Walking on Custard & My Own Mental Health Journey

Sometimes you watch or read something and it knocks the wind out of you. You wonder where it’s been all your life.

And you have a new way of understanding yourself.

And you feel less alone.

That’s what happened when I first saw Neil Hughes’ TED Talk about walking on custard and anxiety.

I’ve struggled with a toxic combination of obsessive compulsive order, anxiety and depression as long as I can remember. Some of them would come up every now again. Others, like my OCD remained consistent like the feeling you have after you eat a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

I used to put it down to teenage growing pains and angst, but there’s only so far you can get into your twenties until you start realising perhaps that’s not the whole story?!

And it’s not something I’ve massively talked about publicly.

Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because some things are hard to put into words. I’ve been open here about how being an activist and needing to leave the world of activism had a huge impact on my mental health, but that’s only a bit of it.

So today I want to share with you some things that I got really good at that you didn’t know. Things that I never planned at getting good at but came free with my mental health issues, like a really shit boomerang in a kids magazine. You never wanted it but they gave you it anyway.  Some of these things are still relevant today but thankfully, on most days, these skills stay unused.

• How AMAZING I am at ignoring the weird looks people have given me when I have to check to things 21 times to the count of 7, and repeat three times.

• Fast counting in my head. SHIT I am good at that. And I’m SO good at forgetting whether I did it properly so doing it all over again. And again.

• Convincing myself I’m unable to leave the house/go to the doctors/go to the shop because I do’t feel like I’m able to

• Laughing it off really hard and convincingly when someone makes me feel like shit

• The success rate of friendships being sometimes massively affected by my mental health

• How excellent I am at creating completely hypothetical situations that involve losing the people around me

• Convincing myself that said hypothetical situations are going to happen

• Making up excuses not to shower

There was a time when I used to the fear that if people knew how great I am at those things, then things would change. Perhaps people wouldn’t listen to me? I’d be put in a box? I’d be asked who I am to talk about what I talk about when I haven’t got my own shit together.  And there was some shame. (Because shame is EVERYWHERE.)

But I know it’s important to share your shit as well as the good stuff.

And I know only too well I’m not alone in this struggle. It seems like most creatives and mission driven people struggle with their mental health at one time or another. So, thank you Neil for encouraging me to share my own story. And for being a fucking hero for sharing ways you’ve found to re-train your brain.

If you struggle with your mental health, I can’t recommend Neil’s talk enough.

And for those of you who walk on custard (now you’re curious to watch the talk!), I’m waving and shouting hello from my own sticky mess.

https://youtu.be/bM06o26PCDQ

Read this if you've ever felt like a fraud

I want to talk about something today that we don’t really like to talk about, or admit. We all feel like frauds.

Who am I to be doing this?

Why should someone pay me attention/money to do this? 

What if they find out that I feel like a mess and discover I’m a massive fraud?

Who do you think you are to do this? What makes you qualify to have a voice on this?

How long is it going to be until someone finds out, and then I’m done. I’m going to lose it all.

What if my boss/friend/client going to find out they chose the wrong person?

I’m not an expert!

I’ve had these thoughts, you’ve had these thoughts, and even John Green feels like a fraud and like he doesn’t know how to write a novel.

Sometimes it feels like a ‘guess what celebrity I am’ post it note stuck on your forehead that you’re desperately trying to hide.

(You can breathe a huge sigh of relief that you’re not alone now!)

And I think there’s a good reason many of us feel like frauds.

It comes from a place of good intention.

We’re mission driven, we want to help people, and our inner perfectionists want us to do the The Best Job Ever.

We’re given so many reasons to listen to the voice inside us that tells us we’re not good enough, that when we put something in the world, when we try something, our imposter voice comes out to keep us in check.

Because for so many of us, we don’t want to let people down, we don’t want to be seen as conceited, we don’t want to wave our expertise or our own strengths around like a bra at a Macklemore gig.

Instead, we worry like hell.

We worry that we’re not doing a good job, counter to what anyone else is telling us. We convince ourselves that the people who support us and encourage us don’t know our secret; the full story - the one where we’re a MASSIVE IMPOSTER.

(And sometimes, when things get really shitty, we can convince ourselves that people don’t mean their compliments, they’re doing it just to make us feel good, or because they pity us. Hello, crippling self-doubt!)

We all have our own fraud stories. Every single one of us. We’ve all had those thoughts, and we’ve all unintentionally and sometimes intentionally kept ourselves back because we feel like a massive fraud.

My own fraud story 

When I started That Hummingbird Life, it was primarily about recovering from burnout and self care. And I used to beat myself up so much about getting burnt out. Fucking hell did I give myself a hard time when I myself got burnt out.

When I first started, I’d just recovered from a couple of serious burnout episodes and had found things that helped me.

For the first time in my life, I saw the value in taking time for myself, the value in putting myself on my priority list, and I started to say no to things, do things that made my heart sing and generally remember that I am valued and I actually matter.

And I learned SO much from that process. It was a complicated, messy, human process and I shared a lot of it. I wanted to share my journey, share things I found invaluable, and share my struggle.

But it turns out it takes longer than a couple of years to un-do learned behaviours we’ve been repeating over and over again our entire lives (help everyone, say yes, just keep going, practice makes perfect).

So I would still burnout. But there was a difference. It wasn’t so hard, and it didn’t take me as long to bounce back. Each time was getting quicker, because I’d built resilience and tools that I know worked for me to help me deal with it.

But at the time, I wasn’t focusing on how I was doing. All I could feel when I did burnout was how much of a fraud I was, and I felt guilty. I thought it made me a hypocrite.

I thought I was an absolute fraud. And a failure. 

The thought that kept going round in my head was  who am I to think that I could help other people, if I still get trapped in the burnout cycle and struggle with self care.

And it really chipped at my confidence. I found it harder to blog and share things that had helped me because I felt like I wasn’t doing it 100% right myself.

I found it harder to blog and stopped offering coaching completely, even though I know I helped many people because of my experience and because I was good at what I did.

With The Couragemakers Podcast, the same familiar thoughts came back to me.

But something changed.

At some point down the line, I figured that everyone has these feelings, and they’re a safety mechanism to keep us in our comfort zones, and to keep us from thinking we’ve got ‘too big for our boots’.

That doesn’t mean to say I never feel like a fraud anymore. Far from it!

I even thought who am I to be writing about fraud? Several times through writing this.

If you’ve got passionate bones in your body, if you genuinely want to help people and put good shit in the world, you’re going to feel like a fraud at some point.

Not necessarily all the time, maybe it’s just fleeting. But we all feel it.

No matter what your work, your passion project - whatever it is you’re putting in the world - is, feeling like a fraud is a part of it.

But being human is even more a fundamental part of it.

If you’re doing something because you experienced it and found something that works for you and want to share it, then that is a completely valid way of helping people. (And it’s also worth remembering that we write what we most need to hear; we work on the things that heal us.)

Experience is a completely valid place to create from.

And experiences are never simple. There’s never a point A or a point B. There’s a couple of salsa steps forward then sliding backwards on your arse.

The fraud is the person who stands there and says they no have zero problems.

The fraud is the confidence coach who tells you they are now 110% completely happy in themselves, that they can establish effective boundaries for every single relationship they have and no longer struggle with self doubt, whatesoever anymore.

The fraud is the person who stands up with the fairy godmother transformation and preaches that they’ve completely figured it out and they don’t struggle anymore.

The fraud is the person that promises you unrealistic fantasies that they pass off as real life.

The fraud is the person that tells you their life used to be awful but now it’s the most amazing fucking thing they could ever fucking imagine.

The fraud is NOT YOU.

You feel like a fraud because we all do.

Because you care.

Because you know deep down you have something of immense value to add to the world, but your first instinct is to keep you safe (in the comfort zone).

You are anything, but alone.

What would you create if no-one was judging?

Life Lesson 1: Good ideas always come in the shower. Especially when you’re singing loud to ‘Go Your Own Way’ (this version is the best!) Life Lesson 2: Not everyone cares if you go your own way. They might not care about what you do in general.

Stay with me on this one. You know I’m not one to throw shit around on a Friday morning.

You and me. We’re passionate people. We want to put good shit into the world. But sometimes we get stuck. We get so worried about what other people might think about what we’re doing and who will see our work that it almost feels paralysing. Sometimes it is. (Writer’s block ring any bells?)

We can get so preoccupied with what other people think.

How they’re going to judge us. What our work says about us as a person. Whether it’s good compared to someone else. Whether someone will think we could have done it better. Whether people are going to share it. Whether it will move people. Whether someone will raise their head and make an ugly comment.

And sometimes we’re worried about ‘people’ in general. This mysterious entity that we talk about like they’re sat looking over our shoulder at any minute, ready to point their finger at us and shout ‘fraud!’

And other time it’s specific people. Family members. Old friends. The people who bullied us at school. People we fell out with a while ago. Colleagues. Competitors.

Whoever they are, it’s fair to say that we dedicate a lot of our time to worrying what they are going to think.

And that’s time we can never get back.

Time that we could have been spent doing things that set our hearts on fire. Time spent reading a book that inspires us to start a project we’ve never thought of before. Time that could have been spent doing the work. 

And I want to save you time in the future by telling you something that took me a long time to learn, but really helped me to turn a corner:

They don’t care as much as you think they do. They might not even care. We might not even be on their radar.

It's a truth that’s a bit like a bitter pill to swallow: No one cares more about what you’re doing with your life more than you do. (The truth will set you free!)

And to be clear here, I’m not talking about your audience, the people who you help (though we could do with stopping worrying so much about them as well). Because when your heart is in the right place and you’re doing the work that matters, you help and inspire people without even realising it.

When I first launched That Hummingbird Life, it was like taking a sharp intake of breath and waiting for all of the negative comments from people in my life that I hadn’t seen for years.

And they didn’t happen.

And it’s been the same for every single thing I’ve done since.

And when you don’t hear anything from them regardless of what you do, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to stop caring what they think and to stop worrying. And sometimes you get to a place where you’re putting yourself out there without even a second thought of them.

I think we get stuck waiting for permission.

We get stuck in this place where we think everyone in our life is going to judge you. (If they do and they’re a dreamshitter, read this).

But here’s the thing that really matters. What you do with your life, what you create, and how you spend your time - these are things that concern mainly one person - you. And there’s only one person who is truly invested in this and this makes a difference to on an everyday level - you.

So take a step back, and ask yourself: If I stopped worrying about all these people, right now, what would I focus on? What would I create? What would I dare to try.

And let yourself be surprised by the answers.

I'd love to know what your answers are in the comments!

Pep Talk: Stop Judging Yourself & Other People

This post was going to be something entirely different, but it turns out sometimes life happens and the story has to pan out before the main point becomes clear. Let me back up. I recently went to a 3 day country music festival and was in my absolute element. Seriously, if anything makes me feel like my heart is on fire and like I’m truly alive, it’s dancing, singing and foot stomping to my favourite songs. And that's exactly what I did. (Well, it wasn't quite that easy, but that's another post).

So it's coming to the last 3 songs of Carrie Underwood’s set and people are leaving. They're grabbing their bags, and heading out of the arena to avoid queues. (did I mention it was the most popular arena in the world?) And I'm thinking WHY?!

At this point, I've got an entire blog post written in my head ready to put on paper, about leaving before shit gets real, giving yourself excuses to miss the main event and missing out on epic parts of life because something more convenient came up. And I’m feeling pretty good about it.

Well. 

That was until the last night. When I had to leave early to make my last train and ended up missing out on the finale of Eric Church’s gig (cue sad face). And I thought holy shit:

A. I’m a hypocrite

B. Life isn't that fucking simple

I’d made all these presumptions about the people who had left the day before, and then it happened to me.

And it got me thinking a lot about how we judge other people without knowing their whole story and situation. Especially how we treat people when they don’t work to achieve their dreams in the way we’d approach them, or if they abandon their dreams.

When we’re in our own heads, it’s easy to make up stories and get on our dream chasing high horse, even if we’re not meaning to.

For most people, including me and you, chasing your dreams is really bloody complicated. There are SO many factors involved, there are so many different elements that go into making a decision, and choosing what path to follow.

And some elements aren’t chosen by us. Each of us have our own unique set of challenges.

We all have things in our lives that make it extremely difficult to get the work done, to find what it is we feel like we’re meant to do, and to follow our dreams.

And all of our challenges vary, and most of them are completely hidden, or at least not very obvious. (And it’s not up to us or for other people to make them completely visible.)

We don’t always have to explain ourselves to others. We’re allowed to struggle in the dark if we want to.

It may be that someone is paralysed by fear, that they don’t think they can see it all the way through. It may be that they’ve never finished anything and have yet to find the tools they need to get them over than final hurdle. Maybe they have children and balancing childcare and dream chasing is tough. Maybe they get 90% the way through and their budget is blown. Maybe the car breaks down and the savings went. Maybe they’re in poverty and savings were never an option. Perhaps someone became ill and priorities change. Perhaps the project was never serving them in the first place and they were doing it because of guilt. Maybe they have mental health problems and sometimes the biggest achievement of the day is managing to get out of bed. Maybe they have a having a chronic illness and are dealing with the daily struggles and ups and downs that comes with that. Or another one of the 986,746,735,361 other situations I could have thought up.

There are a billion reasons why people do things or don’t do things.

And you might be the most empathetic person in the world, but you’ll never know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes. 

Because you only have your own frame of reference to go by. And often, our individual frames of references can’t even begin to think of what it would look like for someone else. We make assumptions, we think about what we’d do if we were in that situation and even if our interests come from a really kind place, we end up judging.

Whatever our circumstances are, they’re all different.

And I think we can all relate this back to ourselves. 

We judge ourselves all the fucking time because we don’t take into account our own challenges.

Instead, we beat ourselves up, we tell ourselves we should be doing better and we call ourselves lazy. We convince ourselves we can’t follow things through, and wonder what the point was in the first place.

We become our own harshest critics, and then wonder why we can’t create, why we can’t follow our dreams when we’re in a place of complete self sabotage.

So this is your reminder to give yourself a break and give others a break. We won’t always know the rhyme or reason. We won’t always understand what motivates others or what stops them in their tracks. It’s hard enough to do that for ourselves

We all have challenges. And they’re complicated, messy and often uncomfortable.

Welcome to the joys of being a human.

I’d love to know what you’re doing to be kinder to yourself and how you’re giving yourself a break. Let me know in the comments!

The Epic Guide to Celebrating the Shit Out of Your Small Wins

I talk a lot about celebrating the shit out of your small wins. I mean a lot. Celebrating your small wins helps you to propel you to doing things you thought you wouldn’t be able to, helps you to take a chance on yourself and helps you to find new opportunities. It’s also the difference between starting to work towards your dreams and staying stuck because everything feels so scary.

But one thing I haven’t spoken much about is how to celebrate the shit out of your small wins. And it’s about time that happened!

We’re unconventional folk around here, and the traditional ways of doing things don’t always work or sound appealing.

For most people, celebrating something fits into a specific narrow category and involves one or more of the following:

• Going out for a meal

• Buying yourself or someone else buying you something luxurious/more expensive than normal

• Going out for drinks

• An all-nighter that you can’t quite remember in the morning

• A party

• Inviting a bunch of people over

• And there’s one thing that most of those things have in common - they typically involve either celebrating someone else’s achievements and the decision to celebrate is made by someone else.

And those are okay for some things. But they don't really fit with celebrating the small things.

And you know what I’m going to say, right?

Fuck that shit.

That’s not how we do it around here. Because it is perfectly legitimate to celebrate yourself. It’s perfectly legitimate to plan how you’re going to celebrate, and not just reserve the party poppers (metaphorical or real) for big events.

So I want to start by sharing my three truths when it comes to celebrating the shit out of your small wins:

1. Celebrating alone doesn’t make you a loser

Far from it. Sometimes we need the solitude to really reflect and be proud of ourselves. Sometimes when we share our small wins with others, we don’t get the reaction we’d love and the bubble pops or we have no one around us who would get it.  So celebrating by yourself doesn’t make you a loser. What it does mean is that you have faith in yourself and you value yourself enough to celebrate. That’s epic shit right there.

2. Nothing is too small to be celebrated

Life is a strange thing. Sometimes you’ll achieve things you never thought you could and other days, getting out of bed and having a shower will be something you’re really fucking proud of.

3. Celebrating yourself is revolutionary, not conceited

If you’re having any thoughts that this sounds really conceited, I kindly ask you to leave them at the door for now. It’s not about being arrogant or being too big for your boots (or boobs as I nearly typed). Instead it’s about recognising that life is hard, that you have your own back and you’re a pretty incredible person with a combination of skills, strengths and abilities unique to you.

So now that we’ve busted those myths, let’s talk about the most important bit. (Or the duh! moment).

With the risk of sounding like I’m running an AA meeting, the most essential thing when it comes to celebrating the shit out of your small wins is to actually acknowledge them.

I know what you’re thinking I know this Meg, get a move on.

But let’s just stay here for a couple of seconds longer. It’s not as obvious as it sounds.

We spend so much of our lives on autopilot and see what we need to do as these huge tasks. It’s rare that we actually break things into manageable chunks and small things. And when we do, the focus is on getting them done and moving on to the next thing. Not celebrating them.

Think about these two things.

What was the last thing you celebrated?

When was the last time you celebrated yourself?

See my point?

We go around doing all of these things, thinking about what’s left to do and how far behind we are. We rarely stop to acknowledge just how much we do, or how much guts it often takes.

And on days where we’re not feeling it, or we’re stressed, or if we deal with pain on a regular basis, we don’t really stop to celebrate the things that feel impossible.

Like deciding to give something another try. Leaving the house when we feel we really can’t. Getting out of bed when depression kicks in. Deciding that enough is enough and we need to rest.

So step number 1, is acknowledging every you do and that small wins happen all the time.

Step 2  is celebrating the shit out of those small wins. 

So for those of you who were waiting for a list of things you can do to celebrate the shit out of your small wins, here it is!

Some of these things might seem small. They might not be as epic as you might have wanted them to be. But there’s a reason for that.

So many of us struggle to make time for the things we love. We feel like we have to justify doing something nice for ourselves. It might not seem like the world’s grandest list, but have a look at the list and work out when the last time you did some of them were.

You might be surprised.

And I think there really is something to be said about trying something new as a way of celebrating the shit out of your small wins.

While you’re riding on that wave of feeling good about yourself, use it to expand your comfort zone a bit more. Use your faith in yourself to propel yourself.

There is one thing I’ve missed off that list.

And that is to do nothing, just bask in it.

Sit with it, feel proud and give yourself some space to do nothing.

Because there are so many things you do in your life that you don’t stop to think about. There are so many small accomplishments that we make that we pass off like they’re nothing.

But they’re not nothing.

They’re something.

And if we’re looking at the big picture of our lives, they’re a pretty big fucking something.

All of those small things you do? They add up. And the small steps you take towards doing something that scares you, that light you up, that move you closer towards your dream?

They really are the huge ones. And you’re pretty fucking brave.

So find something to celebrate right now (because there’s something that needs celebrating right this minute), and celebrate the shit out of it.

26 Ways-to-Celebrate-the-Shit-out-of-your-small-wins

I'd love to know any ways you celebrate your small wins! Let me know in the comments below!

What happens when you show up but you forget yourself?

You know when you have one of those days where you're trying to put milk in the kitchen drawer and peanut butter in the fridge? Today is one of those days. This morning, I found myself completely puzzled as to why my tea wasn't turning brown to only realise that I was pouring hot water into an empty cup.

And it really made me think.

When we get tired and we need a break, these are the silly things we end up doing. We end up doing things out of muscle memory, but our brains are too tired that we end up getting it wrong.

And I think there's a lot in here to unravel about how we do the work we feel we were meant to do, and our own creativity. 

And how our work shows up and how we show up when we’re frazzled, overwhelmed and out of sorts. Because sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need to stand back, do something passive like binge watch Netflix and just give our brains some time to chill. the. fuck. out.

But sometimes, you expect yourself to produce the same work as if you’ve had a week’s break and taken some time to re-charge - but you haven’t.

It’s like pouring into a cup without a teabag and expecting it to turn to tea and getting angry with yourself when it doesn’t.

The work we’re called to do, and all of the creative things we do, they don’t just show up. We spend so long trying to find them, and when they do, we often end up so burnt out because we’re so caught up in this cycle of being good enough, feeling responsible and being hard on ourselves that we produce things we’re not proud of and end up blaming ourselves.

But here’s the thing. If we’re showing up exhausted and we’re showing up completely frazzled then of course we’re missing the key ingredient. Of course the water isn’t going to turn brown and the tea leaves aren’t going to diffuse.

That makes logical sense.

Yet we blame ourselves and beat ourselves up like we’ve just committed some huge crime. Then we tell ourselves we’re not good enough and end up down that rabbit hole, and by the time we’ve finished, end up feeling like crap and trying to work harder as if we have to prove something to ourselves.

There’s a song I love by Kacey Musgraves, and in the chorus she sings:

“You can't be everybody's cup of tea

Some like the bitter, some the sweet

Nobody's everybody's favorite

So you might as well just make it how you please”

And I think we’re getting stuck even before we’ve started to make the tea.

Because when we don’t look after ourselves and end up working for work’s sake, we’re not creating a space to even make it.

We just assume that we have to make that cup of tea and it has to turn out beautiful, no matter how we started.

But that isn’t how it works.

Not that I’ve got it completely figured out. Of course I haven’t.

But what I’m learning is that you need that teabag. Chances are you already have the boiling water or whatever equipment you need to make your work. Whether it’s a laptop, paints, paper, wood, whatever.

But you need that tea. You need that thing that brings it all together and makes the magic happen.

And that, by the way, is you. The skills you bring to the table, your perspective, your unique combination of strengths. Your stories, your experience, your ability to tell a story and paint the picture.

The magic is never going to happen if you forget you. And you get lost in a crazy frantic pace of life and you don’t take time to sit and give your brain a bit of a vacation.

We all get stuck in that land where we forget ourselves, of course we do. The important thing is coming to recognise it and doing something about it.

For me, today that looks like not judging myself for lying on my bed and watching Jane the Virgin for the whole day. It looks like finding the Headspace app and trying to slow down my thoughts and my continually playing to-do list in my mind.

And that’s going to look completely different to yours.

Because isn’t that the whole point in all of this anyway? We’re bringing things to the world that come as a result of our direct experiences, our own skill sets and our own strengths combination that only we can bring.

So I think you’ll agree with me, that’s something worth treasuring, right?

Do something today to remember you. Because you are worth more than your to-do list and all the things you feel you have to do today.

I’d love to know what you do to remember yourself and what you need to produce the work you love! Let me know in the comments!

Challenge: Admit your dreams to yourself

Dream chasing is a funny thing. The term gets bounded around like there’s nothing easier in the world. Yet we don’t really speak about our dreams. Often not even to ourselves. We may have our vision boards in Pinterest (stay tuned for an upcoming post on using Pinterest to create your Vision Board), we may roughly have a few goals written down, but they’re somehow distant and in that land of ‘somewhere, someday’.

(Or we’re told to just wait and they’ll appear, so we sit and wait for them to happen. But that’s a rant for another day.)

I think it's one thing talking about telling other people your dreams, but sometimes it's just as scary admitting our dreams to ourselves.

And sometimes we don’t even acknowledge our dreams.  Or they're resigned to the page of a beautiful notebook that we're too scared to write in. They’re too overwhelming. Or we’ve convinced ourselves we would fail or it wouldn’t work out even before we’ve started thinking about them properly.

But sometimes they force themselves up from where we’ve been hiding them.

And they come out in a rage of bravery, when we're feeling on top of the world and everything feels possible. This happens when we allow ourselves to really dream big for a second and our inner critic goes away long enough to let us go to places we're usually too scared to go.

And that feeling doesn’t usually last too long.

But it’s crazy exciting when we get to that place, but it’s also terrifying. It’s like admitting that we have to act on them, that we need to find a way to handle our inner critic(s) and shit does get real.

And they’re actually possible. *Gulps*

I only started writing down my actual real-life-shit-this-could-happen-fuck-me-this-is-scary dreams down recently.

And it took guts.

Real fucking guts.

It was scary.

I was led there on my bed at 1am, almost paranoid that the world was judging me. I might as well have put my arm around what I was writing like a primary school child who doesn’t want to be copied on a test.

I didn’t realise my dreams were as big as there were. I’d never taken the time to actually write them down, and like what usually happens when we put pen to paper, they developed. They became more lucid. They became concrete things to work towards. And in that moment, they actually felt achievable. They felt like they were something legit I could work towards.

That was 1am in the morning when I was feeling inspired and the courage was raging.

And since then I’ve thought about them in a whole variety of moods. And they’ve felt unrealistic, unachievable, absolutely within my reach if I work hard enough, possible, stupid and everything inbetween.

What would happen if we all spoke about our dreams?

This dream chasing stuff is scary shit. Don’t get fooled by all the pretty pictures into thinking that it’s not.

Because it is really scary when you come face to face with something you really want. Our minds are so programmed to think about how we would deal with failure and things going wrong that we don’t often go to that place. We don’t go to the place where we actually envision it happening.

But I’m working on it. I’m working on finding creative ways to display my dreams around me so they become the new normal, and an actual real life goal instead of this mini-fantasy film in my head. (I’ll share them with you as I find them).

So this week I have a dare for you. And that dare is to join me.

Create a space for yourself that feels safe. Do it on your own in the dead of night or in the hustle and bustle of a busy coffee shop.

Write your dreams on a post it note. Forget the beautiful notebook for now - just get them down. And don’t judge yourself.

Put on earphones or your headphones with music that makes you feel alive and let yourself daydream. Give yourself five judgement free minutes and play around with those two powerful words ‘What If?’

And then put the post-it somewhere you’re going to look at it. This could be in your purse, it could be on your bookshelf, it could be a note in Evernote on your phone.

Let it become the new normal.

We can do this.

On Dream-chasing: What would the world look like if we all spoke about our dreams?

How many people know your inner-most dreams?Not the ones that sound good when you're meeting new people, or the half-beat ones you tell your family. But the ones that you struggle to barely whisper to yourself. The ones you're too scared to say out loud.

The ones that sometimes you're too afraid to tell yourself. (If you don't know what these are, stay tuned for Thursday's post where I'm talking all about discovering and realising those dreams). 

I'm guessing hardly any, right? And that's true for most people.

We all go along, trying to chase whatever desires we have like it's no big deal, and shrug it off. And we don't talk about it in the office, in the supermarket, in the shopping mall, sometimes in our own homes. Instead, those conversations often only happen deep inside our heads in the middle of the night and often, with no one.

And when we do share them, they’re framed as goals. Socially acceptable goals - goals that people won’t laugh at you for, goals that are achievable so you don’t feel like a failure if they don’t work out (notice how we always plan for failure but never success?) and goals that fit in with the norm.

I find myself doing the same.

Sharing your dreams takes a shitload of bravery, just like creating something and putting it out there in the world does.

But for me, there's nothing more empowering than being with women who aren't only telling people their dreams, but sharing their journeys. The ups, the down, the whole lot. (If you’re craving this, check out The Couragemakers Podcast!).

Because we don’t have enough role models in this area. We don’t have enough women standing up, declaring their dreams, sharing their successes and failures while admitting it is some tough shit.

But sometimes you just have to go out on a branch, as Todd Henry would say, and fly the flag for yourself. And hope that in doing that, you’re inspiring someone else to do the same.

Because what is life if we’re all going to be so fucking polite about our dreams and desires?

If we never admit them, life becomes this ridiculous facade where everyone is too concerned about what other people think about them to take a risk.

Life becomes the grand total of to-do lists, paying bills, keeping up with the Joneses and the other bullshit all that entails. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a world like that.

So today, I want to leave a question:

What would the world look like if we all spoke about our dreams like the valid things they are?

Imagine for a second if people's dreams were used as their descriptors! So instead of Anne from IT, it would be Anne who dreams of owning a farm and having a sustainable and ethical jewellery business. Imagine how much it would tell us about each other, instead of the bullshit snippets we hear that say a grand total of zero.

And if that sounds a bit bloody ridiculous to you, then think how ridiculous it is that we don’t really know the people we work with, the people closest to us and how we subdue our dreams to protect ourselves.

My challenge for you this week is to go out on a limb and take a chance on yourself. Tell someone you know something you dream of that they don’t know.

It might feel uncomfortable (most of the important things in life do).

But I’d imagine you’ll be surprised by the support. And the connections.

Because going back to Anne in IT. What if in telling people about her ambitions, discovers that Molly in finance has a successful Etsy shop and is happy to help?

Give yourself the gift of telling someone you love about a dream you have. Because you never know who is willing to help, who can help you, and the connections you’ll make when you do.

Let go of that facade and hedge a bet on yourself.

And you never know, maybe it might even add a spring in your step.

(And for the people who just don't get it and are never going to be supportive, check out How to Deal with Dreamshitters).

I'd love to know in the comments how you think your life could change if you told other people your dreams.

Introducing The Couragemakers Podcast

In extremely exciting news, The Couragemakers Podcast launched this week! And it has blown my mind. I started Couragemakers because I wanted to speak to women all over the world, women like you and me - mission driven doers, makers and world shakers, about their dreams, their stories, and get really vulnerable and courageous about what sets them on fire as well as the monsters that hide under their beds.

Because putting stuff in the world takes a shitload of courage, and sometimes it feels like a lonely and scary place.

And I wanted to start a movement (download the beautiful manifesto here).  A movement of women choosing ourselves, owning and sharing our stories, and embracing and celebrating our every day courage.

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying the experience, how much I have been blown away by the conversations I've had. How honest they've been, how inspiring every woman I've spoken to has been, and how willing they are to share their stories to help others.

This has been such a journey for me. Going from a job that sucked the soul out of me, left me feeling a shell of the person I once was, and feeling like I had nothing to give to the world, to THIS - it's amazing. I feel like I'm using my strengths and skills to put the great shit into the world I was meant to. It's been vulnerable as hell, but seriously, I am enjoying every second of it. (Well, perhaps not when the editing goes wrong, or the mic plays up... but you get what I mean.) 

I even released a prequel where I got SERIOUSLY vulnerable and honest about my vision for the podcast and why I started the podcast. 

If you haven't checked out the podcast and you're a mission-driven doer, maker or world shaker, I think you're going to really enjoy the honest and vulnerable conversations we're having.

If you want to subscribe on iTunes click here.

If you use Android, click here.

And because I'm all about celebrating the shit out of your wins, here's how the Couragemakers has gone down this week. (Eg. This is really surreal, and holy shit this is fantastic!)

The reactions and support have been AMAZING:

Finally getting started on the brand new #Couragemakers Podcast today! @megkissack Because I could always use more inspiration

— Ashley Lorelle (@ash_lorelle) March 2, 2016

Loving the #Couragemakers manifesto by @megkissack - now displayed behind my computer to remind me what's important pic.twitter.com/5GzllRMsIN

— Kate (@iamkateevans) March 2, 2016

If you haven't checked out @megkissack's podcast get you are missing out my friend. https://t.co/WhZg2d9W6G

— Melissa Hebbe (@melissahebbe) March 3, 2016

@megkissack Found your blog this week and have been bingelistening to your podcast, Meg! I'd love to take part in your twitter chat :)

— Wendy (@TheGratefulist) March 3, 2016

Congrats @megkissack on the launch of The CourageMakers Podcast today! Go listen, it's amazing & Meg is lovely! https://t.co/MejbpvRD9n

— Michelle Anneliese (@manneliesemedia) February 29, 2016

New #Podcast launched #Couragemaker by @megkissack Important and inspiring conversations. Cheer up this rainy day and listen to it.

— AnabelRoqueRodriguez (@anabelroro) February 29, 2016

Literally cried reading @megkissack's Couragemakers Manifesto. Want to know how I feel about life? Read it! https://t.co/kuqvTOAmko

— Maria Northcott (@asweetstart) February 29, 2016

Umm, New & Noteworthy in iTunes?

AHHHH!!

Screen Shot 2016-03-03 at 21.30.13

My aim right now is to spread this podcast to every woman that needs it. I'm doing this by trying to get it into the top 16 of iTunes New & Noteworthy. If it gets into that exclusive spot, then it will be seen by literally millions of people. Think how many people we could inspire through that! If you want to help get it out to the world in a BIG way, leave a review/rating on iTunes and subscribe following this link here! 

And this came from a woman who thought she might be able to make something kind of cool and put it off for a year because she didn't have the confidence, was being scared of being visible and didn't like the sound of her own voice.

Here's to courage and spreading it like fucking wildfire.

Photo on 04-02-2016 at 14.25

Why You Need To Stop Reinventing Yourself (and why it's a good thing)

This is the start of a brand new chapter. 

This is a new beginning.

I’m starting my life over.

The new me begins today.

I’ve thought all of those things on lots and lots of occasions. And you know what? It’s never worked out for me. It has lasted maybe two days, and I’ve slipped, ended up feeling like shit and giving up.

Examples? Hell yes!

When I was 12, I would bulk print out all these healthy eating and confidence articles from the internet. And I would make a decision. I would start that day and would decide to be a healthy confident person. It would be a new beginning! (Didn’t work - just a lot of wasted trees unfortunately).

I went to see Mean Girls in the cinema and decided that the next day, I would be a hot version of myself and that I could have that summer camp transformation (you know that myth that in a period of six weeks, a girl grows perfectly rounded breasts, perfect hair and clear skin?) overnight. Overnight! It would be a new beginning! (Didn’t work, and now I have a much deeper appreciation of the irony in all this. I mean, I think I missed the point of the film the first time, right?!)

I started an adult job and bought a really nice bag, a professional organiser and heels. And black trousers. TROUSERS. I mean, who the fuck was I kidding?! I wanted to be a professional woman with a proper job. That’s one thing - this fantasy of me looking like I ate the Cosmo Bible for work clothes, however is quite another thing. I’m never going to look like I belong in Sex and the City, and I’d never want to.

And I’ve done the same things for morning routines, creative routines, and countless healthy eating things and other shit like that. And they’ve never worked.

I wanted to to swish my wand and erase the person I was in favour of this more attractive, more organised, more everything version of myself.

I wasn’t opening a new chapter. I didn't even want a new chapter. I wanted a new fucking book.

I wanted to become this completely different person, with new habits, new patterns and new everything.

permission to try

And while it wasn’t obvious at the time (like most things aren’t),  I was trying to change from a place of self loathing. And I was completely willing to deny the way I work, my quirks any past experiences.

And it took a long time to realise this, but it’s since I realised that the person I’ve been my whole life is still going to be there for new adventures and new experiences that things started to change. That new chapters are new chapters, and I’m way more focused on finding joy as myself, being present for new experiences and finding fun and creative ways to do everyday things.

I’m always going to be the person who has a tendency to do things last minute, to cram wayyy too much in any bag, to burst into song whenever the radio comes on, and have flyaway hair. Sure, I can find new ways of doing things, learn organisational skills, practice better time keeping, but I can’t just erase parts of me that have been that way since I can remember.

I’m always going to be dressed bright with clothes that don’t match. I’m always going to favour dry hair shampoo and an extra twenty minutes in bed. My jewellery is never going to be dainty and I’m never going to someone who’s described as graceful and quiet.

And now I wouldn’t change that for the world. But it’s taken one hell of a journey, a bucket load of self loathing and a whole lot of kindness to myself to get here.

I would perhaps change losing important post-it notes and running round the house like a Sim on fire when I got caught up singing in the shower and running late.  (Bonus secret: When I was in high school, one of my favourite things to do was to pretend to be a Sim on fire. Serious fun, right there!)

But I digress.

If you spend all of your time running towards this mythical version of yourself, the main theme of your book is going to be someone hating themselves so much the plot got lost and there wasn’t much of a story.

And you’re going to get sick of re-writing the same chapter.

Whatever shit has happened in your life, whatever you see when you look in the mirror and however other people see you - you’re you. You got yourself this far. Not the marathon, carrot eating version of yourself. Nor the bestselling author version of yourself. Not You Version 2.0, but you now.

You’ve had your own back and you’ve survived things you thought you wouldn’t.

And that’s something to be really fucking proud of you.

The past is what builds us. While there are things we would take back, experiences we would choose not to re-live, and decisions we would change, all of those things make up your foundations. You can change because of them, you can decide to live a completely different life, create your own family, you can decide to move somewhere where nobody knows you.

But you can’t run from yourself and you can’t just define yourself by things that happened in the past. The person you are right now is a culmination of all your life experiences. You’re still in the same book. There are new roads you can take, new chapters in your book, but you can’t just up and move yourself out of your own story.

And it might take a while but there’s going to be a time where you realise you can’t just change the entire book.  And learn to be okay with that.

The people you help, the work you put in the world, the conversations you have, the flecks of sunshine you leave wherever you go - they’re put there by the person who lived all of those things and had all those quirks.

Being yourself can be one of the bravest things you can do, and it’s a lifelong journey. So you might as well make it a fun one.

You’re not Brené Brown, but you’ve still got a story

I just want to start by saying that I love Brené Brown. I’ve watched the TED talks, bought the books, didn’t buy the t-shirt because it was too expensive.And I love the ‘others’ too - you know who I mean. The big name people talking about big ideas and concepts in profound way.

I find them inspiring, their work definitely influences my work, and I love travelling or sitting in a coffee shop with Audible on, listening to their latest books.

But I think there’s been a shift.

There’s been a shift, in that if you’re thinking about, writing about or wanting a quote about vulnerability or shame, you google Brené Brown. If you want inspiration about creativity - you turn to Elizabeth Gilbert.

The great part is that vulnerability, creativity, shame and fear have become part of normal conversations.

The not so great part? It’s like we’ve stopped turning to our own stories, and our own narratives.

I get that there are experts in any industry and there are always people leading the field, but I think experts have been put on a pedestal so much that we’re forgetting ourselves and the contribution we have to make.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder how helpful it is, that when we’re talking about huge, subjective, personal topics,  we immediately turn to the 'experts' instead of turning to ourselves, and the people in our own lives.

The way I see it, if you’re reading this right now, if you’re a human, you’re just as much an expert on vulnerability, shame, creativity, fear as anyone who might have a New York Times Bestseller.

All of our human experiences guarantee that.

And we’ve all found our own unique strategies and tools, our own memories, and experiences where they’ve come into play. And we all have our own stories, our own ah-ha moments, and our own ways we can help ourselves and others. 

And my fear that we're not turning to ourselves only increased when I started The Couragemakers Podcast. I started my podcast because I wanted to talk to everyday couragemakers about everyday courage. To have honest conversations with mission driven doers, makers and world shakers that might not necessarily be featured on Huffington Post, have written their own book or given a TED Talk.

I wanted to hear the stories of women all around the world who are using their own experiences, and their own strengths and values to put good shit into the world and make the world a brighter place than how we found it.

And believe me, I have. And the episodes are AMAZING. And the women? They are fucking phenomenal.

But when I started to reach out to women I knew, women who encourage and ispire me,  I started seeing a pattern emerging their responses. Their answers started with ‘I’d absolutely love to…” and finished with:

“When I’ve done more”

“When I’m at that level”

“But I don’t think I’m very interesting”

“But I don’t think I have anything to say”

It’s like we’ve all got used to only hearing successful, well regarded people on podcasts, listening to people who have given TED Talks, and only watching the people who look like they have it all.

And in the process, we’re silencing ourselves. We’re getting trapped in the ‘I’m not good enoughs’ and ‘I’m not important enoughs.' I’m truly devastated by the fact that there are people who don’t feel important enough to think they even have a story.

photo-1436407886995-41f8f5ee43ad

Let me tell you - for every single interview I record, I am absolutely blown away. Blown away by the stories, by the courage and by the joy of sharing stories that are untold.

Most of all, I’m blown away by the fact that we all have so many different stories. For each guest, I know the interview could go a thousand different ways, depending on which part of their story or their lives we’re focusing on.

Because when it comes to vulnerability, fear, creativity, hope, wholeheartedness, bravery, anything - we've all got enough stories to stock that beautiful bookshop in You've Got Mailthree times over. 

And when people are asked about their lives, their struggles and what inspires them, they come out with stories and advice that are just as share-worthy and Pinterest board worthy as Brené Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert:

Asking for help is one of the best things you could do for your life. And letting people know life is a mess and life is really messy and it’s okay becauese we all are messy and nobody has it together -- Jordan Gage

Find something new you want to try and do it. That’s a gift to yourself -- Amber Thomas

Being a courage maker is when your inner light is stronger than the light out there -- Violeta Nedkova

We've all got our own narratives.

We've all got our own stories to tell. We each have a back catalogue of real life experiences. We each have our Greatest Hits and also that obscure album that no one's really listened to.

Trust yourself and stop googling, or believing that the experts can say what you're thinking, or your ideas better than yourself.

Because they can't.

** The Couragemakers Podcast will be released on 29th February. You can keep up to date with all the episodes here.

EPIC POST: What to do when you lose all your enthusiasm

At times, there can be nothing scarier than losing your enthusiasm. Losing your enthusiasm for life, losing enthusiasm for passion projects that you were once so excited about, losing your enthusiasm for your dreams. Believe me, I've been there and it feels like a seriously lonely place. Enthusiasm is a massive driver for me, and it feels so scary when I lose it, because suddenly things stop making sense like they used to.

Things that I once loved doing cease to exist and things I had enthusiasm for become these unspeakable things that I simultaneously try not to think about, and obsess over how I can get back.

It's a lot like grieving. It's a lot like saying a heartfelt goodbye, not knowing when you're going to see it again. It's a lot like the world has been pulled from under your feet, and you've lost your place in the world.

I know what it's like to have so little enthusiasm it's hard to find a reason to get out of bed. And I've had plenty of days where taking a shower feels as possible as flying to the moon on a lime green marshmallow. In this post, I'm going to share some questions  and some practical things that might really help if you're feeling like you've lost all your enthusiasm. All these things have really made a difference for me.

The Questions

While, like many things in life, there isn't a rhyme or reason, it's sometimes worth pondering over these questions to explore why your enthusiasm seems to have up and left you.

1. Has the voice of self doubt taken over?

Who are YOU to think you can do it? You'll never succeed. (Insert successful person's name) is so much better than you. This is never going to work out. Who do you think you are? Don't be so stupid.

That, right there, is the voice of my self doubt. The internal critic that sits in my head, feeding me toxic waste, and trying to do everything she can to stop me in my tracks, believing that I'm not enough, that I'm not smart enough, and that I should just give up.

The thing about our internal critic (we've all got one) is that they have one job to do. And that's to keep you safe. Keep you from taking risks, doing something that might not work out or trying anything without a certain outcome. And your internal critic? She's going to say whatever she has to in order to make you stop. Truth doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's all bullshit. Your internal critic only cares as long as it stops you from doing perceived dangerous things, and keeps you safe.

If this sounds like what's going on for you right now, I really do encourage you to do several things:

• Read Tara Mohr's Playing Big Or listen to this podcast episode

• Write a list of every little thing you've done that you're proud of

• Right now, think of 3 ways you've defied odds

• Thank your critic and tell them that you've got this and they can leave now

• And if you're struggling with something creative, check out Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. It's got some gems in there. She's also got a great podcast which is a good alternative to her book.

2. Did expectations get higher?

Joy seeps out of my body when I start setting high (read: unrealistic) expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting to write a New York Time Bestseller. But in a week?! That's when things start to get messy. Let's look at this logically - if you're putting so much pressure on yourself to do something, you're not going to want to do it. The F word is going to come out to play. Yep, I said it - failure. You're going to get so scared of letting yourself down (because that's the person we always fear letting down the most) and not meeting our expectations, that previous joyful things become BIG ISSUES.

For me, when I get caught up in all of this, I try to remember my why. Why did I start it? What motivates me? What keeps me coming back to it?

Write your answer on a postit note and look at it regularly.

3. Did you get what you came for?

When I first stumbled on multipotentiality, I felt like I'd won the lottery. When I started reading Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose, I started to realise that when you have many passions, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like there's never enough time. I also learned a huge lesson which is that sometimes we lose enthusiasm because we got what we came for. Say you're an ideas person but hate planning finite detailed plans - when a project goes past the ideas stage, it makes sense that you'll lose some/all enthusiasm. This is why it can help collaborating with someone who loves the bits you don't.

Sometimes you lose enthusiasm because you've taken all the joy you can and you feel done with it. Don't beat yourself up - be glad about what happened and move on. If you're a fellow multipotentialite, and you're willing to give yourself a break, I'm sure it's not going to take long for the next project to show up.

In the meantime, check out these great articles on Puttylike (the best resource for multipotentialites!)

• Why you shouldn't finish what you start

• When you shouldn't quit

• How to stop feeling guilty about new interests

4. Is it time you let it go?

Seriously, I've been there. As an activist who burned out pretty damn hard, I know what it's like to lose enthusiasm, yet feel like you should grip onto any last remaining bit of passion with everything you have. I also know what it's like to work through the loss of enthusiasm, forcing yourself to do things that your heart isn't in anymore, and ending up ill because of it.

Letting go of things you once had a world of enthusiasm for is really fucking hard. You're left with feeling like somehow you didn't do a good enough job, you weren't good enough, you weren't cut out for it, you weren't committed enough, you could have done MORE. But sister? If you're anything like me, you did everything. You did enough.

What To Do When You Lose All Your Enthusiasm

It just doesn't serve you anymore. And that's a hard thing to admit. But once you can? Then there's a whole world of possibilities out there. And the world can wait until you feel up to it. And yeah, of course it's scary (what if this happens again?! I hear you ask). But that's when true bravery comes into it. Going all in anyway. 'Daring greatly' as Brene Brown would say.

There can also be nothing braver than believing that your enthusiasm still exists, and it will return.

And if you can grab that courage and hold onto it like the last Lindt chocolate in the world, then you can start to look towards a bright future.

Some things you could try are:

• Go back to the things you loved doing as a child - they often hold the key to a whole abundance of joy

• Write about it. Journal about it. Get your feelings out. Writing sorts out so much head-mess, chances you'll finish with a deeper understanding of what's going on for you right now

• Really embrace play and do things just for fun. Follow your curiosity. (Elizabeth Gilbert recently did a fantastic interview on following your curiosity instead of your passions. I think it might be right up your street).

But sometimes, trying to find the answer, spending time pondering over questions just isn't going to cut it.

THE PRACTICAL SHIT

Sometimes that's going to make it plain worse, and you know yourself the best - you know when that might be the case. If that's the case for you right now, try these on for size.

Make a Pick Me Up Box

This is one of the first things I did for myself when I got really ill. I was struggling with depression, anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. When you lose enthusiasm and your zest for life, it can become really hard to make decisions, and you can literally sit there, trying to figure out what to do for hours or days.

A Pick Me Up box goes a long way to getting you out of the cycle of sitting there. You fill a box with pieces of paper with things that you can do that will inspire you, distract you, energise you, and with pieces of paper with quotes on them. When you're in that place, go to the box and let is make a decision for you. You can find a very easy 4 step tutorial I wrote right here.

Give yourself a break

One thing that's taken me a tonne of shit experiences to learn is that the time when I feel like I can't take a break is the time I should be taking a break. Sometimes we just go so hard at it, and wonder why it's not working, and we just need to STOP.

A break and time away provides:

• Fresh perspectives

• Escapism

• Time for your body and mind to get some much needed rest

• A chance to connect - with nature, with friends, with pets, with fictional characters

• An opportunity for new ideas to develop

• The space you need to evaluate things properly and make thought out decisions

Take a break now. Plan a break. Give yourself some time. And don't feel selfish or guilty for doing it - this is what you'd tell your best friend to do, right? (And you don't have to plan some exotic break. Lying in your bed with a box of chocolates and Homeland is perfectly acceptable, if not downright encouraged in my book!)

Go cold turkey

This might sound a bit ridiculous but stay with me, okay?  Work and passions can be addictive. If you know something isn't serving you, and is probably the root cause of your lack of enthusiasm, try and cut down on it. Or go cold turkey.

That can include distancing yourself from things that hurt.

Real life example from my own life: For now, I avoid any form of activism. I don't go to demos or marches. I'm not involved in activist groups. None of it. Why? Because right now as I'm trying to distance myself from things I know have caused so much pain in my life, I know it would hurt too much. It would be a reminder of who I was versus who I am now, it would make me even more bitter at people and experiences that slowly drained me. By keeping away, I protect my own sanity and I'm spending time exploring other things I previously wouldn't have. And life's become pretty damn interesting! (I'm starting a podcast, for one thing!)

This might be easier said than done if it's a work thing that's making you feel this way. If that is the case, start considering other careers. Talk to people you love and trust about the things they think you would rock at that you might not have thought of. There is always a way out. And if you feel really trapped in your job and like there's no way out, read this.  (No really, read it). Sometimes you just can't see all of the options available to you when you're in that dark place.

Tips for going cold turkey:

• Tell someone and ask them for loving encouragement and to check in with you from time to time

• Don't say yes to things immediately. Take some time to make decisions based on your own sanity and your own wellbeing. This may be tough at first, but when it becomes a practice, you start making decisions from a place of love, not fear, and that's always a good thing!

• Give yourself a deadline to evaluate how it's been going cold turkey. Take an honest look at your life and see if anything has changed of the better.

Recognise the truth

With a loss of enthusiasm, can come a loss of confidence. And that shit is hard.

But here's the thing. If the most energy you have right now is pressing play on Netflix, that's okay. Because you have skills, you have strengths, and you have a personality unique to you, that when combined, makes you a pretty hardcore genius and wonderful person. And you don't have to be on fire all the time.

Whether you feel like you've lost your confidence, or things have been taken away from you, spend some time getting to know your skills and strengths. A couple of ways you can do this are:

• Take the Fascination Advantage test and see how the world sees you

• Take the Strength Finder Test (this costs about $20 but it is seriously worth it

• Start a little book of compliments, and every time someone says something nice to you or about you, write it down. And try and look over it every week.

• Do something just for fun that involves your skills. Give yourself permission to do whatever you like, and just play.

Surround yourself with inspiration

I find a hell of a lot of my motivation by surrounding myself with inspiration. And this can be virtual as well as real life. When I was in the job I hated, I would listen to The Good Life Project and The Lively Show for my entire commute. I didn't know anyone else who had decided to live life on their own terms in real life, but the guests on these podcast showed me opportunities, ways of living beyond my own bubble. (It's also why I've decided to start my own podcast).

And the great thing about surrounding yourself with people who inspire you? It starts to become the norm. And for me, that was the biggest motivation in making huge changes in my life. By spending my time listening to people who had taken risks, who were living unconventional lives and doing it for themselves, it became something that was tangible. It became my new norm. 

• Amber Thomas recently wrote a fantastic guest post on That Hummingbird Life, about how consumption can influence our creativity. Give it a read and start your own experiment.

• Surround yourself with passionate people. Or spend a day reading every post on the Live Your Legend blog!

• Write a list of things that inspire you, and for each thing, find a way to incorporate them into your daily life. Here's something I made that sits above my desk and inspires me every day:

Do nothing

Chances are, that if you're all out of enthusiasm, you're also pretty exhausted. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is rest. And by rest I mean listen to you body and do what it needs. If you need to sleep all day, sleep all day. If you're craving a nice hearty meal, go cook yourself something tasty. Don't focus on being productive, but instead just rest.

Your body needs rest. It's not lazy. It's absolutely essential. Give yourself opportunity to rest and you might just find enthusiasm creeping back up on you when you least expect it.

Trust

This is perhaps the hardest one, but the one that is going to have the most profound effect on your life. And that's to trust that everything will be okay, that your enthusiasm will return and things won't always be this hard.

Things might be hard as hell right now but they won't always be. How things will work out is a mystery, but they will work out, somehow. You've got yourself this far - have a little faith in yourself.

Finally, some reminders:

• Your enthusiasm will return. It might come in a different form, but it will return.
  

• Taking a break is important. It's not selfish or lazy, it's essential.
  

• You are more than a sum of your actions
  

• The world will is still turning and you will find the right rhythm and dance for you
  

• You are one fucking amazing person, and you have a lot to be proud of.

I hope this has helped you in some way, and I hope at the very least, you feel less alone. I know everything feels scary right now, so be kind and gentle with yourself. You're dealing with some really hard shit, so try to give yourself as much compassion as you can.

You've got this my love, you really have. You know more than you think you do, and you have everything you need inside you <3. I know that might sound like utter bollocks right now, but you just need to trust that. And if you feel alone, there's a whole bunch of like-minded women sharing their stories over on The Couragemakers Podcast.

I would love to know your experiences in the comments, or send me an email at meg [at] thathummingbirdlife [dot] com) if you prefer :)

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

On Creative Resistance & Doing the Work

Creative resistance is really hard. Sometimes doing the work is really really hard. You might be a writer, you might be a painter, or a blogger, or you might sell handmade things on Etsy. Or you might have a dream of owning your own business, or be in college doing final exams to graduate in a subject you adore. But for some reason, even though you know exactly the steps you need to to do the work, you just can’t do them. Everything around you becomes SO much more appealing. Checking your email suddenly becomes the most urgent thing you need to do - wait, there’s a corner in the living room that needs tidying - oh and the dishes need to go away. And you might as well phone bank and sort out your debit card at the same time - and while you’re on the phone, it would be nice if you called your brother to see how he is.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone.

Sitting there googling productivity hacks, or trying to work out how you can maximise you time isn’t going to work. It’s still a distraction. That’s not the issue.

Nor is over planning and completely getting stuck in your own head about what you need to do - this is me a million percent.

(But a lot of people want you to believe it is, because they have products, apps, everything to solve that. This is worth remembering.)

Chances are, you already know what works for you. You know how to get into your flow - you know what environment you like to work in, you know whether music does or doesn’t work for you, and you know what kind of work you need to do.

Your productivity skills, time management skills, and your organisational skills aren’t what this is about. They may play a role in it, but ultimately, that’s not what’s going on here.

So what's happening here?

I was talking this over with my fabulous friend last night, and today I woke up to this quote she sent me:

“The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

And it’s all there. That’s it.

Chances are, you’re doing work that really matters and you’re scared of fucking up.

You’re scared of failure, scared that it might not turn out the way you want it to, scared of what will happen if you do do it, scared of what will happen if you don’t do it.

And that fear? It becomes paralysing and completely all-encompassing.  So of course you can’t create the work that you need to do from that place.

But you can’t fuck up if you started. We all learn so much from every creative endeavour we have. We’re putting faith into ourselves. We’re betting on ourselves. Even if it doesn’t get finished, we’re reinforcing that we believe in our own vision. And that right there, is really important shit.

The call to do the work isn’t going away anytime soon. And we’d be even more scared if it did.

Why am I talking about this today?

Because I’m finding it seriously hard to get work done. I’m finding it hard to sit and just do the work. Work that I LOVE, I should mention. Writing blog posts, creating online courses, writing e-books, editing show notes for future podcast episodes, writing newsletters, make art. All of it. I absolutely love it, but I’m seriously struggling.

And If you’re struggling too, chances are the work is really important to you. Or there is a chance you might be using that work as a distraction for not doing what you know if really important.

Right now, the only thing that’s stopping both me and you is the voice in our head that’s designed to make up whatever shit it can to stop us doing something outside our comfort zone.

And it always shows up when we take a risk, when we bet on ourselves, and when we sit down to make things reality and concrete.

So let’s both be a bit more gentle with ourselves.

Let’s try and accept this as part of the creative process. Let’s sit with the uncomfortableness and see what this is trying to teach us.

Instead of swearing at ourselves and getting trapped in a cyclone of blame and shame, thank that voice inside your head, but tell it you don’t need it right now.

Ask yourself what your best friend would tell you to do right now.That might be to walk away and take a break, to celebrate what you’ve already achieved or to sit with it a bit longer and trust in the process.

Find something that keeps you inspired. You could look to the people who inspire you, and acknowledge that they didn’t have some super secret. They did the work, pushed through and made it work.

Or read something that goes completely against what you’re trying to achieve, and use that to reinvigorate your enthusiasm for what you’re trying to achieve. 

And if this doesn’t work, stop worrying. Know we’re both going to get bored of the inane tasks and organising, and the cleaning we do to get away from doing the work. And that’s when the work will actually happen!

Resistance is completely normal, especially when it comes to creative work, and work that really matters.

Not every day is going to be productive, and that’s okay too. Have compassion for your work, and compassion for yourself, and see where that takes you.

From one creative soul to another - you've got this!

** I have a feeling you’re going to love the interview I did with Amber Thomas  for The Couragemakers Podcast where we talked all about creating from the margins, the creative process and creative resistance! She shares some really practical tips and advice that are helping me so much! The podcast launches on 29th February - you can keep updated here!

I’d love to know how you deal with creative resistance - let me know in the comments!

Can We Stop Arguing Over the Word Authentic?

What is authentic? What is authenticity? How do I know if I’m being authentic? Is that person really authentic?

Ahh. So much noise.

And I’ve been here before. I remember being a part of my local feminist network as a student, being part of an activist movement as part of my career and being part of community groups.

Everyone starts wide-eyed and optimistic. We’d talk about things we could do to make the world a better place. We’d start with big dreams, ridiculously innovative ways of making them into reality, and hope.

Well, that was until the debates started. Debates over semantics, deliberating over terminology and turning in and fighting ourselves, instead of the bullshit world that put us all together in the same room in the first place.

One day, instead of talking about doing things, it became talking about talking.

And the important stuff? It became much less important. It got too academic, too removed from reality and for me? WAY too much bullshit.

The important stuff disappeared from the conversation entirely.

That’s exactly how I see so many conversations turning online. What is authentic? What’s the actual definition of vulnerability? And who has the right to be the voice on the subject? Shouldn’t words like authentic and passionate be banned because it’s so over-used?

It’s like we need to agree on a dictionary definition and find a general consensus like a herd of sheep before we can even start to move forward. Like we need to find an ‘approved’ list of terminology for conceptual ideas, and strategically use them (but not too much) at the right time and place for the right meaning.

I mean, come on.

Can we just, for once, instead of fighting and turning inwards, celebrate the fact that there is a space in the world, amid all of the corruption, injustice and suffering, where people are living according to their values, having discussions about those values and living an honest life? And trying to make the world a brighter place.

And a space where we’re even able to have the discussions in the first place?

Can we celebrate the fact that authenticity, honesty, vulnerability, courage, ALL of it is going to look different to everyone based on our life experiences, and appreciate that?

What is authentic for me, won’t be authentic for you. What’s real for me won’t be real for you. My story is going to look different from your story. My truths are different from your truths. There are going to be similarities, there are going to be sticking points, but there are always going to be differences.

So, can we just agree to each have our own definition? And celebrate the shit out of that?

Isn’t that the whole fucking point?

We’re going to be over analysing until we forget the important things. And the shit we’re talking about? It IS important.

So many times, movements, discussions and world changing conversations are completely tripped up over power struggles, a need to be right and nitpicky arguments about semantics. This isn’t just about the word authenticity, you know this as well as me. It’s about the language of any movement or any value system that tries to put good shit in the world.

Let’s put an end to this and call it quits and get down to the really important stuff.

Yes?

I'd love to hear your views and experiences in the comments below!

Why being visible & creative takes a shitload of bravery

Here’s the thing. Not many people are talking about how scary it is to put yourself out there; how scary it is to make yourself completely visible. And how brave that makes you.  

They’re not talking about how vulnerable you feel when you create something that comes straight from your heart, and you know that there’s every chance your nan and everyone you went to school with ten years ago will see it.

How you know you have so much to say, so much to tell and so much to give but that doesn’t mean that you want everyone and their pet hamster to know. That’s just something that comes with the territory.  

When you stay up all night working on something that sets you on fire only to feel that excitement disappear when you start looking at stats and metrics (the shit we’re told to believe is important).

Or when ten people tell you ten nice thing and one person says something shitty and it’s that one comment that you hear in your mind whenever you’re about to start on a new project.

Or that your parents have never read your blog, or seen your work, or know what you do. Or how your friends just don’t get it.

How you sometimes feel embarrassed telling people what you do, or what you want to do, because you fear being judged and fear what they’ll say.

And how you try not to admit to anyone just how much it matters to you because you're worried how it's going to turned out, and you don't want to look stupid.

It feels so vulnerable because our creative endeavours are our most heartfelt expressions of ourselves. And in the I’m fine, how are you? culture we live in, we don’t have enough of those deep conversations. It's like nobody wants to have the conversations. 

I’m just gonna come out and say it.

Every piece that you put out there? That’s some serious brave shit right there.

And the scale doesn’t matter. You could be pressing publish on a blog you think no one is ever going to read, or you could be getting up on stage performing your own songs. It all takes that leap of faith, that push and that conviction in yourself to put yourself out there as yourself.

There’s a world of people who wish they had your guts. And a world full of people that are desperate to make themselves visible but are scared of the reactions.

(If you are in that camp of people who want to but are shit scared, you’re not alone. Read this and this).

Remember, when you’re procrastinating, beating yourself up and finding it hard to do the work, take some time to remind yourself that what you’re doing is brave.

And it isn’t just brave.

It’s rebellious and revolutionary. No matter what it is you do, every time you create something, every time you put something (and yourself) out there, right there with it is your vision of a different future, a glimmer of hope and something that could only come out of you.

What to do if you feel trapped in your job

In my world, January 29th isn't any other day; it's Meg Freedom Day. Today marks the one year anniversary of leaving my job and choosing myself. I wrote this for anyone who's feeling like I was, to show there is hope, and there is another way.  If you’re getting home and sobbing at the bottom of the stairs, or if you’re feeling physically sick and trapped whenever you get near the building, or if your job makes you feel like a shell of the person you once were, get out.

Or if you have a gut feeling that you shouldn’t be there, or if it’s something you thought you wanted but it turns out you now don’t, get out.

Or at least make a plan.

Let’s face it, very few people in the world are able to just to up and quit a job. I know I wasn’t. I had to sacrifice a lot to leave, and chances are, you do too.

But once you’ve got your plan, that ‘out’, everything is going to feel a lot more positive. Even if that out is in a year or two year’s time.

There’s little worse than feeling trapped in a situation that you feel you’ll never get out of. Your mind starts going to really dark places, and it feels like you’ll never see light again.

So when you’ve got a plan, the light starts to get in. You have an opportunity to imagine a different life for yourself. And a different version of yourself that uses your skills, your strengths and your gifts for something you want to do.

And while you’re opening the crack for light to get in, do other things to widen that gap. While I was making plans, I started religiously listening to podcasts (The Lively Show and Good Life Project). I listened to podcasts featuring people who had escaped and were making their own life. I listened to people who were doing life their own way and the hard journey they had to make to get there.

And something started happening.

By surrounding myself with people - even if they were only in my earphones - who had done it, and were in the process of doing it, it was starting to become the new normal. The idea of me getting out, and starting a new life and journey didn’t seem so far away. (Which is also why I started my soon-to-be Couragemakers podcast, but more details on that soon).

Once this happens, other options start opening up. For me,  it was realising I don’t have to work in the charity sector, and I might be able to work for myself. And that I might even be able to pursue my dream of travelling the world. You begin to feel less trapped.

When those options start becoming clear, shit gets both exciting and scary. Which is a hell of a lot better than the present.

But the present can teach you a lot about what you don’t want in your life. For example, you can write a list of things you don’t want in a future job/career/path and use them as a non-negotiable checklist when searching out new opportunities.

You can reverse engineer what you hate to find the things you might like.

If you’re stuck in a job right now that’s draining you, that’s making you feel like a stranger in your own life, that has you dreading the morning, sit down with a friend and look at your options. And include the crazy out-of-this-world ones. Especially include those ones. When you start to get creative, that’s where the magic starts to happen.

What to do if you feel trapped in your job

And know that you are not alone. This is only temporary, and it will soon be a distant memory.

I’m not saying it’s an easy journey or decision. It’s hard as hell. A lot of people probably won’t understand you wanting to leave, especially if you’ve got a contract and everything looks good from the outside.

But it’s not their decision. And you don’t have to justify it to anyone other than yourself.

So, if you’re struggling right now, do these 3 things:

1. Sit down with a friend and look at your options. And I mean really explore each option

2. Make a non negotiable list of things your next journey can’t include

3. Work out your baseline - what is the minimum amount of money per month and per year that you need to survive

And then make a plan.

This doesn’t have to be your life. I’m not saying I know what your life is going to look like or you do either. But I know that right now, it’s not serving you and it’s taking away from the wonderful person you are.

And you sure as hell are worth more than that.

It’s going to take time. And it’s going to take time to re-build yourself. But you will get there.

Love yourself enough to leave and see what could be.

For me, that looked like moving in with in-laws, working for myself and saving up to travel the world. I'll be leaving in August August to spend  3 months travelling from the West to East Coast of the States, and 6 months across India, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos and Indonesia. And then, who knows?!

What could it be for you? 

Pep talk: Give yourself permission to try

Waiting for a permission slip to do life, is like waiting for your Hogwarts letter.  It’s something you desperately wish you had, but something that isn’t going to happen.

It would be great if someone knocked on your door, told you that your plans are worthwhile and you’re the right person to execute them, but it doesn’t work that way.

And we both know that.

So then why are so many of us living like that? Like we’re waiting for a sign, waiting for the right moment, waiting to get everything right.

It’s not the right time, I’m too busy, I need to know more, I’m not an expert, I just need to invest in this one thing.

Sometimes this is true. Sometimes you do have too much going on in your life. Sometimes everything is too chaotic and it would be ridiculous to add more to the mix. Sometimes you do need invest in something (this was definitely true for Skype Recorder for my podcast). And sometimes you do need to learn more.

But sometimes they’re also just excuses. They’re ways of keeping within our comfort zones, ways of making us feel safe, but at the same time, keeping us level-headed, because, it’s going to happen. Right?

I’m going to be real.

The books I planned out in my head since I was about fifteen - they’ve never been written.

My podcast - it took a year longer than I thought to get started.

A lot of my creative plans - they’ve yet to see the light of day.

Why? Because I’ve been scared. My inner critic started to take over. All the usual shit started showing up:

I’m not good enough. What if no one takes any notice. Who am I to be doing this? I don’t know enough. They’re for other people, not for me. 

And I wanted validation. I wanted someone to tell me I was on the right path, and it would be wonderful. I wanted to not have to deal with the creative blocks, the resistance and the fear that it wouldn’t work out, or my work wouldn’t matter.

But here’s the thing. Your work does matter.

Your life matters. But it doesn’t matter if I think that, if Ryan Gosling thinks that or if your neighbour’s cat thinks that.

That doesn’t count for shit. What counts is that you believe that.

And that you’re able to give yourself your own permission slip. You’re the only one who has earned that right. And you’re the one that’s going to be most affected by it.

Because there are always going to be haters, nitpickers and naysayers. Just like there’s always going to be people doing similar shit to what you’re doing. And that fear and discomfort? That’s not going away either.

permission to try

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bother. It means you need to get creative. And start taking yourself seriously.

Let’s face it. How much time do you spend thinking about what you want to be doing? How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think, and what the reaction will be?

A lot of time, right?

So why not just use that time to just do it?

Why don’t we just use that time to create the things we want to create. Say the things we want to say. And just do the things we want to do.

Give yourself permission. 

Give yourself permission to try and succeed.

Give yourself permission to try and fail.

Just give yourself permission to stand up with your head tall and say:

"I fucking tried and do you know what, I learned something.I learned that I have courage, I have conviction, and I have something to say."

You are enough!

You are enough. Everything that you've done, everything that you've been through - they make up a story of who you are, sat here, right now reading this.

Some of those things will have been great, some of those things will have been downright shit, but they make up the person you are right now at this moment.

And let me tell you - you are a fucking amazing person who has so much to give to the world.

You're not regular Joe from the status quo. You don't live your life with a fill in the blank narrative - you're choosing your own path and you're hitting the ball out of the park. And that is brave, really brave.

And sometimes people are going to criticise you. They're gonna try to shit on your dreams because they don't understand you and they think they know better and what's in your best interest. But they don't.  Because you and only you, are the only one certified to write the bible of your life. You have more wisdom than you know and you are able to make good decisions.

You don't need to change who you are. You really don't. Anyone who says you do has their own agenda - one that benefits them and doesn't benefit you. You can either spend your whole life trying to change who you are and feeling like you'll never be enough, or you can try believing that you're enough and start living a life from that place instead.

You don't need to do what's expected of you. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to life - you get to do it your way and light that beacon of nonconformity to other people. And sometimes life isn't going to go the way you plan, and sometimes there's going to be bad bits. But we all have bad bits, and sometimes sharing your bad bits with other people is going to make them feel less alone, and let them see that they too are enough.

It's your life - you get to create your own adventures. You get to make your own stories and you get to be the central character. And you're a pretty awesome heroine. (But I think you know that already...)

You are enough, and you matter.

My bizarre morning routine (& the joys of being un-instagrammable)

I wrote a while ago about how it's okay to not be a morning person and the mystery of having a morning routine. And I still stand by that 100%. But what I have come to learn is that it is helpful to have something in place in the morning that starts you off to a good day. No, it's not about green smoothies or Insta-ing (is that a word?) your breakfast. No, it's not about getting up 2 hours early to do sun salutations.

Instead it's finding something that works for you. It's about finding something that works with how you already live your life. Something that is minimal effort but has a big effect on your day. It doesn't have to make sense to everyone else. It doesn't have to be something Oprah magazine feature worthy. It just has to be something that you can do that helps you.

Because, you know what? You know yourself better than anyone else, anyway. So stop googling the perfect morning routine, stop beating yourself up for pressing snooze a few (a dozen for me) too many times, and embrace your own madness.

With that in mind, let me share with you my morning routine. This is going to be no holds barred, so warning: reality to ensue.

(This feels pretty vulnerable, like sharing with you the colour of my knickers. (They have owls on them, they're cool).

My morning routine

An average day for me either involves working from home (or a coffee shop), blogging, doing design work and generally trying to work out how I can use my skills to make the world a better place, or involves going out to a research consultant job (completely freelance, random hours) mid-morning.

Either way, Mr. Meg is always up before me, about 6.45am and he heads off to work at 7.30am (the fact that I used to do this is pretty inconceivable to me.) The fact that I used flexi-time and usually got there half hour later than I wanted to because I convinced myself (in a very dozy state, most mornings) that I could shower, wash & blow dry my hair, feed the bunnies, have breakfast in 12 minutes however, is very conceivable.

But, I digress.

Between him getting ready and going out, I'm usually in a semi-conscious mumbling state, trying to tell Mr. Meg all about my latest dream, and after our morning hug, despite telling myself I really should get up, I doze back off to sleep.

8.15am and Mr. Meg rings on his walk to work and after muttering more shit for a while, I finally convince myself that it might be worth getting up.

Now, I want to be really honest here.

I don't arise like a fairy and skip downstairs (alert: nobody does), instead I lie in bed, check my email (a habit I'm really trying to change because it doesn't put my day off to a good start), and go downstairs to get breakfast sorted.

My breakfast is definitely not instagrammable. It involves two little pieces of toast, a tin of spaghetti and a couple of fried eggs. (Didn't I tell you that this isn't going to make sense to everyone? I probably should of added that your morning routine is probably going to actively repulse some people. Oh well. Shit happens.)

Before the spaghetti and the frying pan gets warmed up, using Podcast Addict on my phone, I start my morning properly with a podcast episode. My favourites at the moment are Raise Your Hand. Say Yes and The Joy Patrol Podcast, but on days where I can't find anything I want to listen to, I'm usually singing this Kacey Musgraves or Chris Stapleton at the top of my lungs.  That gets listened to while I simultaneously empty the dishwasher, make a cup of chai tea and sort my breakfast.

And then it's pretty simple. Podcast gets listened to. Breakfast gets eaten. And life begins to happen for the day.

Why on earth am I telling you all this?

There's a couple of reasons:

1. I'm a huge fan of honesty and being open about real life. There's this notion that everything has to be impressive, and setting an example all the fucking time. And I'm sick of it. So by showing you my not-perfect-but-perfect-for-me morning routine, I want you to feel okay about yours.
2. Because this might not seem like a great morning routine for you, but it seriously works for me. And my mornings started working for me when I started to ignore this idea that each of our mornings have to look, sound and taste a certain way. I struggle with anxiety, and some days, I'm not going to lie, it is hard to get out of bed. So having this simple morning routine helps with that. And I also find listening to a podcast in the morning really helps get my inspiration flowing, my mind working and prepares me for the day.

What does this have to do with you?

Basically this is a really long and roundabout way of saying do whatever works for you. It's permission (because don't we all need to feel like we have permission sometimes?) to do your morning however the fuck works for you.

It's not about making it impressive. It's not about having a CV/resume worthy morning routine.

It's about finding something that works for you, something that gets you inspired, or some days, something that just encourages you and helps you to partake in life.

Adult-ing is hard 

We think that everyone has it all together all-the-fucking-time but they really don't. We all believed that we'd grow up to be this magical adult human that could do all the things. But often we can't. And in a way, I'm glad I don't do all the adult things, because like what I believed when I was a child - adulthood kind of sucks. (By the way, here are 99 things you can do instead of growing up.  Essential reading, I'd say).

I'm a firm believer that courage is an everyday thing. Because life is pretty hard.

So, find a way of doing life that works for you. If that's getting up in the morning and watching Pepper Pig in your underwear while eating porridge with Nutella, then so be it. If it's suiting up, checking how the stocks are doing and calling your PA, then I think you're on the wrong website, goodbye.

You do you boo. And the rest will fall in to place.

DIY Pick Me Up Box Tutorial

Sometimes making decisions can seem hard. Especially when things feel bleak. Sometimes we just need a pick me up. And that's what this DIY tutorial is all about.

When I was at the lowest point of burnout I was seriously struggling with depression and anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. I was finding it hard, sometimes even impossible to leave the house, and life felt really shit. And I figured I needed to do something about that.

I'd decoupaged this box a while ago, and figured out a neat use for it. I'd write down all the things that brightened my day and quotes that inspired me, and would create my pick me up box.

Hence the pick me up box was born!

By creating a box of things you know bring you joy/inspire you, it takes the decision making out of the process, something that can really zap your energy/something you can't face when you lose all your enthusiasm or life feels shit.

Tutorial

You need:

• A box (don't stress about it being the nicest box you've ever seen as this is a great delaying tactic. You can get a better box later.)

• 2 piece of paper (they should be visibly different from each other, eg. one lined/one paper or different colours

• Pen

Step 1

Cut both pieces of paper into strips and separate the different pages into piles.

Step 2

1. Pile 1: On each strip, write the name of an activity that inspires you, relaxes you, gives you energy or makes you happy. (My list includes: If you don't have any deadlines - Netflix binge day! Arrange to meet a friend for coffee. Go make a cup of tea and take a book. Go for a walk. Put on Macklemore/Taylor Swift and dance. Have a one person dance party.

2. Pile 2: On each strip, write a quote that inspires you.

strips of paper

Step 3

Mix them all about and put the box somewhere near to your bed, or your desk - somewhere in easy reach!

box in place

Step 4

Use it. Remember it exists. Go to it when you're feeling low. And let it do its job. Let it pick you up when you're feeling low.

pick me up 3

It's simple, but it's effective. Find a box and give it a go today. It won't take you longer than half an hour, and you'll have a great tool on hand when you feel tired, feel like giving up, or find life hard.

Enjoy!