A Permission Slip For Friendly People-Pleasing Introverts

Because you don't have to be a sounding board for the world and her cat, people-pleaser or not.

A huge myth about introverts is that we’re all these quiet timid people. I call bullshit.

Some of the most chatty people I know are introverts — people who can fill silence with non-stop chatter, who end up chatting to any one on the bus and like to have a good loud laugh.

But that doesn’t mean that we’re these extroverted outgoing folks who love nothing more than a good natter.

Not at all.

For some of us, that friendliness and chatty-ness comes with a price: our energy.

Being a friendly introvert can be hugely exhausting. While extroverts get their energy from spending time with other people, introverts get their energy through time alone, thinking, reflecting and having time to just be.

So while we might enjoy a good chat, that doesn’t mean we want to socialise every minute of the day.

Because we are chatty, people think we’re naturally extroverted. They don’t realise that sometimes all we want is a moment of silence. It’s not that we don’t enjoy other people’s company, it’s just that we don’t want it all the time (FYI that’s okay).

And as friendly people-pleasing introverts, I think it’s fair to say that we give away a lot of our energy rather than sticking up for ourselves, because we don’t want to be rude.

As introverts, we also soak up atmospheres like sponges, and we pick up on subtle changes in the environment. So when shit feels awkward, we go into verbal diarrhoea mode, and try and desperately fill the void.

When we notice someone’s feeling down, we want to do something about it. We’re always on the go, always sensing what other people need and we end up putting everyone in front of ourselves, and wonder why we feel so drained and exhausted.

If you’re reading this and you relate, join the gang (and by join, I reassurance from the comfort of your own private space that you’re not the odd one out, and there are a lot of people who feel similarly).

Your time and your energy are two of the most precious things you have. And it is your right to defend them as fiercely as you can.

It’s not rude to put your earphones on and block out the world for a while when you’re out shopping if you know people have a tendency of seeking you out as a friendly soul to pour their heart out to.

It’s okay not to want to make friends with everyone you meet. Whether you’re in an airbnb, at a new job or taking a course, you don’t have to give everyone your undivided attention and reluctantly go out for drinks because you think you should.

While you are a bright, wonderful person to be around and you can chat to anyone, it doesn’t mean you have to be that for everyone.

So stop entertaining people who like one-sided conversations about themselves and know you’re too polite to excuse yourself from the conversation even though you’re bored fucking rigid and you couldn’t give less of a shit about the problem they’re having with Sheila in the office.

It’s not your role to make people feel better about themselves. It’s not your role to be a sitting duck for people who are too self absorbed to know that you don’t give a shit.

It’s not your duty to spend your precious time and energy with people you’re not particularly fussed on chatting about the weather and the increasing price of bread.

And while the world might tell you otherwise, you don’t need to say yes every time your friends as you out, or respond immediately to every message. If it becomes an issue or you want to set clear expectations, start an honest conversation.

The time we have alone? It’s that time that gives us our sparkle to begin with.

So don’t let the world dampen your sparkle because of not wanting to appear rude.

You can be assertive without being a dick.

Chances are the things you think are rude are things that most people do without giving it a second thought.

So my fellow friendly introverts, know that that you don’t have to be a soundboard for the universe and its cat, and know that there is nothing wrong with you.

The world is built for extroverts, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a place for you in it.

20 Ways To Get Shit Done!

As creative and multi-passionate women, it’s fair to say that we all struggle with getting shit done. Now, before you start judging yourself, and beating yourself up, know that you’re not alone: we all struggle. Why do you think there are so many books on productivity, focus and life hacks?

It can be so hard to sit down and work.  It can be hard to find the focus, know where to start, have the discipline to keep going, fight through the creative resistance and and have the courage to start when you have gremlins of self doubt sitting in your shoulder.

Now, if that isn’t one big messy mix, I don’t know what it is. But it’s not just a messy mix. It’s a toxic recipe for keeping you small, keeping you blocked and keeping you from doing the things only you can do.

I heard a sobering quote by Les Brown this morning that sums up a lot of my thinking on this subject lately:

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

I don’t know about you, but that just hits me.

And I want to fight for a world where women believe they matter, that their ideas matter, and they find the courage to bring the things only they can do to the world. I want to try to make a drop in the ocean so that we collectively have the courage to work on our ideas, put them out into the world and bring them TO LIFE instead of taking them to the grave.

As much as I like talking about creative resistance, self doubt, courage, creative processes, sometimes we need to take a big gulp of courage and just take action. So today I’m sharing with you 20 things you can do right now to start getting shit done so you can start bringing your ideas to life. Some are deceptively simple and some seem counterintuitive but they all work.

If you’re feeling stuck, just pick one and do it. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our heads, over analyzing why we’re not taking action that we inadvertently keep ourselves stuck. We end up getting in our own way.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, just pick the one you feel most called to do, and just do it. I’ve created a killer printable poster to go along with this episode for you to stick on your wall and pick one whenever you get stuck. And because I know there’s a LOT of information packed into this episode, I’ve also published it as a blog post so you can go back to it whenever you need to. I’ve put the link in the show notes!

Now, we’ll get onto that list. They’re in no particular order - although in hindsight it would have been fun to do a reverse countdown Top 20 like I’m some radio DJ, but that right there is an example of overcomplicating!

So, Couragemakers! Are you ready to get shit done?

Let’s go.

1.Set a timer

Okay, so you’re thinking, Meg this is bloody obvious. Yes! But, when did you last do it? Sometimes when we’re tackling a huge to-do list or something we just can’t be bothered to do, the only thing to do it set a timer and make yourself do it in a timed environment. I find it helpful going to YouTube and finding some kind of epic motivational video can help as well. There are a couple of ways of using this method. One of the most popular methods is the Pomodoro method devised by Francesco Cirillo in the 80s. The idea is you break a task down into 25 minute chunks with a small break in between. Another way of thinking about this, is really asking yourself how long you can get deep work done. Deep work is the idea of really focusing on one thing, and giving yourself an hour or more to really focus without any distractions. Figure out your optimal time, and set a timer. There are literally no excuses for not setting a timer - you’ll be amazed at what you can do even if you’ve only got five minutes, and we’ve all now got timers built into our phones, you can google set a timer for five minutes, and it does it for you. If you find yourself endlessly procrastinating, just set a timer.

2.Eat the frog

This one definitely wins for the best title! It’s a way of getting shit done devised by Brian Tracy and it’s all about tackling the thing you least want to do first. You know those niggly things that sit at the back of your brain that you try to drown out but deep down you know need doing? The thing you endlessly procrastinate on but is pretty important? Yep, those things. While yes, they are it’s worth thinking about the fact that it takes quite a bit of mental energy to keep pushing them down. Think of what you could do when you’ve got that out of your life and you’ve got some brain space back.. I know it’s not fun, but it’s necessary, so eat the frog, friends! Eat the frog!

3. Blast music

Sometimes we need silence and to really think. Other times we need to blast Macklemore (what can I say, I’m biased), up as loud as we can and use the energy to push through. Choose music that makes you feel good, has a good bass or a good beat, and anything that encourages a bit of chair dancing is definitely a bonus! Spotify has some great playlists, so does YouTube. The secret is to find something that works for you and just let it play instead of wasting time changing the song every five minutes. When you have time where you have less shit to get done, schedule in some time to make your own Get Shit Done Playlist and set yourself up for a fun and productive working session! Alternatively, if you find music too distracting, white noise can really help. Apparently it distracts the part of our brain that is most likely to wander, so we can really focus and get what we need to done.

4. Make a plan

Again, this one sounds all too simple, but have you ever sat down to do something, got really stuck, and find yourself watching baby goat videos because you don’t know where to start? Yep, me too. Work out what you need to do and work backwards to see what you need to make happen to complete your goal. Write out every mini step and go through it in an order that makes most sense to you (sometimes I sort things by my enthusiasm, deadline, the most boring thing first etc). Trello is a great and simple online tool for getting your plans out of your head, so if you haven’t used it before, I recommend trying it out. And a bonus tip on this one, I’ve found that adding how much time it will take to do something to the list helpful. That way you keep things realistic and don’t end up setting yourself up for failure

5. Recruit a friend

You won’t always be working on the same thing as a friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tackle things together. Whenever you have something to get done, I can guarantee that someone you know if also trying to get shit done. Post on Facebook, reach out to your nearest and dearest and see if they’re struggling to get something done too, and cheer each other on. Bounce ideas to make both of your things easier to get done, and create a deadline. If you work for yourself, I’ve found co-working sessions really helpful. The idea is that you find someone else who’s in a pretty similar circumstance to you and set a time together when you will both work on something. I tend to do this in two hour slots; we check in with each other and set a goal at the beginning of our session, then turn off all notifications and really focus for a couple of hours, then check in to see how we did after. There’s something about knowing that someone else is working really hard too that keeps you accountable, makes it easier, and makes you less likely to procrastinate or cheat! If you don’t know anyone you could do a co-working session with, someone recommended Focus Mate to me where you essentially do this virtually with someone you don’t know!Alternatively, you can ask a friend to cheer you on, and you don’t necessarily have to do it together. Tell your friend why it’s so important you do it, ask her to remind you regularly why it’s important to you, and check in every couple of days to see how you’re doing. It’s not selfish - cheerleading is a huge part of any good friendship and I know you’d only be too happy to return the offer.

 6. Make it fun

I’ve got a bit of a motto this year to stop overthinking things and just get things done and that’s to try and make things fun and easy. We’ll dive into the easy bit when we get to the simplifying section. So, how can you make something fun? Maybe that looks like taking yourself out for a hot chocolate when you have to tackle something ridiculously boring. Maybe it’s about adding a one person dance party to a hectic day. Maybe it’s buying yourself a really fun fluffy pen that reminds you to not take things so seriously. Maybe it’s getting really dressed up to go to work. Maybe it’s changing up your routine and going for a walk before you do your best work. What do you find fun? How can you add that to whatever you need to get done?

7. Get an accountability buddy

Accountability can make you seriously get shit done. There’s something about knowing that you’re going to have to explain why you didn’t get it done, that can really kick us int action. Accountability works like nothing else when you have a buddy that’s willing to kick you up the bum a little bit, you set clear boundaries and very specific goals. You can do this with a friend, or you can post in a group online to see if someone else wants to join you. I recommend only getting an accountability buddy if you actually intend to cheer someone else on as well. Accountability buddies are a two way thing, and can be absolute magic if you’ve both got clear expectations and you’re both committed to your check in days!

8. Break it down

I remember when I used to revise for exams, there was a TV show called Bitesize which addressed each of the topics and broke them down into really manageable chunks. As we adult, we forget how important that is. Sometimes it’s just too overwhelm to look at the whole project - we wonder how on earth we’ll ever get it done and end up talking ourselves out of it. Remember that graveyard we were talking about earlier? A way of getting rid of the overwhelm is to really break things down into small tasks you can do and use them as a checklist. If they seem too big, break then down even further. Break them into the tiniest things you can do, and give yourself the grace and patience you need to get through them!

9. Simplify

Now, I know I’m not the only worrier and over-complicator here. I love getting new ideas, but I’m the first to admit that I can end up getting completely overtaken by a wave of excitement that before I know it, my knickers are in a right twist. Then the excitement starts to fade and overwhelm takes its place, and if you have been in the same situation, you know it’s not fun. Now, I’m not arguing for keeping your ideas small or reducing your excitement and I’m never going to. Seriously, take your idea as far as you can, get lost in the process, really claim and own your excitement and enthusiasm and THEN, before you start to take an action or write a plan,  pause and ask yourself these three questions:

What is the simplest way I can do this? What is the easiest way I can do this that sounds like fun? What makes the most logical sense that is still me?

Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to bebrilliant by thinking that every idea you have has to be the most original, complicated and complex thing ever. It really, really doesn’t.

10. Ask for help

Over the years I’ve come to learn that asking for help is a bit of an art form, in that it takes a lot of practice to start becoming comfortable with it. Tad Hargrave from Marketing for Hippies has exercise which is a five minute support asking blitz. The idea is that for five minutes, you do nothing but ask for support and for help - to the point that it becomes almost embarrassing. His point is that it’s only when we reach that point of feeling embarrassed that we even begin to touch on how much support we actually need in life.As strong, brilliant women, sometimes it can feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness, but I’ve come to learn that it’s actually an act of courage. If asking for help or leaning on someone feels like a huge step, consider this: none of us can live as humans without some help. We all rely on oxygen, food which we largely don’t grow or produce ourselves, fuel, gas etc you name it. We are all already dependent to some extent whether you like it or not, so while we’re debunking this myth of independence, you might as well ask directly for the help you need. There are people who want to help you and would be delighted to offer you some support - how can you start to take that support? And if you feel stuck in knowing what you’d even ask for help you, ask a friend to sit down with you and help you out with that. Like my Mum and countless others I would imagine say, if you never ask, you never get, and my Mum? She’s pretty much always right.

11. Reward first

This one seems pretty counterintuitive, but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes. We usually come to getting shit done from a place of scarcity, or a place of procrastination or a place of sometimes even desperation. What if we could change that? If we started getting shit done from a place of feeling better rested, having more energy and with a whole lot more enthusiasm and inspiration, it’s going to be a whole lot easier. Ever pushed through and pushed through and then realised nothing’s got done and you should have stopped three hours ago and instead started again tomorrow? It’s a bit like that. Rest first, reward yourself first and then get really disciplined, choose something else on this list then start. You might well be amazed what a difference it makes!

12.  2:1 work to fun ratio

This one’s also pretty simple. So much of the time, we approach getting shit done as working with blinkers on, not stopping to eat, drink or do much of anything else. We just barge on through, determined that if only we work harder, we’ll get it done. Wellllll! That’s not always the case. You need to give yourself time to pause, do something else for a while, have some fun and make it all worth it. Write a list of things you can do to treat yourself during a break, and tick them off as you go. Of course, work can be hugely fun, especially if we get into a flow state where we just get lost in it, but sometimes it doesn’t always feel that way. Intentionally add more fun into your schedule and factor it in as part of a process. Because it really is - it’s not wasting time, it’s about working sustainably and not driving yourself to exhaustion and depletion at the same time like we so often do!

13. Breathe

If your thoughts are spinning, you don’t know what to start on and overwhelm has truly got you wrapped up in your own head, just breathe. Pause, take a minute, and breathe. Not many things in life are actually life threatening, so breathe, take a moment for yourself and you’ll return with a clearer mind and a route forward. You can take this a step further and go for a walk if you’re able to. Fresh air can do wonders for our creativity, inspiration and our thought processes.If you find it hard to stop and breathe, I really recommend checking out the Calm App or Insight Timer.

14. Stop multitasking

Okay, so here’s the truth about multi-tasking: it makes us feel good. Look how busy I am! Look how capable I am! I have all of these things to do and they’re getting done and how brilliant am I?Well, maybe not so brilliant when you’re multitasking after all. There’s A LOT of research out there about multi-tasking, but I’ll just go into these: multitasking slows you down, changing your focus so often means you never really get into the flow state or your zone of genius and while it feels productive, it’s usually anything but. Instead of making you actually productive, it makes you feel really busy, is usually exhausted and usually ends up with disappointment of not actually having been able to do everything you needed to.I hold my hands up. It feels like my natural mode is to multi-task. I forever have about twenty tabs open, and I often get distracted mid-task and end up thinking of something else to do. But what doesn’t usually tend to get done when I work like this? The important main thing I intended to do when I sat down!While I haven’t found anything to cure the tab problem apart from some old fashioned discipline, there are a bunch of great apps out there to stop you from picking up your phone or getting distracted by Facebook (which I know is the tip of the iceberg). I recommend the chrome extension Kill News Feed which stops your news feed from showing whenever you get on Facebook, the Bashful App for stopping you from using your phone for a select period of time (Selected calls can still come through if you’re worried about that) and I know there are so many more out there. RescuTime is a brilliant way of tracking how you actually spend your time, and it might be the wake up call you need to really start getting focused.

15. Celebrate the shit out of your small wins

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that I’m all about the small wins. In life we tend to focus on the big things and I remember a sign from back when me and Mr. Meg were travelling across the US in one of the places we stayed in that said, ‘Enjoy the little things in life for someday you will realise they are the big things’. Our lives are built of many tiny moments, and our huge accomplishments are built of many small steps along the way. You’ll always feel overwhelmed if the celebrating only comes after the big things, so celebrate the shit out of each small win along the way. Here's an epic guide to doing just this and a printable of 26 ways you can celebrate your wins!

16. Set intentions not goals

Sometimes it’s not about the actual goal, it’s about the reason why you’re doing it in the first place. When you’re feeling stuck, you’re not sure how to progress or those gremlins of self doubt are sitting on your shoulder, take a moment to focus on your intentions. Why did you start in the first place? Or if you haven’t started already, what made you want to do it in the first place? Set your intention next to any plan you make, and you’ll have a reminder why you started to pick you up along the way. Focusing on your intentions also makes you less likely to set yourself up for disappointment, because instead of a rigid set of unmovable expectations, you’re setting how you would like to feel, why you’re doing it and those things can’t help but be much bigger than a rigid goal.

17. Surround yourself with Couragemakers

This is a huge one, and one I have borrowed from the fantastic work of Scott Dinsmore and Live Your Legend. One of Scott’s biggest rules was to surround yourself with people who inspire you. It’s amazing what happens when you start spending time with people who align with your values, who just get you and they’re going after their own dreams as well. Instead of feeling like an anomaly, you start feeling like you’re part of a movement, part of something bigger and the courage of the people around you is always infectious.This might start by examining the people you have in your life and looking out for the people who inspire you and spending more time with them. It might be starting to watch TED talks, listen to more podcasts or finding ways to virtually surround yourself if you haven’t found your tribe yet, or it might be going to meetup.com and seeing the things around you that you never knew existed.I guarantee that being intentional about who you spend your time with, and cutting out the energy vampires will make a huge difference to the enthusiasm you approach your work with!

18. Turn off notifications

I made the decision to turn notifications off on my phone a while ago, and I’ve never looked back. Seriously, you don’t need something pinging every five minutes, you know this. But it can be hard to break away from the habit, and sometimes the energy surge that comes with the notifications.The only notifications I receive now are phone calls, texts and sometimes Facebook messages depending if I’m doing a coworking session. Go into your settings and just turn them off. It doesn’t mean people will forget you, or you’ll miss anything important - if nothing else, it means that you’ll start to be more intentional about how you spend your time online, and I think that’s something we’re all striving for. Make space for the things you genuinely want in your life, not the endless noise that takes you away from the things that matter.

19. Take a break

Now, I can hear you saying “But, Meg! I haven’t got enough time to get shit done, let

alone breathe or take a break.” I know. And that’s part of the problem. One of the biggest

times you need to take a break is exactly when you feel like you can’t. It’s exactly then

that we end up in burnout territory, which often takes the element of choice away from us

as our bodies force us to stop. So, take a break often, and really pay attention to those

times where you feel you can’t. You come first, and that’s not a negotiable, my friends

20. Start somewhere

If you don’t know where to start, just start somewhere! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overcome by fear or self doubt or it just feels too scary, fuck logic and pick somewhere that excites you. The biggest risk is never starting in the first place, so get over that hurdle and just challenge yourself to start ANYWHERE. Things often fall into place, but you’re not giving yourself any way of knowing that if you never start.Think of your favourite books, your favourite films, your favourite artists and musicians. All of them have tread this path you’re walking on. All of them had to start somewhere. While it can feel unique, lonely and like you’re the only one to have ever experienced it, you’re not alone. Think of how happy you are that they started. Imagine that there is someone somewhere waiting for you to start.

BONUS 21. Join the brigade!

The Get Shit Done! Brigade: 30 days of community, accountability, action and coaching to get your ideas of our your all-be-it beautiful notebooks into tangible things that exist in the world. We’re starting on 15th February and it’s going to be a group of like-minded couragemakers who want to see you shine bright, getting shit done together, with accountability, coaching with me and encouragement parades on a Wednesday! For four weeks, we’re going to work together and prove that it is possible to get a lot of shit done and have a life at the same time, while really put some sustainable strategies into place for the long term as well.

To find out more about the brigade, click here!

I hope you’ve found this post helpful. You have so much to give the world, you have a story that the world needs to hear, and you can do things only you can do. I want to live in a world where your work, your creations and the things that make you uniquely you exist.

Please don’t deprive all of us and the world of that.

An Announcement & A Commitment

So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately, but the online world is a pretty noisy place. I think along the way, people have become unsurprisingly pretty disillusioned. There’s always another webinar, another checklist that will CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE. There’s always another Facebook group that promises community over competition but quickly becomes about sneaky ways to promote your services.

If you’re on the receiving end, it can feel like you have twenty thousand people shouting at you all at once. If you’re on the creating end, it can feel like having to wade through mud, avoiding the bullshit and trying to find your people amongst all the people who are promising to sell happiness in a jar. And if like me -  you’re on both the creating and receiving end - you quickly pick up on just how high the levels of bullshit are.

Now, I’m very keen to not add to the bullshit.  

While I’ve been launching the Get Shit Done! Brigade, I’ve been very conscious of the fact that you get a lot of emails in your inbox and that most of these emails are pitching you products and services relentlessly.

And I really don’t want to add to the noise.

If you’ve been around for a while, you’ll have noticed that things are a bit different around here. I don’t see my ‘mailing list’ or my podcast as a ‘tool’ to get sales. I see a wonderful community of Couragemakers who I love writing to, having great conversations with, hearing from and forming a community with.

But my unwillingness to add to the noise sometimes means that I end up sabotaging both myself and the community.

I end up not telling you about the services that I’m offering because I don’t want to bombard you or make you feel pressured to buy. I end up staying quiet about the things I offer that my clients absolutely love that really change things for them. Instead of being loud and proud about finding a way of working that draws on both my superpowers and my client’s superpowers, I end up keeping myself small and end up keeping really helpful things to myself.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to do things my way and in a way that serves both of us. And that starts with an acknowledgement that feels pretty scary to type out loud (is that a thing?!)

That Hummingbird Life is both a community and a business.

Ultimately, I want to encourage as many couragemakers as possible to live a life only they can live, to put the things only they can do into the world and own, live and share their stories.  That’s what this is about. And I’m going to be continuing to do that in a way that aligns with my values and creates a sustainable income so I can do even more of this work.

Accessibility is one of my biggest values, and I am really passionate about That Hummingbird Life being as helpful as possible and not being behind a paywall. So I am always going to keep a big chunk of my work available and free (the blog, The Couragemakers Podcast, the weekly emails).

And as well as these things, I will also always have services that go deeper and take you on a journey (courses, products, online and offline experiences, coaching and mentoring) that will be sold.

Somewhere along the line, we were led to believe as heart-centred women that we had to choose between either making a change in the world or making a sustainable living.

And I think it’s time we archived that notion and put in a time capsule.

So, my commitment to you is that I am always going to be completely transparent about the process, and as as helpful as possible along the way.

When I’m launching products or services, I will create helpful and free blog posts and podcast episodes that will help you to start that journey. Obviously they won’t be diving as deep, but they’ll be great starter pieces if money is tight and as much as you would like to join, you simply can’t, or if you don’t have the time or have the inclination to dive deeper.

I will let you know exactly what is different about what I offer, who would and wouldn’t be a good fit, and I promise not to make you feel less than or use manipulative selling techniques (yuck). The things I sell will only ever be things I one hundred percent believe in and one hundred percent believe they will add value to your life.

So, in the spirit of starting as I mean to go on and also being more loud and proud about the wonderful services I offer:

here are my coaching and mentoring packages (The Epic Shit Sessions) which are all about helping you on each stage of the creative journey and doing what only you can do, and on 15th February I am starting the Get Shit Done! Brigade: 30 days of community, accountability, action and coaching to get your ideas of our your all-be-it beautiful notebooks into tangible things that exist in the world. You can find all the information about the brigade here!

Thank you for reading, thank you for allowing me (and encouraging me) to always be honest and thank you for being the most wonderful community I could hope for.

Meg

Reclaim Yourself: A Couragemaker's Guide To A Wholehearted 2018!

As long as I can remember, this whole New Year, New You shit has reduced me to rants. While the temptation to start anew is alluring, it’s just simply not possible. To paraphrase a piece on this subject I wrote a while ago, I don’t believe in reinventing yourself. To reinvent yourself is to dislocate yourself from past experiences, and  strengths and values that knowingly or not, have spent your life cultivating. But those things? They’re the very things that make you uniquely you.

Sure, some of those things you’d rather forget, habits you’d rather get rid of and experiences you wouldn’t choose to relive again, we all have them. But to image that you can just delete them as easily as pressing backspace on a keyboard and start the new year as A Completely Different And Refined Person is bollocks.

Now, I could easily go into full on rant mode, but I’m pretty sure I’m preaching to the choir. It seems this year more than ever, there are lots of us who are sick of the New Year, New Me message.

So today I want to flip the narrative and offer a practical solution:

What if instead of focusing on new shiny things, you focused on brushing off the dust and uncovering and returning to parts of yourself that have been forgotten?

As January comes around, it’s so easy to start thinking of the things we haven’t done before, new ventures and new habits. And while they’re a huge part of living a wholehearted life, they can quickly become overwhelming if we start thinking that we need to reinvent the wheel every time and that everything you do needs to be exciting, fresh and new.

In the process, we forget that we have a whole lifetime of experience that gives us clues as to what lights us up, what makes our lives better and what brings you joy.

You forget the little things that make you smile, what’s worked in the past and continues to work today.

In the age of life hacks and trying to outsmart yourself at every turn, it’s increasingly easy to overcomplicate things and get your knickers in a right twist.

So let’s go back to simple and start reclaiming who we are and uncovering parts of ourselves that got lost along the way of trying to hack the fuck out of a living a more creative, authentic and wholehearted life.

Here are some questions that have really helped me, and to help, I’ve included my answers below as examples.

Question 1: What did you used to enjoy as a child?

(I know, you’re sick of this question, but if you answer it properly once, it might give you some insights as to how to combine your passions and how to bring a whole lot more joy to your life)

Being loud and making a mess! I’ve always loved creating things whether it’s little books, or that period of creating Orlando Bloom stationary I went through. I loved singing at the top of my lungs, anything that involved making things with my hands and I also really loved nerding out and learning things. I also always had a book on the go, was a regular at my library and would often get lost in making up stories which looking back, were pretty philosophical!

Now, how can you bring some of that back into your life?

I think the main thing here is working with my hands. I started dabbling in mixed media last year, really enjoyed it, especially when creating for the fun of it. Maybe I can add a weekly creative night to my calendar and just enjoy getting mucky and playing. Singing wise, while living with Mr. Meg’s family, I have to be mindful that no everyone wants to hear me belt out ‘Jolene’ at the top of my lungs (and I mean belt out). But maybe in the period before we move out this year, I can start to sing in the shower more, and really make the most of times on my own where I can really belt it out! As for reading books, I really started to enjoy getting back into fiction last year, but ended up back on nonfiction again. I’ve just started re-reading the Harry Potter series, and maybe this year will be a great one for holding myself accountable to reading before bed and always trying to have a fiction book on the go! I forgot how satisfying (and recharging) reading is over watching Netflix.

What about you? How can you start to bring back the things you loved doing from your childhood? I bet the magic is still there!

Question 2: When you look back on last year, what do you wish you’d done more of?

Ahh the power of hindsight being 20:20. This one I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past week - I wish I had been more conscious of what I consumed rather than getting stuck into the time, energy and soul suck that comes with endless scrolling. There are so many interesting topics I want to learn more about, that I DO have the time to learn more about if I could get really picky about what I choose to read, the apps I open and the amount of time spent on busy work.

I also would have loved to have laughed and danced more. Last year felt like a pretty serious year, and fun definitely wasn’t a priority. There are few things I love more in life besides laughing until my belly aches and dancing until my feet feel like they might fall off. Sadly that didn’t happen much last year, so this will be a big priority this year!

I also wish I’d been on more walks in nature because I know how good they are for my creativity and my mental health and walk mean dogs, which means JOY!

How can you bring some of that back into your life?

I’m tempted to open my calendar and start to schedule everything out, but I know that will get overwhelming pretty quickly and a scheduled life for me isn’t a happy life.

I think putting a reminder somewhere might help the most. I’m going to write the following on a postcard and put it somewhere I can see it:

Make A Mess. Use Your Hands. Read. Consume Consciously. Laugh. Dance. Go for walks.

Question 3:  How can you add more of what you love to your life?

Now, by this time, you might find that your answers start to repeat yourself. That’s a good thing - it will help you to start spotting patterns and start figuring out the things that bring you most joy and will make the most difference to your life. Repeat yourself to your heart’s content, and start noticing what keeps coming up!

First start by listing your loves:

My loves in life - where do I begin?! Bright colours, a song with a great beat, Mr. Meg (of course!), my family, creating, art shops, stationary, getting lost in a good book, dogs, Macklemore, spoken word poetry, feeling the wind in my hair, getting out in nature, napping, learning new things, singing, dancing, laughing, deep conversations, helping people, brainstorming, thinking of new ideas, writing, designing, dreaming, daydreaming, birdsong, glitter, hot chocolates (or anything chocolate!), live gigs, meeting new people, making art.

Now what ideas do you have for adding the the things you love to your daily life? List them out!

Spend some time on Spotify discovering new music

Make sure my nails are always painted bright colours so I feel more like me

Keep a book on the go and keep a list of the books other people recommend to me

Have a lunch break! (I always forget and I’m not proud of it). Lunch break can be used for walks, listening to performance poetry and TED talks

Make time for daydreaming, it’s really important

Start looking for events that can bring more laughter, joy and dancing to my life

Get in a creative mess at least once a week - paint on my hands brings me back to myself like nothing else

What’s on your list?

Now, all of these things and these questions seem deceptively simple.

And that’s because they are.

Bringing more joy, more fun and more YOU to your life isn’t rocket science, because you have everything you need inside you already.

Get in the DeLorean and play Sherlock in your own life. Look for the clues, see what keeps coming up, and take notice.

Be the wonderfully odd version of yourself you have always been, and incorporate the things that have brought you joy in the past.

It’s not frivolous, it’s not selfish and it’s not silly.

It’s necessary for living an inspired and creative life that only you can live.

Challenging The Cult Of Now: Your Stories Don't Have An Expiration Date

Now, if you’ve been around here before, you’ll know that I have beef with a lot of things. Today’s beef? The cult of now.  

Have you ever noticed when endlessly scrolling through Facebook, Instagram or Twitter (we all do it, no shame please!) that in general, it feels like everyone has something exciting going on, or at least something of interest like every single day?

Now, I don’t know about you but I can’t claim to have exciting days every day.

I mean, I like to see the positive, I adore working on things that set my soul on fire, and I see at least five dogs I could kidnap every day, but it doesn’t fall under capital ‘e’ Exciting like the internet defines.

And an awful lot of my life doesn’t make it on to social media and lately I’ve been thinking about why and come up with a bunch of reasons:

1. First of all, I know how easy it is to get lost in the world of sharing things online to the point that you stop living your life

2. I have firm boundaries around what I’m happy to share and what I’m not happy to share (Mr. Meg secretly loves the air of mystery)

3. I’ve also been caught into the myth of only sharing when something exciting happens. And this is the one I want to talk about.

The last one doesn’t make me feel too good about myself. And if conversations I’ve been having and trends online are anything to go by, I’m not the only one.

It seems like everywhere we look, we’re obsessed with what I call The Cult Of Now: this idea that people are only interested in what’s happening right now, that past things aren’t half as important and that every second is a new opportunity to show people you are Living Your Best Life Ever.

It’s like if something happened yesterday it’s not longer relevant now unless you shared it at the time. By now, you should have moved onto the new thing.

But, what if you need time to process things, you want to enjoy the moment while it’s still the moment and you want to treasure and share those times later?

It’s like we’re all concerned that if we share things later, they’re no longer relevant, they’re hiding the fact that we’re not up to anything exciting right now, and we’re not relevant.

That sucks, doesn’t it?

While me and Mr. Meg were on our three-month trip around the US, I planned to really share my stories and experience via Instagram. As we all know though, planning is one thing, reality can be whole other ball game.

When I got there, it was pretty obvious from the get-go that things were going to be more...complicated than we planned. (Why we thought travelling from West to East coast via with no car and just relying on buses was ever a good idea!).

Rather than the images of wanderlust we’re surrounded by on Pinterest, we were circumnavigating a lot of unexpected things, emotions and scenarios. Instagram couldn’t have been the furthest thing in my mind.

But that didn’t mean that I didn’t have a whole bunch of interesting, embarrassing, downright bizarre stories to tell. It’s just that wasn’t the right time.

And now? With The Cult Of Now, it feels like I’ve gone past my window in which I could share them.

And that’s the thing. I know you have so many stories. For every single person on the planet, we could create an entire museum dedicated to each person.

And it's not just about sharing the Big Things we do, life is made up of a series of little things after all.

So I call bullshit on this cult.

If as a society we keep insisting on everything being about right now, we will lose so many stories, miss out on so much wisdom and newness will take priority over everything else.

Tech companies may hold newness and relevance as some of their highest values, but that doesn’t mean we have to as well. I would much rather take my values of courage, honesty, and creativity anyday.

Share your experiences, share your stories and share your ordinary every day moments. Remember, the things that set your soul on fire, the memories you hold dear and the things that mean something to you don’t have an expiration dates.

And please, don’t just share them under #ThrowbackThursday - you’re not a bloody retro nightclub for goodness sake.

Your stories don’t go stale. If anything, your perspectives and the wisdom you learn over the years makes them even more valuable.

So, here’s to sharing stories from the past which help build up the picture of who we are, sharing the more mundane things and starting to keep it more real.

Here’s to not holding up this illusion for each other that life is always wonderful and exciting.

And here’s to sharing for our own sake, and to having an authentic record of our own lives.

So what story can you share today? I’ll go first in the comments (it’s definitely a bizarre one!) and I’d love  you to join me.

Creatives: Just Keep Baking Bread

This is a tale about making bread.

But it’s not really about making bread.

It’s about keeping going when you don’t feel like you’re making a difference, when you think that no one in the world cares about your work, when you’re not sure where you’re heading and you don’t think your work is good enough.

Bread?

Now, assuming you haven’t been living under a rock, you know roughly how to make bread even if you don’t do it, have never done it or just don’t really give a shit (count me in that third category).

And unless you’re an artisanal baker that can debate the process of making bread for hours, I think we can all agree that there are four main stages to making bread (get the ingredients, remember the yeast, mix and bake)

But did you know there’s a fifth step? One that has has everything to do with the life of being a creative, putting yourself out into the world and keeping going?

Intrigued? Well, we’re going to get there soon, but first, to really understand it, we need to map the first four stages with the creative process:

Step One:

Assemble the ingredients (the basic things you need to create: your pen, your paints, your laptop, your modelling clay, your ukelele, your camera, your notebook - whatever you use.

Step Two:

Add yeast - the easiest thing to forget (when it comes to creating, the yeast is the thing that makes your work uniquely you: your stories, your experiences, your perspectives, your interpretations, your skills, your strengths, you preferences, your curiosity, your craft)

Step Three:

Mix everything together until it resembles dough (the bit you don’t like talking about quite so much: doing the damn work, sitting with an idea until it makes sense, the hard graft, getting our hands dirty and wondering if everything will ever come together)

Step Four:

Put it in a container inside the oven and let it cook (this is when your work starts to take its form - a story, book, poem, painting, sketch, photograph, model, patchwork quilt, song - and it starts to be ready to exist in the world as a thing that didn’t exist before

The fifth stage?

This is what happens to the bread once it has been baked. And it’s where things get interesting...

--

An aside before we get to the deceiving fifth step - I know that the first four steps aren’t easy. Sometimes the hardest thing can be getting the motivation and the courage to start baking in the first place. Sometimes you’ll buy the ingredients but not bake bread for a while. Sometimes you’ll give up at the dough stage and put it in the bin, believing that it just isn’t going to come together. And sometimes you’ll go through the process and we forget the yeast and the bread won’t rise. I know this is hard. If you’re struggling with bread-making resistance or having the courage to start, you might want to have a read of this and this ).

--

Now, back to our process and the the deceiving fifth step.

I mean, everything until then seems pretty simple. . The bread is baked, the hard work is done, there’s fresh bread on the table and life feels goooood.

Well, not so fast.

Introducing the little talked about last step:

Step Five: What happens when the bread is brought to life

Sometimes you get so focused on making the bread, that you forget that stage five can be the ultimate decider of whether you decide to bake ever again.

It can be the deciding factor of whether you let anyone taste your bread again, whether you put all of your ingredients in the bin and decide never to even try to make bread again, or come to the decision that your yeast will never be good enough and your bread won’t ever rise like you wanted it to so what even is the point?

Basically a shit tonne of things happen during this stage that we don’t really talk about as creatives.

Step five is ultimately about whether you continue creating. It’s about your life as a creative and it’s about whether you put the things only you can do into the world, or whether you convince yourself that the world doesn’t need what you have to offer.

(Spoiler alert: it really really does. We all need the things only you can do).

A LOT is at stake here.

There are a lot of things that can happen to bread once you’ve taken it out of the oven.

Maybe:

• Your bread is delicious, you eat it all yourself (and you thoroughly enjoy every mouthful).

• You decide that regardless of how the bread turns out, you are in LOVE with the process of making bread

• You share your bread with friends and they love it

• You put your bread in the bread bin and look forward to eating it later and feel satisfied knowing it’s there

• Your bread is so good that you get asked to make it for family and friends and start wondering whether it’s worth thinking about selling it at your local farmer’s market

• You bring your bread to an event and it and every breadcrumb is eaten

• You decide your bread is good but you’ve got ideas of how it can be even better and get started on making a new loaf straight away

• You share your bread often and start getting recognised as someone who makes good bread which makes you feel great

• You decide to put your bread in the freezer so you can enjoy it later and go back to it another time

These are the things you know you want deep down, and it takes courage to admit to them out loud. These things might actually prevent you from baking bread in the first place, because you’re so intent on making great bread that it just puts you off.

Or maybe (and I think it’s fair to say that you worry about these things the most):

• Your bread just doesn’t rise

• You share your bread with friends and they say they love it, but you know they’re not actually a huge fan

• You leave your bread in the oven for too long and it burns

• Your brain is just alright, nothing special, nothing to write home about

• You share your bread and no one eats it

• You put your bread in the bread bin

• You get your bread out of the oven and it hasn’t risen

• You take your bread to a party and never find out if anyone ate it or what they thought

• You bake bread for a special occasion and the reaction is underwhelming to say the least

• You put the bread in the bread bin, and forget it’s there and it goes stale

I mean, that list alone is enough to make anyone never bake bread again. But please, bare with me, don’t close the tab. It gets better, I promise..

What if you could take the pressure off, even a little bit?

What if you reframed the whole art of baking bread?

What if you decided that the process of making the bread was more important than the outcome?

What if you decided to focus less on the bread-eaters and take back some of that power?

What it making bread for yourself was the main aim and the rest was bonus?

What if you took your stale bread and used it to make something else (bread and butter pudding? croutons for soup?)

What if you took your burned bread and put it outside and gave it to the birds?

What if you decided that the people who need your bread will find it?

What if you decided that your recipe was special despite what bread-haters may have to say?

What if, instead of giving it one, two or three shots, you kept going, continually improving and believing that each loaf has a lesson to teach you?

Because here’s the thing, bread-makers. Listen up.

This is where you need to get that hard crust sorted.

Not all of your bread is going to be good. Sometimes it won’t rise, sometimes it won’t make it to the oven, sometimes you will forget about it and it will go mouldy, and sometimes people won’t like it.

Sometimes you’ll make the best loaf ever and find that you can’t replicate it. Sometimes you’ll repeat the process with surprising results. Sometimes you will wonder if you should bother baking at all.

Sometimes, the art of baking will set your soul on fire and you will know exactly why you bake, and know that regardless of how it comes out, you were born to bake.

Sometimes you will share your loaf and it will change your life and someone else’s life.

Sometimes you won’t know why you bake, but you’ll carry on anyway.

Sometimes you will forget just how much baking is part of you until you remember it again.

This is the life of a baker.

And here are some truths.

If you decide it’ll probably be shit before you’ve even begun, there’s a good chance it will be, because you’re not giving yourself the chance to let go. Explore what it could be and see what happens.

If your sole definition of success is whether people like your bread, then you will fail. You risk everything if you create just for the bread-eaters. You risk your integrity, you risk compromising your yeast and you risk losing yourself along the way. There will be people who simply can’t get enough of your bread and that’s great  - but remember, you don’t have to change the recipe for them.

You have to find a reason for baking bread beyond things that makes your ego feel good. And if you’re making bread, or even thinking of making bread in the first place, then you have a deeper reason. Go find it.

Finding it is what will keep you baking on the hard, lonely days when you feel like no one cares about your baking and you’re not making a difference.

Because you also won’t always get to see who eats your bread and who likes your bread

You won’t always get to see the breadcrumbs you leave and where they lead people.

You won’t get to see all of the lives you’ve changed - in big, small and medium ways.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

I know you’re practical, I know you want to always be able to see results, and I know you need evidence, but sometimes you have to take the most pragmatic part of your brain and shake it up a bit.

Because part of being a baker is trusting.

Trusting that if it doesn’t rise today, it will rise tomorrow.

Trusting if that people don’t like you bread, then maybe you’ve yet to find your people.

Trusting that no one can make bread the way you do

Trusting that you’re leaving behind breadcrumbs which are slowly changing the world.

Even if you take nothing else away from this very far fetching bread analogy, take this:

All you can do is keep making bread, keep putting it on the table and trust that the people who are hungry for the bread that you alone can make will come and grab a slice and leave crumbs along the way.

Keep mixing, keep baking, keep creating.

Whatever you do, just keep making the bread.

Because your bread? The way you bake it?

It changes the world even though you can’t always see it.

Make the bread. Put it on the table, and go make more dough.

That is the life of a baker.

“The art of bread making can become a consuming hobby, and no matter how often and how many kinds of bread one has made, there always seems to be something new to learn.” -- Julia Child

** The bread analogy was inspired by a wonderful conversation I had with Rebecca Thering for The Couragemakers Podcast on the topic of believing that you make a difference even if you can’t see the breadcrumbs you leave or who picks them up, and also the importance of taking the time to thank people who inspire you.

During Shit Times, Just Do The Necessary

We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of a creative project, you’ve got a huge important deadline, or you’re running a business and something happens.  

Maybe it’s a period of health issues, a family crisis, a break-up, or something else. But it knocks the sails out of you and you need time, space and energy to deal with life.

This post is half permission slip and half a bunch of practical ways you can cope when life goes wonky, you have unexpected bad stuff to deal with but somehow you’ve still got to keep going.

If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that life is feeling pretty tough at the moment.

Well, first of all - you’re not alone. A whole lot of people are down there in the trenches with you right now, even if they don’t all talk about it.

So, life’s not going to plan, right?

But even though you don’t know how the fuck you’re going to manage it, you have things that have to get done.

Those things might suddenly feel meaningless, pointless, a waste of your time, but I think we all learn the hard way that the world keeps turning even when our own world feels like it’s been put into a minuscule dark snow globe.

It’s okay. I’m just climbing out of my own trenches, and I’m lowering my hand down to lift you out too.

Now, first thing’s first: you need to give yourself permission to drop the non-urgent stuff and focus on what’s essential. Now this comes down to two things:

1. Giving yourself space and time to deal with what’s going on and generally look after yourself. (This includes the basic things that feel so impossible when life feels like it’s crashing down around us: showering, eating meals, keeping in contact with friends, taking tablets etc)

1. Making the decision that for now, you only need to do the absolute essential things

As people who do a lot of things, the second one might send off a huge alarm in your mind.

That’s okay - the resistance is very much normal. From experience, though, I can tell you that whether you make the decision consciously or not, it’s going to be the one thing that gives you the time and the space you need.

By essential, I mean the things that simply HAVE to get done.

If you work for yourself, that’s looking at your work schedule and working out where you have flexibility and what deadlines you absolutely can’t change (more on this later). If you’re employed, it’s making sure that you’ve done what you can to take the time off you need (all work manuals/HR policies should give you information about compassionate leave/sick leave etc) or if you’re not able to/want to take time off, it’s about getting friendly with this idea of doing the bare minimum while things feel tough. (I know this is scary and uncomfortable for us overachievers, but we have to choose ourselves first).

If you’re not employed, it’s about looking at your daily activities, and schedule and seeing what can go. It’s about being really honest to the people around you what’s going on and asking for help where people can help you.

(A side note about asking for help - the people who love and support you really do mean it when they ask you to let them know if there’s anything they can do. They want to help you and they want to feel useful, so if there is something they can do, please let them).

It all comes down to these two simple notions:

1.Do what you have to.

2. Done is better than perfect (if you can get away with it, do the bare minimum)

If you’re a creative…

and you don’t feel like creating or you’re unable to create, try to find a way to be okay with that and trust that it will return. Believe me, I know how scary it is, but sometimes you just need to give it a bit of space and put a bit of faith in your creative magic. (I really recommend Liz Gilbert’s book Big Magic if you’re looking to cultivate a really good relationship with your creativity).

If you work for yourself…

do the work you must. That might look like having honest conversations with clients who have a more flexible timeline, or it might look like revising scopes of work. If this isn’t possible, aim to get to a place where you’re doing only the things that you have to. You’ll have time for the more fecky/niggly admin-y things at a later date - now is just for reaching the deadlines you absolutely have to meet, and giving yourself grace at the same time.

If you’re trying to get projects off the ground…

and something happens right in the middle, remember that there will be time to get back to it. Try not to fall into the ‘everything happens for a reason’ trap and feel that you’re destined to not start/fail.  If you’re able to, write down a quick note of where you’re at and your ideas so you know where you were when you get back to it.

This situation, exactly as it is right now, is only temporary.

You might find your life is going to be a lot different than it was before - you might find that you have to carve out a new normal, but it’s not always going to feel this hard. And you don’t have to sort out and work out how everything is going to be right now.

For one, that’s impossible. With all the planning in the world, you don’t know how you’re going to feel and unfortunately magic eight balls are still a pile of shit.. A lot of the time it’s just a case of taking it day by day, and making the roadmap as you go along.

Secondly, now isn’t the time for big decisions. Instead, focus on looking after yourself the best you can, being there for yourself as well as the people who need you, and what you can do to make your life a bit easier right now.

Take the pressure off, my love. Life is tough enough as it is.

It really is okay to say no to things and to do only the absolutely essential things right now.

And if you’re in the need of some gentle reminders for when life goes wonky, I’ve written some here that might help.

Although it doesn’t feel like it right now while things aren’t necessarily go back to being the same, things will be okay. You are so much stronger than you think.

5 Gentle Reminders for When Life Goes Wonky

**Hello Couragemakers! I am so happy to be back after a pretty long break - a lot longer than I expected. A lot of things have happened during my time away which I won’t bog you down with, but let’s just say that it’s been a pretty ugly couple of months, which involved losing someone close to me, a health scare and trying to find a new normal.**

Sometimes life throws you things you could never have predicted and things can get pretty shitty. While my next post is going to be all about practical things you can do when life’s going wonky, for now, I want to share the things that have really helped me during tough times.

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade - but no matter what beautiful Pinterest quote may try to convince you otherwise, sometimes it’s just not possible.

So instead of faux positivity and making yourself feel shit about feeling shit, I’ve put together some reminders for you to come back to when life is hurling lemons at you like it’s the Olympics. (Printable below!)

1. You are allowed time and space and most people will respect that. Sometimes you need to find a way to carve it out, but remember that little moments count too.

2. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Try not to judge yourself on how you’re feeling - feeling shit about feeling shit just doesn’t help.

3. You can grieve a lot of things. You can grieve over losing someone you loved, grieve over what you thought your life would be, grieve over periods of your life and grieve over breaking up with a friend. Grief is complicated, and we don’t all experience it the same. Your experience will be as unique as your fingerprint, and that’s okay.

4.You don’t have to pretend that everything’s okay. Try peeling your mask off bit by bit to for people who love and support you and let them help, because they want to help. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of great strength.

5. How you’re feeling right now is temporary. One day soon this will be a memory.

Those reminders might be all you need and the only things you can take in right now. If that’s the case, here’s a quick printable to put somewhere you see often. 

Gentle Reminders For When Life Goes Wonky

If you know someone who's going through a hard time right now, this might just be what they need to hear, so feel free to pass this on.

I’ll see you back in a couple of days for some practical ways of dealing with life’s lemons.

In the meantime, I'd love to know what has helped you during hard times.

Let me know in the comments!

Fuck Dreamshitters: A Manifesto for Couragemakers

You do not owe anything to anyone, regardless of how they make you feel otherwise. You do not owe anyone an explanation for who you are or how you live your life. That decision is up to you alone.  

You will change. You will go through experiences that alter and develop the fundamentals of who you are. That’s life - that is how you grow and develop as the person only you can be.

It is not up to you to be the person you were ten years ago, five years ago or two years ago. It is not your role to be frozen in time like a snow globe. You will outgrow people, people will outgrow you, and that is the nature of life. Do not put yourself in the snow globe to keep other people happy. The people who want to keep you exactly as you were should buy a doll and keep it at the back of their closet.

It is not your job to make other people happy. End of.

You do not have to be polite. When you see the girl who made you feel about as big as a thimble from high school, you do not have to smile and make pleasantries. You get to walk away with your head held high or say what you wish you’d said back then (you know when you come up with the perfect response two years too late?!).

You do not have to engage with people who make you feel shit.

You get to keep your distance with or without explanation. You do not owe old friends a response, you do not owe your old boss your company for a round of drinks and you do not owe your time and energy to anyone who makes you feel like shit.

In fact, you do not owe anyone any part of you. Your time and energy are two of the most precious things you will ever have. Protect them. Fiercely.

You do not have to engage in keeping up with the Joneses with anyone. It is a futile exercise which wastes your precious energy, time or money on making yourself seem impressive.

Happiness cannot and never will be found in making other people feel less than or puffing your chest out and pretending like you are better than everyone else.

Accept that some people however do find so-called joy in belittling and stepping on other people.

Put a fucking continent between yourself and those people, because it will never end well. Remember,  it is not your responsibility to try to change them or make them see the light.

Some people are bitter and will not see the light, but will seek out company to join their bitter parade - misery loves company after all.

Sometimes your compassion will run out, and sometimes deservedly so. There’s only so much compassion you can have for someone who makes you feel less than, drains your energy and provides nothing positive in return. While some yogis would like you to feel compassion for every man and his dog, it’s just not possible. Don’t feel bad.

Some people will test your patience more than you ever thought possible. You do not need those people. Again, they are not personal pet projects to take on, especially when they show no signs of self-awareness or wanting to change.

You get to walk away from the people who drain your energy, intimidate you or make you feel bad. Sometimes ghosting someone is the only thing you can do to protecting your own sanity and stand up for yourself. Some people thrive from conflict, and sometimes silence is the loudest sound. Protect yourself.

When life seeks to hide your brightness, do what you can to keep your own candle lit.

In toxic situations, sing louder, stand taller - even if it’s only on the inside. No one can suck the soul out of you. There are people who will feel like dementors, but know that they need your permission to suck your soul out of you.

Find the things that feed your soul and do them regularly. Don’t worry what other people would think about them - if standing on one leg singing Auld Lang Syne is your jam, bloody do it. It’s your life. Nourish yourself, feed your soul and know that you have the power and the strength to keep your own light lit.

Know that everyone and their pet dog will have an opinion on every aspect of your life.

You get to say Fuck That and ignore them. You get to decide what you do and don’t listen to.

Some people will never understand you.They will never understand your motivations, your quirks or the things that make your heart beat faster. That is okay. Do what you can to find like-minded people and keep them close.

Do not pander to the people who want to put you into a box. And don’t apologise for not fitting into a box. Don’t feel bad and simplify yourself to make yourself understandable to others. Cast aside the mould and embrace your complexities, knowing that your whole being will never be able to fit into one word, one image or one glance.

You have opinions, you have experiences, you have stories that have shaped who you are. You get to tell those stories. You get to tell them how you want to tell them, and you get to keep the bits you don’t want to share.

Your story is important and needed in the world.

Do not dumb down your story or skip over the messy bits to make people feel comfortable. It is not your responsibility to make people comfortable or reassured.

Some truths are fucking ugly. Some life experiences are ugly.  You do not have to paint a pretty picture. Your picture gets to be as messy as you fucking well like it. It is not up to you to make your life seem comfortable to spare other people’s feelings.

You also get to keep the parts you’d rather not share to yourself. In life, there are some stories aren’t yours to tell and that’s okay too. Don’t burn bridges when you’re angry and never send that email when blood is pulsing through your veins. Sleep on it is a saying for a reason.

Don’t play down your strengths and talents to make other people feel better. Own and hone what you’re good at and accept compliments with grace.

Your work is important, whatever the form that work takes. If you’re a creative, your art form and how you express yourself is your work. If you’re unemployed or aren’t able to work due to health issues, know that employment is only one form of work, and is not a source of life-validation.

Celebrate the shit out of your small wins.

You do not have to be a ‘good’ woman. You get to take up space.

You get to play big. You do not have to keep yourself small. You do not have to be quiet about your opinions or stay apolitical. Be loud and proud about what you believe and why.

You are you. There is only one of you. That is really fucking amazing and the world needs what only you can bring to it.

Chase your dreams and drown out the bullshit.

And fuck dreamshitters.

---

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Rebel Rousers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Transparency & Privilege: A Call To Action For Online Business Owners And Creatives

There’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now, which I’ve struggled to put into words and felt pretty nervous to write about. And if online businesses and blogging have taught me anything, it’s that when you feel like that, that’s *exactly* when you should be hitting publish and starting the conversation.

So here’s what I’ve been wanting to talk about:

Putting all our cards on the table and being transparent about our circumstances (and our privileges) when working online.

I remember when I was starting out - blogging, building an online business, freelancing - how much I bought into the myths of passive income, earning six figures within your first year and life becoming a beautiful Instagram feed. Mainly because it was EVERYWHERE. And when you’re provided with enough proof, sometimes the sceptic in you bites the bullet and decides to take it on (even if only partially) as truth.

I also remember that when I was starting out, I was in a pretty dark place and was looking for an alternative. I hated my job and I started to wonder about different ways of doing things, and that’s how I stumbled upon the online business world. I fell in love with the idea of lifestyle design, building a business around your passions and using your skills and strengths to build a life you love. And I’m still in love with those things. But I also discovered the empire that is online business gurus and the art of making ‘easy’ money online.

It was really exciting, and I know I’m not alone in this. A lot of people come across this whole world of online business and content creating from a similar place: hating the job they have, feeling unfulfilled and in the midst of an existential crisis or looking for a way to combine their strengths, skills and talents in a way that not only brings in an income, but makes the world a brighter place.

But when you’re going through a shit time, you’re more vulnerable than normal. You’re more susceptible than normal to really buying into this projected idealised life, because you want SO bad to believe it’s true. And an awful lot of marketers will try to capitalise on that. (I’ve also learned that there are also wonderful people doing great things about ethical marketing, running a business and selling).

Now, I’m really not judging - it’s certainly been one of my stories.

But three years down the line, I don’t feel that way, and I’ve woken up to smell the bullshit. While there are some great resources out there to help you build an authentic and ethical business, they definitely seem to be in the minority.

The online business world in general is very different. It has become a lot more nuanced than just showing beautiful women with laptops on a beach in Australia and the idealised life is being perpetuated even more (I wrote more in more depth about the nuances here).

Now, instead of being framed as a possible alternative, the story has changed. Instead, a lot of people in the industry are selling this whole starting your online business thing with an unwritten pact of promises. You can have your website up within a matter of days, start selling from day one, and work your way to Passive Income Paradise within your first month, right?

Welllllll…

It’s not that you can’t earn a good income from your online business, have a really fulfilling career and love the work you do. You can. And people do.

But a lot of people starting out on this path, a lot of the experts?

People can be pretty creative about what they omit from their stories.

It’s now increasingly easy to believe that everyone who has an online business is traditionally successful, is able to provide a full-time income for themselves, and dedicate their working life to building it.

But the truth is that a lot of the people that we all assume have it all figured out are doing it on the side as a part-time gig or still have a full-time job.

And there is nothing wrong with that. I repeat, there is nothing wrong with that.

The problem for me comes in deliberately not mentioning their circumstances. They’re not lying  - it’s just that a certain amount of truths have been…missed out.

It’s just that it’s not as simple or easy as people would make you believe, and there are certain things you need: extra time, energy, money and space to develop. And those things are privileges.

And most of the people online work really fucking hard. We make sacrifices, we make hard decisions and it’s far from a walk in the park. But we don’t talk about those things because they’re not as glamorous and we fear we’ll turn people off or look like a fraud.

But the opposite is true.  

It’s exactly when we project this glamorous image that the problems start.

The comparison starts, the expectations get higher, and people start to believe that they don’t have what it takes to be successful and that it’s never going to happen.

But it’s  when we start talking about our real circumstances and sharing our stories, instead of turning people off, we do the opposite. We reassure them, help them to feel less alone and give them the courage to keep going.

I can’t really blame those who don’t share the whole story, especially in a world where you’re supposed to be an expert and reputation is everything.

And I get it. It can be embarrassing -  shame-inducing even - to go on the record and be really honest about your behind the scenes, especially when it doesn’t match up to those widely perpetuated ideals.

But I think the power of telling your truths and sharing your real life stories are more important than pride or appearing like you have all your shit together (no one does).

It’s important in terms of genuine and authentic leadership and helping pave the path for the people who are just getting started. No one wants to have to wade through piles of bullshit before they even get to stage one.

Now, before you start worrying, this isn’t a call to arms for everyone to publish their income reports, every failure they’ve ever had and the colour of the knickers they happen to be wearing today. Sometimes it isn’t professional to share everything. It’s just not appropriate for some businesses.

Instead it’s a call to action to stop perpetuating the bullshit, and getting more conscious about what we put out there and what we omit.  

It’s a call to action to start having internal conversations about our privileges and how we let them play out in the way we show up online.

It’s a call to action to start thinking about what ideals and values we’re perpetuating, and whether we’re happy with what we’re showing. Both on social media and the conversations we have with our audiences, clients, customers and supporters.

It’s a call to action to stop giving such a wide platform and listening to those people who intentionally or not perpetuate those ideas.

It’s a call to actions to be proud and open about the way you’re building your business, and the circumstances you’re in. If you’re building your business (whatever that means to you) on the side, or you have a loving partner who’s helping you out financially while you get things stable, tell people about it. They’ll want to support you, and will eagerly be following along with your journey to see how things are going.

Together we HAVE to stop holding up this prescribed picture and start having the difficult conversations and get honest about our privileges.

I think if we can start to be transparent about our circumstances, then we can start to change the narrative.

And because I believe in walking the talk, I’ll go first. (Yes, this is scary). Here are my circumstances.

Along with That Hummingbird Life, I’m a graphic designer, working with wonderful doers, makers and world shakers to create colourful and quirky brands. Right now, graphic design,  is my main income, with THL starting to provide an income through coaching.

For the past two years I’ve been living with Mr. Meg’s family which has meant my overheads, both business wise and personal wise, have been much lower. This has allowed me to extend my options of how I work, and how I can focus on building and playing the long game. We’re moving next April, so a lot of plans need to come into fruition to provide the sustainable and predictable income I will need when going back to renting. Mr. Meg is traditionally employed with a regular pay-check, and I would be lying if I said this didn’t provide a safety net. It provides a lot of reassurance and I have little fear of being in a situation where I’m not able to meet my basic needs.

Couragemakers (and content creation for That Hummingbird Life) doesn’t bring in an income, and I’m passionate about remaining independent and advert free. Right now, I’m looking into Patreon as a way to both give Couragemaker listeners more value and build a community and to have the podcast bring in some money.

I’ve got a lot of plans to develop encouraging and rebel-rousing projects and products, and it’s my hope that I’m going to be starting to release them soon. Right now, I’m in the process of figuring out my project and product schedule through to the new year. I know that there’s no such thing as passive income and that marketing will be a huge part of making this work, so I’m also learning about ethical selling and what will feel good to both Couragemakers and myself.

I write a lot about dream-chasing and putting the things only you can do into the world.  I think transparency is the way forward when it comes to dream chasing, talking about how we’re working towards our dreams and the circumstances that let us invest energy and time into them. I always strive to be bullshit-free in everything I do, and it’s my hope that this post can start the conversation about being transparent online and standing behind our truths with pride.

So tell me, Couragemakers - what is your story? What are you afraid to be transparent about? What do you think could change if you got really honest about your stories? Let me know in the comments below!

Why It’s Important To Take a Creative Break From The Work You Love

The blog is back! After a creative break this summer, I’m so excited to go back to blogging at least once a week, and I have SO many posts planned to help you shine brighter, put yourself out in the world as you are and thrive wholeheartedly in a world that sometimes feels like it’s falling apart!

Today I want to talk about taking creative breaks, because as I’ve realised over the summer, they’re pretty fucking important.

And because of how important they are, this is going to be the first of a four-part series about creative breaks because I really want to take you behind the scenes, help you to plan your own break and add some much needed sustainability to the online world. So in this series, I’m also going to be sharing the Behind The Scenes of My Creative Break, The 10 Things I Learned About Creative Breaks That Are Helpful For Any Creative and How To Take Your Own Creative Break.

For today I want to share why a break is SO important for both our creative souls and the soul of our creative work. 

I don’t know about you, but as creatives and multi-passionates who do our work both online and offline, it can be pretty easy to buy into the myth that you need to be creative machine:

You need to be producing amazing work constantly, effortlessly and tirelessly. You then need to spend a good chunk of time getting that work seen and marketing yourself to the point of sometimes feeling sleazy. You can’t stop because the people you look up to and compare yourself to aren’t stopping. You need to create and repeat without the thought of a break, knowing the minute you step away people will forget about you, you’ll get creatively blocked and it will all be for nothing.

Well that’s just bullshit.

BREATHE, my friend, because it just isn’t true.

The people who are touting that? Chances are they also glorify burnout as a badge of honour, and think that making yourself physically ill is just part of the course. (Which it isn’t and doesn’t have to be).

And those people? Well, they’re not our people.

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that around this part of town, it’s about being aligned with your values, shining brightly in the world while keeping your own light lit and putting yourself out into the world in a way that feels good.

It’s about not burning out, and doing the work that only we can do in a way that works for us.

It’s about working in a sustainable way and knowing that looking after yourself isn’t selfish but essential. 

It’s about doing things differently.

Because here’s the thing.

Your creativity can’t exist in that vacuum or that machine. First of all, the pressure will kill any creative ideas you have.  Secondly and more importantly, forcing yourself to work like a machine isn’t great for your mind or your body, and I’m pretty sure you know this already from experience (I know I do).

If you value your creativity - and if you’re reading this, I’m betting you do - then you need to take care of it. Ergo, you need to take care of yourself.

It’s about protecting the work you love so that it can continue to bring you joy, bring your gifts to the world and so it doesn’t become the work you hate.

But more than that, it’s about looking after you.

You need to give yourself space, time and energy to re-inspire yourself, feed your soul and be you.

You are so much more than the work you do, the gifts you give the world and the things you put out there.

I know what you’re thinking: that sounds great and all, but I haven’t got the time. It might be great for other people, but for not me.

Repeat after me: taking a break isn’t a luxury or a grand idea.

It’s pretty fucking essential, and it doesn’t have to cost you the world.

It doesn’t have to be some five-star experience that only the super wealthy and super privileged can do. It doesn’t have to be something you can only do when you’ve hit a certain level of success.

If you feel like in order to have to be rolling in it or have complete freedom to have a creative break, let’s break this apart  a bit and get thinking outside the box (which is what we do, right?)

Everyone has a different set of circumstances and different levels of availability, flexibility and time, and I believe that everyone can take a some sort of creative break. (I’m going into much more detail in future posts).

Let’s bust some myths about what a creative break looks like:

You don’t have to have three weeks or three months. Instead, you could try to have better boundaries around your time on a day-to-day basis. Maybe you stop working at a certain time and get stricter about what work (if any) you do on the weekend. You could plan a one day retreat for yourself every month.

You don’t have to do something tremendously exciting and impressive sounding.  You could curl up with your favourite film or your favourite film and be reminded why you do what you do in the first place.

In the name of putting everything out there and being really honest about my own circumstances, I can tell you that during my creative break, I was living with Mr. Meg’s family, without the pressure of having to pay a huge amount of rent or bills. During my creative break I took on some big graphic design projects. (I’m going to be posting a behind-the-scenes look at my creative break soon, so you can find out more about how I used the break!)

You might have more flexibility and time, you might have a whole lot less, but you can take a creative break.It’s time to do what you do best - get creative!

And really, here’s what it all comes down to:

Taking a creative break from the work you love is how you sustain doing the work you love

It’s all about taking care of the work you love.

And sustainability has to be a big part of the conversation if you want to keep going.

(If you're interested in sustainability and playing the long game, you'll love this Couragemakers episode I recorded with Mary Ann Clements.)

You can’t live from passion alone - at some point you need to take responsibility of your gifts and give them what they need to grow. Sometimes that’s time and space. Sometimes that’s adding different flavours of creativity to your life, and sometimes that’s carving out a set amount of time to feed your soul.

You have so much to give the world, and the world needs what only you can do.

But it’s not just about that. It’s not just about looking after yourself and your creativity so you can do more and you can be more.

It’s about realising that taking a break is good for your soul, so you can feel more you, you can evaluate/reflect and work to create a life you love, and so that you can be your wonderful, authentic self.

If you want to take a creative break this month, I'm a part the Jijaze Virtual Replenishment Away Day on 20th September where we're going to be talking about replenishment and self-care and why they are a key part of our work to make a difference in the world. Join the Away Day here! 

An Open Letter To All Creatives Struggling With Self-Doubt

Okay, Couragemakers who struggle with self-doubt, listen up. Sometimes on this creative and dream chasing journey, we all need reminders which are a bit more of a kick up the ass.

Today is one of those days.

So here’s the thing:

If you are looking for evidence that you’re shit, you’re going to find it. 

If you're looking for evidence that you should just stop and not bother, again, you’re going to find it. If you’re looking for evidence that you have nothing to say and you’re a fraud, you’re going to find it.

If you’re looking for a reason not to write another word, paint another stroke or create another community event or whatever brilliant shit you do - you, my friend, are going to find it.

But here’s the really important thing. That doesn’t mean it’s actually there, or it’s real.

Self-doubts are a bunch of pernicious little fuckers.

They worm their way into each crack. They find a way to get in even with a million rolls of duct tape covering the hole. They do everything they can in their power to try to stop you writing another word, stop you from showing your work to the world and putting yourself out there.

Truth, by the way, doesn’t come into it when it comes to self-doubt.

They exist in order for your brain to try to keep you safe from danger and not take risks. But we’re not cave people anymore.

Unless you’re taking a Wild inspired trip alone, chances are that you’re not being hunted and your brain can calm the fuck down a little.

I know, I know, that’s easier said than done.

But let’s take a step back, okay? And instead let’s focus on imagination instead - your wonderful imagination.

Your ability to create stories, your ability to paint the world with your experiences, ideas and your memories.

And those things are incredible. However, as Ben Parker tells us in Spiderman, ‘with great power comes great responsibilities’.

Yes, you can create things only you can do that make the world a brighter place, but the flip side of your wonderful creative brain is your refined skill of being able to conjure up some pretty nasty hypothetical situations, that keep you down.

It’s amazing if you think about it - your imagination gives you the ability to try to predict the words that will come out of other people’s mouths before the topic of conversation even exists. You can picture yourself failing before you’ve even started.

So let’s go back to that responsibilities bit. The bit where you have responsibilities to yourself.

Because, my friend - if you focus your attention to possibility instead of failure, you’re going to find a huge heap of completely contrary evidence.

If you take those same critical skills and start looking for the polar opposite, you’re going to find a mountain of good shit.

And that’s your responsibility:

To find and create the stories where you find the evidence that in fact you can do it, and you should keep going.

To flip the narrative and give self-doubt the middle finger.

I know fear feels scary. I know that feeling of putting yourself on trial for being a fraud. I know that the stories feel very real indeed.

But they’re only as real as you let them be.

So go grab Watson and go get serious about finding the evidence that you can do it, that you’re uniquely qualified to do the work you do, and that you have something to say.

And like any good detective, record every single piece of evidence you find, no matter how small. Write yourself a note when you’re working on a project and feel like you’re on fire, take screenshots of any great feedback you receive and take time to check your evidence regularly.

Couragemaker - the world needs what you have to say.

And I happen to know that you have a hell of a lot to say.

I'd love to know how you deal with self-doubt! Let me know in the comments!

8 Untranslatable Words Every Creative Needs To Know

8 Untranslatable Words Every Creative Needs To Know

It’s fair to say that as kind-hearted creatives, we spend a lot of the time feeling like we’re swimming against the tide. We contemplate things which others think are plain odd (my Dad is SO sick of being asked if he’d rather be a bench or a tree) and generally spend a lot of time thinking about abstract ideas, about the meaning of life and the impact we want ourselves and our work to have on the world.

Sometimes it feels like no one gets us, and it can be a lonely experience.

Recently I was inone of my favourite shops, and I stumbled upona wonderful book about untranslatable words. Experiences and emotions that have no easy English translation. Things that are common place in other countries and cultures; experiences a lot of us have.

As creatives, we love using words to explain, ponder on and validate our thoughts, ideas and experiences. We like to make ourselves understood, and we’re often good at it. But do the experiences that we can’t quite describe become lost somehow when they can’t be contained within a singular word?

It was with this thought in mind that I started exploring untranslatable words that have real meaning and speak to the experiences of us as creatives and multi-passionates. Today I’m sharing them because I’m hoping they make you feel less alone, and because they’re too beautiful not to share. (I’ve included a list of pretty irrelevant funny ones at the bottom that made me smile).

Querencia (Spanish):

'Describes a place where we feel safe, a ‘home’ (which doesn’t literally have to be where we live) from which we draw our strength and inspiration. In bullfighting, a bull may stake out a querencia in a part of the ring where he will gather his energies before another charge' via The Book of Life

I have a couple of querencias. The main one is a nice coffee shop with a cup of hot chocolate and earphones in. Here I find space to think, a lot of my ideas and I leave with a bounce in my step. What about you?It’s so important to have somewhere to go to recharge your batteries and get more lightbulbs. It doesn’t have to be glamorous. It could be a corner of your apartment with a lovely cushion.

Fika (Swedish):

'A traditional break from work usually involving a drink of coffee or tea. In Swedish offices, you are strongly expected to take a fika, no matter how busy you are. You should not discuss business matters, but chat pleasantly with your colleagues and get to know those above and below you in the official pecking order. It’s democracy and community in a beverage.' via Collective Hub

I’ve been thinking about how this can really translate to the online world. For those of us whose creativity mainly exists online, we end up finding ‘colleagues’ online, where we can get together, support each other and also recommend the best TV shows. For me, taking a fika happens both through skype calls with online friends and twitter breaks when my brain feels fried. I’m really up for really celebrating a good fika - we often discard these times as procrastinating, but I don’t think it’s possible to overestimate the power of taking a break and just chatting shit with friends!

Litost (Czech):

'The humiliated despair we feel when someone accidentally reminds us, through their accomplishment, of everything that has gone wrong in our lives. They casually allude to a luxurious house they are renting for the holidays. They mention the glamorous friends they have had for dinner. We feel searing self-pity at the scale of our inadequacies.' via Untranslatable

Oh, friends. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and ending up having an existential crisis about how we got here and what went wrong. I don’t know about you, but knowing there’s a word exclusively about that experience makes me feel better. I know we talk about comparison-itis, but it’s really reassuring knowing that it’s an experience in its own right. (And if you do struggle with this, unfollow those people who invoke litost - you’ll feel better!

Wabi-Sabi (Japanese):

'The quality of being attractive because of being imperfect in some way. Instead of getting annoyed and upset by imperfections, which are experienced as spoiling something, wabi-sabi suggests that we should see the flaw itself as being part of what is charming. Can apply to pots, furniture, houses – and whole lives.' via Collective Hub

Ooh this is one of my favourites! And a topic that often comes up on The Couragemakers Podcast. This idea that perfection can actually give instead of take away. I remember I used to get really sad when I accidentally bent notebooks, got pen on the cover or if they look battered. Now it reminds me of how happy I am they get used, and the adventures we’ve been on together. Imperfection can be the crack where the light gets in, where the real beauty lives. When we start celebrating imperfection as creatives, we give ourselves permission to experiment more, get adventurous and find alternatives.

Extrawunsch (German):

'Used to denote someone who is slowing things down by being fussy. It means an additional request which turns a simple delivery/operation/undertaking into a complicated one, often with only a marginal benefit and a sense of it being an unnecessary complication.' via Thought Catalogue

Ever had a pretty simple idea and before you know it, you’ve turned it into this massive tangled ball? I know that feeling only too well. It’s the reason I have a post it note next door to my desk which literally says ‘SIMPLIFY!’ next door to my desk. This is another one that I don’t think we ever really pay attention to. In our work, we can often become the obstacle in the way, because we want everything to be just right. So, here’s to becoming less of an extrawunsch and like Rebecca Thering said in her episode of Couragemakers, let done prioritise something being perfect!

Bricoleur (French):

 ‘A bricoleur is someone who starts building something with no clear plan, adding bits here and there, cobbling together a whole while flying by the seat of their pants.’ via io9

Come on, it’s not just me. We might like to think we’ve got everything together and everything is under control…but we don’t.  In fact, this might just describe the process of Couragemakers at the beginning! As creatives, all too often, we’re called flaky or seen as a bit of a reckless dreamer. But I say, let’s claim that. There is always method behind our madness; it might just be that the method is somewhat hidden from everyone - including ourselves. I like to think of being a bricoleur as being a painter. We start with no real idea and ideas come to us on the spot as the colours blend.

Torschlusspanik (German):

'This word literally means “gate-closing panic” and is used to describe the fear of diminishing opportunities as one ages.' (via Altalang.com)

I mean, how can you not love this word?! Gate. Closing. Panic. It’s all to familiar a feeling - worrying about how far we’ve come in the years we’ve had, and panicking that we don’t have enough time. As creatives, we’re all too aware of the pressure to have ‘made it’ by a certain age. But I have another suggestion - how about, instead of measuring our success with accolades and age, and instead by the amount of joy they bring?

Raaskia (Finnish):

To have the heart, courage to do something (via Dr. Tim Lomas)

Because at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.

Other untranslatable words that made me smile:

Tingo (Pascuense): The act of taking objects one desires from the house of a friend by gradually borrowing all of them

Age-Oteri  (Japanese) – To look worse after a haircut

Jayus (Indonesian):  A joke told so poorly and unfunny that one cannot help but laugh

Pisan zapra(Malay):The time needed to eat a banana.

Gheegle (Filipino):When something is so ridiculously cute that you want to pinch it

Which word spoke most to you? Let me know in the comments below!

Unhidden Creativity & The Personal Cost Of Sharing Your Creativity Online

If you put yourself out there on a regular occasion, by showing your life and your work online or IRL, this is for you. And if you dream of one day doing that, this is definitely for you. When I started That Hummingbird Life - nearly 3 years ago now - shit really started to change. I didn’t anticipate just how much of myself I would put out there, I didn’t foresee how much it would spark my creativity and I didn’t realise how much joy I would find along the way.

And it’s been one heck of a journey:

For one, fear and I have learned how to have a less hostile relationship

With lots of practice, I’ve overcome the nerve of pressing publish on particularly vulnerable blog posts. I’ve got to really enjoy the art of putting all of your messy complicated bits online and hearing ‘me too’ echoed right back.

I’m more creative than I have ever been and I love the routine of creating, writing and putting things out there three times a week.

Oh and I love having the excuse to have epic-ly deep and honest conversations for The Couragemakers  Podcast every week.

Now, I know I’m not alone in this. So many of the creatives I admire put themselves out there on a daily basis; showing their work, their process and their stories.

And lately, I’ve started to wonder about the other side of things. If it can, in fact hinder our creativity and take something away from it.

While we remain intensely creative for the majority of the time, does it come with a less rosy flip side?

When everything creative we do is made with the intention of being seen, does it start to affect our work?

I think it does.

When you’re creating something knowing you will be sharing it, I think it is impossible not to have some kind of lens in which your work is made with, or some level of censorship, no matter how conscious of it you are or not.

We’ve all written things and pressed the backspace button repeatedly. Maybe it's because it steps into a realm of things we’ve decided we don’t want to talk about publicly (for me, that’s everything to do with my family, the ins and outs of me and Mr. Meg’s relationship and anything that could compromise someone I love), or perhaps it paints us in a bit of a shitty light

We’ve all had things we want desperately to talk about or put into our work but we can’t - perhaps because we don’t want to air our personal laundry in public, or because we know sometimes it’s only going to invite a shitstorm into our lives that we simply don’t have the energy for.

And because. let’s face it, sometimes there are aspects of our lives that we want to stay hidden, or things we want to struggle in the dark about, and we have a right to do just that.

But lately I’ve been starting to think about how only doing creative work that is seen might be doing us, our audiences and our mental health a disservice.

If we’re creating and putting everything we create online and cutting our the, let’s call them No Go Areas, how do we work through our own shit and get through our own hard times if we don’t feel we can't talk about them out loud?

While I’m a huge advocate for using your art to heal yourself and move outwards, if I’m being totally honest, I know somewhere along the line, I can see that I stopped doing creative things just for me.

I’ve been feeling more depressed, more anxious and I’ve started noticing that my mind is full of so much noise than it has been a while. I haven’t been processing some very real things and some cobwebs have started to fester in my brain. And I know that when I use my creativity to explore shit I’m going through, it makes all the difference in the world.

Putting my festering brain aside for a second, I think the missing link in all of this is that we simply stop creating for ourselves. We fail to realise that we can have the cake and eat it too. We can create things that will be seen and make the world a brighter place, and we can create things just for ourselves that remain hidden and un-seen as well.

I call it hidden creativity.

The art of doing things for your eyes only, and being able to go back to the magic of having your creativity heal yourself and make things brighter.

Let me ask you a couple of questions I’ve been asking myself lately:

When was the last time you created something for your eyes only?

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to create something and really fuck it up?

My friend, not everything needs to be shown. Our lives are complicated, messy, wonderful things, and sometimes we need to grab our creativity, hold onto it and use it for ourselves.

We need it to address parts of our lives that we might not be ready to talk about, we need to use it to unwind at the end of the day instead of seeing it as a part of our never ending to do list, and we need to start going back to how we started.

And that’s this passionate love affair with being able to express yourself, being able to use your creativity to heal yourself and use your creativity to take some time to really self-reflect and see what’s going on with you.

At some point you need to stop giving and keep some for yourself.

I’m reminded of the quote by the wonderful Maya Angelou: "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”

So friends, let’s reclaim our creativity and bring it back into our every day lives instead of just existing on our to-do and to-show lists.

Let’s stop censoring and let’s start creating for our eyes only.

The world will be so much more of a brighter place with all of you in it.

What If? Flipping Fear On Its Head & Telling Self-Doubt to Fuck Off

When I was 22, I watched something that made me feel understood in a way that I had never felt understood before that moment. It was a two-part documentary on young people who were living and struggling with OCD -  just like me. The series focused on an OCD bootcamp, with participants coming out of their comfort zones and seeing if treatment could be beneficial.  

But there was one scene in particular that has stuck with me.

In this scene, the group are sat around a bonfire, and the leader hands everyone a temporary tattoo to wear on their wrist. The tattoo is question mark and the point is this: remind yourself regularly, what If?

Now, if you know someone who has OCD or if you’ve struggled/struggle with OCD, you’ll know the level of creativity and thought that goes into thinking of worse case scenarios, imagining how wrong things could end up and how relentless those thoughts could be.

So at the time, this whole tattoo thing sounded pretty counter-intuitive and a bit fucking cruel.

But then I started to see it the other way.

There’s a flip side of the question. A flip side that asks you to engage in the tantalising idea of something actually working out and actually happening for the better.

A flip side that I hadn’t even considered. What if something bad didn’t happen? What if something great happened?

Mind. Blown.

Over the years, my OCD has ebbed and flowed in its severity and its relentlessness, and I’ve started to see this What If question in a much larger context than just me and my OCD.

One I’m sure you can relate to.

A context of putting yourself out in the world, saying your dreams out loud, creating things and trying to make the world a brighter place.

And here’s what I started to realise.

Everyone gets scared when it comes to trying or even wanting to put good shit into the world - especially when it includes a huge dollop of you.

As a creative doer, maker and world shaker, you have a huge imagination. A huge far-reaching imagination that can conjure up all types of scenarios where you think you could really fuck up.

You ask yourself, what if it fails? What if it doesn’t work out? What if it isn’t good enough? What if everyone hates me? What if I hear crickets? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I have to start over?

What if, what if, what if.

So today I invite you to the other side.

Let’s leave the fear of

the Death Eaters and join

the hope of Dumbledore’s

Army instead.

What if you are good enough? What if you are the only person who can really do this? What if you do have something incredibly valuable to say?

What if you create the thing that the world needs? What if you succeed? What if people turn up because you’re saying the exact thing they need to hear? What if your dreams could happen and you started to chase them?

What if instead of falling flat on your face, you fly? What if your vision comes alive? What if the work you so long to do could make you a sustainable living? What if there’s more to life and you’ve been right all along? What if you can find a way to balance your limitations with what really lights you up?

What if you could make the world a brighter place? What if you could face the self-doubt and stand tall? What if that tribe you’ve always wanted could exist?

What if?

It all starts with those two deceptively simple words.

Taking them to heart with a bit of self belief and really intentionally asking yourself, what if?

It all starts with a new lens and a scoop of courage.

And it all starts with you.

What if, my friend. What if?

3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Start Any Creative Project

  I don’t know about you, but there seems to be so much similarity in so much of the stuff we see online. Blog posts look the same, Instagram feeds look the same, e-courses look identical but with perhaps a shift in colour scheme. And it can get so fucking boring.

And I think it does something to us creatives who think a bit differently too. Sometimes it works to keep us small because we don’t know whether we should add to the noise, it makes us overthink the things we create and sometimes we feel like we have to be some kind of creative genius who has come out of no where and is doing things completely differently.

So, today let’s take off that pressure for a second and focus on three questions to ask yourself about any creative project, which are going to help you start creating from YOU instead.

These are three questions I come back to time and time again when I'm starting a creative project, and thinking about them for a while ALWAYS makes my ideas more fun, more me and a whole lot more exciting.

Question 1: How can you make it more fun?

Seriously, I think so much of the time we forget that creativity is meant to be FUN! We forget that we can do things for joy’s sake, and we can create from a place that makes us really happy. A lot of the focus tends to be on the outcome, and I think we can really forget to focus on the process.

My friend - how can you make that project you’re thinking of more fun? What can you do that lights YOU up and will make you look forward to working on it? Forget what everyone else is doing for a minute and just focus on you

Question 2: How can you make it more YOU?

When we’re looking around us, we tend to forget our own unique skills and strengths and how we can combine them in a way that works for us. Perhaps that e-course you were working on does need its own playlist, perhaps a video of you chair dancing at the start of your book is essential.

Creative projects always mean more and make more of a difference to people when they come completely from your heart. I speak for a LOT of people when I say, we’re sick of stock photos, we’re sick of the same formats. Put the format and the layout at the bottom of the list, and let’s focus on YOU.

Question 3: How can you make it more different?

Because let’s face it - it is important. If you want to challenge the status quo and offer an alternative, at some point it needs to be different. But in what way does it need to be different? What story is missing?

I’m not talking about sitting down for weeks on end and trying to think of some original concept that no one ever has or ever will think of (I know it’s tempting, and if you get stuck in this, I really recommend you read Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist). Instead I’m talking about going back to basics. What is everyone else doing? What could you do that would make it different?

And I don’t mean being different for different’s sake. I mean making it purposefully different.

It all comes down to this - the world needs more of YOU and less of the same boring contrived shit that we’re all sick of seeing.

There’s only one of you and you are a marvellous human being with stories that only you can tell, and your own unique way of looking at the world.

How can you bring more of that into the world and really start to get going on your creative projects that the world so desperately needs?

I'd love to know what you're working on and what comes out of these questions for you. Let me know in the comments below! 

The Ultimate Self Care Q&A!

Welcome to this super post all about self care! If you’ve ever thought about self care, struggled with self care, or don’t know what the hell self care is, this post is for you. If you’ve ever felt stressed, found it hard to justify doing things just for you, or been burnt out, this post is for you. If you’re a human being, reading this, right now, this is for you.

Self care has become this thing that gets bounded around everywhere, and it can be pretty confusing - I mean, what if I don’t like hot baths? What if I don’t like candles? Fear not. Let’s debunk some myths, answer some questions, and get this shit on the road.

What is self care?

Self care is the art of doing things for yourself that make you feel great. It’s about taking time to refill your cup, adding more joy into your life, learning to unwind and enjoy being in the here and now. At a base level, self care is a practice about looking after yourself. On a deeper level, it’s learning that you have your own back, learning to love your own company and learning that you’ve got everything you need right inside yourself. And once you have those beliefs fine tuned, anything is possible.

Self care is a skill, that you get better at, and gets easier the more you do it. At first it might feel hard to justify doing things just for you, and not feel guilty, but as you up your self care, you begin to see how necessary it is, and how it can change your entire outlook on life.

But, isn’t self care selfish?

Ahh, the holy grail of self care - dealing with this notion that if you’re taking the time for you, it means you’re selfish, you’re ungrateful, you’re self absorbed and you only care about yourself. I call BULLSHIT on this. I used to believe that. I used to believe it so strongly that I’d run myself to the ground, and didn’t even know where to start when it came to doing things for myself. Then someone who I really admired said to me, ‘If you don’t help yourself, how can you expect to help other people?’ Mind. Blown.

I’ve come to learn that it can be more selfish to NOT look after yourself. Think about it - if you’re constantly stressed out, frazzled and have no time, chances are you have a short fuse with friends and family, you overcommit to things and end up either letting people down or doing a shoddy job (been there!), you neglect relationships because there aren’t enough hours in the day, and you’re only ever a couple of steps away from a melt down. So while you might think taking an afternoon out to do something you love is something you feel bad about, I can guarantee that you’ll come back to the people you love, and things you’re working on, with more love, more patience, more passion and feeling more like you and less like a hyena on speed.

So, in a word, no - self care isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely necessary if you want to live a wholehearted life.

Isn’t self care just about hot baths, candles and going to bed early?

Nope. Well, it can be if those are the things that give you energy, make you feel alive, renew your faith in humanity. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. Here’s the thing about self care - it’s not a one off thing. You cant just have a hot bath and expect everything in your life to be fixed.

a) because you have responsibility over your own life

b) because if something is going to fix every aspect of your life, I'd expect more glitter and camp show tunes involved.

It has to be built into your daily life. You might have a hot bath one day, and it might make you feel great, but the effects aren’t going to last forever. They might not last as long as the bubbles do. Nor is self care about spending lots of money doing one-off things like going to a spa or getting a manicure. Sure, if they make you feel great, that's fantastic, but don’t treat self care like a one-off thing that costs you loads of mullah. Because if you do, you’ve got a whole load of excuses not to get your self care on! I haven’t got the money for self care! I haven’t got the time for self care!

So, what counts as self care?

Self care can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be green smoothies, impossible yoga poses or waking up at the crack of dawn to meditate. It can be dancing around the room in your underwear to Taylor Swift, taking time at the end of the day to think of 3 good things that have happened, going out for a walk listening to a podcast, lying in bed watching as many episodes of the Gilmore Girls as you can fit in one day or reading a book in the early hours of the morning. In short, self care is unique to you. You don’t have to justify it to anyone.

How can I find self care activities that work for me?

Go grab a pen and paper.

Write down any activities you loved doing as a child.

Now write down any activities that make you lose track of time because you get so into them.

Now write down anything that makes you feel good.

Add the names of your favourite books, films and albums. There you go - you’ve got a pretty good start!

Why haven’t I heard of self care before?

In short, because we live in a culture where we’re rewarded for working until we’re exhausted, where our self worth is based on the grades we get and the job title we have, and where this notion of doing something just for the fun of it doesn’t exist. Think about it for a second - if employers started to value self care, we’d have more days off, we wouldn’t be so put upon and we’d be happier in our jobs. Sounds great, but doesn’t do a lot for the capitalist machine. Also, a lot of self care is free, so if it doesn’t make money...

And if you have heard of self care, chances are it’s because you were in a place where you were exhausted, stressed and feeling overwhelmed and realised something had to change.

How can I make time for self care?

All of our lives look different. What I might count as having no time is going to look different than your version of having no time. The other day, I was listening to a podcast (I forget which one) and it was all about making time, and it really shut a lot of my excuses up. Because, when you don’t have time, you do make time for things you HAVE to do. You make the time to go to toilet, to feed yourself (even if it is junk food/ready meals) and remember to lock the front door. Even when life gets busy, when you don’t feel like you have enough time in the day, you do all of those things. So, you do have time, it’s just a case of needing to prioritise and decide what you’re willing to spend you time on.

Here are a couple of tricks for making more time for self care in your life:

1. Take it as seriously as a hospital appointment - Put self care in your diary, and keep the appointment. You owe it to yourself. Every week I send out self care check ins to my mailing list - I know I have to do that every Sunday, and every Sunday, I make time for it. Not only does it help to remind other people to up their self care, it forces me to sit down and see how I’m doing, and how I’m looking after myself.

2. Start small - Put it this way - five minutes of self care every day is going to have a huge effect on your life, if you’re currently spending zero minutes a day on it. You can do a lot in five minutes, as I found when I wrote a HUGE list of things you can do to relax in under five minutes. Increase your five minutes as time goes forward, but for now, start the routine of having just five minutes every day, to do something just for you.

3. Have things set up already - If you’re a multipotentialite like me, you’ll have learned that organisation is a pretty big thing. One of my favourite books, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, shares a really simple tip for spending time on things you love. And it’s this: set up stations. For example, if you love painting, set up a clean space with your canvas/paper with your paints. That way, when the moment comes, it’s so much easier.

Why should I care about self care?

You’re reading this, so I’m going to assume that you want to live a wholehearted life, you want to make a difference and you want to follow your passions. All of those things take a shit load of effort, conviction, and energy. We’re human, we don’t have an endless supply of passion and inspiration. We have a tendency to work ourselves ill, to push ourselves until we can’t and a tendency to get overwhelmed.

Your dreams, your passions, your life - they all begin with YOU. And if you’re nourished, you’re nurtured and you’re well looked after, you’re more likely to chase those dreams, live those dreams and live a life you love. You’ll have time for the people in your life, you’ll have the love to get you through the day, and the strength and courage to get up tomorrow and do it all over again.

But how do I know self care is for me?

If you have a pulse, self care is for you.

While self care is universal, and isn’t limited to class, gender, culture, age, ability, all of those things have an effect on how we self care. Some people have more time for self care, for others, it might not be that simple. Some people live in a culture of which is more accepting of self care, for others, it’s more of a battle. For some people self care might be an energetic activity, for others, self care might have to be a low energy activity. What’s important is finding something that works for you, and knowing that wherever you are in the world, whoever you are, self care is a necessity. Like your fingerprint, your self care is going to be different, and that’s a good thing.

Does self care lead to self love?

YES. By taking the time for you, you’re giving yourself so many unconscious messages:

I am worth spending time on I am worth looking after I love myself enough to stop I have value and am valued I am enough I matter

OK - I’ve got it! Now what?

Pick something small and start. Something I really found helped me to begin with, was getting a sheet of paper, dividing it into strips, and on each strip, writing down something I loved to do. I then put them into a pot/jar and rather than stressing out about relaxing, picked something out and went for it. Here's the tutorial! I also wrote a post of 50 thing you can do to show yourself you matter, which I think might be just the thing you need!

In the beginning, it’s about just getting going. What I mentioned earlier about starting just five minutes at a time, or putting it in your diary and keeping to it, is really helpful. Once you’re finding yourself doing things you love that make you feel good, you’ll have given yourself enough reasons to keep going, just by how much better life feels when you do things you love and look after yourself.

56 Things To Do Instead Of Watching/Reading The News

Wow. Some days the world feels really fucked up - those days seem to be happening more than not right now. And it can be really hard, especially as idealists and people working to put good shit in the world, to maintain any kind of hope, any kind of optimism and belief that there are good people in the world and great things do happen.

I think there’s a growing number of us who are starting to turn off the news, focus on our communities instead and on cultivating hope, not fear.

I mean, the news can be seriously addictive. And it can really contribute negatively to mental health issues - I know it definitely does for me. And this tweet really helped me:

If you find events trigger your mental health issues turn rolling news off. It doesn't mean you don't care. You're being responsible to you.

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) November 13, 2015

The way I see it, if constantly bombarding yourself with the news makes you feel like shit, you're doing a great disservice to yourself and the world.

And I get it, sometimes it’s hard to turn our eyes away from things as start to crash and burn. But it’s also fear-inciting, completely biassed and skips the thousands of random acts of kindness that happen everyday.

So today I thought I would share with you a list of 56 things you can do instead of watching the news. (And if you find the whole idea of not watching the news the same as abandoning your fellow humans/being selfish, I recommend you read this and this).

1. Just stop watching the news. Delete the apps and avoid the websites. Do it now!

2. Instead, focus on marginalised voices that talk about the shit that really matters in a way that matters

3. Switch normal news out for good news! I love the Good News Network that features good stories from around the world to restore your faith in humanity!

4. Learn to make the best hot chocolate ever. Here's some inspiration. 

5. Day dream - this is seriously underrated and so good for your brain. David Levitin has done a lot of research on the topic which he talks about here which is fascinating!

6. Read a magazine cover to cover and see what inspires you. My favourites are Flow, Psychologies and O, The Oprah Magazine

7. Write to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and have fun decorating the envelope!

8. Find that list of books you wanted to read and make a start

9. Get your hands dirty and create some artwork for your living space

10. Create a killer playlist that makes you want to dance your socks off

11. Self publish and start your own zine. There's a whole world of zines out there, and we need your story added to the mix. Here's a great guide to get you started!

12. If you haven’t already, discover the world of podcasts. Download and play things that interest you and light you up instead of things that make you feel gloomy!

13. Re-watch one of your favourite teenage series, and remember just how young Rory Gilmore looked!

14. Actually start that colouring book you got bought last Christmas

15. Save money on takeaways and learn to make a mouth-watering Thai/Indian/Chinese/your favourite

16. Forget your adult-ing responsibilities and get yourself a some cereal and wake up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

17. Rediscover the angsty music you loved when you were younger and realise how much of the appeal is still there! Seriously, My Chemical Romance...

18. Learn to make something with origami paper. If you need some inspiration, check out these cute stars!

19. Write a list of places you’ve been meaning to visit in your local area and actually go to them!

20. If you haven’t got one already, sign up for your local library and save some cash and support your local library at the same time - win, win!

21. Write a letter to the author of your all time favourite book and make their day. You may just get a reply!

22. Turn off notifications from your phone and reclaim some of your time and creativity

23. Have a clean out of your pyjama drawer(s) and get yourself some new ones! (Because let’s face it, who doesn’t like pyjama shopping!)

24. Sign up to change.org or another petition website and put your name where it matters

25. Find cool shit on Youtube. I mean, you can find how to make everything ever on there!

26. Lay in the dark with your favourite songs. This must be on of the most underrated things ever.

27. Fill your empty photo frames (I know you have them!)

28. Re-watch Mean Girls or 10 Things I Hate About You to see if you still know most of the words. Just me? Okay, I know you have a film you feel the same about!

29. Make soup! It'll do your soul wonders.

30. Instead of scrolling endless sources of news, get lost in the world of colour palettes

31.  Join a Twitter chat and get to know like minded people. A great one to start you off is #CreateLounge!

32. Take the half hour or so you would have spent lost in the news bubble and dedicate it to doing very necessary things for your wellbeing, like keeping on top of doctors appointments, starting a meditation practice or dancing to Shakira

33. Get lost in the whole world of journalling and bullet journalling

34. Instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, put on your favourite song

35. Watch the sunrise and listen to the birds, because how often do you really take the time to witness something amazing that happens every single day?

36. Have an online declutter and unsubscribe yourself from emails that make you feel pressured, find new blogs to read and fill your feed up with things that make you feel good

37. Take those hours you would have given to the news and learn a new skill (CreativeLive is great for this!)

38. Start your #100daysofaction to make the world a better place, or browse through what people are already doing to get some inspiration

39. Make/buy yourself a new blanket and get cosy.

40. Actually try out one of those recipe videos you keep seeing on Facebook instead of drooling over them!

41. Get offline and meet people in real life. Some of my most wonderful friendships have been with people I’ve met online and got to meet in real life. Obviously, take precautions, meet in a safe place etc, but take the courage to meet someone in real life if you can. If this isn't possible, arrange a skype person with someone you've known online for a while but have never had a good natter with!

42. Go to a market. I don’t know about you, but there’s something about going to a market that reminds me how much community means, and how there is a very real alternative to the big corporations!

43. Make a playlist on Youtube/Spotify that make you feel hopeful!

44. Get a pot plant! Or start your own mini herb garden!

45. Discover the world of craftivism and use your creative skills to be the change!

46. Actually start writing that book that’s in your head - whether it’s a novel or your autobiography. You are the sole owner of the way you look at the world, and the world needs your perspective

47. Make a cup of tea and just breathe!

48. Instead of getting sucked in to the predictable drivel of online trolls, do something to lift someone up instead

49. Make a plan of how you can start working towards your dreams, or if you don't know what your dreams are, do some soul searching! Achieving your dreams will make the world a much brighter place.

50. Start your own blackout poetry and see what happens!

51. Find some kind of morning routine that feels good to you and starts your day off right. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, it certainly doesn’t have to be instagrammable - it just has to work for you

52. Create your own Pick Me Up Box for when the world gets you down!

53. Make time for regular naps. Seriously, we are all wandering around so sleep deprived, and a nap will do more for your mental health than the news will ever do! And I made a napping playlist to help you catch some zzz's!

54. Spend time making your space one that’s inspiring and unapologetically YOU. For me, that looks like having a desk surrounded with colourful postcards and more pretty organisations things than you could shake a stick at

55. Surround yourself with inspiring and encouraging like minded women who are talking openly about what it means to chase your dreams, live an authentic life and put great shit in the world. Want to know where they are? Over on The Couragemakers Podcast!

56. Go outside and take a breath and appreciate the fact that you are alive

What have I missed? Let me know in the comments, and let's start a revolution against things that make us feel hopeless!

EPIC POST: A Creative's Guide on What to Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

Feeling like giving up for me, is on the same level of scariness as losing your enthusiasm (read that epic post here).

When I feel like giving up, I go really deep into a spiral of shame, frustration, depression, and to be honest, I usually sink into an all out existential crisis.

And this is a snapshot of what’s going on in my head when I feel like giving up:

What is the point?

Who gives a fuck? No one cares, no one’s ever going to care and this is just pointless bullshit. Let’s just burn everything, and move the hell on.

Who was I to think I could do this in the first place?

That’s it. I’m done. This is pointless, I’m useless and ARGHHH.

Fuck it. Just fuck it. I’m not doing this anymore. I don’t care what anyone thinks  and I’m sick of this shit.

And from that, I just sink into this place where I think nothing I do matters, nothing I could ever do would matter and I just want to eat Ben & Jerry’s, get under my duvet and cry.

Or I go into this place of deep sadness where I wish I didn’t care so much, wish I didn’t have a dream or vision in the first place and wish I could just be happy going to some mundane desk job and getting on with life.

I know I’m not alone in this. As creatives and multi-passionates, and as people who want to leave a mark, this happens to all of us. This happens with the people who inspire you and the people you’re inspiring. None of us are exempt from this one. So I wanted to write a practical guide that might help you, full of things that have helped me and people around me.

But first of all, I want to start with a couple of reminders if this is where you’re at right now.

Reminders

1. You my love, have so much value to give the world. But it’s completely up to you how much you give and how you give it. That’s your decision alone.

2. You’re not defined by what you do and what you achieve. Your worth does not stem from there.

3. It is okay to feel the way you feel. Your feelings are valid and it’s time to give yourself permission to feel them.

And if that’s what you needed to hear right now, and that’s taken the pressure off even a little bit, get offline right now and go have a break. Go do something that gives your head a bit of a breather and lights you up (for me, that’s going for a walk in a park and getting lost looking at dogs) or do something that reminds you of who you (listen to a song that makes you feel alive, read your favourite book).

Now we’ve got those essential reminders out of the way, let’s dig into some really practical things you can do to help yourself where you’re at right now.

Start Noticing

Start becoming aware of what makes you feel like giving up.

To give some examples, here are 5 things that I’ve come to recognise send me on that downward slope. Mine might be similar to yours or they could be completely different. The idea behind this is to start acknowledging the things that send you on that downward slope and thinking of ways you can stop yourself before you go in deep. So the things that make me feel like packing it all in:

1. Measuring the success of something I’m doing by traditional means and numbers.

I get the need for stats, analytics and having a real picture of the effect of something you’re working on, but it’s all too easy to get bogged down with numbers and the ‘shoulds’. You know what I mean - at this stage I should be at this point or if I want to be successful at this, then I should be doing much better than I am right now. And that shit just makes us feel bad. If I start looking at my blog stats, or analytics, it’s so easy for me to fall down the rabbit hole of giving up because I’m looking at cold hard data. And cold hard data doesn’t show the stories, it doesn’t give you any more details. Some people are motivated by that, and that’s great, but that’s definitely not me!

Instead, I’ve really turned around what success means to me, and tailored it to what is important to me. When it comes to writing, if I’m proud of it, then it’s successful. If it’s helped me, or someone else, that’s great. But the number of engagements isn’t the bee all and end all. Something that’s really helped me, is capturing the other things, the stories. On my desktop sits a folder called ‘Everybody Loves Meg’ (a play on the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond), and in that folder are screenshots of nice tweets from people, lovely emails, and things that have made me feel really proud. That way if the stats start to get me down, I’ve got somewhere to go to fix that!

2. Working too hard and too long without a break

I feel like I need to remind myself ever single day that it’s possible to get burnt out doing things you love as well as things you don’t want to do, or don’t fill your cup. I know for me, if I feel like I can’t stop, then that’s exactly the time I should stop. Even if I am absolutely loving the work, if that’s all I’m doing, or I’m staying up late to work and not spending much time with Mr. Meg, I know I need a break. Because here's the thing. No matter what you’re doing,we all need a break and to find our own rhythm. It’s like job searching - you can spend every day all day doing it and feel like you have so much further to go, or you can set parameters around it and have a life at the same time.

For me, it’s all about spotting the signs early. If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, take some time out. Even if you’re on a deadline, go put on a TV show, go have a nap, or go get some fresh air. Try getting out of your head by changing your environment and getting a fresh perspective, and chances are you’ll return with a lot more energy and get things done a lot quicker!

3. Sharing my excitement and it not being reciprocated

This is a big thing for me. I’m like an excitable puppy. When I get excited about something (and it happens A LOT), you can tell. But my version of excitement, like many things, isn’t the same as everyone around me. Everyone has their own way of being happy, being excited, being sad, being scared, the whole she-bang, and it’s going to look different for each person. And what I’ve come to learn is that when I share my excitement and it’s not met with the same level of enthusiasm, then it feels like a bit of a downer and my mood goes down pretty quickly. (FYI, I think sharing your excitement with someone can be really vulnerable).

So now, when I get excited, instead of rushing to share it with everyone I know, I give myself space to feel it first. This often looks like turning Macklemore up loud and having an epic mime-athon (where I basically pretend I’m Macklemore) or writing what I’m thinking so I can go back and read it. I try to carve my own memory first then send it outwards. That way if my excitement isn’t met with what I’d love it to be, I’ve already had my moment.

4. Comparing myself to where others are at

Holy shit, can we just have a moment for this one right now. Seriously. We spend so much time comparing ourselves to others and it’s now so easy to do just that. I’ve definitely been in the place where I compare myself or get stuck looking at someone else is doing too much that I start seeing them in my writing and in my work. And that’s when I know it’s got bad. It’s so easy to start looking at what everyone else is doing (which is always going to be different than what you’re doing) and think that you should change course, or do something else. And right at that moment, it’s hard to remember that we’re the only ones who can do what we’re doing. I feel the need for another reminder here: Facebook or whatever you’re looking at NEVER gives you the full story. EVER.

If I find myself stuck in that comparison paralysis, I know the first thing I need to do is get off Facebook (is it just me or is Facebook the worst for this?!) and focus on my own stuff. I know I need to start thinking about why I started in the first place and start counting my own achievements. The best thing I’ve found to work is by reducing the amount of noise I’m surrounded by, in my industry, online and on social media to just the people who I respect, and share my values. As with any project, it’s your baby and boundaries are really important

The Strategies

Try and remember what brings you joy (aka go chill the fuck out)

This is a huge one. Joy is so important. So much of the time, we get completely bogged down in work, work, work mode, or hustling (eww, I hate that word) that we forget there are things in the world that can even bring us joy. By the time we come up for air, it’s been so long since we’ve done something just for ourselves that we forget how to do it.

Try and establish a self care routine, and make joy a huge part of that. And give yourself permission to have your own definition of joy that you don’t have to explain or defend to anyone else. If the Gilmore Girls theme tune makes your heart swell, go watch that. If you love the feeling of chopping vegetables and trying a new recipe, do that. It only has to make sense to you.

Self care is one of the best things you can do when you’re feeling like giving up. Because often, it’s in those moments that you take for yourself that you start to replenish your energy, when glimmers of light start to shine through and hope starts to appear.

Self care is also a great time for reflection, and you might find that with a certain project you’re working on, in fact you do want to give up - it’s come to the end of the road and you’d prefer to leave it as it is than flogging a my little pony (is it just me but is flogging a dead horse a bit vile?).

And if you do want to give up, give yourself permission to. It only has to make sense to you. If other people are involved, be graceful, explain your reasons and leave in a way that feels good to you.

Look at how far you’ve come

If you feel like giving up but you don’t want to give up, actually do something to record how far you’ve come. Start a list, and include all the baby steps. The baby baby steps.

Go year by year and see how things have changed, and instead of searching for negatives, look for the positives. Art journal a page of all the things you’re proud of, and remember, they don’t have to be completely tangible - go as abstract as you like.

Write a list of your skills and ways you use them in your life, and if the inspiration strikes you, how you’d like to use them in the future.

Once you’ve done something to see how far you’ve come, celebrate the shit out of that motherfucker! And if you’re looking for ways to celebrate the shit out of your small wins, check out my 26 ideas here!

Do something FUN and completely unproductive

Sometimes all the introspection in the world isn’t going to help, and instead you just need to go let your hair down and have some fun. The work of being a creative and putting great shit in the world can be wonderful but it can also get very serious very quickly.

Take off your cloak of creative responsibilities for a minute and just go do something silly. Do karaoke or mime to epic love ballads on one of the music channels (just me?). Find somewhere you’ve wanted to check out in your area and go do it. Start a new completely random project. Start a funny collage. Turn embarrassing photos of yourself into memes.

Whatever it is, go do some meaningless fun. Don’t open the TED app, go do something completely unproductive, for the sake of it. In fact, start a challenge - see just how unproductive you can get! And don’t use it as a way of procrastinating - do it with intention and do it on purpose!

Go back to your values

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know I’m huge when it comes to values. Things have to feel good to what is right to you. Some of the time, our projects and our work stretch into things that just don’t feel good anymore. Perhaps we’ve been persuaded by someone else to go in a different direction. Perhaps we’ve got so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we’ve lost the soul of what we’re doing.

Write your values down on a post it note and keep it where you work, or keep a list on your phone. Honesty is a huge value of mine, and I find if a project starts getting glossy or I’m hiding part of the story, it quickly makes me feel uneasy. Challenge what feels uncomfortable and what doesn’t feel right and ask yourself how you can do it in a way that only you could do it.

Try something completely new

Trying something new doesn’t have to link to a direct outcome of becoming a sudden genius in X new art form. Perhaps you’re a performance poet and you’ve always wanted to know how the mechanics of something like an old radio works. Perhaps you only write and want to check out a painting class. Perhaps you’re a hand letterer and you want to try your hand at animation.

Do something creative for the pure fun of it. Forget the accolades, the outcome and the bigger picture. CreativeLive by the wonderful Chase Jarvis has some fascinating free courses - go check them out! I bet you can find something that intrigues you!

Follow your curiosity. You’ll never know where it might lead to.

Go back to your zone of genius

This one’s short and sweet.

It’s really easy to be tempted to try and do everything. And that can get pretty overwhelmed pretty fast. Of course there are lots of things to do, and often it does feel like you’re the only one who can do it. But as much as you can, ignore the other shit and just give yourself some dedicated time to really focus on what brings flow into your life. You know, the thing you do when you forget the time and just get completely and utterly absorbed.

And if you can’t remember the last time that happened, that’s your new challenge.

Make the necessary bullshit more fun

There is so much bullshit that comes with being a creative.I know for many of us, the ability to just knock off work until we feel inspired isn’t an option. If only the act of creating things was the bigger part of the pie chart. There’s self promotion, admin, daily bureaucratic bollocks and more often than not, having to balance what we really love (the creative stuff) with daily life, which can often include doing work that doesn’t make us feel quite as happy or fulfilled.

But I’ve found a couple of ways of approaching it to make it more fun, and to start making you feel a bit more human:

2. Batch task the things that bore you to tears, and play your favourite music while you do it, and cook an epic lunch to look forward to

3. See self promotion as sharing and not as marketing. Give a bit of yourself in a way that feels good to you, and see what comes back your way

4. Start ignoring the ‘experts’ whose values don’t align with yours. It’s never going to work. Instead, seek out people you actually respect and people who get you and what you do, and listen to them instead. And take everything with a shitload of salt.

If you find yourself often sending invoices, make them more colourful, make them more you. If you find replying to emails challenging, put on a good album and see how many you can reply to within the 45 minutes. If you’re creating graphics for social media, go outside the box and have fun with them.

Talk to someone who inspires you and gets your work

It’s been said so often, but so much of the time we feel like giving up, it’s at a pivotal moment when things are just starting to turn around for us, but we just can’t see it.

I don’t know if it’s true, it could in fact be a steaming pile of bullshit, but it makes me feel better!

Don’t suffer alone when you feel like giving up. Instead, reach out to fellow creatives and share your struggles. They’ve been where you are, and they can relate. Allow yourself to feel less alone.

If you have an audience, reach out to them. You inspire far more people than you know - there are always people who admire your work and who you are from afar, but never hear from. Get vulnerable about how you’re feeling, and see if stories start to emerge. Allow yourself time to remember why you started in the first place.

So in summary, chill the fuck out, go have some fun, get some rest and go experiment.

The world needs what you have to give. If what you’re working on right now - even if you’ve been working on it for years - is no longer serving you, and you can’t think of a way it could serve you, let it go. That’s okay too. Start the adventure of finding something new.

But if you feel like giving up but wish you didn’t, chances are that the work matters to you more than you know.

You my friend, are so important and have so much to give the world. But you need to give yourself a chance first. You have a story to tell, and you need to live that story as well as share it.

So go have so fun, give yourself some space and give yourself a fucking break!

What makes you feel like giving up? What strategies do you put in place to start preventing it from happening? Let me know in the comments!

When Dream Chasing Goes Wonky

I wrote a lot about dream chasing before me and Mr. Meg left for our three-month trip around the US. About the big pause, about the not so glamorous side of dream chasing and about the need to write your own adventure story.

Now it’s time to talk about when dreams becomes reality and when dream chasing goes wonky.

I’m sharing this because I’ve always been truthful, even if it’s been hard to say.  I’ve felt embarrassed (I’ve got over that) and struggled with the feeling that this is self-indulgent shit and I should just shut up and be grateful.  But I think we really do gloss over aspects of dream chasing, especially the taboo of what happens when things don’t go as planned. And I’m hoping that in sharing my struggles, there might be something in here that helps you.

I’ve been putting off finishing it and publishing it because I’ve been waiting for some kind of life lesson to emerge, some kind of resolution, some sort of ‘ta-da’ moment. But there isn’t. On a recent Couragemakers podcast episode Meaghan Gallant talked about the damage of not seeing the stories of failure and instead only seeing the stories of people who’ve struggled when they reached the other side.

So this, friends, is my inbetween-ness. 

Right Now

I’ve been back from the US for just under a three months now, and now feels like a good time to sit down and reflect on our trip and  what dream chasing has looked like along the way. My hope is that this bullshit-free look at dream chasing and what happens when things go wonky will inspire you to chase down your dreams and hold on tight, because I can tell you, no matter what dream you’re chasing, it will be one hell of a ride.

Right now I should be enjoying exploring Vietnam with Mr. Meg. After our three-month trip around the US, we were scheduled to spend the next six months travelling around South East Asia: India, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia, ending in Bali.

Instead I’m back in London with a very much drained bank account, and staying put until at least July while we’re figuring out our next steps. I really missed working on That Hummingbird Life while I was away and I’m really looking forward to the time I have to focus on the work that lights me up, getting things more set up and being more creative.

But obviously, I am gutted that I’m not in Asia right now, but I’m learning that slow and steady is the way to go, even when the future looks completely uncertain.

We can get it wrong

I’ve learned a shitload in the last four months. About dream-chasing, about myself, about humanity, how to sleep in a room with beetles pinned to a canvas to name a few.

But the biggest thing I’ve learned is that we can want things as much as a human possibly could ever want something, and we can get it and be completely confused.

(The second biggest lesson is that I’m learning every day in new ways every day is that life never goes as planned and life has a way of throwing you surprises at every turn. A lesson that I thought I learned before but keeps coming back to bite me.)

We can decide that our life is going to be a certain way, be 254% sure that it’s going to be the right choice for us and what will ultimately make us happy, and we can be wrong.

If you asked me six months ago how my life would look, I would have looked you straight in the eye and told you without a hesitation of certainty that I would definitely be spending the next five years of my life travelling. I would have told you that travelling would be my way of life, that I never wanted to live out of anything bigger than a backpack and that stability is overrated.

Skip forward, and despite having a drained bank account and a very empty itinerary which makes our Asia trip impossible at the moment, my answer would be very different.

Instead, I would tell you (over a hot chocolate, of course):

• The reality of doing a three month trip around the US followed by a six month trip to Asia back to back and ENJOYING it would have been ridiculous. While fun, travelling, being on the move and being aware of your surroundings at all times is exhausting.

• Travelling around the US soley by public transport is mentally and physically draining, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who had dreams of a roadtrip. Unless you wanted an average day on that road trip to include helping a drunk man off the floor of a bus and having the whole bus stop while you have to fill out a ‘Passenger Witness Statement’.

• From a UK stance, we only get to see the great bits of the US on the TV, and the reality is very much different. Ignoring politics and gun laws, the levels of inequality, poverty and homelessness are astounding and horrific. You see so much more when you’re not ferried around in a car.

• The novelty and romanticism of living just in Bnbs wears off, especially when you just want to guilt-fee veg out and cook a huge meal without being judged.

• Huge rucksacks and buses do not mix. At least not in the States. People will look at you you came via a spaceship.

• Being a public spectacle everywhere you go isn’t fun. Especially when you’re eating pasta from a plastic container standing outside TJ Maxx because a) you can’t find a bench and b) you can’t afford to eat at a restaurant because you’re on such a low budget.

• Some people think it’s okay to hang a home made canvas with HUGE beetles pinned (like a pin board!!) to it in a room they let on Air bnb. I STILL haven’t got over this one.
• Scam artists sometimes tell you to go fuck yourself if you don’t return their high five.

But I wouldn’t know any of those things if I didn’t chase down my first dream of going to the US.

And I wouldn’t know these incredible truths:

• You can spend every day for 3 months with your best friend and love of your life (same person, folks), getting into weird as shit situations, getting on the wrong bus, jumping into lakes that smell of dog shit and returning closer than ever

• That to me, one of the most exciting things about New York is their INCREDIBLE dog park in Madison Square Park.

• I have the courage to jump into a pool topless and not knock myself out with my knockers

• Most people are very kind and want to help you. Even if the news acts like everyone is monsters

• Wandering into a karaoke night in a dodgy dive bar full of locals on the top of a mountain and proceeding to sing Shakira will get you very weird looks.

• If you go a gig with an audience of less than 1000 people in Vegas and Busta Rhymes shows up and you don’t know any of his songs, it's pretty fucking awkward

• Shouting I love you to the only second runner to Mr Meg (Sal from Impractical Jokers) works and is reciprocated (ahhh!)

And this list could be a hell of a lot longer. And each item on that list makes me really happy.

But here’s an even bigger truth:

Dream chasing is always going to be wonky because we’re presupposing how we’re going to feel, what we’re going to want and how things are going to go.

And the scariest thing about dream chasing is that ultimately, we don’t know how we’re going to feel when we get there.

The problem is that when we’re working our asses off trying to make our dreams a reality, we take huge risks, make huge sacrifices, and the outcome is the most important thing.

It’s the thing that keeps us going. It’s our purpose, our reason. And we spend so much time fantasising and day dreaming that it’s absolutely natural that we built up a picture in our head of how it’s going to be.

We have to believe that it’s going to be worth it. We have to believe that the end result is going to look like it does in our heads. We have to believe that it’s going to happen, come thunder or lightning.

And when it doesn’t, we have to deal with the reality of our expectations. And that’s pretty fucking tough.

The difference between expectation and intention

I read (most) of a great book while I was away called The Intention Generation by Makenna Johnston. In it, Makenna talks about the differences been expectations and intentions, and how, if we focus on our intentions instead, we’re more likely to be happy with an outcome, not disappointed.

And that’s certainly a part of it. Had I gone to the US with the intention of having adventures, coming back with stories to tell and some really random photos, then I’d have achieved every intention I set out to.

But instead I went with a huge rucksack of expectation. I expected it to be like everything I’ve ever seen that involved a road trip. I expected to find like-minded people along the way. I expected America to look how it does on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. I expected to find myself and learn the meaning of life. I expected to be addicted to living on the road and never want to do anything else ever. I expected to feel alive.

I expected it to go someway towards achieving that feeling we’re all feeling when we get wanderlust. And so much more.

But I’ve come back feeling empty, feeling pretty disillusioned and more lost than ever. None of those expectations, my friends, were met. And I am filled with such sadness that I have put off writing and publishing this post since I got back.

Grief

The only way I can come to understanding what I’m going through now and working through it, is to see it for what it is.

And that’s grief.

Grieving the loss of a huge dream. Grieving the loss of an identity. Grieving the picture in my head that didn’t play out. Grieving all of the things I sacrificed for The Big Dream and wondering if they were worth it.

So, this my friend is where I’m at right now.

While it’s easy to feel like I’m back at square 1, I know I’m not. And I’m trying not to judge myself too harshly. Because we all really are our own harshest critics

Instead I’m giving myself space for more dreams to emerge, giving myself time to make That Hummingbird Life everything I know it can be, and starting to take my future as seriously as my fears.

I don’t know what the future looks like in my personal life, I don’t know much, but I hope that some day this will all make a lot more sense than it does right now.

But here's what I do know

While dream-chasing isn’t glamourous, it often goes wonky and certainly isn’t predictable, it’s really fucking important.

It’s important to go after the things you want with your whole heart. It’s important even if it doesn’t work out. And it’s important to feel all the fears and do it anyway. Because without dreams, we’re missing out on a lifetime of memories, opportunities and experiences that we don’t even know are out there.

And we need to have more open and honest conversations about the reality of dream chasing and the struggles that come along for the ride.

There are too many books about how to have your dream life and how to accomplish your dreams, and how to be happy in 1,2,3. And not enough about what happens when things don’t go according to plan.

So here’s to filling that void!

And here’s to living, not merely existing, no matter how hard that might be.

I’d love to know about how dream chasing looks in your own life. Let me know in the comments below!