On letting go of creative control + finding creative freedom

Since starting The Rebel Rousers (originally That Hummingbird Life) in 2014, I’ve done pretty much everything myself. From teaching myself design and back-end tech stuff to podcast editing and marketing, I’ve been a one woman band. If something needed doing, I taught myself and found a way (like so many of us do) and figured it out as I went.

And I know I’m not alone. For so many of, we’re a one woman band, if not an orchestra. As multi-passionates, there’s so much of it we love, learning about new things, having a whole array of creative things to switch between so you’re never bored, and an endless amount of rabbit holes to go down.

But for all the great bits, there’s a not so wonderful downside:

Along the way, because we’re doing everything ourselves, doing everything ends up being a hill we’re willing to die on. We end up buying into this myth that all of these tasks can be done by yours truly only, and let’s face it, it can be really fucking overwhelming.

As a multi-passionate, we enjoy doing all the things. But as humans, we can’t do all the things.

There are so many reasons we take everything on ourselves; necessity/lack of resources to do otherwise, because we can see our vision and feel the need to execute every task and needing to have creative control.

I think when you have done everything yourself, it can feel incredibly hard to give up creative control. Since starting my redesign and overhaul of my business last year, I really came face to face with just how important creative control was to me. And honestly? What a problem it has become.

When faced with the task of a rebrand, I felt genuinely sick to my stomach. I knew how much it would entail, how many micro-tasks sat behind every little task, and it was daunting, to say the least.

But as I started designing, I knew I needed an outside perspective or two to help me bring my vision to life. The idea of bringing someone else in, however, felt seriously scary. And vulnerable.

I knew no matter who I worked with, my expectations would be high, probably too high.

I also knew that it would involve bringing someone into my own behind the scenes and creative process, which is messy at the best of times and felt uncomfortable. And I also knew I’d have to give really honest feedback. And as someone who has really struggled to find people who ‘get me’ and what I do, I was also prepared for an uphill battle, to have to explain my business in ten different ways and fight to keep it out of a rigid box.

As I was starting the redesign, I was chatting to one of my coaching clients, and now dear friend, Stak from Bold and cat about just how sick it was all making me feel. I was showing her different fonts, colour combinations, and during one of our friend chats, she off the cuff created a mood board from my Pinterest board, helped me come up with tone words and just got it.

Around this time, she was starting her website design business for creatives doing interesting things online and asked me if I’d be up for her designing or helping me redesign my new website. I politely declined. The idea of someone else doing it? While I realised I was in quite the pickle doing it all myself - well it just felt too scary and out of my comfort zone giving up creative control.

I was more worried about my end of things than hers - being a nightmare client, being picky, and. never being happy unless I did it myself (come on, we all struggle with this one!).

And I was worried about needing to be honest enough to end up with something I was ecstatic about, not just agreeing to something because of my being a recovering people pleaser.

Over the next weeks, Stak hinted a couple of times about wanting to do some mock ups and told me that there was absolutely no pressure to keep anything of what she did. It was her emphasis on the collaboration element of it and being able to be truly honest that did it.

I realised that here was someone who is not only brilliant at what they do, but could speak about my vision as if she was in my own head, and also understood the creative control piece, didn’t push me or insert her ego into any part of it.

So, with trepidation on my part and a shitload of excitement on Stak’s part, we hashed out some terms and got started. It was to be a genuine collaboration, honesty was the first policy and it was time to give up some creative control.

it was bloody eye opening.

I think sometimes reading these things, it can be a bit ‘happily ever after’, but I can say with my hand on heart, this was one of those rare times. The end result is something I never could have dreamt up alone, and I couldn’t have dreamt of in general.

And while to begin with it was vulnerable, it was scary and out of my comfort zone, other things soon took place of those. It wasn’t long before I found myself thoroughly enjoying a the creative collaboration, bouncing ideas around, and enjoying having a sparring partner.

I actually came to really, really love the process.

I loved receiving the mocks ups, the back and forth of revisions and changes and bringing everything together. Having someone else involved meant I became a lot less self-critical, could be more objective and things could actually move forward. And having someone else who got it? Well that changed everything. As creative and multi-passionates, we’re so often told to put ourselves in a box, but the fact that Stak was all in on the bright colours and the patterns and didn’t ever try to make me do something more on trend or minimal, well it was a game changer.

Stak met me exactly where I was and encouraged me to bring out all of me, and truly brought out the best in me, and I know I couldn’t have done that on my own. And, well that was revolutionary.

Stak created an environment where I could be as hands on or hands off as I needed to be. At the start of the process I told her I couldn’t imagine her implementing the changes on my website because I wouldn’t be able to give up creative control. But by the time we got there, my thoughts had completely shifted.

As someone who preaches about the need for people to work in their own zone of genius, it was time to practice what I preached, and I knew Stak could execute the vision a million times better than me. If I had done it on my own, I know for a fact that I would still be working on it, and I’d be seriously stressed.

I never could have imagined it, but giving up creative control? Well it felt a lot like freedom. And it was a huge fucking relief.

Aside from the fact that Stak is fucking brilliant at what she does, there is an important lesson to be had here.

And that’s why I’m sharing this with you today.

Handing over creative control, being a one woman band and feeing the pressure to learn all the things and do it yourself, it’s hard.

But sometimes, doing it yourself versus letting people in can literally be the difference between burning out and being able to continue. And I know which one I would choose every time.

So I want to leave you with some parting reminders about creative control.

Parting reminders

• While giving up creative control can feel seriously scary, on the other side of it, it can feel like a MASSIVE weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
  

• Be patient and don’t dull down what you do so it’s more understandable to others, because there will be people who get what you do. You might have to search harder to find them, but they do exist, and they’re worth wait.
  

• You don’t have to do it all on your own. Other people genuinely want to help, and creative collaboration can be so much fun.
  

• When you find the right person who compliments your approach and you come at it from a place of mutual respect, stop being stubborn and give a try. You never know, you might end up on the other side with something that exceeded your vision and something you could have only dreamt of.

The Daily Pep! Part Five

This is the last in my five part series, documenting the run up to developing and launching my new daily podcast - The Daily Pep! - on 29th February 2020. It’s a warts and all look at behind the scenes. If you’re wondering what even is The Daily Pep!, you can read go back to the first post in this series here.

THE. PODCAST. IS. LIVE.

There is something seriously surreal about hankering away at somethig with your head down behind the scenes and then putting it into the world.

Though I’m sure it’s nothing like it, it feels a bit like how I imagine sending a child off to high school feels. Worried about how they’re going to get on, if they’ll get picked on, who they’ll turn into,.

Last week was a whirlwind. I’ve been writing lots of episodes and really getting back into writing and the calm I felt a couple of weeks ago was still lurking in the background.

But to say the whole week was easy and that I was calm would be lying. Up until Wednesday night when I submitted the podcast to Apple Podcasts and Spotify for approval, I was - to put it nicely - freaking the fuck out.

However, the minute I submitted it, a whole load of the anxiety and fear just dissipated. It was 3:30am which might have had something to do with it, too.

It was as if I had complete confirmation that the quiet calm I’d been feeling at the time had been there for a reason. Because actually, I could do it, nothing bad happened and quite frankly, it was a relief.

I remembered just how much courage it took to launch The Couragemakers Podcast and I was reminded that I can do scary things.

And while it is a relief for it to be out there, I’m still anxious to see how this will all pan out.

The podcasting landscape has changed just so much since I launched Couragemakers. When I was starting out, it was still a pretty indie movement. Now it seems like every celebrity and their pet hamster’s hedgehog has a podcast, and there are these huge production companies behind them. Now if you look at New & Noteworthy, so many of them are created by the BBC/ITV or some mega corporation.

(Don’t get me wrong, I love so many of them, but some of them do make me roll my eyes).

I’m still doing it in the way I’ve always done it - it’s just me: the recording, the audio, the production, the editing, the promotion, the marketing, the admin. In a year’s time, what with sponsors I hope I’ll be able to hire people to help (say, WHAT?!)

I said I would be honest in this series and even though Couragemakers has been a huge success, I do worry that it’s been a fluke, that the podcasting world is way too saturated now and that it might just disappear into the ether.

But I had an important realisation last night:

Even if no one listened, I would still create it.

Because I LOVE the work I do, I love writing, I love ideas, and like many creatives, I find that I often make the things I most need.

If nothing else comes of this, I will be spending time developing skills, building up a body of work and most importantly enjoying the process. (I figured out, if each episode averages out around 700 words, by the end of the year I’ll have got down 200,000 words about courage, creativity, persistence, dreamshitters and dream-chasing.)

The importance of documenting the process

When we look back, I think we can tend to gloss over how things felt in the moment and I’m really grateful I’ve documented this journey so I can look back on it when I’m working on future projects or need a reminder that fear doesn’t get to win.

So start documenting your journey and go do the scary thing!

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’ll be that I will have been so glad to actually have done this, instead of just thinking about it and imagining what if.

And that’s a wrap for this blog series. I hope it’s inspired you to go do the thing you can’t stop thinking of, no matter how scary it feels. Thank you so much for being on this journey with me, thank you so much for all your encouragement and I’m looking forward to re-visiting this series next year with knowledge about how this all turned out!

The Daily Pep! Part Four

This is part four in my month-long series documenting the run up to launching my new daily podcast - The Daily Pep! - on 29th February 2020. It’s a warts and all look at behind the scenes, and if you missed my first post and are wondering what even is The Daily Pep!, you can read it here.

Holy Shit. 6 days to go.

In hindsight I feel a bit embarrassed about announcing my inner calm last week because right now it feels like that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The jitters have absolutely set in and this week has been a bit of a rollercoaster. My anxiety has been all over the shop like it does when I’m feeling stressed or something big is happening and if you struggle with your mental health, I’m sure you can relate.

I’ve become panicky about pretty minor unrelated things and my OCD has well and truly shown up to the party. I’m washing my hands more, my night-time checks before I go to bed have got worse and death (the thing that really sets of my OCD) has been on my mind more lately.

It feels weird sharing in such intimate detail what’s been going on with me.

Especially with my OCD. But I want to share my reality of doing your own thing as someone who also struggles with mental health.

That’s the whole point of this series. It feels uncomfortable, but I wanted to show the actual behind the scenes, not the zero to TA-DAH fairytale version we’re so used to seeing online.

I think working for yourself is often touted as the best thing ever for people with chronic illnesses, but the reality is that it does brings its own brand of stress. Doing your own thing means you’re constantly in a dance with uncertainty and doing scary things on a regular basis, and the stress can lead to flare ups.

One thing is that after a while you get pretty used to recognising the signs. That inner calm is still somewhere in me, and I know for the way I work this is a part of the process for the time being. It’s not time to turn back, it’s just time to acknowledge that my anxiety is rising which is only natural, and to try and let is take a backseat instead of becoming the main character.

The frustrating thing is I was so determined to come back refreshed from my sabbatical, and to a certain extent, I was.

But the minute I was back, a nervous stomach ache has decided to settle in and become a (hopefully short-term) lodger. Before the sabbatical I’d got into such a good morning and evening routine but it seems to have gone out the window a little bit.

Now I’m going to bed later, avoiding doing work I need to do and I’ve gone back to the researching new microphones

And I think self-sabotage has something to do with it.

A while ago, a good friend recommended checking out the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (summary in the link) and it completely opened my eyes to the idea of self-sabotage, and I hope it helps you as well:

 “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.”

“I have a limited tolerance for feeling good. When I hit my Upper Limit, I manufacture thoughts that make me feel bad. The problem is bigger than just my internal feelings, though: I seem to have a limited tolerance for my life going well in general. When I hit my Upper Limit, I do something that stops my positive forward trajectory.”

The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks

And Steven Pressfield especially touches on what I think has been happening for the past week and a half:

 “When we are succeeding – that is, when we have begun to overcome our self-doubt and self-sabotage, when we are advancing in our craft and evolving to a higher level – that’s when panic strikes. When we experience panic, it means that we’re about to cross a threshold. We’re poised on the doorstep of a higher plane.”

Too real Steve, too real.

Because they’ve both hit the nail on the head.

So this week I’m doing everything I can to remind myself that I feel this way because I’m on the right path. It’s not a sign to turn back. If anything it’s a sign to keep going.

I’m pressing on, despite feeling scared shitless.

After spending WAY too long researching, I’ve upgraded my podcasting set up so the audio is better, I can better streamline all the processes, and also in the hope that it might make everything feel a bit better. And would you have it, I’m even more nervous now - who would have thought it 😂

(On the plus side, check this out - the coloured buttons are programmable and I press different ones and it plays different part of my podcast music, intro and outro etc! 😮 MAGIC!)

So apart from playing around with fun new gadgets, this week is about outlining and recording future episodes to take some of the pressure off every week, creating a new show with my podcast host and submitting it for approval with iTunes, Spotify and Google Podcasts, finishing off a home for the podcast here on my website and finally choosing a main podcast cover!

Here’s the two I’m struggling to pick between for the main one, and there will be five different colour variations, one for every day of the week:

Oh, and launching the podcast!!!!

So it’s going to be a busy old week with my head down. I find it really hard to balance creating and sharing at the same time, and I know in order to the Daily Pep! to be a success I need to start talking about it more online, so hopefully I’ll be more active on Instagram and Twitter this week :)

So that’s it for this week. I feel like I have more to say, but I’m feeling frazzled and don’t want to waffle on for the sake of it!

Thank you SO much for all your support <3 <3 It means the absolute world to me.

I’ll be back here next sunday when the daily pep! will be an actual thing that exists and is out there!!!

The Daily Pep! Part Three

This is part three in my month-long series documenting the run up to launching my new daily podcast - The Daily Pep! - on 29th February 2020. It’s a warts and all look at behind the scenes, and if you missed my first post and are wondering what even is The Daily Pep!, you can read it here.

We’re on the home run. Less than two weeks to go!

This week has felt pretty counter-intuitive, having a sabbatical and time off when really it feels like there’s so much to do.

But it was absolutely the thing I needed the most.

I was getting so in my head about coming up with lots of ideas, recording them perfectly and freaking out about how this is all going to work. And as I’m sure you know, doing that on a dwindling energy supply does not make a great combination.

While I’ve taken some time off, a couple of things have occurred to me:

Obviously there’s WAY more pressure now.

I feel like I have to make this live up to the standard of Couragemakers, and make it as helpful as possible. When I was launching Couragemakers, I could only dream that some people might listen and find it helpful. I’ve been blown away by how many people get in touch with really heartfelt messages, the reviews its had, the download numbers and just how much it’s taken off.

I think part of the pressure is knowing that with going releasing a daily podcast, I’m not going to be able to take ad-hoc breaks like I have in the past, because I want it to be a habit-forming podcast and I want it to be consistent. I want people to know that come rain or shine, there will be a new episode every Monday through Friday.

Failure has taken on another shade, or another flavour.

Not only am I worrying about letting people down, I’m really conscious that I don’t want to embarrass myself and let myself down. I think as creative women who want to do work that’s bigger than us, we’re always plagued by our own expectations, and haunted by the idea of failing ourselves. I listened to a PHENOMENAL podcast episode that addressed this last week with Grace Bonney from Design* Sponge and it put words to so many of the things I’ve been feeling.

As part of this whole process, I know I need to up my consumption when it comes to reading, watching and listening - to find ideas, get inspired and have things to share - and one of the things I’m really looking forward to checking out is the podcast How To Fail by Elizabeth Day.

Feeling calm

But while I’m feeling all of the things, I do feel a sense of inner calm. I had this feeling when I launched Couragemakers - I had the feeling it would work and I just needed to do it, and it feels similar this time.

I feel like once its out in the world, I’ll fall into a rhythm. It might take a while but I know I’ll get there. I’ve been writing Sunday Pep Talks to my email community for the past five years, and every week I always have something to say. Even when I stare at the screen and my mind is blank, I know something will come to the surface.

I’m only now realising this as I’m typing it - this whole starting a daily podcast thing is also an exercise in self trust.

In fact, I think all creative endeavours and processes are.

The question is: do we keep doubting and stay stuck or do we trust a little bit and assume it’ll fall into place along the way?

And ultimately, isn’t that one of the big decisions in life?

Do we refrain from living the life we would love to and stop ourselves because uncertainty is too fucking scary, or do we dare to begin?

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I think that’s enough food for thought this week! I’ve got one day of my sabbatical left, so I’m going back to re-filling my cup and then getting back to the work on Tuesday! Call The Midwife is beckoning me and I think I’m going to spend most of tomorrow finishing a book I’m in love with - The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom.

See you back here next sunday when we’ll have just 6 days to go until the daily pep is officially in the world!!

The Daily Pep! Part Two

This is part three in my month-long series, taking a warts and all look at behind the scenes of launching a daily podcast (The Daily Pep! launches on 29th February 2020). Here’s Part 1 and Part 2.

We’re now less than 3 weeks until the launch, and now the cat is out of the bag and I’m talking about it publicly, it’s definitely getting more real, and more exciting.

I realised a two big things this week:

Big Duh Moment # 1 - I somehow forgot, and completely dismissed the fact that I’m a writer

One of the biggest things that has been freaking me out is pressuring myself to do every episode unscripted. I’ve had my microphone plugged in for most of the week, have made rough outlines for episodes, and some have worked, some haven’t.

Mr. Meg has been my guinea pig and I’m really grateful that he shares his honest feedback and will tell me if an episode doesn’t really go anywhere! While I’ve been feeling so stressed out about doing everything ad-lib and without a script, it was like my mind went blank and I’ve completely forgotten how I tell stories, how I start episodes, how I make points, everything.

I then thought back to the hundreds of blog posts I’ve written - and enjoyed writing - to look back at my style, how I start them and if this whole daily podcast thing really is a lost cause!

So I took my iPad into the bath, got my previous blog posts open and was surprised to find they were /exactly/ the style and topics I want to cover in this podcast. Cue the realisation that maybe if I approach it like blogging, then I’m actually making a mountain out of a molehill?

Isn’t it funny, and infuriating how much we can get into our heads sometimes?

Big Duh Moment # 2 - I need to stop worrying about worrying 😂

I realised this week, that this launching a daily podcast thing is a bit of a waiting game. Ultimately there’s only so much worrying I can do, and only so much I can stop myself from worrying. I feel like once the 29th gets here, I’ll feel calmer because then I know it’s showtime and I have to just get on with it regardless of how I’m feeling.

Upcoming Sabbatical

Behind the scenes this week, I’ve been doing lots of coaching calls, getting on top of admin, recording episodes, finalising the media kit as I look for sponsors and getting the organisation side of things sorted. I’m on sabbatical starting tomorrow evening so this week has been a Get Shit Done week where I’m getting everything in order to take a week off.

(I’m experimenting with taking every seventh week as a sabbatical as a burnout strategy. I first heard about it from the Seanwes podcast and you can read more about it here).

My hope is that the sabbatical will give me space to rest, recharge and allow me to come back before the launch feeling fresh and inspired. I’ve spent most of the last week focused on my coaching clients, making sure I am as present, helpful and fresh I can be, after six weeks of pretty intense work.

I think on Tuesday I simply plan to sleep all day! I’m also know that I get my most creative ideas when I give myself permission to rest, so hopefully it’ll be a week of sleep, reading and lots of ideas! I’ll report back next week!

How I’m organising everything

Talking of getting organised, I’m a massive nerd systems and processes. One of the things I knew in starting a daily podcast is that I’m going to have to have a solid system in place so it’s not a chaotic mess!

In case you’re a bit of a nerd too, I thought I’d share with you the behind the scenes of how I’m organising everything: I’m using:

• Notion for project management (I’m in LOVE with it, if you’re curious, here’s a great video explaining how it all works)

• Bear App for writing (trying to be a bit more organised than Google Docs and still undecided if this is the system I’m going to go with)

• FocusMate to give me a push and get the fuck on with it if I need it! (FocusMate is an AMAZING co-working app thingy, where you get paired with someone for 50 minutes to get shit done and keep each other accountable) - well worth checking out!

Things to do before it goes live on 29th!

• Open a new show with Libsyn (the company I host Couragemakers with) and submit The Daily Pep! to iTunes for manual approval!

• Create a landing page for The Daily Pep!

• Start an archive page on the website for show notes for all episodes

• Pitch sponsors

• Decide on hashtag for The Daily Pep! community on Instagram and Twitter - my current thought it #dailypeppers but I welcome ANY suggestions!

• Work out how I’m going to launch it - I’m thinking of doing five mini pep talk episodes on Couragemakers as a kind of crossover collaboration in the week leading up to the launch

• Record more episodes! I have 7 recorded and 20 mainly ready for recording

• Try and be more present and actually lean into the excitement instead of feeling controlled by my to-do list

• Finalise the artwork cover and edit the file so it meets all iTunes specs etc

And speaking of artwork…

I promised you in Part One I’d share with you my previous draft designs for The Daily Pep! Here goes 😂

Fear Update

So that’s everything for this week. There’s definitely been less wrestling with fear this week, and in all honesty, I think that’s because I’ve just had so much to do with dwindling energy that I haven’t had the mental space for an existential crisis.

I am SO looking forward to a break, I think I’ll be re-reading some of my favourite YA dystopian books like the Matched series by Ally Condie, finishing Call The Midwife and hopefully getting a massage on Thursday! 🎉

I’ll be back here next Sunday to report back about my sabbatical, how it’s all going and how i’m feeling with less than two weeks to go. Ahhhhh!

What the fuck even is a life coach?

If you’ve ever wondered what a life coach is, if you’ve wondered if it’s complete bullshit, if you’ve ever thought about hiring one but you’re not quite sure how it works or what they do, or if you’re simply curious about the whole thing, this post is for you!

Here, I’m debunking myths and getting really honest about what life coaching is (and isn’t), to help you figure out if coaching is for you, and if so, what to expect and look out for.

I’ll also talk you through figuring out if a coach is for you, how to tell the difference between good coaches and wildly unethical ones before you pay and learn that the hard way and what to look out for when working out if someone is a good fit for you.

First, some context.

Here in the UK, we’re still getting our head around having a therapist. Up until now, therapy has felt like an American trend. For a starters, we call it counselling, and unfortunately it still comes with stigma for some people.
And then when you add life coaching into the mix, many people respond with blank stares. I know that only too well when I tell people what I do.

It’s got a bad rap because so often we associate it with:

• Ridiculously cheesy American (sorry American friends!) adverts of middle-aged white men shouting motivational but ultimately empty platitudes and cashing in top dollar for the privilege of being in their presence. The ideas we have of coaching can be a bit on the sleazy and corporate side of things.

• People who have got everything figured out, who have solved the riddle of live, have built the perfect life and are going to charge you handsomely to teach you how to do what they did and get the same results.

Hopefully, the fact that you’re reading this in the first place means you’ve figured out that the perfect life doesn’t exist and someone shouting motivational things at you doesn’t work.

You’ve seen through the bullshit, but that leaves you with the question - well, what the fuck is life coaching then?

I think the best place to start is by dispelling the myths:

Myth 1: A coach tells you exactly what you need to do.

A good coach isn’t someone who’s going to tell you what to do. Instead, they’re going to work with you to find the next steps, figure out what’s holding you back and get you to where you want to be. Instead of giving you marching orders, they’ll ask you provoking questions, brainstorm with you, help you formulate plans and keep you accountable.

The idea of paying someone to tell you exactly what you need to do does sounds tempting, but it just doesn’t work like that. You’re the only one who can decide what is right for you, and you already have all the answers you need inside you, what you need is someone to help pull them out.

Myth 2: Coaching is just therapy/counselling with a different name

Absolutely not. There is a HUGE difference between coaching and counselling. The easiest way to think of it is this:

Counselling is diving into your past, exploring trauma, working out why you think the way you do and healing past wounds.

Coaching is about looking forward and building the life you want to live. It’s about practically working out where you want to go and how you’re going to get there. Coaching doesn’t deal with past trauma or provide you with psychological support.

If I am on a discovery call with someone and what I think they need is counselling, I will tell them. A good coach will be very clear about their remits, and what they can and can’t support you with.

Myth 3: Coaches can guarantee results

A good coach won’t guarantee results.

I know it sounds like an oxymoron but let me explain, because this is one of the biggest truths of life coaching that coaches shy away from, or avoid completely.

Now, I know you like certainty, and I know you want to know for certain whether the investment (time/energy/money) is going to pay off, but the truth is coaches can’t guarantee results any more than a personal trainer can guarantee results.

Why?

Because ultimately the success is in your hands. It’s a bit like a personal trainer guaranteeing someone they can help them lose a certain amount of weight or lift a certain weight. They can support and help all they can, but ultimately it’s up to the person to go to the gym, put the work in and show up. Coaching is about being pro-active and taking responsibility.

If someone comes to me wanting to write a book, I’m not going to promise them that they’re going to write a book. What I can promise them is that I’ll do everything in my power to get them writing. We’ll explore what’s stopping them from writing, we’ll brainstorm the book and flesh it out (if that’s what they want to do), we’ll find a routine, explore all the obstacles, I’ll keep them accountable, and I’ll do everything I can to support them. But I’m won’t be writing the book for them so I can’t guarantee they’ll write it. As much as they sometimes might like, I can’t literally force them to sit at the desk and get the words out.

All this is to say, if someone can guarantee they can take you from A to B, be wary.

So how on earth do you work out if someone is a good fit for you?

How do you work out if they speak your own language and if they’re the person to help you?

How do you tell the good ones from the ones bottling snake oil?

Most coaches offer a consultation to see if you’re a good fit, and they can range anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes.

They might be called a free call, a consultation, a breakthrough session or a discovery call. I call mine a discovery call because it’s about exploring if we’re a good fit for each other (on both sides).

It can be misleading when it’s advertised as a free coaching session, because that’s not what it is or should be. Of course you might gain clarity and a next step for what you’re working through, but that’s not the aim.

The aim is to see if you’re a good fit. It’s an opportunity for you to determine if they’re a good fit for you and if their style works for you, and for the coach to determine what you’d like support with and if they can help, and how they can help.

During a discovery call you’ll get a feel for the person, if they speak your language and understand your struggles, if they align with your values, if they get you and usually you have a gut feeling.

A good coach:

• won’t guilt trip you into signing up for their services

• encourage you to sign up and pay on the spot

• encourage you to put the payment on a credit card if you can’t afford it. (Yep, this happens).

• will not tell you life is going to be [insert your biggest fear here] if you don’t work with them

• tell you they have life figured out and tell you about their perfect life

But they will:

• encourage you to go away and think about it and not pressure you into signing up

• ask you questions and listen.

• say no if you are in financial difficulties and they think paying for their services could put you into further financial hardship

• be perfectly happy with you reaching out to past clients and people who have written them a testimonial

Ultimately, they will tell you if they don’t think they’re the right fit for you.

And if they’re not a good fit, they might recommend someone who would be a better fit for you or suggest an avenue to explore.

For example, I coach creative and multi-passionate women who want to find the things only they can do, build a impactful, joyful and creative life that both fulfils them and leave the world a brighter place. While I may be the perfect coach for creatives, mission-driven entrepreneurs, activists and multi—passionate women, if someone came to me with the primary goal of becoming an investment banker, I would refer them on. It’s not that I couldn’t help someone with the process of becoming an investment banker, it’s just that I wouldn’t be the best fit for the job.

Any good coaching relationship puts YOU at the centre.

So now we know how to tell the real deal from the wildly unethical, and you’re thinking of booking a discovery call, here are some tips to help you on the call:

Tips & Questions to help you make the most out of a discovery call and see if they’re the right fit:

• Be open about where you want to go and what has and hasn’t worked for you

• If you don’t know where you want to go - be honest about that! This is often the first thing you’ll work on

• Ask them how they would approach your situation and what kind of work you might expect to be doing

• Ask them if they’ve worked with similar people or people in a similar boat and to share their experiences

The bottom line?

Ultimately, only you can tell if someone is the right fit for you. Go with your gut and go with what feels right for you.

A good coach will know this is a big decision and accept that sometimes you’re not a good match, you’re not ready or you’d be better suited with someone else.

And to end, a piece of advice that I think works for most situations in life:

Treat finding a coach like finding a good bra.

You’re looking for something uplifting and supportive.

It needs to do more than look good on the outside.

It needs to be a good fit.

And it needs to make you feel good about yourself.

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I hope this answers all the questions you have! If not, you can reach out anytime at meg [at] therebelrousers.com :)

The Daily Pep! Part One

The cat is finally out of the bag, and I am so excited (and ever so slightly terrified) to announce that I’m launching a Daily Pep Talk podcast on 29th February 2020, called The Daily Pep!

I’m starting this blog series to document the month leading up to putting The Daily Pep! into the world, because I want to share with you the reality of what it looks like to build something. I’m so sick of seeing things pop up online that look like they were dropped off by the magic online business fairy in the middle of the night. I crave seeing behind the scenes, the rocky paths, the high-highs and the low-lows.

I want to see the moments when someone nearly gave up, and how they got back up.

So every week for the next four weeks, I’m going to be documenting the process. I’m going to be sharing with you what it actually looks like behind the scenes. Not the Instagramable version, not the Cinderella version where we skip the ugly step sisters and head straight to Prince Charming.

Nope.

I’m going to be sharing with you my wobbly moments, the messy moments and hopefully the joyful moments as well. All in the hope of helping you see you’re not alone in your shitty first drafts, you’re not alone in being scared shitless to put yourself out there, and starting a conversation about what it actually takes to do creative work.

So, let’s get into Part One!

First, you might be thinking, what even is The Daily Pep! ?

Well, let me just grab my current working version of the podcast description that’s ready to go on iTunes:

The Daily Pep is the daily podcast for couragemakers, creative and multi-passionate and unconventional women, who are looking for a daily dose of rebel-rousing, encouragement and reminders to keep going.

Because building a life you love and making the world a brighter place takes a shitload of courage, but you don’t have to do it alone

If you’re exhausted by the need to be all the things, want regular reminders that you’re on the right path and you matter, or you’re sick of being your very own personal dreamshitter, this is the podcast for you.

Every weekday, your host and professional rebel-rouser Meg Kissack shares short and snappy insights, reminders and stories to help you build a wholehearted creative life that feels good, is sustainable and joyful AND leaves the world a brighter place.

The Daily Pep is purposefully short and snappy, designed to fit in with your life and your routines. Listen with your morning coffee, while you walk the dog, on your commute, or while you’re trying to resist the snooze button.

The Daily Pep is a sister podcast of The Couragemakers Podcast. New episodes air every Monday - Friday 6AM GMT.

Where did it come from?

I’ve spent the past six years building a creative life and I’ve got to spend it in the company with the wisest and most creative and wonderful women. And even though we’ve been on different paths, there’s been one thing in common: it takes a shitload of courage, a shitload of perseverance and a fuck load of energy to keep going every day.

So The Daily Pep! comes from what I most needed and wanted to see in the world: frequent encouragement and rebel-rousing to keep going, and going, and going. And reminders not to sacrifice yourself (or your values) along the way.

I’ve tried to trace back when I first starting thinking about doing a daily podcast. It was in the last couple of months of 2019, and I really toyed with it for a while. I spent quite a few weeks looking for my intro and outro music. I thought I was wasting time, but in reality, I think that’s what gave me the space to get my head around whether it was something I wanted to pursue, and if so, what it would take to pull it off.

Around December I started taking it seriously and floating the idea around friends and clients. As I approached the start of the year, and since 2020 is my year of Doing, I figured I better make that decision.

Wobby Moments

I’d like to say I made the decision and stuck to it, but there was a LOT of back and forth. I thought my main concern was the huge amount of work it will take, but in reality, I think it’s because resistance is real and putting yourself out there is fucking scary. I made the decision early January, but there’s still been some wobbles. This evening, as I’ve just finished recording the first ever three episodes, I’m having the wobbles again.

Seriously, I’m coming up with every excuse under the sun not to do it. Not because I don’t want to do it, but because it’s taking a lot of courage. And because this really matters to me. I completely forgot how I felt back when I first launched Couragemakers, and the nerves are back.

This is what I wrote in my journal last night:

We’re officially in the month that’s launching The Daily Pep! and I’m officially bricking it. I have a gut feeling and I need to listen to that but I’m still so scared. It’s like properly taking people into the vulnerable bits and my ideas and the inner workings of my brain, and stuff I spend so much time thinking about. I guess I’m scared of being judged, of it not working out, of not being able to commit, of not being able to do it. I think I’m going to start documenting the process for accountability, to build momentum and to keep me going. Bloody hell - am I really doing this? Fucking hell. (I should note, in my scribbled handwriting it looks more like ‘fucking help’ 😂 ) We shall wee how this goes, it’s seriously putting me out of my comfort zone. Big time. Ooh ‘eck.

And it does feel incredibly vulnerable. It feels really vulnerable to document this, because I don’t have a crystal ball to look into the future. I don’t know how this is all going to turn out. It might go down like a sack of spuds, Couragemakers has really taken off like wildfire and my inner dreamshitter is whispering in my ear, “What if that was a fluke?”

But the thing is, I don’t know unless I try, and there’s no way I’m spending another year endlessly analysing every decision and being stuck in paralysis.

So far…

• The podcast cover art is nearly done! I’ve had fun designing it and I’ll share with you some of the earlier versions (they are very…different) in next week’s post when I have the final version to show you! I’m still playing around with the colours and trying to decide whether to have different colours for the different days of the week:

• I’ve recorded the first 3 episodes, after about two weeks of wimping out because it felt too scary. And that whole process has just felt ridiculous, because give me a microphone to record a solo episode of Couragemakers and I could do it with my eyes shut, and at a moment’s notice. (Hello irrational internal dreamshitter)
  

• I’ve spent WAY too long choosing the intro and outro music (I’m going to leave that as a surprise!). It’s been bought and I’ve cut the track down for how I want it to work and it’s become my new favourite ear-worm!
  

• I spent months deciding whether to buy a new microphone, and I learned a big lesson: research and hardcore procrastination can look like very similar things. In fact they can look identical. After all that time, I realised there’s nothing wrong with my current set up!
  

• I’ve been doing lots of learning about storytelling and trying to get better.
  

• I’ve created a media/sponsor kit and my next step is to put the feelers out for that and start pitching some amazing companies.

So what’s next?

For the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be fine-tuning everything, learning more about storytelling and how to tell good stories, putting the feelers out for sponsors and convincing myself to stop freaking out and just lean in.

In an attempt to not burn out before it goes live, I’m taking a week’s sabbatical starting at some point next week.

Everything is getting very real now, and the fear is starting to kick in.

But I have a feeling about this, and if I’ve learnt nothing else, it’s that sometimes you have to follow that feeling no matter how scary or how ridiculous it feels.

So here’s to seeing where this journey will take us.

Thank you SO much for your encouragement and support. I can’t wait to cheer you on and chat to you through your earbuds on a more frequent basis!

I’ll be back here next Sunday to report back and update. Please keep me accountable!

Why It Doesn’t Matter What Other People Think Of You (Told via a pizza analogy)

We live in a world of shoulds. 

We spend so much of our time thinking about what decision we should make, what we should do with our lives, our time, our money, our skills, our every minute. 

And that’s not even touching on the minefield of what we think others think we should do when it comes to all of those things.

It’s exhausting.

More often than not, our shoulds feel heavier than any rucksack we could carry.

I’ve lived a lot of my life blindly believing that what other people think of me matters. I’ve lived with the weight of it, I’ve made silly decisions because of it and it’s taken up too much of my headspace when I could have been doing things that were so much more fun.

So today I want to take some of the rocks out of that rucksack by sharing a truth (and a bizarre pizza analogy) with you:

You are never going to meet someone else’s expectations of you.

If you’re anything like me, you might have bulked a bit when you read that. It sounds a bit brash, so let me explain: 

You are never going to meet someone’s expectations of you because their expectations aren’t even about you.

Other people’s expectations are a reflection of their priorities, their values, their preferences, their life circumstances, sometimes their stake in the matter and definitely their own shit.

Let me explain using the story about a fictional pizza: 

The Pizza Analogy

Me and a friend go out for pizza. She’s been telling me about this great pizza chain she’s been to that does the best pizza and it sounds like a lovely evening. 

So we go there, and it’s alright, but I’m disappointed. It’s too fast paced, the lighting is too bright, their taste in music is way too cool for school, I feel rushed and it’s in a part of town I don’t really like. The pizza is average at best and bloody expensive. I couldn’t really get the toppings I wanted and they only do sourdough pizzas which I don’t particularly like.

---

Reading this, you might be thinking that it doesn’t sound like a great place (or maybe I’m too fussy and sound like a right Moaning Myrtle)

But that’s not the case, because it’s just about my own projections and my own shit based on of all of those things I mentioned:

• PRIORITY - I didn’t like the busy-ness of the place  because I wanted to spend quality time with a friend in a chilled out environment where we could really catch up
  

• PREFERENCE - I didn’t like the bright lights because I personally find lamps more relaxing, ditto the music playing
  

• MY OWN SHIT/MEMORIES/EXPERIENCES - I didn’t like the area because I used to go to university there and it reminded me of a time when I was really unhappy and lonely
  

• LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES - I found it expensive because I’ve been trying to live frugally and pay off some debt
  

• VALUES - I begrudge paying money to a chain that I don’t really care for that I know doesn’t give a shit about where they buy their ingredients of how fairly they pay their workers 
  

• STAKE IN THE MATTER -I know Mr. Meg makes the best pizzas in the world 
  

And that’s without even talking about the pizza itself! (I’m getting way too invested in this imaginary pizza evening)

Why am I telling you all this?

You’ll notice that nothing I said about the place makes it bad - they didn’t spit on my food, no one was rude, the pizza was perfectly okay, it turned up cooked okay and tasted alright.

It’s just that it didn’t match what I was looking for. 

It wasn’t bad, it was just different.

And that’s the same for you:

Whether you match people’s expectations or not is not reflective of your value or worth as a humans.

What other people think about you simply isn’t a reflection of you: it’s about them.

And whether we like it or not, we all project our own stuff onto things, that’s what comes with all of us seeing life through our own unique lens.

Here’s the thing, though: you were not made to be anybody’s perfect pizza.

You will not be everyone’s perfect slice of pizza, but more than that, you shouldn’t expect yourself to be everyone’s perfect slice of pizza.

Whether they expect you to be is another matter entirely, but as the fabulously unique pizza you are, I’m telling you, that their opinions don’t mean shit about YOU.

(Also, you might find some people who think you are the best damn pizza they’ve ever come across - I hope you do - and while that’s wonderful, don’t let that define you either.)

I believed other people when they told me that my map and my internal compass was wrong and I should go with theirs instead. Hell, I’ve driven so far in that direction that by the time I’ve realised I’m not on the right route for me, it’s taken three times as long to go back to that crossroads. 

All because I thought that their expectations and opinions of me had something to do with me.

But they don’t and they never have.

So take this new truth and let that liberate you:

Other people’s expectations are a reflection of their priorities, their values, their preferences, their life circumstances, sometimes their stake in the matter and definitely their own shit.

Read that sentence again, memorise it and tattoo it onto your eyeballs. 

Drop that off you to worry about list and spend more time on other things that are going to matter.

Do you struggle with what other people think of you? Are you frustrated by other people’s expectations of you? Did this slightly bizarre pizza analogy resonate with you? Let me know in the comments below!

Truth: Not everyone will get what you do or who you are (and why’s that’s okay!)

When I was nine, I remember regularly asking my Dad if it was possible to walk down every single street in the world. 

“If you spent your whole life walking, would you be able to walk down every street around the world?” I would ask.

For some reason, I was pretty hung up on it.

Surely, if you spent every day you were alive walking down different streets, you could do it.

And I simply couldn’t fathom what he was talking about  when he would reply that it wasn’t possible. I just couldn’t get my head around how big the world was.

But something changes when being nine is a distant memory.

We forget that there are almost unlimited number of things to explore and learn. 

We forget that there are endless things to find out about, so many choices we could make, so many ways to spend our time and so many people to meet.

Whether directly or indirectly, we’re told to niche down; to find a focus. We’re told to be realistic, and to choose. We’re told to figure out what path we’re on and stick to it. 

And we get pressured to put and fit ourselves into a box - or in most cases someone else puts us in a box - and our lives become even smaller still.

We feel pressured to make our lives understandable, to dumb down the more complicated parts of ourselves and present ourselves in a way that people can place us in a box with little more than a second’s notice.

Somewhere in our lives we forget how big the world is.

And the world becomes a whole lot smaller.

Our optimism and hope are brushed aside for the sake of playing by the rules and living a quote, conventional life. Our lives are full of thousands of unwritten rules that we seldom find the time to question because our lives become so busy.

Sometimes, just sometimes, we can hear the whispers and the echoes of our nine year old selves, who questioned EVERYTHING.  But when they come back, we dismiss them as childish.

It’s not that our nine-year-old selves were naive or incorrectly interpreting the world, or wrong. 

In fact, nine-year-old you was bang on the mark, and more intelligent than we give ourselves credit for and I think we could learn more from our nine-year-old selves than we ever could from somebody who stands on a stage and claims to have it all figured out.

In fact, I think Pablo Picasso was speaking directly from the heart of our nine year old selves when he said, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”

Something I find comes up again and again, in my client’s lives, in my friend’s lives and in my own life is the self-doubt, the questioning and the frustration that comes with doing your own thing.

And by doing your own thing, I mean choosing to do creative projects that set your heart alive, choosing to live somewhere or in some way that other people don’t necessarily understand, choosing to design your everyday life in a way that feeds your soul, maybe choosing to work in a different way or a mix of all of the above.

While on paper it sounds like a breath of fresh air, I’ve found that in reality, the path to choosing your own path is pretty...different.

There’s so much resistance; so many things we think we should be doing. We measure ourselves against an imaginary stick and we never even come close.  There’s so many ways we compare ourselves: to the vision and expectations we have for ourselves, to the expectations other people have for us and the expectations of where we think we should we at this age, or this stage in our lives.

And that’s just the stuff that comes from inside our own heads. That’s not even touching on the unsolicited advice or feedback we receive from others; the well-intended comments that miss the mark completely and the people who plain and simply don’t and never will get us.

We forget that other people’s remarks are often a projection of their own regrets, their own wishes and just their own shit.

We forget that it doesn’t actually matter all that much what other people think because we are the ones living our lives; we are the ones who have to show up every single day and live by our choices.

We forget that we don’t have to fit ourselves into a box and we get to live a messy, imperfect and creative life that doesn’t make sense on paper. 

We forget that we don’t live our lives on paper. 

And in the process of forgetting, we lose a lot of remembering.

We don’t remember that the reason we live outside of the box is because we never found a box that would be a good fit, and we resented the idea of fitting into one in the first place.

We don’t remember that we chose to do things our own way because the status quo just didn’t work for us and we felt free when we realised that it wasn’t our only option.

We don’t remember that we can choose to define ourselves and follow the things that set our hearts on fire.

And we don’t remember that the world is big.

I’d love to go back and answer my nine-year old self.

I would tell her this:

While you can’t walk down every street in the word, there are so many things you can do in this life which are so much more fulfilling, exciting and surprising than spending your days walking down different streets. There are countless people you will meet, there are endless journeys you will take and every single one of them will take you to places you never expected, and sometimes even places that no one has been before.

I would tell her to keep her eyes wide, to keep an open heart and to write her own rulebook. I would tell her to take other people’s words with a pinch of caution and remember that she has the final say.

And in writing this, I realise I’m not talking to my nine-year old self. I mean, nine year old me was wiser than I could ever give her credit for.

Instead, I’m talking to my twenty-eight year old self who has done her fair share of forgetting and memory. 

I’m talking to you, reading this right now, because I know you need to hear it too.

The world is big, and even though it doesn’t always feel like it, it’s full of magic, adventure and surprises.

Remember that not everyone will get what you do and who you are and that’s okay.

And don’t forget that you don’t need to choose.

Follow your curiosity, follow whichever path feels right to you, and dare to forge your own path, unapologetically.

What do you wish you could go back and tell your nine-year-old self? How are you following your curiosity? Let us know in the comments!

The life-changing magic of naming spiders And why I refuse to spend my life frozen on the spot

I’m not a huge fan of spiders. Or any bug that’s bigger than a woodlouse – except for junebugs because they’re metallic emerald and pretty dim as far as I can tell – but that’s another  story.

And I’m also not a huge fan of being reduced to pathetically standing on my bed hiding from a creepy crawly afraid to move an inch even though it’s at least five feet away from me and I’m approximately 99.98% bigger than it.

So a couple of years ago I came up with an idea.

To remove some of the fear, and actually be able to do something instead of having to forever live on the middle of my bed stood up for eternity, I decided that whenever I met some kind of insect that scared the bejeezus out of me, I’d name it.

The huge black spider with legs three times the size of it’s body became Terence who was on a trip with his family and lost his way.

The ridiculously big unidentified bug became Cher, named after her role as the number one Cher impersonator in the bug community.

And the HUGE resident spider we found in our new flat? Well she’s Jeremima and she’s actually a guard-spider and has been looking after the place ready for us to move in. (When she started scaring us, we let her leave her position without notice and she has now moved onto bigger and brighter opportunities somewhere outside of our back door.)

Why am I telling you about my rather eclectic bunch of insect frenemies?

Because I think it has a lot to teach us about fear.

When you can name a fear, it loses some of its power.

When you can identify it, it ceases to be quite so intimidating.

When you can get closer to it, you can start to see things more clearly and make a plan.

And whenever you get active in a situation? You can start to take control and the situation stops controlling you.

So my dear reader, always name spiders.

And whenever possible try and get close enough to your fears to name them.

Yes it’s scary, but not as scary as spending the rest of your life stood on the same spot too scared to move an inch.

Now that’s truly scary shit.

Public Service Announcement: It’s Time To Take Off Your Mask

As a society there seems to be a pre-defined notion of how you’re expected to react to certain situations, how each emotion is ‘supposed’ to look and feel like and when you should feel each one.

And without consciously thinking about it, you extend this to other people and decide how you think they should feel or should act. (Everyone does this, you’re not on your own).

And I can’t help but think sometimes how messed up this is.

How sometimes instead of focusing on a problem at hand, or being in the present -no matter how exhilarating or heartbreaking it is – you lose the moment because you get too caught up in your head about what you’re supposed to do, think and feel.

It’s like the whole human experience becomes this censored alternative reality and the things you genuinely feel, think and want to do exist as part of this unseen underworld.

But what would the world be like if you stopped judging yourself and started validating yourself more?

What would it be like if you started to say what you feel see that you have so much more of a choice than you think you do?

What would it be like if you dropped the ‘should’s and started working on accepting the reality instead?

We all strive for authenticity but how authentic can you be when you’re constantly berating yourself and measuring yourself up against what you think you should do, or what is expected of you, or how you think you should feel?

We only have so many spins around the sun – isn’t it time we collectively took off our masks?

Because that’s what it is – a mask.

So, let’s dare to validate ourselves and not give a shit what other people think.

Let’s get ridiculously curious about what we really want for ourselves and who we could be without this rigid set of expectations we put on yourselves.

Let’s peel the edges off the mask together.

And take ourselves out of the cages we’ve unwittingly built for ourselves.

The Five Things I Ask Myself When I Sit Down To Plan Each Week

I remember chatting to the wonderful Kaite Welsh before we recorded her episode for The Couragemakers Podcast, about planning, balance and about goal-setting and she told me about her wonderful Sunday night planning routine.

And I am a fucking nerd for planning, but it blew my mind.

I love to plan but I’d never thought of sitting down on a Sunday night, making it part of a really nice routine and bringing a lot more clarity and focus into my life.

So me being me, I thought about it for a while. I started to think about how I could best implement it for myself, and it’s been a huge goal of mind since moving to Liverpool to actually set up routines that give me what I need to live my own version of a wholehearted life.

I can honestly say I don’t know why I haven’t been doing this my whole life.

I wake up on Monday feeling more ready to approach the week rather than deer stuck in headlights not knowing where to turn first.

So today I want to share with you what my current planning looks like on a Sunday night. I know it will change as time goes on, but I think it’s a pretty good start.

Now I start with a two-page spread.

On the left-hand side I write my goals for the week. On the second page I have a page for reviewing the week gone by so I can remember it, record what works well and celebrate the shit out of my small wins.

I begin my planning process with that second page and look at the week gone by, and I have five main categories:

• Proud of — a space to record small and big wins that week. A major boost when motivation is low

• What went well — here I write the things that I managed to do that week to look back on and see what is actually making a difference

• Things to improve — I like to see this all as a bit of an experiment in finding what works for you and it’s good to have things to improve on so you can tweak the experiment.

• Lessons to take forward — there’s lessons in everything and I find myself re-learning the same bloody lessons over and over again. This is my attempt to try and start noticing and learning the first time round!

• Self- care — because self-care is important and you actually need to check-in with yourself regularly to put in back on your radar and notice when you’re depleted!

• Memories — what is life without memories? It’s okay trying to be seriously productive, but this reminds me to live as well

Once I’ve done the reflection for the week gone by, I know if for example I need to massively up my self-care, if I need to really focus on a to-do item that just isn’t getting done, and I can start prioritising and organising on what I know to work for me.

For the planning, I create five big boxes with these titles:

• Area of focus — this is where I record what I’m really working on this week. For example this week is about actually doing the work and chipping away at a big list of things to do)

• 3 Main Goals — this keeps things concrete and measurable, and when I’m feeling overwhelmed or can’t remember what’s most important, I can go back to this

• Why they’re important — This is the section I most often flip back to every week. On this week’s plan, I have ‘I’m so nearly there, I just have to finish. This is how business works — finish things!). Goals without a why don’t work for me

• Bear in mind — I think this is the most important section. It’s a place for me to be compassionate and mindful to myself of the other things I have going on in my life as well. It’s a bit like writing to your future self and remembering that everything doesn’t need to be solved in a day and that you often have a lot of things to juggle

• Personal/Other — a simple place to record things like doctors appointments, remembering to book things and other things that easily get forgotten amongst the busy-ness!

Time really can get ahead of us without us knowing, and being intentional and creating just twenty minutes a week to sit down, set your focus and also reflect on the week gone by is going to make your life work so much more for you.

The way I see it, this is all an experiment, and when you’re running an experiment, you need to set your parameters, make notes and learn from what works and what doesn’t so it will be even better next time.

This is how I plan my week, and I’m curious to see how it will change and adapt in the future.

But I’m more curious to hear whether you plan your day. If you do, how you plan your day? And if you don’t, what’s been putting you off?

Let’s chat about it in the comments! :)

A simple trick for when you’re feeling uninspired or lacking ideas

First of all, let’s dismantle some bullshit that is sold to creatives. Let’s un-do some rules that often go unchallenged:

1. Not everything you do needs to be the world’s best idea, completely original or never thought of before. It doesn’t work that way.

2. Getting inspired by someone else’s work or taking inspiration from it doesn’t make your creativity any less valid or make you a fraud

3. Feeling uninspired doesn’t make you a shit creative person; it makes you human.

 

4. Time spent thinking is as creative as time spent getting creative with your hands.

Phew, that took some pressure off, right?

Here’s the thing:

You’re going to have days you feel uninspired. You’re going to have times where you literally can’t think of any ideas, and you’re going to have days where that feeling makes you feel shitty.

But sometimes the cure for your lack of inspiration is doing it anyway.

And I’ve found something really helpful:

Instead of starting with a blank canvas every time, start with someone else’s work and adapt it yourself. Like Austin Kleon says, ‘steal like an artist’.

Obviously don’t plagiarise and of course attribute copyright where necessary, but don’t be afraid to take inspiration.

If you’re a writer, find a story you love and continue it or write it from another character’s perspective, or write it in a different universe.

If you’re an artist, collage the fuck out of a magazine.

If you sew, find a patterned cushion cover and make it more you — eg. my current project!

Take the intimidation away from the blank canvas and start somewhere.

Start anywhere.

The most important thing is that you start.

Use your brain, use your hands and use your heart.

Then see what follows.

Don’t apologise for what makes you happy and excited

I get beyond excited about printers.

About long arm staplers.

About dogs in the park.

About craft stores that have a huge range of things.

About prawn puree from our favourite takeaway.

About entering my office/studio every day and feeling overcome with a massive sense of gratitude.

About walking to the park and immediately filling with relief when I see the trees.

About notebooks, stationery and art shops.

About music so loud it beats in my heart.

About Macklemore.

About libraries, books and beautiful magazines.

About sunny days filled with a breeze and Mr Meg.

About lying in on Sunday mornings and having a bacon baguette with extra ketchup.

About a lot of these things that wouldn’t make it anywhere near your list.

And that’s the point.

Don’t be ashamed of what brings you joy.

Macklemore, dogs and notebooks bring me more joy than I could ever tell you.

That sentence brings me a lot of joy alone.

Quit feeling goofy of embarrassed about what makes you happy.

The list only matters to you.

Share away with pride and be grateful for the things that light you up brighter than anything else.

The Problem With Self-Care

NB: When I started That Hummingbird Life 4.5 years ago, I started it as an online home for burnt-out women with the mission of helping women who always put themselves last realise that self care wasn’t selfish. It’s fair to say things were different then. Self-care wasn’t the trendy thing it is now (#selfcare). It felt revolutionary: it wasn’t a common turn of phrase, it was more of a wake-up call and a form of protest. I have since developed take a much more feminist-stance on self-care and this piece is a reflection on how the self-care has been co-opted (for the worse) and a call-to-arms for a new movement.

As women we’re fighting a range of visible and invisible battles every single day. Against ourselves, for ourselves and everything in between.

We’re socialised as women to put ourselves last, taught to hate every part of ourselves while simultaneously told that we’re worth it (in the name of spending money to fix our ‘flaws) and repeatedly told we can have everything and do everything but are met with criticism, trolling and dreamshitters no matter what we choose.

(Case in point: I had a bit of a rant on Twitter the other day about my decision to be childless-by choice and how everyone I know warns me against getting a dog because of the commitment but would only be too happy for me to announce I was pregnant. It sparked a great conversation with women who had children who told me I wasn’t alone in facing the criticism. One woman told me how when she had one daughter she was told she was selfish for only having one, and then when she had another girl , was constantly reminded that they needed a brother. WE CAN’T FUCKING WIN.)

And I think there’s a new battle on the horizon: self-care.

In the last couple of years, self-care has started becoming a trendy buzzword that it never was before.

Before it was conversations about how we’re not superwomen and learning to say no. It was about learning to ask for help and setting boundaries, and making time for ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong, in the last ten years there have been some amazing projects and people who I only wish had been around when I needed them the most. Magazines like Flow, In The Moment and Project Calm. Women like Christy Tending and Rachel Daisy.

But they’re the minority. Now it’s an Instagram hashtag to be thrown around and rather than a solution, it seems to have become a problem. A problem that is perpetuating the bullshit notions of patriarchy that we’ve been fighting against for years. (If you don’t believe me, go look at #selfcare on Instagram.)

On a society level, so many of the conversations about wellness or self-care we have as women are, well, fucked-up to say the least.

This new #self-care trend tends to do one of two things:

1. Makes you feel shit about yourself because self-care looks like something that has to be beautiful and impressive. It seems to be something exclusively for white, middle-class, skinny, yoga-doing, green-smoothie-drinking and law-of-attraction believing women. And I don’t know about you, but I do not see myself reflected in that. It makes me feel fat, worse about my love affair with dry hair shampoo and makes me feel like I seriously do not have my shit together.
   

2. It tempts you into believing that if just got on the green smoothie wagon, everything in your life would be okay. You decide you’re going to get up at 5am the next morning for your new routine of yoga, smoothie, meditation, work-out, affirmations and when the next day, you snooze the alarm clock until seven and root around looking for a clean pair of leggings, you end up in scenario 1, feeling shitty, ashamed and like you’re the only woman out there who doesn’t have her shit together.
   

I don’t know about you, but neither of those options seem great.

And I’ve been in both scenarios countless, countless times. I now realise it takes time to form habits, that self-care can look like whatever the fuck you want it to, but it’s taken time to get to a place where I stop judging and blaming myself.

All this is to say is that this new trend of self-care is simplistic, reductive and generally bullshit.

It’s going backwards. As women we’re now not only faced with the pressure to have it all and do it all, (while looking effortless), but to take time for ourselves in a way that looks beautiful, convinces others that we have the perfect life and to keep our shit together all the damn time.

I used to think whole notion of self-care was revolutionary in the way that it was about reclaiming yourself, and it was a radical act to look after yourself in a world that tries to convince you you’re not good enough at every turn you make.

Back when I started talking about self-care, I was arguing the point that self-care isn’t about a spa day or a bubble bath, but instead doing things that light you up.

Now I find myself arguing that the notion of self-care is no longer a revolutionary act but something that is becoming yet another tool to further oppress women.

The revolution has been co-opted.

By corporations and mainstream media which uses it to sell us more shit we don’t need.

By this whole aspirational branding side of the online world which tells us that if only we think good thoughts, only positive things will happen.

By the female empowerment brand that gaslights us on a daily basis: “a marketing strategy that leverages social status and white privilege to create authority over other women.” — Kelly Diels

And I think it’s time for a new revolution.

Because buying a new gorgeous mug and expensive tea, brewing said cup of tea in said gorgeous mug and putting together in a flat lay of candles, notebooks and pens to photograph on Instagram to show people you’re having a #selfcaresunday is not fucking self-care.

Showing pictures of the weight you have lost next door to your meal-prep for the week that I think even my pet rabbits would turn their nose up is not fucking self-care.

Learning the art of putting on make-up so it doesn’t look like you’re wearing make up isn’t fucking self-care.

It’s not radical, it’s not revolutionary; it’s the same shit women have been told to do for centuries:

• Take up less space

• Be beautiful

• Look like you have all your shit together (for the most part we’re no longer hung as witches or put in asylums for being 'hysterical’ but we still have to pretend like everything’s okay for the sake of society at large)

• Keep up with the Joneses

• Know your place and stay there

• Be quiet

• Be a ‘good woman’

It’s quite literally buying into the same bullshit we’ve been oppressed by that so many of us fight against. And I am so sick of this shit.

So I’ve been thinking lately about what the actual intention of self-care is, going back to the roots of what it is actually about.

It’s not about taking a bubble bath and justifying an expensive spa pass. It’s not about taking photos on Instagram and showing everyone your new food prep routine. And it’s certainly not about staying small, being a good woman and knowing your place.

It’s actually about self-preservation.

It’s about keeping your own light lit in a world that seeks to dim your brightness and make you like everyone else.

It’s about doing the necessary things you need to do in your life to look after your mental health, keep yourself safe and protect yourself from dreamshitters.

It’s about standing up for yourself, your beliefs, who you are, especially when you don’t see yourself or your story reflected anywhere around you.

It’s about creating a lifestyle that is sustainable so you can continue to have the energy, hope and enthusiasm for the the work you do to make the world a brighter place.

It’s about making choices for yourself that allow you to make the world a better place than how you found it.

It’s about saying no when the world demands you say yes to everyone and everything.

It’s about working on yourself and examining your beliefs you hold about yourself and where they came from so you quite being your own personal dreamshitter.

It’s about examining your own her-story and the position you hold in society and what you can do to make the world a brighter place for the people not yet invited to the table.

It’s about acknowledging that you don’t have control over everything and that life doesn’t become a unicorn love-fest just because you think positive thoughts and that’s okay.

It’s about acknowledging that we have a duty as citizens to not let the world go to shit, no matter how fucked-up it gets. To collectively hold onto hope and build alternatives to structural oppression rather than the more tempting option of (and I get it’s often tempting), going into ourselves and hibernating.

It’s about seeing your bright sides as well as your dark sides and embracing the shadows instead of hiding them away, ashamed.

Like the definition of preserve says, it’s about both ‘maintaining something in its original or existing state’ and to ‘prevent its decomposition’.

It’s about our survival as women; bright, creative, weird, brilliant women who don’t know how to be another way than how we are but are always being told we’re not right, or we’re doing it wrong and that we’re not wanted in society.

It takes true courage to be yourself in a world that consistently reminds you that you should be something else.

It takes rebellion to wake up every day and fight for the things you believe in and who you are.

And it takes a shitload of resilience carry on being yourself and fighting for yourself and the things you believe in, when all the signs point the other way and tell you that it’s futile. (It’s not.)

So let’s flip the narrative.

Let’s see self-preservation as the life-changing and sustaining work it is, rather than #selfcare and an excuse to buy a new candle.

Let’s stop trying to make everything ‘sexy’ and see that it takes real work to keep your own light lit.

Let’s stop doing things for clicks and instead acknowledge that this isn’t glamorous stuff and do it anyway.

And let’s stop making everything look so impressive and instead get real and honest about who we are, what we experience and the stories we have to share.

In so many of the articles out there about self-care, this wonderful quote by the revolutionary feminist Audre Lorde comes up time and time again:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

— Audre Lorde

Audre said it first: it’s about preservation.

And it’s about more than just yourself.

Dare to get political.

Dare to make a stand.

Dare to do what you need to keep being you.

Come home to yourself, not a skinny chai latte or a new bunch of lavender for a flat-lay.

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I’d really love to hear your thoughts on self-care, self-preservation and really start a new conversation about what it means to sustain and survive as a woman. Let’s get chatting in the comments below!

8 things you can do when you’re pretty sure the world is a shit place

The art of intentionally looking for proof that people are good and kind

I don’t know about you, but the world feels like it’s getting more terrifying every day. And as creatives, dreamers and world shakers, it’s hard to feel any hope at all.

It’s hard not to get sucked into a massive tunnel of doom and feel like the world is falling to pieces.

And we’re pretty susceptible to be sucked into that tunnel, as people who want to help and want to make the world a better place. From rolling news to social media, we get to know and to see so many negatively things every hour. And it takes its toll.

It’s all too easy to hear about the bad shit. It’s the bad news that sells, keeps us fearful and spending money.

And let’s face it, SO much good shit happens in the world that we don’t hear about.

So let’s start getting intentional.

And let's start seeking out the things that happen that don't make it to our radar.

Here are 8 things I recommend!

1. Don't check the news within the first hour of getting up in the morning. Instead, listen to some of your favourite music or a positive podcast

2. Cut the news out altogether - I know, I know, I had conflicting views too. (I wrote a great list of 56 things you can do instead of watching the news here). 

3. Unfollow people on social media who add more negativity to your life than positivity and following other great accounts like The Self Care Clockor The Good News Network

4. Listen to your favourite playlists instead of listening to the radio.

5. Check out wonderful projects like the Good Newspaper and sign up for weekly updates of great news stories

6. Find a Random Act of Kindness you can do today. Or simply smile at a stranger.

7. Watch soul-filling stuff on YouTube like the Global Positive News Network Channel and realise that people are overwhelmingly good.

8. Pick up a book you’ve been meaning to read instead of getting caught up on your phone

Actively seeking the good stuff isn’t about putting your fingers in your ear and singing la la la!

(Though it is pretty tempting at times!).

Instead, it’s about prioritising your mental health and knowing that just seeing the bad shit all the time isn’t going to help.

You need to be responsible to you as well. Your dreams of making a difference, of having a wholehearted life and being a force of good aren’t going to happen if you surround yourself with the bad stuff all the time.

I know it’s hard to believe right now, but on the whole, people are kind, people care, and people are wonderful.

Don’t miss an opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you.

And cherish the things that make you feel good and surround yourself with as much self kindness as you can.

Don’t give up on the world – instead, look for the good stuff and hold onto it as tight as you can.

EPIC POST: dealing with the post-excitement slump

I’ve spent my life defying the saying 'contain your excitement'. I'm naturally like a puppy on some kind of performance enhancing drug when I get excited or when I hear someone else excited.

But while that's my natural way of being, I know all too well what it's like when your excitement for a new project, idea or thing is met with a damp squid. So this post is written very much in the same light as my post on how to deal with dreamshitters.

As creatives and multi-passionate women, we thrive and survive on our ideas and projects: that feeling when ideas are coming to us faster than we can write? It’s like being on the top of the world.

But shit hits the fan when we experience what I’m going to refer as the post-excitement slump.

You know what I'm talking about. When you're feeling alive, like you're on the cusp of greatness and you just can't deal with the excitement on your own. You've either discovered something new, you have news, or you’ve thought of a new idea - something that's going to change everything - and you need to share it with someone before you burst.

And you do. Your words are tumbling out of your mouth faster than any brain came keep up with, you're jittery and fidgety and your brain is like an idea-firework display.

But as you're sharing, you notice something.

 

Maybe:

• The other person seems distracted. They've looked elsewhere around the room/checked their phone/clock
  

• They're really well intentioned, but they just don't 'get it'
  

• They seem interested for a bit but then they open their mouth to tell you about the latest thing going on in their life
   

• They completely make the conversation about them
   

• They remind you of all of the previous ideas/opportunities/thoughts that didn't work out.
   

• Their response is as lukewarm as a roast dinner in the microwave after 30 seconds
   

• They dismiss you completely and continue an earlier conversation
   

• They seem really excited, but it doesn't match YOUR level of excitement

 

And you can end up feeling a whole mishmash of feelings: pissed off/disappointed/rejected/disrespected/selfish/guilty/sad.

It’s fair to say excitement goes out of the window.

You can't remember why you were so excited and you can't get it back. Sometimes you feel stupid for getting that excited in the first place and sharing it with someone; like someone has knocked the air out of you and you can't remember your point anymore. 

You go from feeling on top of the world, to feeling completely miserable and hopeless, in a very short period of time.

It’'s a really shitty feeling.

For a lot of us, our excitement is often the main motivation to keep us going, it can be really hard to get that motivation back after the post excitement slump.

And let’s face it - being excited is a vulnerable feeling. You're putting yourself out on the line and you're not always going to be met with the reaction you want.

It's now that we want the red carpet rolled out and a standing ovation. Honestly, most of us just want to feel listened to, like we have someone on our side and someone we can share our lives with.

And sometimes that can feel like asking for the world

So today I want to share with you what has helped me. The practices I have developed to protect myself against the post excitement slump, without completely shutting down and not letting anyone in (which is often tempting, I know).

 

PART ONE: HOME TRUTHS

Some people are never going to be as excited about something as you; they're not going to be able to grasp the deep significance of something that you do. Especially if they don't share your values, are prone to either looking down on you or misunderstanding anyway.

Truth #1

And more importantly: just because someone doesn’t get what you do, or align with your values, that doesn't mean that they get to shit all over your parade.

Truth #2

Read that second one again and again and again. Tattoo it to the inside of your eyelids (or if you want the pain-free option, stick it on a post-it somewhere you'll remember it).

PART TWO: PRACTICAL SHIT + STRATEGIES

I've come up against the post-excitement slump more times than I can say, and along the way, I've found there are some simple things you can do to really protect your ideas, your excitement and your enthusiasm.

(I don't mean protect in the sense of having your arms around your exam paper not wanting to be copied; I mean protecting them so they can live on and not be swallowed up by the damp squid.)

So use these as food for thought as you embark on your own journey of sticking up for your ideas and standing up for your creativity. (Fuck yeah!)

1. Write down your ideas in as much detail as possible before you speak to anyone

This has been the biggest one for me, because so many times we forget the details of our ideas when they’re overshadowed by how shitty we’re feeling. Now, before I tell anyone anything, I write everything out, both in free form, you know the who-knows-if-i’ll-get-this-when-I-look-at-it-later scribbling, as well as the basics so I can remind myself at a quick glance.

And when I say the basics, I mean write it so simply that anyone could understand it. So many of the times we write things down swearing that we'll remember what we're on about but then later come to it clueless. I have so many post-it notes that made complete sense at the time, but are now a random string of words that baffle me.

By doing this, if you're met with a damp squid, you can get back into the frame your mind was in, by reading what you were thinking at the time. You can also go back and put your idea into action because you remember the most important things.

2. Capture how you’re feeling

As well as capturing the idea in detail for later, take the time to write down how you feel about the idea. Whether you're met with a damp squid or self-doubt creeps up, sometimes it feels impossible to remember that we really believed in our ideas in the first place, they brought us joy and they really could work.

Give yourself that gift and allow yourself to feel the excitement.

3. Give yourself time to bask in the excitement

Building on the last one, instead of rushing up to tell someone, actually slow down to enjoy the feeling.

I don’t know about you, but I love getting coloured pens out and making new plans, going off on tangents and seeing where my creativity takes me. I wish more of my time was spent that way, so now, when it does happen I give myself to indulge and really get into it.

An invincible feeling comes over to us, because our brain hasn’t given us time to let self doubt or fear kick in, and we dream bigger.  So not only will you be getting even more creative, the more time you dedicate to your ideas when you’re in that mood, the more developed and the more out of the box they’re going to be.

4. Celebrate the shit out of your own wins, even if that's only with yourself

If you’ve been around That Hummingbird Life for a while, you’ll know that I’m all about celebrating the shit out of your small wins. 

It’s so important for you, especially when you  creatively blocked, are put off by what others think that you decide to flip the middle finger and do it anyway.

If you’re looking for a way to celebrate the shit out of your small wins (and get over the fear of celebrating alone), check out my list of 26 ways you can celebrate below!

5. Find your people who listen and notice those who don't

Sometimes, as well meaning as some of the people around us are, they’re just never going to get it. As creatives and dreamers, we look at the world in a way that makes sense to us, and we have the courage to imagine a world that could be different. And not everyone around us gets that.  

Sometimes we have to look around ourselves, take a good look at the people we surround ourselves with. Are they supportive? Do they try to understand even if they don’t get it? Because while not everyone in your life is going to get you, you might find that some of the people who might not get it as much actually support you the most because they believe in you.  

We all need someone, or some people in our lives that do get what we’re doing and want to help us along the way.  and if there’s no one there that just gets it, go out and find that person.

If you're looking for a tribe of women who 'get it', I have a feeling The Couragemakers Podcast may be just the thing for you!

6. Make a decision and stick to it 

Too often I've got excited about an idea, shared it with someone, felt shit and never returned to the idea.

And that makes me really sad, and I know I'm not alone.

One of the best ways I've found of countering this is to take the power back into your own hands and make a decision.

Take your idea and find three things that you could do to start bringing it to life. It could be ordering a book on the topic, starting a research notebook or reaching out to someone to find out more. 

Make your idea something that is starting to have physical evidence in the world and stick to your decision and don't allow yourself to be swayed by other's opinions. 

7. Keep It To Yourself

This one might sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes the only way you can protect your ideas, your enthusiasm and excitement is keeping something to yourself. Maybe you keep it to yourself until it's more developed and you feel more confident about it - that way you'll be less swayed by other's responses. Maybe you keep it to yourself until you complete it? 

Remember that you don't have to justify yourself to anyone, and that your ideas are precious and important. They matter and you matter.

Because they're YOURS, you get to be the ultimate decider in what happens to them.

If you're struggling to remember this right now, go check out my post Fuck Dreamshitters: A Manifesto For Couragemakers - I think it might be just what you need to read today.

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My hope is that this post gives you some  practical tools to keep your ideas alive and keep your excitement and enthusiasm burning.

As creative and multi-passionate women striving to make the world a brighter place, sometimes it can be really hard to keep your own light lit. But you have so much to give the world; so many stories to share, so many things that are uniquely you and the world is so much of a brighter place when you show up as yourself. 

I'd love to know what you do when the post-excitement slump hits - let me know in the comments below!

PS. If you're looking for a regular dose of encouragement, enthusiasm and rebel-rousing, I send weekly Pep Talks to my wonderful community of Couragemakers every Sunday To join in the fun and keep your own light lit, click here!

GUEST POST: Penciling in Playtime: Intentionally adding play to your life

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I am so exited to share with you today's guest post by the wonderful Gina Greenwood. Gina is a salon owner, hairstylist, leader, mentor, master of badassery, and the wonderful mind behind the intentional living blog Intentionally Lola. I had the joy of interviewing Gina for a recent Couragemaker's episode which I think you'll love! 

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When you think about a growth mindset we think about words like high achieving, successful, driven, ambitious, open minded, strong willed, and intelligent.  Although I absolutely agree that all those traits are part of a growth mindset one that is always missing is well rested.

Being well rested does not only mean getting an adequate amount of sleep…which of course is vital to a growth mindset but it also means having a balance of playtime too.  

We as a society have labeled watching TV, movies, surfing the internet, couch time/lounging, and other “mindless activities” as laziness.  I can understand how that came to be. 

When we become overwhelmed by obstacles that stand between us and our goal we tend to “numb out” and sit on the couch with our phones in our hands mindlessly scrolling through social media or with the remote in our hands channel surfing never making a decision on what to watch…simply occupying our minds with no real intent.  

We have to come to an understanding with ourselves that playtime is essential to happiness…happiness is essential to growth…growth is essential to fulfilment. 

Playtime is a time of rest and enjoyment. 

My playtime looks like staying in my PJ’s, not leaving my house at all, eating my favorite snacks while watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”.  This truly brings me joy. 

I came to this discovery when I made an intentional decision to identify my feelings when they were happening.  I realized one day that I just LOVE that frickin’ show…why?…I have no idea nor do I care why I love it.  I just know that I get giddy when I see there is a new episode.

Another thing that brings me compete joy is one on one time with my boyfriend, Heath.  We LOVE going for bike rides on Sunday mornings.  We are intentional about scheduling this time. 

Notice that I said schedule.  YES!  This is a key point. 

When you are a person with a growth mindset you are driven by goals.  I schedule a play-day with a description of what that is…bike ride, bad reality television, searching through social media, whatever I feel like would bring me joy there is ZERO guilt at the end of the day because I attained my goal.  

Notice that everything about it is intentional.  I intentionally scheduled a day of play which needs to happen once every 2-3 weeks…a full day devoted to play.

I also define what that play is…TV, Biking, Scrolling the Internet…if you begin doing it with intention it is not numbing…it’s play.  If you find yourself in the middle of a work day grabbing your phone and scrolling though Facebook….that is numbing..you are escaping the anxiety of work. 

If you have a plan of scrolling through social media during your lunch break…that is play. 

If you are at home preparing a meal for your family or cleaning the house and you sit down in front of the tv and have no real focus of what is on…that is numbing out…that is escaping the duties that are essential but not necessarily fulfilling at the time. 

If you are preparing a meal for your family or cleaning the house and say from 3-4 I am going to sit on the couch and watch something that brings me joy…that is play.  

Living an intentional life is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself and the world around you. 

Because you will become the best possible version of yourself as a result of it you will be better for the people around you.

  You will have the ability to serve those around you rather than just giving them the left overs of what you were able to muster up. 

No matter how dedicated you are, how strong willed, intelligent, driven, motivated, or ambitious you are…you are still a human being.  We need play…it is just as essential as a healthy diet, a full nights rest, education, and exercise.  

What does your playtime look like? 

Dancing in the kitchen, reading comic books or romantic novels, scrolling through Facebook or Instagram satiating your people watching from the comfort of your home, watching reality tv? 

Next time you find yourself experiencing joy…check in with your feelings.  What is making you feel so joyful…now recreate that in your scheduled playtime!  Remember…if it’s on your schedule…it's a goal and still part of your growth!!!..Now go schedule your playtime intent!!! 

Please share your stories of play with me.  I would love to see what your playtime looks like!

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Gina Greenwood is a salon owner, hairstylist, leader, mentor, and master of badassery. She has made it her mission to change the world one head at a time. Not only is she doing that by giving people the added confidence that comes from looking and feeling their very best but also by encouraging anyone and everyone to live an intentional life. You can check out more of Gina’s thoughts over on Intentionally Lola: a blog all about intentional living.

Website| Salon | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | 

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Pssst! Did you know Gina appeared on a recent episode of The Couragemakers Podcast? She shares all about her fuck it mentality and the story behind choosing to live an intentional life.

Why Dream-Chasing + Building The Life You Want Is Exhausting (and what you can do about it)

Today I'm calling bullshit and getting real about what it takes to chase your dreams, why pit stops are so important and why it is so damn exhausting (and exciting, but let's address the elephant in the room: it is fucking hard work).

If you're working to build the life you want, chasing your dreams, daring to live differently and make the world a brighter place, chances are you're reminded everyday about the things you should be doing or should be feeling.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed, conflicted, confused and at times plain irritated.

Especially when we're told to chase our dreams in the form of over-simplified platitudes:

Pinterest yells at us that we're too blessed to be stressed, and from every direction we're constantly reminded of our own mortality how we only live once and we have to make the most of the life we have.

I mean, fuck me, that makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it.

It makes me feel like I'm being chased by a massive countdown timer which is also yelling at me to shut up and be grateful. 

And then you have Gary V encouraging you to find a way to work all day then from 9pm to 2am focus on your side hustle (if you also think this is ridiculous, you're going to love this post by Jon Westenberg.)

I digress.

While there are so many guides on how to reach your goals, how to make a vision  board and how to build the foundations for a life you love, there's not much out there about the nitty gritty reality of what it all takes.

Hell, I love making a vision board. I'm in heaven cutting things out of magazines, gluing them down and picturing what I'd love my life to look like. But thats less than 1% of the grand picture. 

Making the vision board, getting clear on your dreams and imagining all of this happening is one thing. It energises us and it gives us a purpose.  And I'm not for one second saying  stop:  connecting to your why is one of the most important things you can regularly to do for yourself to give yourself the motivation to keep going.

But bringing it to life takes hard work, perseverance, grit and a shitload of courage.

And holy shit do we work hard.

Yet we live in a world where we're simultaneously told to try harder, work harder, hustle harder and put yourself last AND stop stressing out, have 'good vibes' and go with the flow.

It's pretty fucking confusing.

Some day we'll come to the end of the fucking rainbow and be bathing in gold, right?

Now I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like my definition of a wholehearted life. I don't want to spend my life running against the clock to have a couple of minutes of respite.

While there are guides out there about the work it takes, they often come in the form of productivity ebooks, motivational shouting videos where you're told to SWEAT, FEEL THE PAIN AND KEP GOING!!

They don't really address the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty, the exhaustion and the self-doubt that all happens largely behind-the-scenes.

And they don't address the bloody obvious: dream-chasing is just one part of the larger picture of our lives. 

We still need to the washing-up, find a way to pay our bills, find time to eat, sleep and spend times with the ones we love.  And that's just the basics.

When you add in all of our unique life circumstances, it's a lot more complicated. Maybe you have children. Maybe like me you struggle with depression and anxiety. Maybe you have a chronic illness. Maybe you're a carer.

The variables are endless.

No wonder we're so tired. 

And confused. And overwhelmed.

Yet we keep telling ourselves that we just need to push harder, do more and for-goodness-sake, don't stop.

But really this is like having a car, refusing to put petrol in it, ignoring the MOTs and then kicking it really hard when you get in ready for a long journey and it won't start.

Or painstakingly taking SO much time to source and buy all the ingredients needed for the world's most complicated casserole and not having anything to cook it with or cook it on.

When I put it like this, it sounds simple. Because it is simple.

Yet as humans, we're taught to act as if we're superheroes, never complain and just keep going and going and going and going.

Instead of taking a breather, we're encouraged to try a new productivity hack; we're told to push harder instead of re-fuelling.

Chances are, when you feel like you just need more stamina, the thing you most probably need is a break.

Time to re-fuel.

Time to remember why you started in the first place.

Time to actually look back and see how far you've come.

Because you have come so far my dear. While it might feel like sometimes you're playing a game of stuck-in-the-mud with your fears and dream-chasing makes you feel like you're losing a game of snake and ladders, you have made more progress than you know.

Progress doesn't always look or feel like progress.

Progress can come in the form of needing to stop and recalibrate, looking at how far you've come and actually celebrating the wins you've made along the way.

Progress can be pausing and realising that you need to do things differently so you can sustain your enthusiasm, energy and momentum and readjusting your dreams to what feels good instead of what you feel like you should be aiming for.

In a world that has SO many opinions about what you should be doing, how you should be doing it and the speed you should be going, make it simple.

Go back to the imagine of that car and remember that re-fuelling is a vital part of the process.

Pit stops aren't an inconvenience but very, very necessary.

(And if you're in need of inspiration of what to do for your pit stop, check out my list of 50 ways to show yourself you matter.)

Dream-chasing isn't exhausting because you don't work hard enough, you're not making progress fast enough of you're not good enough.

It's exhausting because it takes a shitload of grit, courage, resilience.  Chasing your dreams takes a lot of emotional, psychological and physical energy.

It takes a lot of standing up to dreamshitters, especially when the dreamshitter lives in your head.

Like Tom Hanks said:

“If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.”

— Tom Hanks

And not everyone does do it. Look around you - the status quo rules for a reason. 

It takes an enormous amount of courage and guts to decide to do things your way.

And when you are exercising courage, grit and resilience, you need to re-fuel as much as you can.

So know that you're not alone, that you're not weak for needing to take a break and that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

You can do things beyond your wildest dreams. You can have a bigger impact on the world than you know. You can use your own unique blend of skills, strengths, experiences and quirks and design your life your way.

But know that pit stops are integral. 

You can get burnt-out chasing your dreams the same way you can get burnt-out doing a job you hate.

Have the courage to accept you have limits and start to recognise when you need to stop. 

Because that courage is what dreams are made of.

Not Pinterest platitudes or working yourself to the ground.

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Real Talk #1:There’s only so much compassion you can have for someone who treats you like shit

I’ve been in lots of situations where the response from the people I moan to, or open up to to, has been along the lines of:

“Well think what they must have been through to end up like that.”

“Don’t get angry, have compassion because they clearly need it as they’re in a lot of emotional pain.”

“Don’t be annoyed, just send them love.”

“Have sympathy and show them some compassion, and maybe they’ll change.

Well. Fuck that.

Now, I’m a pretty sympathetic, empathetic and compassionate person.

But I’ve learned in the last couple of years that there’s only so far that can stretch.

I’m not about to make myself believe that I’m here to teach some higher sense of self.

Nor am I here to be a punching bag or a doormat to show someone the error of their ways.

And I am sure as hell sick of being preached to about loving kindness.

I tried the Loving Kindness meditation once which is supposedly all about forgiveness, compassion and sending loving compassion outwards. The guided exercise I did started with extending loving kindness to the person you least wanted to give it to.

I just ended up more irate at the person I was trying to send loving kindness to before I started. Instead of getting compassionate and washing everything away with love, I had a moment of quiet to really appreciate just how much of a prize bitch she was. And believe me when I tell you that I don’t say that lightly. (I think it’s fair enough to say that I don’t think practicing loving kindness was for me.)

Here’s the thing.

Everyone has gone through shit in their lives. It might be varying levels of shit – sure you might have a different resilience or sensitivity level which is perfectly okay – but we have all been through shit.

And that’s not to say you have to come out of it as some kind of flying dolphin shitting unicorn sprinkles out of your ass.

But you don’t have to come out of it as a complete bastard either and treat everyone you meet like shit.

Of course it would be great if therapy was available on tap, and I’m a great believer in the idea that everyone needs therapy for something.

But just because that’s not the case, should it mean that everyone can go around throwing their proverbial shit at each other.

And it certainly doesn’t mean you should take it.

Now there are times for speaking up and there are times when you’re voiceless and incapable of standing up for yourself. That’s okay, and believe me, a huge part of the battle is getting to be okay with yourself for not being able to stand up for yourself.

But whether you’re able to stand up for yourself or not doesn’t mean you have to have compassion for that person.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a gentle and loving soul and the idea of not having compassion makes you feel like an awful person. Well I’m here to tell you it doesn’t.

It makes you a human with needs, who deserves respect and someone who has boundaries and limits.

So fuck having to feel like you have to give your love, empathy or compassion for people who make you feel like shit.

As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t serve you and wastes the precious time, energy and love of the wonderful person you are.

If you need to experience compassion for the person in order to find forgiveness that will help YOU move forward, that’s a different story (and I think ‘selfish’ forgiveness is perfectly okay), but just do it for you.

Don’t waste your time on people who make you feel like shit. Because they’re not giving your feelings, your time or your energy a SECOND’S thought.

You have so many experiences, memories and wonderful things to create with your life.

Focus on them instead.