1297: Assume they don’t know

I’m sharing some unconventional life advice I learned through a high school teacher’s instructions on how to approach exams!

Episode transcript:

Good morning, Daily Peppers, and a very happy Wednesday to you. It is hump day. We are over halfway through the week. And as you're listening to this, me and mister Meg will be at our second dog training session, which really is more about training us than training Merlin. So wish us luck. Now when I was in school, one of the best pieces of advice I was given when it comes to taking exams or doing any kind of assessments is to assume that the examiner or the assessor knows nothing about the subject or the topic you're writing about. Now, obviously, that's not true, but the idea was really start with the basics and say the obvious stuff. Don't make assumptions about what you think they know. And I think there is so much that we can take forward from this in terms of life advice and life wisdom.

This might not make any sense, so bear with me. We're gonna get there. If we are socialized as women, chances are we have also been socialized to play small to put everybody else's needs ahead of our own. And the idea of actually asserting what we want or stating our needs can be seen as bold or selfish at best or arrogant at worst. And I think one of the side effects of this is that so often, we can go about life not really saying what we need. And sometimes, I know this is definitely true for me, I just assume that it's a bit bloody obvious. And sometimes I expect people to be a bit of a mind reader. We've all had those kind of mini or big arguments where it all comes down to the other person simply didn't know all the things that you assumed they would have figured out or known anyway.

And I think sometimes it is really helpful, even if it is pretty fucking uncomfortable, to go back to that life advice that we can take from exams and really state the obvious. Now asking for our needs or putting our needs on the table can be really scary because there is often the very real factor that they might not be fulfilled. There is also sometimes the fact that we don't know what would have happened had we asked. Now huge caveat here. Sometimes we don't put our needs on the table or ask because we know the person, we know how they make us feel, and we just have a gut feeling. I am not telling you to go against them. I am all about self preservation. And this is about being discerning of where you practice this.

And my advice on where to begin is with the really little things, is with the things that aren't a big deal, and you might be really pleasantly surprised. So have a think about any areas of your life right now, perhaps some annoying little areas where maybe you're assuming people know what you want when actually they might not even if they should, and give it a try. And a final reminder from me, it is not selfish or arrogant to have needs and to put them on the table. You are allowed to ask for what you want. You are allowed to want things, and that simply makes you human. I hope you find some unexpected joy today. I hope somebody does read your mind and do something really kind for you, and I hope you take a small chance as well. I'll see you tomorrow.

Transcription produced by Castmagic.io

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A short, snappy and sassy daily podcast to keep your internal - and external - dreamshitters at bay!

The Daily Pep! is the rebel-rousing, daily podcast for couragemakers, creative, multi-passionate and unconventional women.

If you’re surrounded by people who don’t get who you are or what you do, if you want reminders you’re on the right path (no matter how scary it feels), or you’re sick of being your very own worst enemy, this is the podcast for you.

Every weekday, your host - writer, coach and professional rebel-rouser - Meg Kissack helps you build a creative and wholehearted life, one day at a time. Through short and snappy insights, reminders and stories, The Daily Pep! is here to remind you you’re not alone, and that everything changes when you believe you matter. Each episode is short and snappy, designed to fit in with (or help you start) your habits and routines

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