to get so caught up in managing the unique challenges that all of us have, that life can end up feeling really stagnant and we can end up feeling like we're trapped in groundhog day.

That could look like cooking the same meals every week, having an evening routine that gets stale (food, TV, bed) or occupying our days with the same things even though we know we'd prefer to be doing something else.

So I have a challenge for you this week: do something different. 

Challenge - Shake It Up & Do Something Different

If you love cooking and the weekly menu is looking a bit dire, find a new recipe. If you love reading but you've found yourself just binge-watching Netflix, find a book that you can't wait to read. If you find yourself checking emails endlessly at night, take email off your phone (I've just done this. Game changer) and instead actually relax. If you spend time looking through Pinterest looking at beautiful craft projects, start one.

So much of the time we get stuck in routines that are comfortable but don't make us particularly happy. But you can change that.

I don't mean making up the most elaborate bed time routine in the world (Meditation/Green Tea/Candles/ETC). What I mean is doing just one simple thing differently which is going to make you smile by the time you end the day.

That could be starting your day dancing around the room or chair dancing to your favourite smile. Reading a quote by your favourite author during a break. Picking a different drink from the menu. Phoning your friend instead of messaging. Wearing something you usually reserve for special occasions.

It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it makes you happy.

Sometimes by necessity, and sometimes by choice, our days can look pretty same-y,but that doesn't mean they have to be boring.

So pick your thing and let's see if we can make a life a bit more fun!

I'd love to know what you pick and how it goes. Let me know in the comments!

You Are Not Alone: On Self Care & Being An Entrepreneur

I used to think self care was hard. Impossible even. That was until I started working for myself, started my career as a freelancers/entrepreneur/small business owner/whatever the name of the day is. Then I started to think that it was another ball game completely. Before we go any further, I want to just make sure we're on the right page here. In this post, I'm not going to be guilt tripping you about how you should be investing in yourself, and how clients can't trust you if you're not investing in yourself first. I'm not going to be telling you that you're The Worst Entrepreneur Ever if you're struggling with self care (and haven't showered in three days). And I'm certainly not going to be telling you to take a fucking bubble bath.

So breathe your sigh of relief and know you're not alone in this.

Not by a very very long shot. We're in this together, you and me. What I hope happens by the time you've finished reading this two part series , is that you feel less alone, that you have a few practical tools you can use to start to slow down those spinning plates and that you can start to quit giving yourself such a hard time.

Back when I had a steady 9-5 job, I struggled to look after myself and prioritise myself. I found it hard to switch off, I was taking so much emotional shit home from work and nothing filled my cup. There was no joy, there was no relaxing. Instead there were to-do lists, giving out my time like it was going out of fashion, and putting everyone's needs before my own.

So I started working some of that shit out, and started blogging about self care, burnout and saying no. And I started to enjoy life. I started to notice the little things again. I started to explore what makes me ridiculously happy (a good book, notebook shopping, laughing until my belly aches, long walks in the park) and I started to feel like myself.

And it felt really good.

And then things changed. I left my job, I found myself working as a self employed freelance graphic designer, started doing more work to build That Hummingbird Life into a business (in progress) and started a The Couragemakers Podcast

And life is very different.

While sometimes I catch myself feeling so grateful that Dolly Parton's 9-5 doesn't ring true, I've noticed that I'm getting caught up in so much shitty negativity. I've noticed that I'm not been very good boss to myself, that I work myself too hard, that I've gone back to putting everyone else's needs in front of my own, and that I still don't have the most realistic expectations of myself.

And I know I'm not alone in this.

You are not alone - on self care and being an entrepreneur

So many of us start working for ourselves because we want the freedom, the ability to make our own decisions and we feel that working for ourselves will allow us to contribute to the world so much more than we were before.

But for recovering Type As like me, it can be a complete and utter shit show for a while. Because while we like our lists (especially in fun notebooks), and our plans, and our schedules and our ambition, we also have huge expectations of ourselves (that we would never dream of putting onto someone else), perfectionist tendencies and we struggle to have any kind of resemblance of work-life balance.

We work until we're ill, we get ill and we don't tell our clients (if we have them) because we don't want to let them down and we get worse, more cranky and more stressed, and life becomes hell.

We continuously beat ourselves up for not being able to achieve everything we set out to do in one day, completely ignoring the fact that the list probably wasn't achievable in the first place.

We start to look around us and start to believe that we're the only ones struggling because everyone has these beautiful photos of their office, everyone seems to be making more money than us and everyone seems to have their shit together. (Spoiler alert, they definitely do not).

We start thinking that we have to work every minute of every day, we start to get cranky with our loved ones because they just don't understand and we have a never ending to do list running circles in our brains like a Rick Astley song.

And this ends up in a horrible, horrible cycle.

A cycle of pushing ourselves too hard, reaching exhaustion, feeling guilty and continuing to push ourselves even though we don't feel like we physically can.

And it's nothing like that idea we had in our head. The idea of being in a mode of endless creativity, joy and freedom. Taking breaks and being liberated from our desks.

And that makes us feel even worse. And like we've failed.

No, I'm not reading your brain, I'm just in the trenches with you. This is some really hard shit to deal with. And you are not alone.

In becoming your own boss, you no longer have a job. Whether you're a creative, a freelancer, or small business owner, you have to run the whole show. Even if you do outsource, you have to oversee everything and make sure everything's happening. And if you don't outsource and it's not a possibility for you right now (raising my hand high in the air), you have to become an expert at administrative tasks, marketing, social media, product development, client management, project management and about a million other things.

That's huge fucking responsibility. Especially when for the most part you have no one checking to make sure you've done everything and it's completely up to you. You're essentially juggling so many plates that it might be worth trying out for Cirque du Soleil.

Yet not many people get how hard you have to work.

They don't realise how much pressure you're under and how much you have to do.

So before I share some practical things in the next post, I want to talk real, person to person. Because I have a feeling you need to hear this today.

You are not on your own. Even though you might feel like you're drowning, you're not. You are working as hard as you can. Everything you want to achieve is possible, but the journey might be slightly different than you imagined. You have so many skills and you're doing a killer job at combining them. You are really really appreciated, even if you don't feel it right now. Your work matters. But more importantly, you matter. And because you matter, something has to give. You have everything inside you that you need to put your vision into the world. And you need to extend your compassion that you have for the world and for your clients to yourself. Because there's only one of you. And that makes you a pretty fucking precious human being. A human worth loving and taking care of.

So for part one, I want you to read that reminder as many times as you need to. And really take it in. Because you're doing great. And you deserve some compassion.

Even though it might feel like it, none of us have our shit together. So let's let our shit hang out together.

I look forward to seeing you in Part Two next week, where I'm going to be sharing LOTS of practical tips, things for you to try out and things that have helped me.

I'd love to know if this post resonated with you. Let me know in the comments and let's start getting some of this out in the open!

Dream Chasing & The Big Pause

Lately I've been getting really honest about the not so glamorous side of dream chasing, and how my life is changing now I'm actively seeking to be the woman who chases adventures instead of passively wanting to write about these women. And I want to touch upon something I've not really talked a huge amount about. And that's how the last year and a half, waiting for this dream of travelling the world to happen has been.

For this last year since I gave up my house with Mr. Meg and moved into our inlaws, I feel like I've been stuck on pause.

Waiting desperately for our time to come, counting down the months, wondering what we're going to do, planning this, researching that, and somewhere along the lines I forgot to live.

I decided that it was okay to bury myself in graphic design work because I need to save to be able to go. It was okay that I didn't go out and make loads of new friends in London because we're probably never going to be living here again. It was okay that me and Mr. Meg didn't do all of the things we wanted to do because we needed rest and time to recuperate after the stress of the last couple of years.

Preparing for Dream Chasing & The Big Pause

I often find myself thinking that it's been much needed solitutude and time for myself. Because the next year is going to be jam packed and personal space and solitude will be a rarity. And that I need this time right now to put my head down and just get on with it, in order to make my next year possible.

But another part of me think's that's bullshit.

That it's an excuse I've given myself. Because sometimes I'm really scared of the world. Because everything feels too much, and some days it's hard enough getting out of bed, let alone walking into a crowded room full of strangers.

And because I'm really fucking tired. I'm exhausted and somewhere along the line, I let my life become this never ending to-do list. And all the pressure I put on myself was down to me.

And that reality is hard to swallow.

In all honesty, partly because I feel ashamed. And another part of me feels shit scared about the year ahead when I think about the last year.  I  worry if I'll have the energy, if I'll be able to stay present, if I'll have fun - anything and everything.

I've been stuck in this notion that it's either A or B. I didn't stop to consider the other 24 letters of the english alphabet. Instead, I limited my life to two distinct and unhealthy scenarios. Fully on, or fully off.

And that's not possible. Because fully on 24/7 gets me burned out really quickly, and fully off sends me into the dark hole of depression.

And whether it's being burned out or depressed, I'm not good to anybody like that, let alone myself. It's not good for my health, my wellbeing, my creativity and it's not good for Mr. Meg, for my family, for my friends and for the work that I do.

And it’s a hard lesson to learn. And one I’m sure I’ll keep learning.

I know I’m far from alone in this situation. I think so many of us are so caught up in longing for something, longing to be that person, longing to have that adventure, that we miss out on the current adventure in our life.

Because life happens in the little moments. And not every moment is an adventure. But we do get to determine what some of those little moments look like.

It doesn’t have to be A or B, it can be a creative combination of a million different things. We don’t have to spend our days like we’re waiting for the bus, or in the hospital waiting room.

So here's to living, whatever that looks like. To some days saying fuck you to our comfort zones, and for other days to gently come to the edge and peek your head out to see if you can do it.

I'd love to know if you can relate in the comments!

You Don't Have To Be a Starving Artist (and here's why!)

I want to share with you something I've been struggling with for a long time. And that's this idea that you can only do the work you love if you're willing to be a starving artist. I come from the non profit world and I also have an activist background. So it'll come as no surprise that I have issues when it comes to making money.

What do I mean by issues?

I grew up believing, and still believe, that money, too much of it and lack of it causes problems and creates great inequality. I've done a lot of anti-poverty campaigning and I know enough about world politics to know that things are pretty fucked up for a lot of people often because of the few.

And I really struggled with the idea of being paid in a non profit for the work I was doing. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, and felt that every penny that was going towards my wages had to be used in the best possible way, even if that led to be me being completely burned out and unable to do the work. Which it did. I've also seen far more beauacracy and wastage in that world than I care to admit.

So when I left that world and started working for myself, I was bringing a LOT of baggage with me. I still don't agree with charging your worth (because who goes around with a dollar charge above their head? We're not in The Sims) and I've really struggled with the idea that I can be paid for the things I love and that I'm good at.

But I'm starting to turn a corner.

But before I share that journey with you, I want to really explore how as mission driven creatives, we glorify this idea of being a starving artist until it becomes this kind of badge of honour.

It doesn't make sense.

I've been the starving artist. And believe me, as romantic as the notion sounds (we've all seen Moulin Rouge, right? Lying in bed naked with your lover, entwined reading poetry all day), I can tell you first hand that the reality of being a starving artist is not romantic. Unless you find late night walks to supermarket reduced aisles, arguing over reduced minced meat romantic. I personally don't.

I found that as my concern for how I was going to pay the bills grew every month, my creativity dwindled completely. As I struggled to make ends see each other, let alone meet, my dreams felt ridiculous. I mean my dreams would never make me money, so why bother, right? And as my brain started being over-run by the frantic possibilities of what could happen if we didn't make the money we needed to live on, there was no room left to be inspired, use my skills and strengths and see anything clearly.

But I'm starting to turn a corner.

People shouting shit about making six figures, or sell any old shit is never going to work for me. My values are completely different. And I think it's the same for you.

But that doesn't mean that there isn't a way for it to work for me or for you.

starving artist

Because we all need some sense of financial security and stability in order to show up in the world as we're meant to and bring our own creativity into the world.

I think we hold ourselves back so much, partly because the art of money-making doesn't always align with our values. Especially if a lot of our values centre around creativity, community and making the world a better place.

But I think there might be a way to do work that does pay while keeping to our values.

I've come across a term recently used by Tad Hargrave of Marketing for Hippies, and that's Radical Business.

It's this idea that actually, having a profitable business can help change the world. If you are mission driven and you value making the world a brighter place, then having a business which provides an income works on two levels:

1. You make enough money to be able to focus and create the things you love that need to be in the world. And in having that income, you can make the purchasing decisions you would like to. Like choosing to give money to causes you believe in, buying fair trade or buying from independent businesses.

2. You give people an alternative. And that alternative is embedded in their values, your values and provides a viable way to start shifting the profits from big companies who don't necessarily always put good shit in the world, and instead have those profits invested in making the world a brighter place.

I don't know about you, but that makes a whole lot of sense to me.

I would love to be able to buy from more independent businesses, support causes I believe in and have more options. But when you're scared and broke, there are very little other alternatives than to line the pockets of the companies whose values don't sit right with you.

If I ever employ anyone, I want to make sure I'm paying a living wage, something that makes someone feel valued as an employee instead of the lowest salary I can get away with.

And I want to be in a position where I feel I can make more choices. More choices that align with who I am and the world I want to live in.

So, over the next year, I'm going to be working to find a way to make That Hummingbird Life into a sustainable business model. A business that I feed and it feeds me, while upholding my values and working to make the world a much brighter place.

I don't know what that's going to look like. But I do know that it's going to be completely in alignment with my own value. Prices for any products or services are going to be accessible and I want to still putting content like this the podcast out there.

I have lots of exciting ideas and things I want to try out, but I don't have a clear plan right now.

But what I do know is this work is needed, and doing the work 'full-time' is going to give me the space to bring my crazy ideas to life and ultimately help to achieve my biggest goal which is spreading more courage and helping more unconventional women just like me and you believe that they matter.

I think we can hold ourselves back so much because we find the idea of making profits and making money as a bit of an icky subject.

But it can stop us from taking our plans seriously, and instead encourage both a martyr complex and also demean the value of how we view what we're doing. And both of those options suck.

And sometimes, it can stop our dreams in their tracks full stop.

And that's just plain shitty.

So join me in imagining a new way of looking at our work. One that validates our dreams but also validates our very human need to be able to pay the bills, feed ourselves and MORE at the same time.

Have you struggled in a similar way? Does this all sound familiar to you? Do you have a completely different perspective? Let me know in the comments!

The Not So Glamorous Side of Dream Chasing

A quick aside before I begin - I just want to say that I'm not meaning to sound ungrateful, or like I have a rod stuck up my ass. When I started That Hummingbird Life, I made a commitment to myself that I would always be honest (maybe sometimes a bit too honest) and this post is living proof of that. It only struck me lately, that I've been writing about dream-chasing for a long time here, and not really shared about my own right-at-this-minute experience of chasing my own dreams.

To provide an elevator length version of the background and where I'm at right now, it looks something like this:

In January 2015, me and Mr. Meg left our house in lovely house in Cardiff. I was in a job that sucked the soul out of me and left me a shell of who I was and Mr. Meg left a job that wasn't good for him at all. We attempted to give away and get rid of most of the things we own (we still have a storage unit that desperately needs attention!) and moved into Mr. Meg's parent's house to save up to go travelling. We leave in August (just less than three months) and will be away until next May. And for once, we don't have a plan of what our future is going to look like after that.

So, now we're all up to speed, I want to get really honest and vulnerable about how dream-chasing in action is looking right now.

Because I think a huge part missing out of the whole dream-chasing dialogue is how difficult it is and how you often feel terrified though logic tells you that you should be jumping up and down with excitement.

We've all read about the is-it-too-good-to-be-true? stories of dream chasing. And we've all read about the amazing experiences people have had and how it has helped them grow. But sometimes I think we deliberately gloss over the less glamorous/exciting parts because somehow it will burst this vision, or bubble we have that is keeping us motivated right now.

It would be SO easy to fill my Instagram feed with pictures of my rucksack (which is beautiful FYI, and I may have posted a picture of it the day I got it, but I certainly didn't flat-lay it!), excited faces, doodles of travel plans, screenshots of tickets booked, pre and post flight selfies, pretty cups of hot hot chocolates with travel books and journal pages about how happy I am.

And I could make it out that I have this amazing life that everyone in the world should be jealous of, and that I have my shit together, and that I'm happier than I've ever been.

And it would be SO easy.

But it would also be a huge lie.

And I'm not into the art of scamming people.

I would much rather post a picture of my unmade bed and my four-day old dry hair shampooed hair than a photo that paints my life as something it isn't.

So I want to let you in behind the scenes. It's not glamorous, you'll probably be a bit disappointed and you might judge me.

But I want to show the very real different sides of dream chasing and share my journey with you.

What I'm feeling right now

•  I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have a lot of shit to do before I go. That includes, but certainly isn't limited to: editing 60 podcast episodes, managing my graphic design business and making sure we have enough money coming in for the trip, sorting out our possessions in London and having a good clear out of the things we have in storage, trying to see as much as I can of loved ones before we go, and trying to create a sustainable business plan for That Hummingbird Life which will allow me to do this (e.g what I love) full time.

• And I'm feeling bad about being overwhelmed (see below for the list of things I feel like I should be feeling!) and not ecstatic over the moon excited.

•  I'm beating myself up about not seeing my family and friends as much I'd like to before I go

•  I'm worrying about how I'm going to cope being away from them for so long, especially as my grandparents are very elderly and have unpredictable health challenges and I've always been there for my family.

• I'm getting annoyed at myself for not losing weight before I go and I'm seriously getting concerned about how comfortable I'm going to be on the flight (but let's face it, I don't think anyone is that comfortable). I'm freaking out about the possibility of having to sleep on the top bunk in a hostel and possibly crushing someone to death in their sleep (slight exaggeration, I hope?)

•  I'm anxious about money, whether we'll have enough of it, if we'll have to sacrifice parts of the trip and what that would mean. And slightly annoyed at the fact that I didn't budget for and our budget is £3,000 over what we thought. And I'm working out how that is going to happen.
• Finding nice people via couchsurfing. We're doing half Air B&B one one half of our US trip and half couch surfing for the other half, and I'm not going to lie, I'm slightly concerned that we will end up on a random park bench. Though I'm sure we won't...

• While I love the fact that we don't have a plan for when we get back, we also don't have a plan for when we get back. And that's pretty scary. And hard to explain to loved ones who just want to make sure we're safe.

• I'm equal parts worried and excited about taking work with me. Worried because I want to be as present as possible, and want to live the experience instead of get stuck in this 'to do list' loop in my head. And excited because being a digital nomad, or whatever they're calling it these days, plays to my ego and sounds very cool and adventurous. (I said I was being brutally honest!)

• I'm also worrying about my energy levels while I'm away. I've been feeling very lethargic lately, and have got used to working from home most days, so I'm used to planning my time out and scheduling the things that exhaust me.

• I'm also nervous about having my period while I'm away (TMI?).I 'm not worried about the US, but I do have concerns about travelling around Asia with a really heavy period.

• And to end the list of worries, I have an irrational fear of food poisoning, so yeah, that should be fun!

(Did I mention I'm a very skilled and experienced worrier?!)

What I think I should be feeling right now

• Happy. So much happiness that I'm randomly bursting into tears with the sheer joy of it all

• Not-able -to go-to-sleep excitement levels. And while this does happen when I stop worrying and think about the fact that this time in three months we'll be in San Francisco, I've convinced myself I should be pre-going-to-see-Macklemore level excitement every day. (Which I know isn't sustainable. At all).

• Prepared and feeling like it's happening. Because right now, it hasn't sunk in. At all. I feel we should have our plans sorted. And we don't.

• Raring to go - I feel like I should have my bag packed, a countdown on my phone and be ready to jump on a plane at a moment's notice. Truth be told, I'm working from 9am to 9pm most days, and I'm pretty fucking knackered

• Financially secure - can I just put LOL for that one?

• Really fucking grateful. Which I seriously am, but my ability to worry about every eventuality and over think things is getting in my way.

I'm writing this post because I want to challenge two myths.

Dream-chasing

Myth Number 1

When you start working towards your dreams, or when they become within an arm's reach life becomes this really easy, uncomplicated, wonderful place.

It doesn't. Like I said, I could only focus on the positives, an Instagrammable version, but I would be ignoring all of my values if I did that. And that's something I can't do.

I think often we're sold this myth, that if only we work X hard of make X amount of money that life is going to become this beautiful place full of rainbows.

And I think that's really dangerous, especially when so many of us put our hearts and souls into our dreams and we're desperate for them to happen.

We ignore the fact that there are still going to be hiccups, roadblocks and times of uncertainty .

Myth Number 2

You'll never achieve our dreams unless your life is perfect. You have to be rich or become this wonderful person that you only dream you could be.

Of course, it takes sacrifice, but most of your dreams are doable. You will have to have some trade ins, but you can make it happen.

We might have to wait longer than we thought, we might have to work harder than we ever thought possible, we might have to make some really hard decisions, but they can happen.

It is also some true scary shit, but that doesn't mean that we can't take a risk and go for it.

This isn't a call of action to not chase your dreams. The last thing I want to do is to put you off. I just want to be really honest.

I want to show the side of things you don't generally see.

But you know what? All of those things I'm worried about? All of the sacrifices I'm making?

They are ALL worth it. There have been hard decisions to make along the way, but I wouldn't have made another decision. Travelling the world, learning more about life and more about myself, getting to have new experiences and having so much more independence and freedom has always been something I've wanted to do.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. And I'm sure you feel the same about your dreams too :)

11 Fun Ways to Build Your Self Confidence That You Won't Find In Cosmo

I've had quite a few confidence shattering experiences over the last five years. And there's a notable difference between how I presented myself five years ago than now. Somewhere along the way though , I learned that it's possible to love myself, that I'm much more introverted than I thought I was and that when you compare yourself to someone you once were, you're always going to see it with rose-tinted glasses.

I've been in soul sucking jobs, had managers that were vicious bullies, fallen out with friends, had people my life who made me feel like shit and other various experiences that I won't detail here because no matter how honest and vulnerably you share your life online, you have to have boundaries and draw a line in the sand somewhere.

These are tips you probably aren't going to read in Cosmo. And I'm guessing you're not a huge Cosmo addict because my site is pretty much as far away as you can get from it.

I don't write lists of 5 ways you can love yourself TODAY because I believe they're bullshit as much as I believe the sun is in the sky.

Instead these are small exercises and tiny and big actions you can take, that over a period of time and working on yourself, are going to help you build your confidence.

So if your confidence has been chipped, if you don't stand as tall as you once did, or if you never stood tall to begin with, I hope these can be valuable things you can do so you can greet the world in the eyes, to quote Macklemore, 'stare the world into its face' and claim your space in the world without apology.

1. Dress for the person you want to be

The idea of dressing for the job you want has been thrown around a lot lately. It's one of those pseudo empowerment, techniques that probably helps someone. While I think that leaves a lot to be desired, the idea of dressing for the person you want to be is a much better alternative.

I think we can all get into a habit with how we dress. Wearing stuff that is okay but doesn't really reflect who we are. Keeping to the same safe shapes, the same safe colours and not fully embracing who we are.

And I think that's especially true if you have your own issues around your body image. For me, I've put off buying clothes I LOVE for a long time, because I'm 'plus size'. I kept telling myself the quirky and beautiful clothes I want are attainable when I've lost the weight. But here's the thing. I've had an up and down relationship with my body for all of my life. I'm not suddenly going to drop all the weight, and even if I did, I deserve to have clothes I love NOW. In my head, the person I want to be dresses how I used to when I was thinner. Lots of colour, lots of accessories, and outrageous colour and pattern combinations. And I'm working to embrace that. When me and Mr. Meg go on our round the world adventure, we're going to need maximum versatility and clothes we love. I'm only taking a 45 litre rucksack, so the clothes I take, I need to love. Instead of buying loads of plain vests and leggings, I'm going to be rocking this killer dungaree flared skirt, this beautiful polka dot tea dress and glamming it up with one of these *gorgeous* vintage evening dresses (whenever I can decide on the print!)

How can you dress to be the person you want to be? Take a bit of time - what does she look like? Browse Pinterest, indulge yourself in finding clothes that reflect who you are as a person.

2. Look strangers in the eye

This can be pretty fucking terrifying. So many of us get hung up on worrying what other people think of us, but the truth is that most people are so concerned about themselves and having that same inner dialogue in their own head that they're probably not wondering why you bought that dress or how your stomach sticks out in your jeans.

And here's the fun bit. When you start to look people in the eye, you'll realise something. It's not as scary as you think. It doesn't kill you, you get a much better view. You get to see so much more than the pavement and pigeon shit.

And that has to be worth it in itself.

3. Go somewhere where no one recognises you

There's something so liberating about being somewhere that no one recognises you. There's a sense of freedom, that you probably won't see people you know, and that you probably won't see any of these people ever again. You can try out personas, walk with some serious swagger, dance and sing out loud to your favourite music, give people the eye and greet the world in the face. Of course you do this anywhere, but sometimes it helps to start in places completely familiar and build yourself up.

I love the George Bernard Shaw quote: "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Explore who you can be. And have fun with it!

4. Take REALLY bad 'selfies'

My inside cringes at the word selfies, but there we go.

If you struggle with low self confidence, chances are you aren't best friends with the camera either.

I've got periods of my life where I have no pictures of myself. There are whole chunks of my life that remain visually undocumented because I hated the way I looked so much. And that's really sad. Because I didn't have any less of a story, and I was still living my life. I just hated myself to the point that I didn't think my face was worth documenting.

While you might never want to get to the stage where you're taking pictures of yourself and updating your profile picture every day, I think it's definitely worth starting to take photos of yourself and looking at them. We can become so disconnected with what we see in the mirror. The more you start to connect with your reflection, the greater chance of you finding things you love about your face.

I can say with joy that I love my eyes, my nose ring really makes me smile and I have a pretty hilariously big smile. And I can also tell you the things I don't like - the fat around my neck, my less than clear skin and my lack of dimples. But you know what? The things I love outweigh those negatives every day.

So start taking photos. Start with the ones that are so bad that they make you laugh. And somewhere along the way, I bet you'll start to find things you love too.

5. Start a Comfort Zone List

This is absolutely inspired by Anabel Roque Rodríguez and her own challenge that she shares on Couragemakers. Anabel and her friend both wanted to extend their comfort zones, so they came up with an amazing project to help them do it.

Every week, they would mail each other a couple of ways they were each going to challenge themselves to come out of their comfort zone. Sometimes it would be something as seemingly simple as talk to a stranger.

Why not start your own Comfort Zone List? By doing small actions every week and deliberately focusing on your comfort zone and how you're feeling, you're going to find yourself really proud of what you can achieve which will start to build your confidence in no time.

11 Fun Ways To Increase Your Self Confidence You Won't Find in Cosmo

6. Do something for you that is completely unrelated to your work or any goal

We're so busy that sometimes it can be really hard to justify doing things just for the fun of it. But I think there's something magical that happens when you do something just because you want to.

It makes you feel more in control of your own life, and reaffirms your subconscious that you do matter, and that your happiness is importance.

And it can be anything. Signing up to Borrow My Doggy and getting to know cute dogs in your neighbourhood, having a one person karaoke party, writing your own one person musical (this is on my 30 before 30 list and I'm still not sure how I'm going to pull it off!), or going outside in the pouring rain and let yourself get completely soaked. Or you could start a watercolour painting class, teach yourself to make your own shampoo or learn a new skill. Whatever appeals to you, even if you don't know why.

Whatever is fun for you - and you don't have to justify it, and it doesn't have to make sense to any one other than you - find time to do it. And enjoy it.

And if you don't know what you find fun - start exploring!

7. Stop apologising

I am a recovering chronic apologiser. I apologise for so much shit that has nothing to do with me.

Sorry [even though you bumped into me], sorry [for talking too much even though you asked me a question], sorry [for taking up my full seat on the train, that I have a right to sit in], sorry [for standing up for myself even if you did treat me like shit], sorry [for asking where my meal is even though I ordered half an hour ago], sorry [for interrupting you even though I told you I had to leave half an hour ago]. And the list goes on.

I might as well apologise for the sun fucking shining.

Jeez louise.

And here's the thing. It makes me feel like shit. Every time I do it, I then get annoyed at myself and then end up blaming myself and feeling stupid.

What a confidence crippling cycle.

So if you find yourself doing the same (because I know I'm definitely not alone in this), join me in challenging yourself not to apologise, unless you do something that really warrants it. Like accidentally poisoning your friend's cat, or being mean to someone you love.

You don't owe the world an apology for existing.

8. Get an outside perspective

This is something that's really helped me and it's much different (and better) than asking friends to name three good qualities about you, like so many places suggest.

Having a completely objective perspective can really make you view yourself, and your strengths in a way you didn't before.

In order to do this, I suggest three different online tests (in order of how helpful I think they are.

Clifton StrengthsFinder Test 

I found this one to be an absolute gamechanger. I'd thought of doing it for a while but resented having to pay (it's not very expensive - I did it by buying the kindle edition). But then I got chatting to Violeta Nedkova on Couragemakers about it, and decided it was worth giving a go.

And it SO was. After an extensive (but really fun) set of scenario based questions, you end the test with a breakdown of your top 5 skills (mine were activator, maximiser, connectedness, strategic and relator). Which is really cool in itself, but it gets better!

For each of your top five strengths, the test goes on to tell you how that strength helps you stand out, gives you questions, ideas for action *and* an action plan.

This test has really given me a new understanding of why I've really struggled with the jobs I've had. I can see that I needed to be working for progressive organisations, places where my creativity, strategic skills and leadership skills were valued and nurtured, and have the ability to really feedback my ideas on how to make the organisation a better place. And knowing that really helped heal some old wounds.

A lot of people find this test so transformative because it allows you to see what you thought were weaknesses, as strengths, and helps you see yourself in a completely different light.

The Fascination Advantage

This is another fun one, and again it's not free but I think there is a free quick version you can do here.

This quiz is all about how the world sees you, and while I didn't really discover anything new about myself, it was reaffirming and was a bit like a big accomplishment.

Something I did find however, is that it was SO helpful in understanding how Mr. Meg works. He did the test (yes, I made him!) and I now have such a better understanding of how his mind works and what motivates him.

And it turns out that not everybody works the same as me and is motivated by the same things. So that was a fun realisation!

And if you're wondering, my primary advantage was passion amd my secondary advantage was power which means my result is that I'm 'The People's Champion'.

Get ready to have a new epic name to call yourself after taking this test!

Free Personality Test Based on Myers Briggs* (it isn't THE Myers Briggs test, but a free version that a lot of people take instead)

So if you've seen people have a seemingly random acronym in their Twitter bio, this personality test is probably the culprit.

It's pretty similar in style to the Strengths Finder Test, but instead of telling you your strengths, it assigns you to one of 16 personality types. And it's pretty fucking accurate. And slightly too creepily true.

It is designed to work out :

How you interact with the world - Introverted (I) or Extroverted (E) How you interpret things - Sensing (S) or Intuitive (I) How you make decisions - Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) How you deal with the outside world - Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

And once you do the test, you get your acronym. There are 16 different combinations and each are completely different. And completely fascinating. And you end up with a long description that basically sums you up better than anything ever has.

If you're curious, I'm an INFP, and it seems like a lot of people I really relate with are as well!

These three tests are great at building confidence because they help give you a deeper understanding of you. And you might find yourself nodding along in agreement with some pretty incredible things about yourself.

9. Laugh for no reason

A random fact about myself, is that a couple of years ago, I trained as a laughter yoga instructor. If you're wondering what laughter yoga is (it's not some fantangled way of moving your body, it's mainly about breathing and the amazing health impacts laughter gives us), you can see it in practice here with Dr. Madan Kataria, who started the laughter yoga movement.

As well as laughing myself silly until I felt like I couldn't move, I learned so much about how laughter helps us in every day life. From how it helps boost our immune system, how it helps us connect with people, to how it helps us to build resilience.

And here's the best part of all.

Your body and mind don't know the difference between fake laughing and real laughing. So you get the exact same outcomes from making yourself fake laugh as you do when you have a really good laugh with a friend.

Now, this might take a bit of getting used to, and feel downright bizarre when you first start, but once you've got over that first hiccup, you'll find that it can have great effects on your mood and confidence.

So try it out. I recommend starting with a simple breathing technique 'Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha' and taking it from there.

Believe me, it works, and it's a lot of fun!

10. Do something that really scares you, that you wrote off as something you might do ONE DAY

I think it's really easy to divide the world into things we want to do that are in the realm of possibility and the things we'd love to do that we'll probably never do.

And I think there's a massive amount of confidence that can be gained by making those things that are bucket list items, or things that we think we'll do one day into reality.

And those things can be the big scary things, and they can also be tiny things. Because what's big and scary for you, might be easy to someone else, and what's piss-easy for you might be a huge deal to someone else.

But the main difference is doing them instead of thinking about them. Recruit a friend, set yourself a challenge, take the leap and trust the net will be there to catch you.

Because life is here to be lived. And you have the power to make that happen.

11. Show Up

My last tip is the biggest and probably the hardest. And it encapsulated a lot of what I've already spoken about.

And that's to show up, claim your motherfucking right to exist, and dare to do the things that make you happy.

Because you have every right to show up. And sometimes we all need the reminder that we're not here to shrink away, keep our thoughts to ourselves and look at the ground. We're not here to apologise for taking up space, to hide our brilliance and to shy away from what makes us unique.

You have so many things that make you stand out. And you have a combination of skills, strengths and personal quirks that no one else has.

You don't have any competition, because no one can do what you do in the way you do it.

And that's pretty fucking special.

I hope this list has given you some inspiration and practical ways to start building your own confidence.

Stop apologising for existing, start laughing, embrace your personality, smile at strangers, and stand a bit taller.

Surprise yourself.

You have so much to give the world and the world needs to hear your story.

And anyone who has made you think any different, can quite frankly shove it.

I would love to know any fun ways you've used to build your confidence, or how you got on trying these ideas out for yourself! Let me know in the comments!

Thank you to the lovely Tiffany Pratt for letting me use this beautiful photo. Credit for interior design and styling goes to Tiffany Pratt and photography rights go to Tara McMullen.

Pep Talk: Be The Heroine In Your Own Adventure Story

Here's a truth for you: I have spent my whole life wanting to write about women who go on adventures. Women who decide to choose themselves and follow their own path, wherever it takes them. Women who buy a one way plane ticket and greet life with a smile and a fuck it attitude. Women who go where the wind takes them find themselves. Women who go out and chase their dreams like their life depends on it. I've spent my whole life wanting to write about these women, but now something is different.

Instead of reading about these fictional heroines, I'm meeting them, chatting to them, interviewing them about their incredible journeys, about both the shit and the giggles and what it took to get them to where they are today.

And somewhere along the way, instead of writing about fictional characters who go on adventures to find themselves, I became a real life version.

And **shit ** is that equal parts terrifying and exciting at the same time.

I've spent so much of my life in a deep sense of longing. Longing to be someplace different, longing for a different life, longing for adventures and longing to be the fictional heroine who lives in my imagination.

And it's really hard to believe that I am becoming her.

In just over three months time, me and Mr. Meg will be leaving the UK to have our own adventure. We'll be spending three months in the US, dancing ourselves silly, eating our way around the country and sleeping on strangers couches in cities we've only dreamt of.. Then after a short visit back home, we'll be off to India, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and Indonesia for six months to see some of the most beautiful places in the world, massively expand our point of reference and really open our minds and our lives. And the future? It looks a little something like this:

I don't know what memories I'm going to make. I don't know what crazy stories I'm going to come back with. I don't know what's going to inspire me, and what I'm going to learn about myself.

But what I do know is this: In a year's time, when I'm thinking about writing about women who go and have their own adventures, it's going to be with a completely different set of references and experiences.

It's going to be from the point of view of someone who chose herself and chased after her dreams as well.

Because if I don't choose myself, it will never happen. I would have just been stuck longing and wondering over the what ifs. Those fictional characters in stories I've yet to write would get more developed, their dreams more real than mine ever could be and my dreams would be just that. A story that's waiting to be written, which might never have been written.

I'm slowly realising that I don't have to sit on the sidelines. I don't have to reserve these epic adventures, stories and memories. I can go and make my own. And you can too.

I'm realising that it's not about doing it after this, or when I'm this, or when this happens.

And it's not just reserved for other people.

We get to have our own adventures. We get to choose our own adventures.

And that feels pretty liberating to write for the first time.

And these adventures, these dreams? They're going to be different for each and every one of us.

And that's some pretty fucking epic shit right there.

So, take a bet on yourself, dare to believe in your dreams and chase them. And become a person who's autobiography you would love to read. Because deep down, you know what you want, and you can get there.

It takes a shitload of courage, but you can do it.

Let's do this together and commit to living the lives of our heroines, instead of writing them.

The Ultimate Napping Playlist

I absolutely bloody love napping. I really think it's one of life's simplest luxuries. And I can say with pride (maybe too much pride), that I have NAILED the art of napping.

All it takes is a good playlist, my epic flamingo blanket and sometimes my huge cuddly bear (come on, we're all adults and I know I'm not alone in this).

When I was in the midst of hardcore burnout, naps were an absolute staple. And now I work from home and work many many more hours than I ever have done, napping has become essential on the days where my brain feels fried and I feel overwhelmed.

But don't get me wrong, if the depression starts creeping in, if I'm having a bad day or feeling really down, a nap it is.

And while I'm not going to go into napping tips here (there are some great articles out there), I've found what really works for me is making sure I don't nap under the duvets unless it's really cold (otherwise it's nearly impossible to get up) and through extensive sleeping experimentation, my napping sweet spot is half an hour.

We all need to take time out. We live busy lives, and sometimes things get too much. And I've always found that it's exactly when I think I shouldn't/can't take time out, that I absolutely need to.

I used to think napping made me lazy, until I saw the direct benefits:

I could either keep going and have simple tasks that usually take me ten minutes to do take two hours,or I could nap and wake up a bit more focused.

I could either snap at people I love because I was feeling stressed, or I could take half hour out and have patience and enjoy my time with them instead.

I could either sit around feeling really glum, endlessly scrolling through Facebook and making myself more miserable, or I could give my brain a rest and wake up with a more detached perspective.

I think you know what I'm getting at. If I could go back and rub out S Club 7 on my on my primary school pencil case and replace it with Napping Rules (it was probably with a z, I wasn't and never have claimed to be cool), I would.

So without further ado, here is the Ultimate Napping Playlist. May it accompany you on many pleasant naps and bring you some much needed rest!

What Becoming Visible Has Taught Me

When I ran the New Year’s Revolution challenge at the start of the year, I set myself a challenge for 2016. And that was to become more visible. And share my many stories. For me that meant putting my whole self out there. Not hiding behind a screen or a mask, but showing up, as I am.

And that’s some tough scary shit. Because it’s really hard to meet yourself as you are and a) be okay with yourself and b) show that to the world.

For me, a big part of becoming visible meant sharing my whole story, not just the good bits; the bits that sound great on paper. But instead telling the whole thing. Messy bits, the ugly bits and the bits I’d change if I was re-writing it.

I’ve written a lot recently about sharing your story and it’s one of my core beliefs that the world needs to hear the messy, complicated, stories. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

While I was sick of hiding the complicated bits and things that didn’t make sense, I’ve been terrified to really show myself. 

And I know I’m not alone in this. So many of us are living this same struggle. And sometimes our logic isn’t rational, but it feels very real and serious to us.

I mean, I nearly didn’t start my podcast because I’m fat. How does that even make sense? I mean, what the fuck is that about?!

And I’ve been shy in sharing my own mental health struggles because I feared that it would discredit my ability to talk about wellbeing, overcoming burnout and living a wholehearted life. (This, I also learned, is bollocks).

So many of us who are fighting for a brighter, better world have struggles and don’t have our shit together. And like I’ve written before, no one wants real life advice from the person who claims that they never have and never will have problems because life is magical. In some ways, having problems makes us most qualified to do it.

But to me, at that time, showing up fully, with both the shit and giggles was a serious concern.

In this self help world of green smoothies and yoga at 5am, I had so many mixed feelings as showing up the way I am.

As a fat woman who struggles with her mental health , the world makes so many assumptions and I didn’t want that.

But I’d started to define myself by my struggles and not by my unique combination of skills and strengths or the passion that I have to make the world a brighter place.

And because I’d already figured out in my own head how people would react, (which FYI, didn’t come true. At all) I’d scared myself shitless about it.

But someway along the way, I realised that becoming visible wasn’t this horrible, scary thing that would mean the end to life as I knew it.

It was a lot like closing your eyes, squeezing your hands tightly together and blurting out what you’ve wanted to say for a while, then coming up to air and realising the world hasn’t ended.

It gave me life. It felt absolutely invigorating to actually put myself out there. To log into skype and have deep intimate conversations with women all over the world for my podcast was terrifying to begin with, but has quickly become one of my all time favourite things to do.

Launching a New Year’s Revolution email course was exciting and so refreshing. Jumping on Skype with people I’ve only known via email has only made our relationships better.

Instead of doing it for the sake of a challenge, putting myself out there actually became fun. I learned that as much as I tell myself otherwise to keep myself safe, I thrive on connecting with other like minded people. I absolutely love talking to people and getting to know their stories. I love showing up as my bright coloured self, being really honest and trying to make the world a better place.

And the last four months have taken me to some pretty amazing places.

I actually started the podcast I put off for so long and it has been even more beautiful than I ever could have dreamt of. Then I put it into the world with some radical honesty and interviewed the most incredible women, and The Couragemakers Podcast ended up in New & Noteworthy (say whaaaat?).

And I’ve enjoyed (enjoyed!) being interviewed for some other amazing podcasts. I shared my struggles with being in the entrepreneur world and my upcoming round the world adventure with VK the VA for her wonderful podcast Behind The Boss Mask and got seriously honest with Sarah Starrs about multipotentiality, the truth and myths behind lifestyle design and uninstagrammable self care on her Punk Rock Personal Development Podcast.

And to put the icing on the cake, I’ve become really open about my own mental health struggles and also really spoken out about my life as a fat woman with Rose Gold (which comes out on Thursday!)

And I’ve learned something huge through this experience:

Hiding yourself from the world not only does a great disservice to yourself, but it gives a great disservice to the world.

The world needs your story. The world needs more raw and honest stories. And you’ll be surprised just how not alone you are when you start sharing.

Like courage breeds courage, honest breeds honesty and stories breed stories.

Showing up as yourself, owning your own story is a radical thing to do, especially in this world where we’re told that only so many stories count.

Because your story does count, the same way as you matter.

You have so much to give the world. And you’re going to enjoy your life so much more where you can really step into your life and claim your spot on the stage.

The 'secret' to getting creative work done and chasing your dreams

When I first started writing, at a very young age, I was obsessed by how other writers achieved success. What writing habits did they adopt? Where did they write? Did they type or hand write? How did they map their novels? What kind of pen were they using? I thought this knowledge was the secret to my own writing success. If only I could find something that sounded like it could work like me. If I kept researching their habits, reading interviews and trying to uncover their secrets, then I could achieve the same success. Or I could get out of my writer’s block (oh, the irony). Either way, I thought it was a bit of a magic hack to the success that I wanted to happen.

It took me years to work out that was bollocks.

(Hopefully you get that the title was ironic!)

But it didn’t feel like it at the time. It felt like the way to go about things. I thought I was doing the sensible thing. I thought it would make me feel more inspired and keen to get on with my own work.

It didn’t. It blocked me like a toilet at Glastonbury.

I was copying all these things famous authors were doing, but they weren’t working.

New pen. Check

New notebook. Check

Wake up early and write. Check

Wake up late and write. Check.

Attempt to plot novels on napkins. Nearly.

I was SO obsessed with having a routine and word count that I was writing a grand total of jack shit.

And when I did have an idea, I would obsess over whether it could work to the point that in my head the idea turned into this ridiculous thing that was never going to work out.

I didn’t write for a long time.

I bought new notebooks, like I could purchase hope and inspiration in cold hard cash. After the first page, they lay completely empty. A beautiful reminder of my inability to believe in myself.

That was until I started this blog. I didn’t even think about the fact that I was writing. I just let words tumble out onto the laptop, in a way that made sense to me.

I started to think more about life, and write about what I saw. I had so much to say that I knew someone needed to hear other than me.

And I left that world of authorship, obsessing and watching other writers become successful. Instead, I started to focus on what needed to come out of me. Because SHIT was there a lot of stuff.

And along the line I realised something.

There is no hack. There is no special habit or routine. There is no one way of going about it. JK Rowling started out just like me and you. An urge to put her shit into the world.

So there is no hack. But there is a difference.

And that lies in actually getting on with it and doing the work. 

Maybe that's the big secret.

The problem with looking to other highly successful creatives is that we don’t see the unpublished works. We don’t see the really bad first drafts. We don’t see the amount of paper or documents that got sent to the trash can.

And we don’t realise that they’re just doing something that they found works for them. They got to a point where they too were able to block off the noise and just do the work.

And they worked fucking hard.

To borrow the words of Macklemore:

The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint,

The greats were great cause they paint a lot

And when we look to other people, we get so sucked into what works for them that we completely forget what works for us.

And whether we realise it or not yet, we know a lot about what works for us.

Have a look at the following questions and you’ll be surprised that you know more than you think about what works for you

What time of the day do you feel more inspired?

What do you feel the urge to do? It doesn’t have to make sense

What motivates you?

Why do you want to do the work/create what you want?

Do you like typing or handwriting ideas?

Do you work better with music?

Does the environment make a difference to you? If so, what helps?

You have all the answers inside you. But first of all, it starts with doing the work and turning down the noise; the noise of what everyone else is doing, what they’re achieving, what their process looks like. Everything.

Focus on you.

Part of being a trailblazer is doing things because they make sense to you.

Start with that.

Whether you own an online business, design stationary, write books or want to do you own thing, whatever that looks like, what can you do RIGHT NOW to reduce the noise and listen to yourself?