1622: This one is for all us people pleasers
If people pleasing sometimes leaves you feeling like you’ve lost parts of yourself, in today’s episode I share a firm reminder and some gentle invitations.
Episode transcript:
Good morning, Daily Peppers and a very happy Wednesday to you. So around here, so many of us can really relate to being people pleasers. And for so many of us, we have also learned the hard way that something has to change. But it can also feel really impossible knowing where to start. It can also feel like there's this massive binary between being a people pleaser or being an absolute bitch. And as people who are socialized, as women, I think that socialization has a lot to do with it. So many of us are brought up to put everybody else first. If we're empaths, we can often pick up on the things that aren't being said.
We've probably been seriously rewarded by doing things that please other people. But at some point something has to give or we start to lose ourselves and we can end up pretty damn stretched over capacity and also, let's face it, just a little bit fucked off. So if you can hard relate that it is not your job to please everybody. And also you literally can't, you can't please anyone. And there are also some people that there's just no pleasing them, that you can never meet their ever changing expectations. And your mental gymnastics and the energy in trying to do that just isn't worth it. And to go back to one of my favourite quotes from Emily McDowell, that is not a personal failure, but it is an impossible setup. I think for those of us who do struggle with people pleasing, we need to give ourselves a shitload of grace because chances are this is a bit of a protective pattern that we have done for decades.
So it's not going to go overnight as much as we wish it would. And it's also not time to start beating ourselves up about beating ourselves up. But what it is time for is getting gently curious about what are your own needs in your own life? Where are your own empty buckets? And if you feel like you've been completely swamped by other people, their lives and their needs, and you're not sure where you start and other people begin, that is okay. Not all hope is lost. Now can be a great time of starting to maybe remember who you are and figuring out the things that you like. And that might sound really simple, but I know if you've been stuck in people pleasing for a while, it can be really hard to remember those things. Remember that you do not have to become a no machine overnight. That you having your own needs in the first place does not make you anything other than human.
And here's to knowing the sometimes painful truth that some people will not like it when you stop being a people pleaser. You may lose people, but you will also gain back so much of yourself, so much freedom, and also so much joy, even if there are growing pains along the way. So as you go about your day to day, remember that people pleasing doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It is one of the really shitty side effects of growing up in a patriarchal culture which, let's face it, none of us would choose. And remember, as always, that everything changes when you believe you matter and you really, really do. Take care.
Transcription automatically produced by Castmagic.io
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The Daily Pep! is the rebel-rousing, daily podcast for couragemakers, creative, multi-passionate and unconventional women.
If you’re surrounded by people who don’t get who you are or what you do, if you want reminders you’re on the right path (no matter how scary it feels), or you’re sick of being your very own worst enemy, this is the podcast for you.
Every weekday, your host - writer, coach and professional rebel-rouser - Meg Kissack helps you build a creative and wholehearted life, one day at a time. Through short and snappy insights, reminders and stories, The Daily Pep! is here to remind you you’re not alone, and that everything changes when you believe you matter. Each episode is short and snappy, designed to fit in with (or help you start) your habits and routines.
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