On letting go of creative control + finding creative freedom

Since starting The Rebel Rousers (originally That Hummingbird Life) in 2014, I’ve done pretty much everything myself. From teaching myself design and back-end tech stuff to podcast editing and marketing, I’ve been a one woman band. If something needed doing, I taught myself and found a way (like so many of us do) and figured it out as I went.

And I know I’m not alone. For so many of, we’re a one woman band, if not an orchestra. As multi-passionates, there’s so much of it we love, learning about new things, having a whole array of creative things to switch between so you’re never bored, and an endless amount of rabbit holes to go down.

But for all the great bits, there’s a not so wonderful downside:

Along the way, because we’re doing everything ourselves, doing everything ends up being a hill we’re willing to die on. We end up buying into this myth that all of these tasks can be done by yours truly only, and let’s face it, it can be really fucking overwhelming.

As a multi-passionate, we enjoy doing all the things. But as humans, we can’t do all the things.

There are so many reasons we take everything on ourselves; necessity/lack of resources to do otherwise, because we can see our vision and feel the need to execute every task and needing to have creative control.

I think when you have done everything yourself, it can feel incredibly hard to give up creative control. Since starting my redesign and overhaul of my business last year, I really came face to face with just how important creative control was to me. And honestly? What a problem it has become.

When faced with the task of a rebrand, I felt genuinely sick to my stomach. I knew how much it would entail, how many micro-tasks sat behind every little task, and it was daunting, to say the least.

But as I started designing, I knew I needed an outside perspective or two to help me bring my vision to life. The idea of bringing someone else in, however, felt seriously scary. And vulnerable.

I knew no matter who I worked with, my expectations would be high, probably too high.

I also knew that it would involve bringing someone into my own behind the scenes and creative process, which is messy at the best of times and felt uncomfortable. And I also knew I’d have to give really honest feedback. And as someone who has really struggled to find people who ‘get me’ and what I do, I was also prepared for an uphill battle, to have to explain my business in ten different ways and fight to keep it out of a rigid box.

As I was starting the redesign, I was chatting to one of my coaching clients, and now dear friend, Stak from Bold and cat about just how sick it was all making me feel. I was showing her different fonts, colour combinations, and during one of our friend chats, she off the cuff created a mood board from my Pinterest board, heled me come up with tone words and just got it.

Around this time, she was starting her website design business for creatives doing interesting things online and asked me if I’d be up for her designing or helping me redesign my new website. I politely declined. The idea of someone else doing it? While I realised I was in quite the pickle doing it all myself - well it just felt too scary and out of my comfort zone giving up creative control.

I was more worried about my end of things than hers - being a nightmare client, being picky, and. never being happy unless I did it myself (come on, we all struggle with this one!).

And I was worried about needing to be honest enough to end up with something I was ecstatic about, not just agreeing to something because of my being a recovering people pleaser.

Over the next weeks, Stak hinted a couple of times about wanting to do some mock ups and told me that there was absolutely no pressure to keep anything of what she did. It was her emphasis on the collaboration element of it and being able to be truly honest that did it.

I realised that here was someone who is not only brilliant at what they do, but could speak about my vision as if she was in my own head, and also understood the creative control piece, didn’t push me or insert her ego into any part of it.

So, with trepidation on my part and a shitload of excitement on Stak’s part, we hashed out some terms and got started. It was to be a genuine collaboration, honesty was the first policy and it was time to give up some creative control.

it was bloody eye opening.

I think sometimes reading these things, it can be a bit ‘happily ever after’, but I can say with my hand on heart, this was one of those rare times. The end result is something I never could have dreamt up alone, and I couldn’t have dreamt of in general.

And while to begin with it was vulnerable, it was scary and out of my comfort zone, other things soon took place of those. It wasn’t long before I found myself thoroughly enjoying a the creative collaboration, bouncing ideas around, and enjoying having a sparring partner.

I actually came to really, really love the process.

I loved receiving the mocks ups, the back and forth of revisions and changes and bringing everything together. Having someone else involved meant I became a lot less self-critical, could be more objective and things could actually move forward. And having someone else who got it? Well that changed everything. As creative and multi-passionates, we’re so often told to put ourselves in a box, but the fact that Stak was all in on the bright colours and the patterns and didn’t ever try to make me do something more on trend or minimal, well it was a game changer.

Stak met me exactly where I was and encouraged me to bring out all of me, and truly brought out the best in me, and I know I couldn’t have done that on my own. And, well that was revolutionary.

Stak created an environment where I could be as hands on or hands off as I needed to be. At the start of the process I told her I couldn’t imagine her implementing the changes on my website because I wouldn’t be able to give up creative control. But by the time we got there, my thoughts had completely shifted.

As someone who preaches about the need for people to work in their own zone of genius, it was time to practice what I preached, and I knew Stak could execute the vision a million times better than me. If I had done it on my own, I know for a fact that I would still be working on it, and I’d be seriously stressed.

I never could have imagined it, but giving up creative control? Well it felt a lot like freedom. And it was a huge fucking relief.

Aside from the fact that Stak is fucking brilliant at what she does, there is an important lesson to be had here.

And that’s why I’m sharing this with you today.

Handing over creative control, being a one woman band and feeing the pressure to learn all the things and do it yourself, it’s hard.

But sometimes, doing it yourself versus letting people in can literally be the difference between burning out and being able to continue. And I know which one I would choose every time.

So I want to leave you with some parting reminders about creative control.

Parting reminders

• While giving up creative control can feel seriously scary, on the other side of it, it can feel like a MASSIVE weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
  

• Be patient and don’t dull down what you do so it’s more understandable to others, because there will be people who get what you do. You might have to search harder to find them, but they do exist, and they’re worth wait.
  

• You don’t have to do it all on your own. Other people genuinely want to help, and creative collaboration can be so much fun.
  

• When you find the right person who compliments your approach and you come at it from a place of mutual respect, stop being stubborn and give a try. You never know, you might end up on the other side with something that exceeded your vision and something you could have only dreamt of.

What the fuck even is a life coach?

If you’ve ever wondered what a life coach is, if you’ve wondered if it’s complete bullshit, if you’ve ever thought about hiring one but you’re not quite sure how it works or what they do, or if you’re simply curious about the whole thing, this post is for you!

Here, I’m debunking myths and getting really honest about what life coaching is (and isn’t), to help you figure out if coaching is for you, and if so, what to expect and look out for.

I’ll also talk you through figuring out if a coach is for you, how to tell the difference between good coaches and wildly unethical ones before you pay and learn that the hard way and what to look out for when working out if someone is a good fit for you.

First, some context.

Here in the UK, we’re still getting our head around having a therapist. Up until now, therapy has felt like an American trend. For a starters, we call it counselling, and unfortunately it still comes with stigma for some people.
And then when you add life coaching into the mix, many people respond with blank stares. I know that only too well when I tell people what I do.

It’s got a bad rap because so often we associate it with:

• Ridiculously cheesy American (sorry American friends!) adverts of middle-aged white men shouting motivational but ultimately empty platitudes and cashing in top dollar for the privilege of being in their presence. The ideas we have of coaching can be a bit on the sleazy and corporate side of things.

• People who have got everything figured out, who have solved the riddle of live, have built the perfect life and are going to charge you handsomely to teach you how to do what they did and get the same results.

Hopefully, the fact that you’re reading this in the first place means you’ve figured out that the perfect life doesn’t exist and someone shouting motivational things at you doesn’t work.

You’ve seen through the bullshit, but that leaves you with the question - well, what the fuck is life coaching then?

I think the best place to start is by dispelling the myths:

Myth 1: A coach tells you exactly what you need to do.

A good coach isn’t someone who’s going to tell you what to do. Instead, they’re going to work with you to find the next steps, figure out what’s holding you back and get you to where you want to be. Instead of giving you marching orders, they’ll ask you provoking questions, brainstorm with you, help you formulate plans and keep you accountable.

The idea of paying someone to tell you exactly what you need to do does sounds tempting, but it just doesn’t work like that. You’re the only one who can decide what is right for you, and you already have all the answers you need inside you, what you need is someone to help pull them out.

Myth 2: Coaching is just therapy/counselling with a different name

Absolutely not. There is a HUGE difference between coaching and counselling. The easiest way to think of it is this:

Counselling is diving into your past, exploring trauma, working out why you think the way you do and healing past wounds.

Coaching is about looking forward and building the life you want to live. It’s about practically working out where you want to go and how you’re going to get there. Coaching doesn’t deal with past trauma or provide you with psychological support.

If I am on a discovery call with someone and what I think they need is counselling, I will tell them. A good coach will be very clear about their remits, and what they can and can’t support you with.

Myth 3: Coaches can guarantee results

A good coach won’t guarantee results.

I know it sounds like an oxymoron but let me explain, because this is one of the biggest truths of life coaching that coaches shy away from, or avoid completely.

Now, I know you like certainty, and I know you want to know for certain whether the investment (time/energy/money) is going to pay off, but the truth is coaches can’t guarantee results any more than a personal trainer can guarantee results.

Why?

Because ultimately the success is in your hands. It’s a bit like a personal trainer guaranteeing someone they can help them lose a certain amount of weight or lift a certain weight. They can support and help all they can, but ultimately it’s up to the person to go to the gym, put the work in and show up. Coaching is about being pro-active and taking responsibility.

If someone comes to me wanting to write a book, I’m not going to promise them that they’re going to write a book. What I can promise them is that I’ll do everything in my power to get them writing. We’ll explore what’s stopping them from writing, we’ll brainstorm the book and flesh it out (if that’s what they want to do), we’ll find a routine, explore all the obstacles, I’ll keep them accountable, and I’ll do everything I can to support them. But I’m won’t be writing the book for them so I can’t guarantee they’ll write it. As much as they sometimes might like, I can’t literally force them to sit at the desk and get the words out.

All this is to say, if someone can guarantee they can take you from A to B, be wary.

So how on earth do you work out if someone is a good fit for you?

How do you work out if they speak your own language and if they’re the person to help you?

How do you tell the good ones from the ones bottling snake oil?

Most coaches offer a consultation to see if you’re a good fit, and they can range anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes.

They might be called a free call, a consultation, a breakthrough session or a discovery call. I call mine a discovery call because it’s about exploring if we’re a good fit for each other (on both sides).

It can be misleading when it’s advertised as a free coaching session, because that’s not what it is or should be. Of course you might gain clarity and a next step for what you’re working through, but that’s not the aim.

The aim is to see if you’re a good fit. It’s an opportunity for you to determine if they’re a good fit for you and if their style works for you, and for the coach to determine what you’d like support with and if they can help, and how they can help.

During a discovery call you’ll get a feel for the person, if they speak your language and understand your struggles, if they align with your values, if they get you and usually you have a gut feeling.

A good coach:

• won’t guilt trip you into signing up for their services

• encourage you to sign up and pay on the spot

• encourage you to put the payment on a credit card if you can’t afford it. (Yep, this happens).

• will not tell you life is going to be [insert your biggest fear here] if you don’t work with them

• tell you they have life figured out and tell you about their perfect life

But they will:

• encourage you to go away and think about it and not pressure you into signing up

• ask you questions and listen.

• say no if you are in financial difficulties and they think paying for their services could put you into further financial hardship

• be perfectly happy with you reaching out to past clients and people who have written them a testimonial

Ultimately, they will tell you if they don’t think they’re the right fit for you.

And if they’re not a good fit, they might recommend someone who would be a better fit for you or suggest an avenue to explore.

For example, I coach creative and multi-passionate women who want to find the things only they can do, build a impactful, joyful and creative life that both fulfils them and leave the world a brighter place. While I may be the perfect coach for creatives, mission-driven entrepreneurs, activists and multi—passionate women, if someone came to me with the primary goal of becoming an investment banker, I would refer them on. It’s not that I couldn’t help someone with the process of becoming an investment banker, it’s just that I wouldn’t be the best fit for the job.

Any good coaching relationship puts YOU at the centre.

So now we know how to tell the real deal from the wildly unethical, and you’re thinking of booking a discovery call, here are some tips to help you on the call:

Tips & Questions to help you make the most out of a discovery call and see if they’re the right fit:

• Be open about where you want to go and what has and hasn’t worked for you

• If you don’t know where you want to go - be honest about that! This is often the first thing you’ll work on

• Ask them how they would approach your situation and what kind of work you might expect to be doing

• Ask them if they’ve worked with similar people or people in a similar boat and to share their experiences

The bottom line?

Ultimately, only you can tell if someone is the right fit for you. Go with your gut and go with what feels right for you.

A good coach will know this is a big decision and accept that sometimes you’re not a good match, you’re not ready or you’d be better suited with someone else.

And to end, a piece of advice that I think works for most situations in life:

Treat finding a coach like finding a good bra.

You’re looking for something uplifting and supportive.

It needs to do more than look good on the outside.

It needs to be a good fit.

And it needs to make you feel good about yourself.

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I hope this answers all the questions you have! If not, you can reach out anytime at support [at] therebelrousers.com :)

20 Ways To Get Shit Done!

As creative and multi-passionate women, it’s fair to say that we all struggle with getting shit done. Now, before you start judging yourself, and beating yourself up, know that you’re not alone: we all struggle. Why do you think there are so many books on productivity, focus and life hacks?

It can be so hard to sit down and work.  It can be hard to find the focus, know where to start, have the discipline to keep going, fight through the creative resistance and and have the courage to start when you have gremlins of self doubt sitting in your shoulder.

Now, if that isn’t one big messy mix, I don’t know what it is. But it’s not just a messy mix. It’s a toxic recipe for keeping you small, keeping you blocked and keeping you from doing the things only you can do.

I heard a sobering quote by Les Brown this morning that sums up a lot of my thinking on this subject lately:

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

I don’t know about you, but that just hits me.

And I want to fight for a world where women believe they matter, that their ideas matter, and they find the courage to bring the things only they can do to the world. I want to try to make a drop in the ocean so that we collectively have the courage to work on our ideas, put them out into the world and bring them TO LIFE instead of taking them to the grave.

As much as I like talking about creative resistance, self doubt, courage, creative processes, sometimes we need to take a big gulp of courage and just take action. So today I’m sharing with you 20 things you can do right now to start getting shit done so you can start bringing your ideas to life. Some are deceptively simple and some seem counterintuitive but they all work.

If you’re feeling stuck, just pick one and do it. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our heads, over analyzing why we’re not taking action that we inadvertently keep ourselves stuck. We end up getting in our own way.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, just pick the one you feel most called to do, and just do it. I’ve created a killer printable poster to go along with this episode for you to stick on your wall and pick one whenever you get stuck. And because I know there’s a LOT of information packed into this episode, I’ve also published it as a blog post so you can go back to it whenever you need to. I’ve put the link in the show notes!

Now, we’ll get onto that list. They’re in no particular order - although in hindsight it would have been fun to do a reverse countdown Top 20 like I’m some radio DJ, but that right there is an example of overcomplicating!

So, Couragemakers! Are you ready to get shit done?

Let’s go.

1.Set a timer

Okay, so you’re thinking, Meg this is bloody obvious. Yes! But, when did you last do it? Sometimes when we’re tackling a huge to-do list or something we just can’t be bothered to do, the only thing to do it set a timer and make yourself do it in a timed environment. I find it helpful going to YouTube and finding some kind of epic motivational video can help as well. There are a couple of ways of using this method. One of the most popular methods is the Pomodoro method devised by Francesco Cirillo in the 80s. The idea is you break a task down into 25 minute chunks with a small break in between. Another way of thinking about this, is really asking yourself how long you can get deep work done. Deep work is the idea of really focusing on one thing, and giving yourself an hour or more to really focus without any distractions. Figure out your optimal time, and set a timer. There are literally no excuses for not setting a timer - you’ll be amazed at what you can do even if you’ve only got five minutes, and we’ve all now got timers built into our phones, you can google set a timer for five minutes, and it does it for you. If you find yourself endlessly procrastinating, just set a timer.

2.Eat the frog

This one definitely wins for the best title! It’s a way of getting shit done devised by Brian Tracy and it’s all about tackling the thing you least want to do first. You know those niggly things that sit at the back of your brain that you try to drown out but deep down you know need doing? The thing you endlessly procrastinate on but is pretty important? Yep, those things. While yes, they are it’s worth thinking about the fact that it takes quite a bit of mental energy to keep pushing them down. Think of what you could do when you’ve got that out of your life and you’ve got some brain space back.. I know it’s not fun, but it’s necessary, so eat the frog, friends! Eat the frog!

3. Blast music

Sometimes we need silence and to really think. Other times we need to blast Macklemore (what can I say, I’m biased), up as loud as we can and use the energy to push through. Choose music that makes you feel good, has a good bass or a good beat, and anything that encourages a bit of chair dancing is definitely a bonus! Spotify has some great playlists, so does YouTube. The secret is to find something that works for you and just let it play instead of wasting time changing the song every five minutes. When you have time where you have less shit to get done, schedule in some time to make your own Get Shit Done Playlist and set yourself up for a fun and productive working session! Alternatively, if you find music too distracting, white noise can really help. Apparently it distracts the part of our brain that is most likely to wander, so we can really focus and get what we need to done.

4. Make a plan

Again, this one sounds all too simple, but have you ever sat down to do something, got really stuck, and find yourself watching baby goat videos because you don’t know where to start? Yep, me too. Work out what you need to do and work backwards to see what you need to make happen to complete your goal. Write out every mini step and go through it in an order that makes most sense to you (sometimes I sort things by my enthusiasm, deadline, the most boring thing first etc). Trello is a great and simple online tool for getting your plans out of your head, so if you haven’t used it before, I recommend trying it out. And a bonus tip on this one, I’ve found that adding how much time it will take to do something to the list helpful. That way you keep things realistic and don’t end up setting yourself up for failure

5. Recruit a friend

You won’t always be working on the same thing as a friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tackle things together. Whenever you have something to get done, I can guarantee that someone you know if also trying to get shit done. Post on Facebook, reach out to your nearest and dearest and see if they’re struggling to get something done too, and cheer each other on. Bounce ideas to make both of your things easier to get done, and create a deadline. If you work for yourself, I’ve found co-working sessions really helpful. The idea is that you find someone else who’s in a pretty similar circumstance to you and set a time together when you will both work on something. I tend to do this in two hour slots; we check in with each other and set a goal at the beginning of our session, then turn off all notifications and really focus for a couple of hours, then check in to see how we did after. There’s something about knowing that someone else is working really hard too that keeps you accountable, makes it easier, and makes you less likely to procrastinate or cheat! If you don’t know anyone you could do a co-working session with, someone recommended Focus Mate to me where you essentially do this virtually with someone you don’t know!Alternatively, you can ask a friend to cheer you on, and you don’t necessarily have to do it together. Tell your friend why it’s so important you do it, ask her to remind you regularly why it’s important to you, and check in every couple of days to see how you’re doing. It’s not selfish - cheerleading is a huge part of any good friendship and I know you’d only be too happy to return the offer.

 6. Make it fun

I’ve got a bit of a motto this year to stop overthinking things and just get things done and that’s to try and make things fun and easy. We’ll dive into the easy bit when we get to the simplifying section. So, how can you make something fun? Maybe that looks like taking yourself out for a hot chocolate when you have to tackle something ridiculously boring. Maybe it’s about adding a one person dance party to a hectic day. Maybe it’s buying yourself a really fun fluffy pen that reminds you to not take things so seriously. Maybe it’s getting really dressed up to go to work. Maybe it’s changing up your routine and going for a walk before you do your best work. What do you find fun? How can you add that to whatever you need to get done?

7. Get an accountability buddy

Accountability can make you seriously get shit done. There’s something about knowing that you’re going to have to explain why you didn’t get it done, that can really kick us int action. Accountability works like nothing else when you have a buddy that’s willing to kick you up the bum a little bit, you set clear boundaries and very specific goals. You can do this with a friend, or you can post in a group online to see if someone else wants to join you. I recommend only getting an accountability buddy if you actually intend to cheer someone else on as well. Accountability buddies are a two way thing, and can be absolute magic if you’ve both got clear expectations and you’re both committed to your check in days!

8. Break it down

I remember when I used to revise for exams, there was a TV show called Bitesize which addressed each of the topics and broke them down into really manageable chunks. As we adult, we forget how important that is. Sometimes it’s just too overwhelm to look at the whole project - we wonder how on earth we’ll ever get it done and end up talking ourselves out of it. Remember that graveyard we were talking about earlier? A way of getting rid of the overwhelm is to really break things down into small tasks you can do and use them as a checklist. If they seem too big, break then down even further. Break them into the tiniest things you can do, and give yourself the grace and patience you need to get through them!

9. Simplify

Now, I know I’m not the only worrier and over-complicator here. I love getting new ideas, but I’m the first to admit that I can end up getting completely overtaken by a wave of excitement that before I know it, my knickers are in a right twist. Then the excitement starts to fade and overwhelm takes its place, and if you have been in the same situation, you know it’s not fun. Now, I’m not arguing for keeping your ideas small or reducing your excitement and I’m never going to. Seriously, take your idea as far as you can, get lost in the process, really claim and own your excitement and enthusiasm and THEN, before you start to take an action or write a plan,  pause and ask yourself these three questions:

What is the simplest way I can do this? What is the easiest way I can do this that sounds like fun? What makes the most logical sense that is still me?

Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to bebrilliant by thinking that every idea you have has to be the most original, complicated and complex thing ever. It really, really doesn’t.

10. Ask for help

Over the years I’ve come to learn that asking for help is a bit of an art form, in that it takes a lot of practice to start becoming comfortable with it. Tad Hargrave from Marketing for Hippies has exercise which is a five minute support asking blitz. The idea is that for five minutes, you do nothing but ask for support and for help - to the point that it becomes almost embarrassing. His point is that it’s only when we reach that point of feeling embarrassed that we even begin to touch on how much support we actually need in life.As strong, brilliant women, sometimes it can feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness, but I’ve come to learn that it’s actually an act of courage. If asking for help or leaning on someone feels like a huge step, consider this: none of us can live as humans without some help. We all rely on oxygen, food which we largely don’t grow or produce ourselves, fuel, gas etc you name it. We are all already dependent to some extent whether you like it or not, so while we’re debunking this myth of independence, you might as well ask directly for the help you need. There are people who want to help you and would be delighted to offer you some support - how can you start to take that support? And if you feel stuck in knowing what you’d even ask for help you, ask a friend to sit down with you and help you out with that. Like my Mum and countless others I would imagine say, if you never ask, you never get, and my Mum? She’s pretty much always right.

11. Reward first

This one seems pretty counterintuitive, but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes. We usually come to getting shit done from a place of scarcity, or a place of procrastination or a place of sometimes even desperation. What if we could change that? If we started getting shit done from a place of feeling better rested, having more energy and with a whole lot more enthusiasm and inspiration, it’s going to be a whole lot easier. Ever pushed through and pushed through and then realised nothing’s got done and you should have stopped three hours ago and instead started again tomorrow? It’s a bit like that. Rest first, reward yourself first and then get really disciplined, choose something else on this list then start. You might well be amazed what a difference it makes!

12.  2:1 work to fun ratio

This one’s also pretty simple. So much of the time, we approach getting shit done as working with blinkers on, not stopping to eat, drink or do much of anything else. We just barge on through, determined that if only we work harder, we’ll get it done. Wellllll! That’s not always the case. You need to give yourself time to pause, do something else for a while, have some fun and make it all worth it. Write a list of things you can do to treat yourself during a break, and tick them off as you go. Of course, work can be hugely fun, especially if we get into a flow state where we just get lost in it, but sometimes it doesn’t always feel that way. Intentionally add more fun into your schedule and factor it in as part of a process. Because it really is - it’s not wasting time, it’s about working sustainably and not driving yourself to exhaustion and depletion at the same time like we so often do!

13. Breathe

If your thoughts are spinning, you don’t know what to start on and overwhelm has truly got you wrapped up in your own head, just breathe. Pause, take a minute, and breathe. Not many things in life are actually life threatening, so breathe, take a moment for yourself and you’ll return with a clearer mind and a route forward. You can take this a step further and go for a walk if you’re able to. Fresh air can do wonders for our creativity, inspiration and our thought processes.If you find it hard to stop and breathe, I really recommend checking out the Calm App or Insight Timer.

14. Stop multitasking

Okay, so here’s the truth about multi-tasking: it makes us feel good. Look how busy I am! Look how capable I am! I have all of these things to do and they’re getting done and how brilliant am I?Well, maybe not so brilliant when you’re multitasking after all. There’s A LOT of research out there about multi-tasking, but I’ll just go into these: multitasking slows you down, changing your focus so often means you never really get into the flow state or your zone of genius and while it feels productive, it’s usually anything but. Instead of making you actually productive, it makes you feel really busy, is usually exhausted and usually ends up with disappointment of not actually having been able to do everything you needed to.I hold my hands up. It feels like my natural mode is to multi-task. I forever have about twenty tabs open, and I often get distracted mid-task and end up thinking of something else to do. But what doesn’t usually tend to get done when I work like this? The important main thing I intended to do when I sat down!While I haven’t found anything to cure the tab problem apart from some old fashioned discipline, there are a bunch of great apps out there to stop you from picking up your phone or getting distracted by Facebook (which I know is the tip of the iceberg). I recommend the chrome extension Kill News Feed which stops your news feed from showing whenever you get on Facebook, the Bashful App for stopping you from using your phone for a select period of time (Selected calls can still come through if you’re worried about that) and I know there are so many more out there. RescuTime is a brilliant way of tracking how you actually spend your time, and it might be the wake up call you need to really start getting focused.

15. Celebrate the shit out of your small wins

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that I’m all about the small wins. In life we tend to focus on the big things and I remember a sign from back when me and Mr. Meg were travelling across the US in one of the places we stayed in that said, ‘Enjoy the little things in life for someday you will realise they are the big things’. Our lives are built of many tiny moments, and our huge accomplishments are built of many small steps along the way. You’ll always feel overwhelmed if the celebrating only comes after the big things, so celebrate the shit out of each small win along the way. Here's an epic guide to doing just this and a printable of 26 ways you can celebrate your wins!

16. Set intentions not goals

Sometimes it’s not about the actual goal, it’s about the reason why you’re doing it in the first place. When you’re feeling stuck, you’re not sure how to progress or those gremlins of self doubt are sitting on your shoulder, take a moment to focus on your intentions. Why did you start in the first place? Or if you haven’t started already, what made you want to do it in the first place? Set your intention next to any plan you make, and you’ll have a reminder why you started to pick you up along the way. Focusing on your intentions also makes you less likely to set yourself up for disappointment, because instead of a rigid set of unmovable expectations, you’re setting how you would like to feel, why you’re doing it and those things can’t help but be much bigger than a rigid goal.

17. Surround yourself with Couragemakers

This is a huge one, and one I have borrowed from the fantastic work of Scott Dinsmore and Live Your Legend. One of Scott’s biggest rules was to surround yourself with people who inspire you. It’s amazing what happens when you start spending time with people who align with your values, who just get you and they’re going after their own dreams as well. Instead of feeling like an anomaly, you start feeling like you’re part of a movement, part of something bigger and the courage of the people around you is always infectious.This might start by examining the people you have in your life and looking out for the people who inspire you and spending more time with them. It might be starting to watch TED talks, listen to more podcasts or finding ways to virtually surround yourself if you haven’t found your tribe yet, or it might be going to meetup.com and seeing the things around you that you never knew existed.I guarantee that being intentional about who you spend your time with, and cutting out the energy vampires will make a huge difference to the enthusiasm you approach your work with!

18. Turn off notifications

I made the decision to turn notifications off on my phone a while ago, and I’ve never looked back. Seriously, you don’t need something pinging every five minutes, you know this. But it can be hard to break away from the habit, and sometimes the energy surge that comes with the notifications.The only notifications I receive now are phone calls, texts and sometimes Facebook messages depending if I’m doing a coworking session. Go into your settings and just turn them off. It doesn’t mean people will forget you, or you’ll miss anything important - if nothing else, it means that you’ll start to be more intentional about how you spend your time online, and I think that’s something we’re all striving for. Make space for the things you genuinely want in your life, not the endless noise that takes you away from the things that matter.

19. Take a break

Now, I can hear you saying “But, Meg! I haven’t got enough time to get shit done, let

alone breathe or take a break.” I know. And that’s part of the problem. One of the biggest

times you need to take a break is exactly when you feel like you can’t. It’s exactly then

that we end up in burnout territory, which often takes the element of choice away from us

as our bodies force us to stop. So, take a break often, and really pay attention to those

times where you feel you can’t. You come first, and that’s not a negotiable, my friends

20. Start somewhere

If you don’t know where to start, just start somewhere! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overcome by fear or self doubt or it just feels too scary, fuck logic and pick somewhere that excites you. The biggest risk is never starting in the first place, so get over that hurdle and just challenge yourself to start ANYWHERE. Things often fall into place, but you’re not giving yourself any way of knowing that if you never start.Think of your favourite books, your favourite films, your favourite artists and musicians. All of them have tread this path you’re walking on. All of them had to start somewhere. While it can feel unique, lonely and like you’re the only one to have ever experienced it, you’re not alone. Think of how happy you are that they started. Imagine that there is someone somewhere waiting for you to start.

BONUS 21. Join the brigade!

The Get Shit Done! Brigade: 30 days of community, accountability, action and coaching to get your ideas of our your all-be-it beautiful notebooks into tangible things that exist in the world. We’re starting on 15th February and it’s going to be a group of like-minded couragemakers who want to see you shine bright, getting shit done together, with accountability, coaching with me and encouragement parades on a Wednesday! For four weeks, we’re going to work together and prove that it is possible to get a lot of shit done and have a life at the same time, while really put some sustainable strategies into place for the long term as well.

To find out more about the brigade, click here!

I hope you’ve found this post helpful. You have so much to give the world, you have a story that the world needs to hear, and you can do things only you can do. I want to live in a world where your work, your creations and the things that make you uniquely you exist.

Please don’t deprive all of us and the world of that.

Fuck Dreamshitters: A Manifesto for Couragemakers

You do not owe anything to anyone, regardless of how they make you feel otherwise. You do not owe anyone an explanation for who you are or how you live your life. That decision is up to you alone.  

You will change. You will go through experiences that alter and develop the fundamentals of who you are. That’s life - that is how you grow and develop as the person only you can be.

It is not up to you to be the person you were ten years ago, five years ago or two years ago. It is not your role to be frozen in time like a snow globe. You will outgrow people, people will outgrow you, and that is the nature of life. Do not put yourself in the snow globe to keep other people happy. The people who want to keep you exactly as you were should buy a doll and keep it at the back of their closet.

It is not your job to make other people happy. End of.

You do not have to be polite. When you see the girl who made you feel about as big as a thimble from high school, you do not have to smile and make pleasantries. You get to walk away with your head held high or say what you wish you’d said back then (you know when you come up with the perfect response two years too late?!).

You do not have to engage with people who make you feel shit.

You get to keep your distance with or without explanation. You do not owe old friends a response, you do not owe your old boss your company for a round of drinks and you do not owe your time and energy to anyone who makes you feel like shit.

In fact, you do not owe anyone any part of you. Your time and energy are two of the most precious things you will ever have. Protect them. Fiercely.

You do not have to engage in keeping up with the Joneses with anyone. It is a futile exercise which wastes your precious energy, time or money on making yourself seem impressive.

Happiness cannot and never will be found in making other people feel less than or puffing your chest out and pretending like you are better than everyone else.

Accept that some people however do find so-called joy in belittling and stepping on other people.

Put a fucking continent between yourself and those people, because it will never end well. Remember,  it is not your responsibility to try to change them or make them see the light.

Some people are bitter and will not see the light, but will seek out company to join their bitter parade - misery loves company after all.

Sometimes your compassion will run out, and sometimes deservedly so. There’s only so much compassion you can have for someone who makes you feel less than, drains your energy and provides nothing positive in return. While some yogis would like you to feel compassion for every man and his dog, it’s just not possible. Don’t feel bad.

Some people will test your patience more than you ever thought possible. You do not need those people. Again, they are not personal pet projects to take on, especially when they show no signs of self-awareness or wanting to change.

You get to walk away from the people who drain your energy, intimidate you or make you feel bad. Sometimes ghosting someone is the only thing you can do to protecting your own sanity and stand up for yourself. Some people thrive from conflict, and sometimes silence is the loudest sound. Protect yourself.

When life seeks to hide your brightness, do what you can to keep your own candle lit.

In toxic situations, sing louder, stand taller - even if it’s only on the inside. No one can suck the soul out of you. There are people who will feel like dementors, but know that they need your permission to suck your soul out of you.

Find the things that feed your soul and do them regularly. Don’t worry what other people would think about them - if standing on one leg singing Auld Lang Syne is your jam, bloody do it. It’s your life. Nourish yourself, feed your soul and know that you have the power and the strength to keep your own light lit.

Know that everyone and their pet dog will have an opinion on every aspect of your life.

You get to say Fuck That and ignore them. You get to decide what you do and don’t listen to.

Some people will never understand you.They will never understand your motivations, your quirks or the things that make your heart beat faster. That is okay. Do what you can to find like-minded people and keep them close.

Do not pander to the people who want to put you into a box. And don’t apologise for not fitting into a box. Don’t feel bad and simplify yourself to make yourself understandable to others. Cast aside the mould and embrace your complexities, knowing that your whole being will never be able to fit into one word, one image or one glance.

You have opinions, you have experiences, you have stories that have shaped who you are. You get to tell those stories. You get to tell them how you want to tell them, and you get to keep the bits you don’t want to share.

Your story is important and needed in the world.

Do not dumb down your story or skip over the messy bits to make people feel comfortable. It is not your responsibility to make people comfortable or reassured.

Some truths are fucking ugly. Some life experiences are ugly.  You do not have to paint a pretty picture. Your picture gets to be as messy as you fucking well like it. It is not up to you to make your life seem comfortable to spare other people’s feelings.

You also get to keep the parts you’d rather not share to yourself. In life, there are some stories aren’t yours to tell and that’s okay too. Don’t burn bridges when you’re angry and never send that email when blood is pulsing through your veins. Sleep on it is a saying for a reason.

Don’t play down your strengths and talents to make other people feel better. Own and hone what you’re good at and accept compliments with grace.

Your work is important, whatever the form that work takes. If you’re a creative, your art form and how you express yourself is your work. If you’re unemployed or aren’t able to work due to health issues, know that employment is only one form of work, and is not a source of life-validation.

Celebrate the shit out of your small wins.

You do not have to be a ‘good’ woman. You get to take up space.

You get to play big. You do not have to keep yourself small. You do not have to be quiet about your opinions or stay apolitical. Be loud and proud about what you believe and why.

You are you. There is only one of you. That is really fucking amazing and the world needs what only you can bring to it.

Chase your dreams and drown out the bullshit.

And fuck dreamshitters.

---

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Rebel Rousers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Why it’s important to take a creative break from the work you love

The blog is back! After a creative break this summer, I’m so excited to go back to blogging at least once a week, and I have SO many posts planned to help you shine brighter, put yourself out in the world as you are and thrive wholeheartedly in a world that sometimes feels like it’s falling apart!

Today I want to talk about taking creative breaks, because as I’ve realised over the summer, they’re pretty fucking important.

And because of how important they are, this is going to be the first of a four-part series about creative breaks because I really want to take you behind the scenes, help you to plan your own break and add some much needed sustainability to the online world. So in this series, I’m also going to be sharing the Behind The Scenes of My Creative Break, The 10 Things I Learned About Creative Breaks That Are Helpful For Any Creative and How To Take Your Own Creative Break.

For today I want to share why a break is SO important for both our creative souls and the soul of our creative work. 

I don’t know about you, but as creatives and multi-passionates who do our work both online and offline, it can be pretty easy to buy into the myth that you need to be creative machine:

You need to be producing amazing work constantly, effortlessly and tirelessly. You then need to spend a good chunk of time getting that work seen and marketing yourself to the point of sometimes feeling sleazy. You can’t stop because the people you look up to and compare yourself to aren’t stopping. You need to create and repeat without the thought of a break, knowing the minute you step away people will forget about you, you’ll get creatively blocked and it will all be for nothing.

Well that’s just bullshit.

BREATHE, my friend, because it just isn’t true.

The people who are touting that? Chances are they also glorify burnout as a badge of honour, and think that making yourself physically ill is just part of the course. (Which it isn’t and doesn’t have to be).

And those people? Well, they’re not our people.

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that around this part of town, it’s about being aligned with your values, shining brightly in the world while keeping your own light lit and putting yourself out into the world in a way that feels good.

It’s about not burning out, and doing the work that only we can do in a way that works for us.

It’s about working in a sustainable way and knowing that looking after yourself isn’t selfish but essential. 

It’s about doing things differently.

Because here’s the thing.

Your creativity can’t exist in that vacuum or that machine. First of all, the pressure will kill any creative ideas you have.  Secondly and more importantly, forcing yourself to work like a machine isn’t great for your mind or your body, and I’m pretty sure you know this already from experience (I know I do).

If you value your creativity - and if you’re reading this, I’m betting you do - then you need to take care of it. Ergo, you need to take care of yourself.

It’s about protecting the work you love so that it can continue to bring you joy, bring your gifts to the world and so it doesn’t become the work you hate.

But more than that, it’s about looking after you.

You need to give yourself space, time and energy to re-inspire yourself, feed your soul and be you.

You are so much more than the work you do, the gifts you give the world and the things you put out there.

I know what you’re thinking: that sounds great and all, but I haven’t got the time. It might be great for other people, but for not me.

Repeat after me: taking a break isn’t a luxury or a grand idea.

It’s pretty fucking essential, and it doesn’t have to cost you the world.

It doesn’t have to be some five-star experience that only the super wealthy and super privileged can do. It doesn’t have to be something you can only do when you’ve hit a certain level of success.

If you feel like in order to have to be rolling in it or have complete freedom to have a creative break, let’s break this apart  a bit and get thinking outside the box (which is what we do, right?)

Everyone has a different set of circumstances and different levels of availability, flexibility and time, and I believe that everyone can take a some sort of creative break. (I’m going into much more detail in future posts).

Let’s bust some myths about what a creative break looks like:

You don’t have to have three weeks or three months. Instead, you could try to have better boundaries around your time on a day-to-day basis. Maybe you stop working at a certain time and get stricter about what work (if any) you do on the weekend. You could plan a one day retreat for yourself every month.

You don’t have to do something tremendously exciting and impressive sounding.  You could curl up with your favourite film or your favourite film and be reminded why you do what you do in the first place.

In the name of putting everything out there and being really honest about my own circumstances, I can tell you that during my creative break, I was living with Mr. Meg’s family, without the pressure of having to pay a huge amount of rent or bills. During my creative break I took on some big graphic design projects. (I’m going to be posting a behind-the-scenes look at my creative break soon, so you can find out more about how I used the break!)

You might have more flexibility and time, you might have a whole lot less, but you can take a creative break.It’s time to do what you do best - get creative!

And really, here’s what it all comes down to:

Taking a creative break from the work you love is how you sustain doing the work you love

It’s all about taking care of the work you love.

And sustainability has to be a big part of the conversation if you want to keep going.

(If you're interested in sustainability and playing the long game, you'll love this Couragemakers episode I recorded with Mary Ann Clements.)

You can’t live from passion alone - at some point you need to take responsibility of your gifts and give them what they need to grow. Sometimes that’s time and space. Sometimes that’s adding different flavours of creativity to your life, and sometimes that’s carving out a set amount of time to feed your soul.

You have so much to give the world, and the world needs what only you can do.

But it’s not just about that. It’s not just about looking after yourself and your creativity so you can do more and you can be more.

It’s about realising that taking a break is good for your soul, so you can feel more you, you can evaluate/reflect and work to create a life you love, and so that you can be your wonderful, authentic self.

An Open Letter To All Creatives Struggling With Self-Doubt

Okay, Couragemakers who struggle with self-doubt, listen up. Sometimes on this creative and dream chasing journey, we all need reminders which are a bit more of a kick up the ass.

Today is one of those days.

So here’s the thing:

If you are looking for evidence that you’re shit, you’re going to find it. 

If you're looking for evidence that you should just stop and not bother, again, you’re going to find it. If you’re looking for evidence that you have nothing to say and you’re a fraud, you’re going to find it.

If you’re looking for a reason not to write another word, paint another stroke or create another community event or whatever brilliant shit you do - you, my friend, are going to find it.

But here’s the really important thing. That doesn’t mean it’s actually there, or it’s real.

Self-doubts are a bunch of pernicious little fuckers.

They worm their way into each crack. They find a way to get in even with a million rolls of duct tape covering the hole. They do everything they can in their power to try to stop you writing another word, stop you from showing your work to the world and putting yourself out there.

Truth, by the way, doesn’t come into it when it comes to self-doubt.

They exist in order for your brain to try to keep you safe from danger and not take risks. But we’re not cave people anymore.

Unless you’re taking a Wild inspired trip alone, chances are that you’re not being hunted and your brain can calm the fuck down a little.

I know, I know, that’s easier said than done.

But let’s take a step back, okay? And instead let’s focus on imagination instead - your wonderful imagination.

Your ability to create stories, your ability to paint the world with your experiences, ideas and your memories.

And those things are incredible. However, as Ben Parker tells us in Spiderman, ‘with great power comes great responsibilities’.

Yes, you can create things only you can do that make the world a brighter place, but the flip side of your wonderful creative brain is your refined skill of being able to conjure up some pretty nasty hypothetical situations, that keep you down.

It’s amazing if you think about it - your imagination gives you the ability to try to predict the words that will come out of other people’s mouths before the topic of conversation even exists. You can picture yourself failing before you’ve even started.

So let’s go back to that responsibilities bit. The bit where you have responsibilities to yourself.

Because, my friend - if you focus your attention to possibility instead of failure, you’re going to find a huge heap of completely contrary evidence.

If you take those same critical skills and start looking for the polar opposite, you’re going to find a mountain of good shit.

And that’s your responsibility:

To find and create the stories where you find the evidence that in fact you can do it, and you should keep going.

To flip the narrative and give self-doubt the middle finger.

I know fear feels scary. I know that feeling of putting yourself on trial for being a fraud. I know that the stories feel very real indeed.

But they’re only as real as you let them be.

So go grab Watson and go get serious about finding the evidence that you can do it, that you’re uniquely qualified to do the work you do, and that you have something to say.

And like any good detective, record every single piece of evidence you find, no matter how small. Write yourself a note when you’re working on a project and feel like you’re on fire, take screenshots of any great feedback you receive and take time to check your evidence regularly.

Couragemaker - the world needs what you have to say.

And I happen to know that you have a hell of a lot to say.

I'd love to know how you deal with self-doubt! Let me know in the comments!

The Ultimate Self Care Q&A!

Welcome to this super post all about self care! If you’ve ever thought about self care, struggled with self care, or don’t know what the hell self care is, this post is for you. If you’ve ever felt stressed, found it hard to justify doing things just for you, or been burnt out, this post is for you. If you’re a human being, reading this, right now, this is for you.

Self care has become this thing that gets bounded around everywhere, and it can be pretty confusing - I mean, what if I don’t like hot baths? What if I don’t like candles? Fear not. Let’s debunk some myths, answer some questions, and get this shit on the road.

What is self care?

Self care is the art of doing things for yourself that make you feel great. It’s about taking time to refill your cup, adding more joy into your life, learning to unwind and enjoy being in the here and now. At a base level, self care is a practice about looking after yourself. On a deeper level, it’s learning that you have your own back, learning to love your own company and learning that you’ve got everything you need right inside yourself. And once you have those beliefs fine tuned, anything is possible.

Self care is a skill, that you get better at, and gets easier the more you do it. At first it might feel hard to justify doing things just for you, and not feel guilty, but as you up your self care, you begin to see how necessary it is, and how it can change your entire outlook on life.

But, isn’t self care selfish?

Ahh, the holy grail of self care - dealing with this notion that if you’re taking the time for you, it means you’re selfish, you’re ungrateful, you’re self absorbed and you only care about yourself. I call BULLSHIT on this. I used to believe that. I used to believe it so strongly that I’d run myself to the ground, and didn’t even know where to start when it came to doing things for myself. Then someone who I really admired said to me, ‘If you don’t help yourself, how can you expect to help other people?’ Mind. Blown.

I’ve come to learn that it can be more selfish to NOT look after yourself. Think about it - if you’re constantly stressed out, frazzled and have no time, chances are you have a short fuse with friends and family, you overcommit to things and end up either letting people down or doing a shoddy job (been there!), you neglect relationships because there aren’t enough hours in the day, and you’re only ever a couple of steps away from a melt down. So while you might think taking an afternoon out to do something you love is something you feel bad about, I can guarantee that you’ll come back to the people you love, and things you’re working on, with more love, more patience, more passion and feeling more like you and less like a hyena on speed.

So, in a word, no - self care isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely necessary if you want to live a wholehearted life.

Isn’t self care just about hot baths, candles and going to bed early?

Nope. Well, it can be if those are the things that give you energy, make you feel alive, renew your faith in humanity. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. Here’s the thing about self care - it’s not a one off thing. You cant just have a hot bath and expect everything in your life to be fixed.

a) because you have responsibility over your own life

b) because if something is going to fix every aspect of your life, I'd expect more glitter and camp show tunes involved.

It has to be built into your daily life. You might have a hot bath one day, and it might make you feel great, but the effects aren’t going to last forever. They might not last as long as the bubbles do. Nor is self care about spending lots of money doing one-off things like going to a spa or getting a manicure. Sure, if they make you feel great, that's fantastic, but don’t treat self care like a one-off thing that costs you loads of mullah. Because if you do, you’ve got a whole load of excuses not to get your self care on! I haven’t got the money for self care! I haven’t got the time for self care!

So, what counts as self care?

Self care can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be green smoothies, impossible yoga poses or waking up at the crack of dawn to meditate. It can be dancing around the room in your underwear to Taylor Swift, taking time at the end of the day to think of 3 good things that have happened, going out for a walk listening to a podcast, lying in bed watching as many episodes of the Gilmore Girls as you can fit in one day or reading a book in the early hours of the morning. In short, self care is unique to you. You don’t have to justify it to anyone.

How can I find self care activities that work for me?

Go grab a pen and paper.

Write down any activities you loved doing as a child.

Now write down any activities that make you lose track of time because you get so into them.

Now write down anything that makes you feel good.

Add the names of your favourite books, films and albums. There you go - you’ve got a pretty good start!

Why haven’t I heard of self care before?

In short, because we live in a culture where we’re rewarded for working until we’re exhausted, where our self worth is based on the grades we get and the job title we have, and where this notion of doing something just for the fun of it doesn’t exist. Think about it for a second - if employers started to value self care, we’d have more days off, we wouldn’t be so put upon and we’d be happier in our jobs. Sounds great, but doesn’t do a lot for the capitalist machine. Also, a lot of self care is free, so if it doesn’t make money...

And if you have heard of self care, chances are it’s because you were in a place where you were exhausted, stressed and feeling overwhelmed and realised something had to change.

How can I make time for self care?

All of our lives look different. What I might count as having no time is going to look different than your version of having no time. The other day, I was listening to a podcast (I forget which one) and it was all about making time, and it really shut a lot of my excuses up. Because, when you don’t have time, you do make time for things you HAVE to do. You make the time to go to toilet, to feed yourself (even if it is junk food/ready meals) and remember to lock the front door. Even when life gets busy, when you don’t feel like you have enough time in the day, you do all of those things. So, you do have time, it’s just a case of needing to prioritise and decide what you’re willing to spend you time on.

Here are a couple of tricks for making more time for self care in your life:

1. Take it as seriously as a hospital appointment - Put self care in your diary, and keep the appointment. You owe it to yourself. Every week I send out self care check ins to my mailing list - I know I have to do that every Sunday, and every Sunday, I make time for it. Not only does it help to remind other people to up their self care, it forces me to sit down and see how I’m doing, and how I’m looking after myself.

2. Start small - Put it this way - five minutes of self care every day is going to have a huge effect on your life, if you’re currently spending zero minutes a day on it. You can do a lot in five minutes, as I found when I wrote a HUGE list of things you can do to relax in under five minutes. Increase your five minutes as time goes forward, but for now, start the routine of having just five minutes every day, to do something just for you.

3. Have things set up already - If you’re a multipotentialite like me, you’ll have learned that organisation is a pretty big thing. One of my favourite books, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, shares a really simple tip for spending time on things you love. And it’s this: set up stations. For example, if you love painting, set up a clean space with your canvas/paper with your paints. That way, when the moment comes, it’s so much easier.

Why should I care about self care?

You’re reading this, so I’m going to assume that you want to live a wholehearted life, you want to make a difference and you want to follow your passions. All of those things take a shit load of effort, conviction, and energy. We’re human, we don’t have an endless supply of passion and inspiration. We have a tendency to work ourselves ill, to push ourselves until we can’t and a tendency to get overwhelmed.

Your dreams, your passions, your life - they all begin with YOU. And if you’re nourished, you’re nurtured and you’re well looked after, you’re more likely to chase those dreams, live those dreams and live a life you love. You’ll have time for the people in your life, you’ll have the love to get you through the day, and the strength and courage to get up tomorrow and do it all over again.

But how do I know self care is for me?

If you have a pulse, self care is for you.

While self care is universal, and isn’t limited to class, gender, culture, age, ability, all of those things have an effect on how we self care. Some people have more time for self care, for others, it might not be that simple. Some people live in a culture of which is more accepting of self care, for others, it’s more of a battle. For some people self care might be an energetic activity, for others, self care might have to be a low energy activity. What’s important is finding something that works for you, and knowing that wherever you are in the world, whoever you are, self care is a necessity. Like your fingerprint, your self care is going to be different, and that’s a good thing.

Does self care lead to self love?

YES. By taking the time for you, you’re giving yourself so many unconscious messages:

I am worth spending time on I am worth looking after I love myself enough to stop I have value and am valued I am enough I matter

OK - I’ve got it! Now what?

Pick something small and start. Something I really found helped me to begin with, was getting a sheet of paper, dividing it into strips, and on each strip, writing down something I loved to do. I then put them into a pot/jar and rather than stressing out about relaxing, picked something out and went for it. Here's the tutorial! I also wrote a post of 50 thing you can do to show yourself you matter, which I think might be just the thing you need!

In the beginning, it’s about just getting going. What I mentioned earlier about starting just five minutes at a time, or putting it in your diary and keeping to it, is really helpful. Once you’re finding yourself doing things you love that make you feel good, you’ll have given yourself enough reasons to keep going, just by how much better life feels when you do things you love and look after yourself.

56 Things To Do Instead Of Watching/Reading The News

Wow. Some days the world feels really fucked up - those days seem to be happening more than not right now. And it can be really hard, especially as idealists and people working to put good shit in the world, to maintain any kind of hope, any kind of optimism and belief that there are good people in the world and great things do happen.

I think there’s a growing number of us who are starting to turn off the news, focus on our communities instead and on cultivating hope, not fear.

I mean, the news can be seriously addictive. And it can really contribute negatively to mental health issues - I know it definitely does for me. And this tweet really helped me:

If you find events trigger your mental health issues turn rolling news off. It doesn't mean you don't care. You're being responsible to you.

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) November 13, 2015

The way I see it, if constantly bombarding yourself with the news makes you feel like shit, you're doing a great disservice to yourself and the world.

And I get it, sometimes it’s hard to turn our eyes away from things as start to crash and burn. But it’s also fear-inciting, completely biassed and skips the thousands of random acts of kindness that happen everyday.

So today I thought I would share with you a list of 56 things you can do instead of watching the news. (And if you find the whole idea of not watching the news the same as abandoning your fellow humans/being selfish, I recommend you read this and this).

1. Just stop watching the news. Delete the apps and avoid the websites. Do it now!

2. Instead, focus on marginalised voices that talk about the shit that really matters in a way that matters

3. Switch normal news out for good news! I love the Good News Network that features good stories from around the world to restore your faith in humanity!

4. Learn to make the best hot chocolate ever. Here's some inspiration. 

5. Day dream - this is seriously underrated and so good for your brain. David Levitin has done a lot of research on the topic which he talks about here which is fascinating!

6. Read a magazine cover to cover and see what inspires you. My favourites are Flow, Psychologies and O, The Oprah Magazine

7. Write to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and have fun decorating the envelope!

8. Find that list of books you wanted to read and make a start

9. Get your hands dirty and create some artwork for your living space

10. Create a killer playlist that makes you want to dance your socks off

11. Self publish and start your own zine. There's a whole world of zines out there, and we need your story added to the mix. Here's a great guide to get you started!

12. If you haven’t already, discover the world of podcasts. Download and play things that interest you and light you up instead of things that make you feel gloomy!

13. Re-watch one of your favourite teenage series, and remember just how young Rory Gilmore looked!

14. Actually start that colouring book you got bought last Christmas

15. Save money on takeaways and learn to make a mouth-watering Thai/Indian/Chinese/your favourite

16. Forget your adult-ing responsibilities and get yourself a some cereal and wake up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

17. Rediscover the angsty music you loved when you were younger and realise how much of the appeal is still there! Seriously, My Chemical Romance...

18. Learn to make something with origami paper. If you need some inspiration, check out these cute stars!

19. Write a list of places you’ve been meaning to visit in your local area and actually go to them!

20. If you haven’t got one already, sign up for your local library and save some cash and support your local library at the same time - win, win!

21. Write a letter to the author of your all time favourite book and make their day. You may just get a reply!

22. Turn off notifications from your phone and reclaim some of your time and creativity

23. Have a clean out of your pyjama drawer(s) and get yourself some new ones! (Because let’s face it, who doesn’t like pyjama shopping!)

24. Sign up to change.org or another petition website and put your name where it matters

25. Find cool shit on Youtube. I mean, you can find how to make everything ever on there!

26. Lay in the dark with your favourite songs. This must be on of the most underrated things ever.

27. Fill your empty photo frames (I know you have them!)

28. Re-watch Mean Girls or 10 Things I Hate About You to see if you still know most of the words. Just me? Okay, I know you have a film you feel the same about!

29. Make soup! It'll do your soul wonders.

30. Instead of scrolling endless sources of news, get lost in the world of colour palettes

31.  Join a Twitter chat and get to know like minded people.

32. Take the half hour or so you would have spent lost in the news bubble and dedicate it to doing very necessary things for your wellbeing, like keeping on top of doctors appointments, starting a meditation practice or dancing to Shakira

33. Get lost in the whole world of journalling and bullet journalling.

34. Instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, put on your favourite song

35. Watch the sunrise and listen to the birds, because how often do you really take the time to witness something amazing that happens every single day?

36. Have an online declutter and unsubscribe yourself from emails that make you feel pressured, find new blogs to read and fill your feed up with things that make you feel good

37. Take those hours you would have given to the news and learn a new skill (CreativeLive is great for this!)

38. Start your #100daysofaction to make the world a better place, or browse through what people are already doing to get some inspiration

39. Make/buy yourself a new blanket and get cosy.

40. Actually try out one of those recipe videos you keep seeing on Facebook instead of drooling over them!

41. Get offline and meet people in real life. Some of my most wonderful friendships have been with people I’ve met online and got to meet in real life. Obviously, take precautions, meet in a safe place etc, but take the courage to meet someone in real life if you can. If this isn't possible, arrange a skype person with someone you've known online for a while but have never had a good natter with!

42. Go to a market. I don’t know about you, but there’s something about going to a market that reminds me how much community means, and how there is a very real alternative to the big corporations!

43. Make a playlist on Youtube/Spotify that make you feel hopeful!

44. Get a pot plant! Or start your own mini herb garden!

45. Discover the world of craftivism and use your creative skills to be the change!

46. Actually start writing that book that’s in your head - whether it’s a novel or your autobiography. You are the sole owner of the way you look at the world, and the world needs your perspective

47. Make a cup of tea and just breathe!

48. Instead of getting sucked in to the predictable drivel of online trolls, do something to lift someone up instead

49. Make a plan of how you can start working towards your dreams, or if you don't know what your dreams are, do some soul searching! Achieving your dreams will make the world a much brighter place.

50. Start your own blackout poetry and see what happens!

51. Find some kind of morning routine that feels good to you and starts your day off right. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, it certainly doesn’t have to be instagrammable - it just has to work for you

52. Create your own Pick Me Up Box for when the world gets you down!

53. Make time for regular naps. Seriously, we are all wandering around so sleep deprived, and a nap will do more for your mental health than the news will ever do! And I made a napping playlist to help you catch some zzz's!

54. Spend time making your space one that’s inspiring and unapologetically YOU. For me, that looks like having a desk surrounded with colourful postcards and more pretty organisations things than you could shake a stick at

55. Surround yourself with inspiring and encouraging like minded women who are talking openly about what it means to chase your dreams, live an authentic life and put great shit in the world. Want to know where they are? Over on The Couragemakers Podcast!

56. Go outside and take a breath and appreciate the fact that you are alive

What have I missed? Let me know in the comments, and let's start a revolution against things that make us feel hopeless!

EPIC POST: A Creative's Guide on What to Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

Feeling like giving up for me, is on the same level of scariness as losing your enthusiasm.

When I feel like giving up, I go really deep into a spiral of shame, frustration, depression, and to be honest, I usually sink into an all out existential crisis.

And this is a snapshot of what’s going on in my head when I feel like giving up:

What is the point?

Who gives a fuck? No one cares, no one’s ever going to care and this is just pointless bullshit. Let’s just burn everything, and move the hell on.

Who was I to think I could do this in the first place?

That’s it. I’m done. This is pointless, I’m useless and ARGHHH.

Fuck it. Just fuck it. I’m not doing this anymore. I don’t care what anyone thinks  and I’m sick of this shit.

And from that, I just sink into this place where I think nothing I do matters, nothing I could ever do would matter and I just want to eat Ben & Jerry’s, get under my duvet and cry.

Or I go into this place of deep sadness where I wish I didn’t care so much, wish I didn’t have a dream or vision in the first place and wish I could just be happy going to some mundane desk job and getting on with life.

I know I’m not alone in this. As creatives and multi-passionates, and as people who want to leave a mark, this happens to all of us. This happens with the people who inspire you and the people you’re inspiring. None of us are exempt from this one. So I wanted to write a practical guide that might help you, full of things that have helped me and people around me.

But first of all, I want to start with a couple of reminders if this is where you’re at right now.

Reminders

1. You my love, have so much value to give the world. But it’s completely up to you how much you give and how you give it. That’s your decision alone.

2. You’re not defined by what you do and what you achieve. Your worth does not stem from there.

3. It is okay to feel the way you feel. Your feelings are valid and it’s time to give yourself permission to feel them.

And if that’s what you needed to hear right now, and that’s taken the pressure off even a little bit, get offline right now and go have a break. Go do something that gives your head a bit of a breather and lights you up (for me, that’s going for a walk in a park and getting lost looking at dogs) or do something that reminds you of who you (listen to a song that makes you feel alive, read your favourite book).

Now we’ve got those essential reminders out of the way, let’s dig into some really practical things you can do to help yourself where you’re at right now.

Start Noticing

Start becoming aware of what makes you feel like giving up.

To give some examples, here are 5 things that I’ve come to recognise send me on that downward slope. Mine might be similar to yours or they could be completely different. The idea behind this is to start acknowledging the things that send you on that downward slope and thinking of ways you can stop yourself before you go in deep. So the things that make me feel like packing it all in:

1. Measuring the success of something I’m doing by traditional means and numbers.

I get the need for stats, analytics and having a real picture of the effect of something you’re working on, but it’s all too easy to get bogged down with numbers and the ‘shoulds’. You know what I mean - at this stage I should be at this point or if I want to be successful at this, then I should be doing much better than I am right now. And that shit just makes us feel bad. If I start looking at my blog stats, or analytics, it’s so easy for me to fall down the rabbit hole of giving up because I’m looking at cold hard data. And cold hard data doesn’t show the stories, it doesn’t give you any more details. Some people are motivated by that, and that’s great, but that’s definitely not me!

Instead, I’ve really turned around what success means to me, and tailored it to what is important to me. When it comes to writing, if I’m proud of it, then it’s successful. If it’s helped me, or someone else, that’s great. But the number of engagements isn’t the bee all and end all. Something that’s really helped me, is capturing the other things, the stories. On my desktop sits a folder called ‘Everybody Loves Meg’ (a play on the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond), and in that folder are screenshots of nice tweets from people, lovely emails, and things that have made me feel really proud. That way if the stats start to get me down, I’ve got somewhere to go to fix that!

2. Working too hard and too long without a break

I feel like I need to remind myself ever single day that it’s possible to get burnt out doing things you love as well as things you don’t want to do, or don’t fill your cup. I know for me, if I feel like I can’t stop, then that’s exactly the time I should stop. Even if I am absolutely loving the work, if that’s all I’m doing, or I’m staying up late to work and not spending much time with Mr. Meg, I know I need a break. Because here's the thing. No matter what you’re doing,we all need a break and to find our own rhythm. It’s like job searching - you can spend every day all day doing it and feel like you have so much further to go, or you can set parameters around it and have a life at the same time.

For me, it’s all about spotting the signs early. If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, take some time out. Even if you’re on a deadline, go put on a TV show, go have a nap, or go get some fresh air. Try getting out of your head by changing your environment and getting a fresh perspective, and chances are you’ll return with a lot more energy and get things done a lot quicker!

3. Sharing my excitement and it not being reciprocated

This is a big thing for me. I’m like an excitable puppy. When I get excited about something (and it happens A LOT), you can tell. But my version of excitement, like many things, isn’t the same as everyone around me. Everyone has their own way of being happy, being excited, being sad, being scared, the whole she-bang, and it’s going to look different for each person. And what I’ve come to learn is that when I share my excitement and it’s not met with the same level of enthusiasm, then it feels like a bit of a downer and my mood goes down pretty quickly. (FYI, I think sharing your excitement with someone can be really vulnerable).

So now, when I get excited, instead of rushing to share it with everyone I know, I give myself space to feel it first. This often looks like turning Macklemore up loud and having an epic mime-athon (where I basically pretend I’m Macklemore) or writing what I’m thinking so I can go back and read it. I try to carve my own memory first then send it outwards. That way if my excitement isn’t met with what I’d love it to be, I’ve already had my moment.

4. Comparing myself to where others are at

Holy shit, can we just have a moment for this one right now. Seriously. We spend so much time comparing ourselves to others and it’s now so easy to do just that. I’ve definitely been in the place where I compare myself or get stuck looking at someone else is doing too much that I start seeing them in my writing and in my work. And that’s when I know it’s got bad. It’s so easy to start looking at what everyone else is doing (which is always going to be different than what you’re doing) and think that you should change course, or do something else. And right at that moment, it’s hard to remember that we’re the only ones who can do what we’re doing. I feel the need for another reminder here: Facebook or whatever you’re looking at NEVER gives you the full story. EVER.

If I find myself stuck in that comparison paralysis, I know the first thing I need to do is get off Facebook (is it just me or is Facebook the worst for this?!) and focus on my own stuff. I know I need to start thinking about why I started in the first place and start counting my own achievements. The best thing I’ve found to work is by reducing the amount of noise I’m surrounded by, in my industry, online and on social media to just the people who I respect, and share my values. As with any project, it’s your baby and boundaries are really important

The Strategies

Try and remember what brings you joy (aka go chill the fuck out)

This is a huge one. Joy is so important. So much of the time, we get completely bogged down in work, work, work mode, or hustling (eww, I hate that word) that we forget there are things in the world that can even bring us joy. By the time we come up for air, it’s been so long since we’ve done something just for ourselves that we forget how to do it.

Try and establish a self care routine, and make joy a huge part of that. And give yourself permission to have your own definition of joy that you don’t have to explain or defend to anyone else. If the Gilmore Girls theme tune makes your heart swell, go watch that. If you love the feeling of chopping vegetables and trying a new recipe, do that. It only has to make sense to you.

Self care is one of the best things you can do when you’re feeling like giving up. Because often, it’s in those moments that you take for yourself that you start to replenish your energy, when glimmers of light start to shine through and hope starts to appear.

Self care is also a great time for reflection, and you might find that with a certain project you’re working on, in fact you do want to give up - it’s come to the end of the road and you’d prefer to leave it as it is than flogging a my little pony (is it just me but is flogging a dead horse a bit vile?).

And if you do want to give up, give yourself permission to. It only has to make sense to you. If other people are involved, be graceful, explain your reasons and leave in a way that feels good to you.

Look at how far you’ve come

If you feel like giving up but you don’t want to give up, actually do something to record how far you’ve come. Start a list, and include all the baby steps. The baby baby steps.

Go year by year and see how things have changed, and instead of searching for negatives, look for the positives. Art journal a page of all the things you’re proud of, and remember, they don’t have to be completely tangible - go as abstract as you like.

Write a list of your skills and ways you use them in your life, and if the inspiration strikes you, how you’d like to use them in the future.

Once you’ve done something to see how far you’ve come, celebrate the shit out of that motherfucker! And if you’re looking for ways to celebrate the shit out of your small wins, check out my 26 ideas here!

Do something FUN and completely unproductive

Sometimes all the introspection in the world isn’t going to help, and instead you just need to go let your hair down and have some fun. The work of being a creative and putting great shit in the world can be wonderful but it can also get very serious very quickly.

Take off your cloak of creative responsibilities for a minute and just go do something silly. Do karaoke or mime to epic love ballads on one of the music channels (just me?). Find somewhere you’ve wanted to check out in your area and go do it. Start a new completely random project. Start a funny collage. Turn embarrassing photos of yourself into memes.

Whatever it is, go do some meaningless fun. Don’t open the TED app, go do something completely unproductive, for the sake of it. In fact, start a challenge - see just how unproductive you can get! And don’t use it as a way of procrastinating - do it with intention and do it on purpose!

Go back to your values

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know I’m huge when it comes to values. Things have to feel good to what is right to you. Some of the time, our projects and our work stretch into things that just don’t feel good anymore. Perhaps we’ve been persuaded by someone else to go in a different direction. Perhaps we’ve got so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we’ve lost the soul of what we’re doing.

Write your values down on a post it note and keep it where you work, or keep a list on your phone. Honesty is a huge value of mine, and I find if a project starts getting glossy or I’m hiding part of the story, it quickly makes me feel uneasy. Challenge what feels uncomfortable and what doesn’t feel right and ask yourself how you can do it in a way that only you could do it.

Try something completely new

Trying something new doesn’t have to link to a direct outcome of becoming a sudden genius in X new art form. Perhaps you’re a performance poet and you’ve always wanted to know how the mechanics of something like an old radio works. Perhaps you only write and want to check out a painting class. Perhaps you’re a hand letterer and you want to try your hand at animation.

Do something creative for the pure fun of it. Forget the accolades, the outcome and the bigger picture. CreativeLive by the wonderful Chase Jarvis has some fascinating free courses - go check them out! I bet you can find something that intrigues you!

Follow your curiosity. You’ll never know where it might lead to.

Go back to your zone of genius

This one’s short and sweet.

It’s really easy to be tempted to try and do everything. And that can get pretty overwhelmed pretty fast. Of course there are lots of things to do, and often it does feel like you’re the only one who can do it. But as much as you can, ignore the other shit and just give yourself some dedicated time to really focus on what brings flow into your life. You know, the thing you do when you forget the time and just get completely and utterly absorbed.

And if you can’t remember the last time that happened, that’s your new challenge.

Make the necessary bullshit more fun

There is so much bullshit that comes with being a creative.I know for many of us, the ability to just knock off work until we feel inspired isn’t an option. If only the act of creating things was the bigger part of the pie chart. There’s self promotion, admin, daily bureaucratic bollocks and more often than not, having to balance what we really love (the creative stuff) with daily life, which can often include doing work that doesn’t make us feel quite as happy or fulfilled.

But I’ve found a couple of ways of approaching it to make it more fun, and to start making you feel a bit more human:

2. Batch task the things that bore you to tears, and play your favourite music while you do it, and cook an epic lunch to look forward to

3. See self promotion as sharing and not as marketing. Give a bit of yourself in a way that feels good to you, and see what comes back your way

4. Start ignoring the ‘experts’ whose values don’t align with yours. It’s never going to work. Instead, seek out people you actually respect and people who get you and what you do, and listen to them instead. And take everything with a shitload of salt.

If you find yourself often sending invoices, make them more colourful, make them more you. If you find replying to emails challenging, put on a good album and see how many you can reply to within the 45 minutes. If you’re creating graphics for social media, go outside the box and have fun with them.

Talk to someone who inspires you and gets your work

It’s been said so often, but so much of the time we feel like giving up, it’s at a pivotal moment when things are just starting to turn around for us, but we just can’t see it.

I don’t know if it’s true, it could in fact be a steaming pile of bullshit, but it makes me feel better!

Don’t suffer alone when you feel like giving up. Instead, reach out to fellow creatives and share your struggles. They’ve been where you are, and they can relate. Allow yourself to feel less alone.

If you have an audience, reach out to them. You inspire far more people than you know - there are always people who admire your work and who you are from afar, but never hear from. Get vulnerable about how you’re feeling, and see if stories start to emerge. Allow yourself time to remember why you started in the first place.

So in summary, chill the fuck out, go have some fun, get some rest and go experiment.

The world needs what you have to give. If what you’re working on right now - even if you’ve been working on it for years - is no longer serving you, and you can’t think of a way it could serve you, let it go. That’s okay too. Start the adventure of finding something new.

But if you feel like giving up but wish you didn’t, chances are that the work matters to you more than you know.

You my friend, are so important and have so much to give the world. But you need to give yourself a chance first. You have a story to tell, and you need to live that story as well as share it.

So go have so fun, give yourself some space and give yourself a fucking break!

What makes you feel like giving up? What strategies do you put in place to start preventing it from happening? Let me know in the comments!

5 Reasons Why You Can't Create (and what you can do about it)

Feeling uninspired is the dreaded fear of all creatives. It's like the He-Shall-Not-Be-Named of creativity but we all get it. And when we get it, we panic that it’s never going to come back. And sometimes that ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy.

Maya Angelou said, “You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have” and I’m completely with her. Especially the bit about not being able to use it all up.

Because it’s going to come back, it’s not gone for good. But that doesn’t mean sitting down and waiting for the apple to hit you on the head. That my friend, worked for Newton, but it’s an easy excuse to put your hands up and absolve yourself from creative responsibility.

And we’re about making life happening, not letting life happen to us around here.

There are things you can do to nourish your creativity. There are things you can do.

So if you feel completely blocked and stuck right now, I hope this helps you. And chances are if you’re really honest with yourself, that you’ll find something that really helps you below.

And remember - reasons you can't create are valid, and definitely completely different from the voice in our head that tells us that we're not good enough, that we should just quit and asks us who we are to be doing this in the first place. That voice is bullshit.

5 Reasons You Feel Uninspired

1. You're 'waiting for inspiration'

This old chestnut. If I could go back and cut out the scene in every film about a writer/painter which involves them sitting down, waiting for their muse and suddenly being inspired, I would.

I have bought into this myth time and time again.

If only I had a nicer notebook/pen It will come to me, I just need to wait

Nope, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. If anything, it’s going to give space to those voices of self doubt and make you less likely to create.

If you only create when you feel really inspired to, you’re going to put so much pressure on yourself and judge yourself so much more harshly. We all need to sit through the shitty first drafts and a lot of us have piles of work we’re not that impressed with. But the difference is doing it. Use that muscle, even when it’s not screaming for exercise. Especially when it’s not screaming for exercise.

Things you can do: Go outside. Get out of your comfort zone. Make memories. If you’re a writer, take a camera out with you to one of your favourite places and get creative. If you’re a painter, try writing. If you like all manner of creative pursuits, try a new one. Just try something. Just do something.

2. You're underestimating what you have going on in your life right now

As creatives, we often give ourselves excuses, but I think this is something we massively underplay. So many of us have so much going on in our lives and sometimes we don't have the head space to create. I know a lot of us creatives struggle with our mental health, and put an enormous amount of pressure and guilt on ourselves to create when we're feeling less than great.

And we're not only underestimating ourselves, but we're berating ourselves for not being able to live up to our often unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves while we've got so much going on all at once (I'm absolutely raising my hand for this one!)

So be kinder to yourself and stop hating on yourself so hard. You're doing great!

Things you can do: 

1. Start small. And do something that's going to make you feel good. If you paint, mix colours and find one that speaks to you. Carve out a space and some time for you, and just play. Do things to show yourself you matter. Our creativity heals us in so many ways, but only if we save some for ourselves. And if you have got a lot going on, start a journal, or an art journal. You'll be surprised how much it can help you.

2. Take a break and just focus on looking after you. Take it off your shoulders and give yourself some love instead.

3. The pressure has built into a mountain

Somewhere along the line, the pressure started piling up on us: to make everything we do a great piece of art, to be able to create a masterpiece in a heartbeat, to be able to live from our art, and to be able to create on demand.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are human. And while humans are capable of many incredible and wonderful things, they also take time as well. I've said this before but I really wish we could see more bad drafts and more ideas that went wrong from the people who are well established in our fields. Because so often we only get to see the end product and that's bullshit. It lures us into this trap of thinking that everything we do has to be great and has to be measurable in some way.

It really doesn't.

And I learned that the hard way because I put so much pressure on my ability to write stories that I haven't written fiction in a long time. I spent a good 8 years not writing full stop.

The only thing pressure does to your creativity is kill it. And we're pretty peaceful around here.

Things you can do: Allow yourself to be messy. Give yourself permission to fuck up. Give yourself space to suck. Create things just for the fun of it. Start silly projects that make you smile and not a lot else. You have great things inside you but they're going to stay inside you if you don't get off the mountain.

4. You're consuming too much

Okay, so I think all of us are guilty of this one. Of constantly checking social media, ending up in the internet black hole for hours, finding things to procrastinate with that make us feel like shit - like looking up people you went to school with on Facebook, spending too much time in our inboxes and not enough time connecting with people in real life. Or binging TV series' to the point that we lose all sense of reality. (I once watched so much One Tree Hill that I thought I saw one of the characters in the street and nearly asked him how his fictional life was going.)

But the problem here is that we're consuming too many of other people's ideas that we're not leaving any room for ourselves. We're bogging our brains with so much that it responds to that it's no surprise that we can't produce jackshit.

Things you can do: Amber Thomas wrote a great guest post for That Hummingbird Life on her experiment on how what and how she consumes influences her creativity. Start your own experiment and see what you find out! Turn notifications off your phone and give your brain a bit of space to think. Have an internet-free hour at the start of every day and see what's naturally on your mind instead of responding to everything you see. When you start consciously consuming, things start to change and your creativity will come back.

5. You're comparing yourself

If you do your work online, it's seemingly impossible not to find people who are relatively similar to you and start comparing. Or to start stalking your favourite writers/artists/creators and compare where they are to where you are. And if anything is likely to demotivate you and make you feel completely uninspired this it.

But here's what you need to remember.

No one can do exactly what you do in the way you do it. You have stories and experiences and memories which are completely unique to you. And you have an understanding of all those things in a way that is unique to you.

And if you think about it, there is no competition when you look at it that way.

Your step 2 is going to look like someone else's step 45. And someone else's step 9 is going to look like your step 109. And that's okay. We're all taking a different route and we all have a different destination. And how you choose to get there is two thirds down to you and one third down to the pure randomness of life.

Know that when you're comparing yourself and it makes you question where you're at, you're not building yourself up, you're slowly chipping away at what makes you you.

Things you can do:

Get some willpower and stop checking up on people you think you're in competition with. Unsubscribe from any emails that end up with you doubting yourself.  Write a list of things that only you've got the experience and understanding to do. Use your creativity to write yourself a letter about what makes you you, and pin it up somewhere you can see it. Do things that give your light instead of finding things that add to your darkness.

You have so much to give to the world, but shit isn't going to come out if you're waiting for inspiration to show up, if you're unintentionally making yourself feel like shit by comparing yourself and you're putting the world on your shoulders.

You have something to say and you have a story that no one else in the world has or gets to tell.

That's pretty fucking amazing.

So be honest with yourself, and instead of  waiting, start doing things and go make life happen.

How does creativity show up in your life? I'd love to hear what you do when you're feeling uninspired. Let's get chatting in the comments!

The Loneliness That Comes with Not Fitting In

I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I don’t fit in. When I was thirteen I started a zine called Broccoli (okay, I only got round to designing the front cover). It was going to be all about the experiences of growing up a misfit and not feeling like I fit in.

In high school I was bullied about everything, from laugh to the Doc Martens I rocked (I think I was way ahead of the time). I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, I stuck out like a dislocated arm.

Sometimes I welcomed the terms freak and misfit like a warm hug, and sometimes I would have given my left tit to fit in. I had friends, but they didn’t get me, not really. They weren’t creative, they didn’t seem to feel things as deeply as I did, and were much happier gossiping about boys and the latest trends in H&M whereas I would be happier doodling and listening to music for the rest of my life.

While everyone was looking up to Melissa from the OC for inspiration, I was idolising the character Sky Mangel, a blue haired teenage girl from the Australian soap Neighbours.

Going to college was the closest I came to feeling like I fit in because I turned my back on everything that was familiar and refused to go to the college built into my high school. College was made up of misfits and people like me, grappling with their struggles and just trying to make it through to the other side, whatever that was. But while I felt like I fit in through circumstance, I didn’t feel much more understood.

I went to university and I really didn’t fit in. I didn’t fit in in my first job. I didn’t fit in when I moved to London and I still don’t. I’ve found the bigger the city the lonelier it can feel. I certainly didn’t fit in when I spent 3 months backpacking around America. And I still don’t.

I’ve spent my whole life not feeling like I fit in, and as I’ve grown and the years have gone by, my reasons for not fitting in list have grown with me.

I’ve been with Mr. Meg for coming on 14 years, I’m not a huge drinker, I’m fat, I don’t have a 9-5 job and hate everything about the rat race, I don’t give a shit about fashion and I’m always putting my foot in my mouth. I struggle with anxiety and way over think conversations, and my OCD can look pretty odd sometimes. I can’t keep my mouth shut when I feel passionately about something, I overshare, I say it like it is and I’m very chirpy.

And on one hand I would never have it any other way because I couldn’t conform if I tried, but I can’t escape the fact that sometimes it can feel so lonely.

I’m feel really lucky to have found my people online. Through The Couragemakers Podcast, I’ve found my people, through this blog, through my weekly emails and through the magic of Twitter. It took a long time to find my tribe and often I felt like I never would, but it happened.

But that doesn’t mean that day to day the loneliness goes away. Sometimes it comes to the surface, but more often that not, it’s something that I’ve come to be with for such a long time that it’s like a humming in the background.

If you have the same humming in the background, I want to tell you that you’re not alone.

Even though sometimes you feel like no one gets you and you feel completely on your own, you’re not. There are so many of us who feel the same way, some for the same reasons and others for entirely different reasons.

It's okay to not want the things you're supposed to want. It's okay to have a completely different idea of fun than everyone around you. It's okay to want to have a different lifestyle, a different identity and different hobbies than everyone around you. It’s okay to have different values, different outlooks and a different way of being.

Scratch that. It’s not okay (and if you started singing the My Chemical Romance song in your head, we need to be friends). It’s fucking brilliant.

Your quirks, your weirdness, the way you do things is what sets you apart.

The Loneliness That Comes With Not Fitting In

And the world needs you exactly as you are. There’s no one out there like you and no one who can bring to the world exactly what you do in the way that you do it.

Here’s the thing that I go back to. There are so many things I wouldn’t have done if I felt like I fit in. I would never have started this blog or The Couragemakers Podcast for one. I never would have sought out the things that make me happy, like laughter yoga, performance poetry, forest bathing, I wouldn’t have found Mr. Meg (we were e-pals back in the 2000s and found each other through our joint not fitting in and love of emo music), I wouldn’t have honed my skills and talents like I did.

And there are things and experiences you would never have had if you fit in. If you conformed, you would have had to give up so many of the things that make you you, and wouldn’t be two-thirds of the person you are today. Your difference is what sets the world on fire.

And you’re so much stronger than you think because of it. You can’t get through years of feeling like you don’t fit in without being strong and standing up for yourself. Even if that’s just in your head.

But we need to start talking about the loneliness that comes with feeling like we don’t fit in.

We need to start sharing our experiences. Of course, some of them make us feel ashamed, some of them make us feel lame (like the voice I’ve had through writing this telling me not to hit the publish button), but it’s really damn important.

Because so many of us think we’re feeling this alone. So many of us are struggling with similar things thinking we’re completely on our own and nobody gets it.

But trust me, I get it. And so many others do as well.

So let’s shine light on the loneliness and band together in standing out.

What’s your experience? Comment below and let’s get this conversation started!

The 'secret' to getting creative work done and chasing your dreams

When I first started writing, at a very young age, I was obsessed by how other writers achieved success. What writing habits did they adopt? Where did they write? Did they type or hand write? How did they map their novels? What kind of pen were they using? I thought this knowledge was the secret to my own writing success. If only I could find something that sounded like it could work like me. If I kept researching their habits, reading interviews and trying to uncover their secrets, then I could achieve the same success. Or I could get out of my writer’s block (oh, the irony). Either way, I thought it was a bit of a magic hack to the success that I wanted to happen.

It took me years to work out that was bollocks.

(Hopefully you get that the title was ironic!)

But it didn’t feel like it at the time. It felt like the way to go about things. I thought I was doing the sensible thing. I thought it would make me feel more inspired and keen to get on with my own work.

It didn’t. It blocked me like a toilet at Glastonbury.

I was copying all these things famous authors were doing, but they weren’t working.

New pen. Check

New notebook. Check

Wake up early and write. Check

Wake up late and write. Check.

Attempt to plot novels on napkins. Nearly.

I was SO obsessed with having a routine and word count that I was writing a grand total of jack shit.

And when I did have an idea, I would obsess over whether it could work to the point that in my head the idea turned into this ridiculous thing that was never going to work out.

I didn’t write for a long time.

I bought new notebooks, like I could purchase hope and inspiration in cold hard cash. After the first page, they lay completely empty. A beautiful reminder of my inability to believe in myself.

That was until I started this blog. I didn’t even think about the fact that I was writing. I just let words tumble out onto the laptop, in a way that made sense to me.

I started to think more about life, and write about what I saw. I had so much to say that I knew someone needed to hear other than me.

And I left that world of authorship, obsessing and watching other writers become successful. Instead, I started to focus on what needed to come out of me. Because SHIT was there a lot of stuff.

And along the line I realised something.

There is no hack. There is no special habit or routine. There is no one way of going about it. JK Rowling started out just like me and you. An urge to put her shit into the world.

So there is no hack. But there is a difference.

And that lies in actually getting on with it and doing the work. 

Maybe that's the big secret.

The problem with looking to other highly successful creatives is that we don’t see the unpublished works. We don’t see the really bad first drafts. We don’t see the amount of paper or documents that got sent to the trash can.

And we don’t realise that they’re just doing something that they found works for them. They got to a point where they too were able to block off the noise and just do the work.

And they worked fucking hard.

To borrow the words of Macklemore:

The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint,

The greats were great cause they paint a lot

And when we look to other people, we get so sucked into what works for them that we completely forget what works for us.

And whether we realise it or not yet, we know a lot about what works for us.

Have a look at the following questions and you’ll be surprised that you know more than you think about what works for you

What time of the day do you feel more inspired?

What do you feel the urge to do? It doesn’t have to make sense

What motivates you?

Why do you want to do the work/create what you want?

Do you like typing or handwriting ideas?

Do you work better with music?

Does the environment make a difference to you? If so, what helps?

You have all the answers inside you. But first of all, it starts with doing the work and turning down the noise; the noise of what everyone else is doing, what they’re achieving, what their process looks like. Everything.

Focus on you.

Part of being a trailblazer is doing things because they make sense to you.

Start with that.

Whether you own an online business, design stationary, write books or want to do you own thing, whatever that looks like, what can you do RIGHT NOW to reduce the noise and listen to yourself?

Why You Need To Stop Reinventing Yourself (and why it's a good thing)

This is the start of a brand new chapter. 

This is a new beginning.

I’m starting my life over.

The new me begins today.

I’ve thought all of those things on lots and lots of occasions. And you know what? It’s never worked out for me. It has lasted maybe two days, and I’ve slipped, ended up feeling like shit and giving up.

Examples? Hell yes!

When I was 12, I would bulk print out all these healthy eating and confidence articles from the internet. And I would make a decision. I would start that day and would decide to be a healthy confident person. It would be a new beginning! (Didn’t work - just a lot of wasted trees unfortunately).

I went to see Mean Girls in the cinema and decided that the next day, I would be a hot version of myself and that I could have that summer camp transformation (you know that myth that in a period of six weeks, a girl grows perfectly rounded breasts, perfect hair and clear skin?) overnight. Overnight! It would be a new beginning! (Didn’t work, and now I have a much deeper appreciation of the irony in all this. I mean, I think I missed the point of the film the first time, right?!)

I started an adult job and bought a really nice bag, a professional organiser and heels. And black trousers. TROUSERS. I mean, who the fuck was I kidding?! I wanted to be a professional woman with a proper job. That’s one thing - this fantasy of me looking like I ate the Cosmo Bible for work clothes, however is quite another thing. I’m never going to look like I belong in Sex and the City, and I’d never want to.

And I’ve done the same things for morning routines, creative routines, and countless healthy eating things and other shit like that. And they’ve never worked.

I wanted to to swish my wand and erase the person I was in favour of this more attractive, more organised, more everything version of myself.

I wasn’t opening a new chapter. I didn't even want a new chapter. I wanted a new fucking book.

I wanted to become this completely different person, with new habits, new patterns and new everything.

permission to try

And while it wasn’t obvious at the time (like most things aren’t),  I was trying to change from a place of self loathing. And I was completely willing to deny the way I work, my quirks any past experiences.

And it took a long time to realise this, but it’s since I realised that the person I’ve been my whole life is still going to be there for new adventures and new experiences that things started to change. That new chapters are new chapters, and I’m way more focused on finding joy as myself, being present for new experiences and finding fun and creative ways to do everyday things.

I’m always going to be the person who has a tendency to do things last minute, to cram wayyy too much in any bag, to burst into song whenever the radio comes on, and have flyaway hair. Sure, I can find new ways of doing things, learn organisational skills, practice better time keeping, but I can’t just erase parts of me that have been that way since I can remember.

I’m always going to be dressed bright with clothes that don’t match. I’m always going to favour dry hair shampoo and an extra twenty minutes in bed. My jewellery is never going to be dainty and I’m never going to someone who’s described as graceful and quiet.

And now I wouldn’t change that for the world. But it’s taken one hell of a journey, a bucket load of self loathing and a whole lot of kindness to myself to get here.

I would perhaps change losing important post-it notes and running round the house like a Sim on fire when I got caught up singing in the shower and running late.  (Bonus secret: When I was in high school, one of my favourite things to do was to pretend to be a Sim on fire. Serious fun, right there!)

But I digress.

If you spend all of your time running towards this mythical version of yourself, the main theme of your book is going to be someone hating themselves so much the plot got lost and there wasn’t much of a story.

And you’re going to get sick of re-writing the same chapter.

Whatever shit has happened in your life, whatever you see when you look in the mirror and however other people see you - you’re you. You got yourself this far. Not the marathon, carrot eating version of yourself. Nor the bestselling author version of yourself. Not You Version 2.0, but you now.

You’ve had your own back and you’ve survived things you thought you wouldn’t.

And that’s something to be really fucking proud of you.

The past is what builds us. While there are things we would take back, experiences we would choose not to re-live, and decisions we would change, all of those things make up your foundations. You can change because of them, you can decide to live a completely different life, create your own family, you can decide to move somewhere where nobody knows you.

But you can’t run from yourself and you can’t just define yourself by things that happened in the past. The person you are right now is a culmination of all your life experiences. You’re still in the same book. There are new roads you can take, new chapters in your book, but you can’t just up and move yourself out of your own story.

And it might take a while but there’s going to be a time where you realise you can’t just change the entire book.  And learn to be okay with that.

The people you help, the work you put in the world, the conversations you have, the flecks of sunshine you leave wherever you go - they’re put there by the person who lived all of those things and had all those quirks.

Being yourself can be one of the bravest things you can do, and it’s a lifelong journey. So you might as well make it a fun one.

EPIC POST: What to do when you lose all your enthusiasm

At times, there can be nothing scarier than losing your enthusiasm. Losing your enthusiasm for life, losing enthusiasm for passion projects that you were once so excited about, losing your enthusiasm for your dreams. Believe me, I've been there and it feels like a seriously lonely place. Enthusiasm is a massive driver for me, and it feels so scary when I lose it, because suddenly things stop making sense like they used to.

Things that I once loved doing cease to exist and things I had enthusiasm for become these unspeakable things that I simultaneously try not to think about, and obsess over how I can get back.

It's a lot like grieving. It's a lot like saying a heartfelt goodbye, not knowing when you're going to see it again. It's a lot like the world has been pulled from under your feet, and you've lost your place in the world.

I know what it's like to have so little enthusiasm it's hard to find a reason to get out of bed. And I've had plenty of days where taking a shower feels as possible as flying to the moon on a lime green marshmallow. In this post, I'm going to share some questions  and some practical things that might really help if you're feeling like you've lost all your enthusiasm. All these things have really made a difference for me.

The Questions

While, like many things in life, there isn't a rhyme or reason, it's sometimes worth pondering over these questions to explore why your enthusiasm seems to have up and left you.

1. Has the voice of self doubt taken over?

Who are YOU to think you can do it? You'll never succeed. (Insert successful person's name) is so much better than you. This is never going to work out. Who do you think you are? Don't be so stupid.

That, right there, is the voice of my self doubt. The internal critic that sits in my head, feeding me toxic waste, and trying to do everything she can to stop me in my tracks, believing that I'm not enough, that I'm not smart enough, and that I should just give up.

The thing about our internal critic (we've all got one) is that they have one job to do. And that's to keep you safe. Keep you from taking risks, doing something that might not work out or trying anything without a certain outcome. And your internal critic? She's going to say whatever she has to in order to make you stop. Truth doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's all bullshit. Your internal critic only cares as long as it stops you from doing perceived dangerous things, and keeps you safe.

If this sounds like what's going on for you right now, I really do encourage you to do several things:

• Read Tara Mohr's Playing Big Or listen to this podcast episode

• Write a list of every little thing you've done that you're proud of

• Right now, think of 3 ways you've defied odds

• Thank your critic and tell them that you've got this and they can leave now

• And if you're struggling with something creative, check out Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. It's got some gems in there. She's also got a great podcast which is a good alternative to her book.

2. Did expectations get higher?

Joy seeps out of my body when I start setting high (read: unrealistic) expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting to write a New York Time Bestseller. But in a week?! That's when things start to get messy. Let's look at this logically - if you're putting so much pressure on yourself to do something, you're not going to want to do it. The F word is going to come out to play. Yep, I said it - failure. You're going to get so scared of letting yourself down (because that's the person we always fear letting down the most) and not meeting our expectations, that previous joyful things become BIG ISSUES.

For me, when I get caught up in all of this, I try to remember my why. Why did I start it? What motivates me? What keeps me coming back to it?

Write your answer on a postit note and look at it regularly.

3. Did you get what you came for?

When I first stumbled on multipotentiality, I felt like I'd won the lottery. When I started reading Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose, I started to realise that when you have many passions, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and like there's never enough time. I also learned a huge lesson which is that sometimes we lose enthusiasm because we got what we came for. Say you're an ideas person but hate planning finite detailed plans - when a project goes past the ideas stage, it makes sense that you'll lose some/all enthusiasm. This is why it can help collaborating with someone who loves the bits you don't.

Sometimes you lose enthusiasm because you've taken all the joy you can and you feel done with it. Don't beat yourself up - be glad about what happened and move on. If you're a fellow multipotentialite, and you're willing to give yourself a break, I'm sure it's not going to take long for the next project to show up.

In the meantime, check out these great articles on Puttylike (the best resource for multipotentialites!)

• Why you shouldn't finish what you start

• When you shouldn't quit

• How to stop feeling guilty about new interests

4. Is it time you let it go?

Seriously, I've been there. As an activist who burned out pretty damn hard, I know what it's like to lose enthusiasm, yet feel like you should grip onto any last remaining bit of passion with everything you have. I also know what it's like to work through the loss of enthusiasm, forcing yourself to do things that your heart isn't in anymore, and ending up ill because of it.

Letting go of things you once had a world of enthusiasm for is really fucking hard. You're left with feeling like somehow you didn't do a good enough job, you weren't good enough, you weren't cut out for it, you weren't committed enough, you could have done MORE. But sister? If you're anything like me, you did everything. You did enough.

What To Do When You Lose All Your Enthusiasm

It just doesn't serve you anymore. And that's a hard thing to admit. But once you can? Then there's a whole world of possibilities out there. And the world can wait until you feel up to it. And yeah, of course it's scary (what if this happens again?! I hear you ask). But that's when true bravery comes into it. Going all in anyway. 'Daring greatly' as Brene Brown would say.

There can also be nothing braver than believing that your enthusiasm still exists, and it will return.

And if you can grab that courage and hold onto it like the last Lindt chocolate in the world, then you can start to look towards a bright future.

Some things you could try are:

• Go back to the things you loved doing as a child - they often hold the key to a whole abundance of joy

• Write about it. Journal about it. Get your feelings out. Writing sorts out so much head-mess, chances you'll finish with a deeper understanding of what's going on for you right now

• Really embrace play and do things just for fun. Follow your curiosity. (Elizabeth Gilbert recently did a fantastic interview on following your curiosity instead of your passions. I think it might be right up your street).

But sometimes, trying to find the answer, spending time pondering over questions just isn't going to cut it.

THE PRACTICAL SHIT

Sometimes that's going to make it plain worse, and you know yourself the best - you know when that might be the case. If that's the case for you right now, try these on for size.

Make a Pick Me Up Box

This is one of the first things I did for myself when I got really ill. I was struggling with depression, anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. When you lose enthusiasm and your zest for life, it can become really hard to make decisions, and you can literally sit there, trying to figure out what to do for hours or days.

A Pick Me Up box goes a long way to getting you out of the cycle of sitting there. You fill a box with pieces of paper with things that you can do that will inspire you, distract you, energise you, and with pieces of paper with quotes on them. When you're in that place, go to the box and let is make a decision for you. You can find a very easy 4 step tutorial I wrote right here.

Give yourself a break

One thing that's taken me a tonne of shit experiences to learn is that the time when I feel like I can't take a break is the time I should be taking a break. Sometimes we just go so hard at it, and wonder why it's not working, and we just need to STOP.

A break and time away provides:

• Fresh perspectives

• Escapism

• Time for your body and mind to get some much needed rest

• A chance to connect - with nature, with friends, with pets, with fictional characters

• An opportunity for new ideas to develop

• The space you need to evaluate things properly and make thought out decisions

Take a break now. Plan a break. Give yourself some time. And don't feel selfish or guilty for doing it - this is what you'd tell your best friend to do, right? (And you don't have to plan some exotic break. Lying in your bed with a box of chocolates and Homeland is perfectly acceptable, if not downright encouraged in my book!)

Go cold turkey

This might sound a bit ridiculous but stay with me, okay?  Work and passions can be addictive. If you know something isn't serving you, and is probably the root cause of your lack of enthusiasm, try and cut down on it. Or go cold turkey.

That can include distancing yourself from things that hurt.

Real life example from my own life: For now, I avoid any form of activism. I don't go to demos or marches. I'm not involved in activist groups. None of it. Why? Because right now as I'm trying to distance myself from things I know have caused so much pain in my life, I know it would hurt too much. It would be a reminder of who I was versus who I am now, it would make me even more bitter at people and experiences that slowly drained me. By keeping away, I protect my own sanity and I'm spending time exploring other things I previously wouldn't have. And life's become pretty damn interesting! (I'm starting a podcast, for one thing!)

This might be easier said than done if it's a work thing that's making you feel this way. If that is the case, start considering other careers. Talk to people you love and trust about the things they think you would rock at that you might not have thought of. There is always a way out. And if you feel really trapped in your job and like there's no way out, read this.  (No really, read it). Sometimes you just can't see all of the options available to you when you're in that dark place.

Tips for going cold turkey:

• Tell someone and ask them for loving encouragement and to check in with you from time to time

• Don't say yes to things immediately. Take some time to make decisions based on your own sanity and your own wellbeing. This may be tough at first, but when it becomes a practice, you start making decisions from a place of love, not fear, and that's always a good thing!

• Give yourself a deadline to evaluate how it's been going cold turkey. Take an honest look at your life and see if anything has changed of the better.

Recognise the truth

With a loss of enthusiasm, can come a loss of confidence. And that shit is hard.

But here's the thing. If the most energy you have right now is pressing play on Netflix, that's okay. Because you have skills, you have strengths, and you have a personality unique to you, that when combined, makes you a pretty hardcore genius and wonderful person. And you don't have to be on fire all the time.

Whether you feel like you've lost your confidence, or things have been taken away from you, spend some time getting to know your skills and strengths. A couple of ways you can do this are:

• Take the Strength Finder Test (this costs about $20 but it is seriously worth it)

• Start a little book of compliments, and every time someone says something nice to you or about you, write it down. And try and look over it every week.

• Do something just for fun that involves your skills. Give yourself permission to do whatever you like, and just play.

Surround yourself with inspiration

I find a hell of a lot of my motivation by surrounding myself with inspiration. And this can be virtual as well as real life. When I was in the job I hated, I would listen to The Good Life Project and The Lively Show for my entire commute. I didn't know anyone else who had decided to live life on their own terms in real life, but the guests on these podcast showed me opportunities, ways of living beyond my own bubble. (It's also why I've decided to start my own podcast).

And the great thing about surrounding yourself with people who inspire you? It starts to become the norm. And for me, that was the biggest motivation in making huge changes in my life. By spending my time listening to people who had taken risks, who were living unconventional lives and doing it for themselves, it became something that was tangible. It became my new norm. 

• Amber Thomas recently wrote a fantastic guest post on That Hummingbird Life, about how consumption can influence our creativity. Give it a read and start your own experiment.

• Surround yourself with passionate people.

• Write a list of things that inspire you, and for each thing, find a way to incorporate them into your daily life. Here's something I made that sits above my desk and inspires me every day:

Do nothing

Chances are, that if you're all out of enthusiasm, you're also pretty exhausted. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is rest. And by rest I mean listen to you body and do what it needs. If you need to sleep all day, sleep all day. If you're craving a nice hearty meal, go cook yourself something tasty. Don't focus on being productive, but instead just rest.

Your body needs rest. It's not lazy. It's absolutely essential. Give yourself opportunity to rest and you might just find enthusiasm creeping back up on you when you least expect it.

Trust

This is perhaps the hardest one, but the one that is going to have the most profound effect on your life. And that's to trust that everything will be okay, that your enthusiasm will return and things won't always be this hard.

Things might be hard as hell right now but they won't always be. How things will work out is a mystery, but they will work out, somehow. You've got yourself this far - have a little faith in yourself.

Finally, some reminders:

• Your enthusiasm will return. It might come in a different form, but it will return.
  

• Taking a break is important. It's not selfish or lazy, it's essential.
  

• You are more than a sum of your actions
  

• The world will is still turning and you will find the right rhythm and dance for you
  

• You are one fucking amazing person, and you have a lot to be proud of.

I hope this has helped you in some way, and I hope at the very least, you feel less alone. I know everything feels scary right now, so be kind and gentle with yourself. You're dealing with some really hard shit, so try to give yourself as much compassion as you can.

You've got this my love, you really have. You know more than you think you do, and you have everything you need inside you <3. I know that might sound like utter bollocks right now, but you just need to trust that. And if you feel alone, there's a whole bunch of like-minded women sharing their stories over on The Couragemakers Podcast.

I would love to know your experiences in the comments, or send me an email at support [at] therebelrousers [dot] com) if you prefer :)

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Creative ruts & re-filling your cup

I've been thinking a lot about inspiration and creativity lately. Amber's guest post on creativity and consumption has really had me questioning my own creative process, and how getting sidetracked on social media has a huge impact on my work and what I produce. And Helen's guest post on women, creativity and creative afternoons has really had me thinking on the space I create in my own life to be creative.

Couple that with the work of the late Scott Dinsmore, on how surrounding yourself with people who inspire you is essential to creating work that matters, and Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Big Magic (on creativity, fear and magic), I think it's fair to say, creativity and inspiration has definitely been on my mind.

And it's on my mind because I've felt a bit stuck in a creative rut. I've been getting lost in the black hole that is the comparison trap, and I've been spending too much time looking at what other people are doing, and not enough time focusing on myself.

So, the last two weeks have seen me going back to things I know work for me. And I want to share them with you today!

1. Find an environment that works for you

Since I've started working from home, it's taken me a while to get into a routine. If I get up late, the quality of my work is sacrificed. If I start the day on Facebook, I waste half the day. Home is full of distractions, and it's taken me the past couple of weeks to really remember that my best way to start a project is in a coffee shop, and as much as I love music, I can concentrate the best with earphones in but no music on. But working from a coffee shop all the time = expensive. Working from a coffee shop all the time while saving up for a round the world trip = a bit silly. Libraries however? Here I come. It may take time but it's worth it to find the environment that best feeds your creativity. Everyone has somewhere different, there is no right and wrong, it just takes a bit of practice!

2. Take the time to realise that there is enough room for all of us

This is something I've been really struggling with. And I know I'm not alone in this. We start looking at what other people are doing, how they're doing it and trying to measure their success compared to our own. We know we're doing it, but perhaps we don't realise the effects of it for a while. The effects for me are being creatively blocked, feeling like there's no point in anything because everyone has already done it all, and feeling completely uninspired. So here's a reminder, to myself as well as you. There is room for all of us. We all have unique stories, and a rare combination of skills, strengths and values. We could all write a book about changing the world tomorrow, and every single one of those books would be different. Different stories, different approaches, different take aways. No matter what you're working on right now, the world needs to hear it, and we need to hear it from you!

3. Read books that have been on your shelf/reading list for years

It's SO easy to get seduced by shiny object syndrome and spend your time searching out new books to read. But if you're anything like me, there are probably many sitting on your shelf that you couldn't wait to get, but still haven't read! Be inspired by what you already have, not just by what you want. For me, exchanging the time I've spent procrastinating to actually reading things I've wanted to read for years has made me so much happier. If I'm not feeling in the mood to work, instead of farting about on the internet looking at a whole lot of nothing, I grab something off my shelf, or binge read someone's blog that I've been meaning to do for months. If you're on the search for inspiration, you're gonna have more light bulbs going off doing this instead of beating yourself up over your lack of productivity.

4. Cut the shit out/ turn off notifications

So, I deleted Facebook from my phone, and it feels AMAZING! Our lives are full of so much shit that we don't even notice. Okay, not all of it is shit, but do you really need notifications from every Facebook group you're a part of, and to see what your friend of ten years ago is cooking for dinner? No. Now, instead of perusing the lives of people who I haven't seen in years, I've enjoy commuting to places, looking out the window, people watching, reading things that I want to read and surrounding myself with people that make me feel great. And it's had such a big effect. (Pocket is a great app for saving articles and posts you've been wanting to read but haven't got around to. It saves everything offline, so you can peruse at your own leisure, anywhere)

5.  Audiobooks/Podcasts

This is easily the biggest one for me. When I was stuck HATING my office job and feeling like this was all my life was ever going to amount to and being desperately unhappy, I discovered Emilie Wapnick, The Lively Show and Good Life Project. I surrounded myself with people who were actively going against the grain and creating a life they loved. By listening to a podcast every morning and listening to other people's stories, I found there was a new alternative to my life. I could live a life that existed outside the mainstream. Find and surround yourself with people you admire and find inspiring. And do it on purpose. This is the big thing. Before when I was getting myself through that period and learning that there could be another way, I was purposefully choosing who I spent my headphone time with. But somewhere along the way, I got out of the routine. Find people who set your heart on fire and make you feel alive, and purposefully surround yourself with them. It will honestly change your life

Since becoming more intentional about my creativity and finding inspiration, things have changed a lot. In the last two weeks, I have started work on a book I've been thinking of writing for a couple of years now, and I've also started work on another book. I've also written an entire e-mail course which I'm really proud of, which is going to be a game changer for many people.

If things feel stagnant right now, change it up. Approach your creativity and inspiration like a glass of water. You need it to live your fullest life and it needs to be topped up on a regular basis.

Thank you to Amber Thomas, Helen Jones, Scott Dinsmore and Elizabeth Gilbert who have filled my glass and helped me get back to work that matters.

You have so many gifts to give the world. Your way of looking at the world, the order you write your words and the way you put paint onto paper - it all comes from your unique perspective. No one can create that. Only you. 

What an amazing opportunity it is to be alive!

13 things you'll gain from starting that big project

Today I'm sharing with you the big fuck off reminders life gives you when you're undertaking any big project. Whether you're writing a book, thinking of starting your own business, planning a wedding, or even thinking that you'd like a big project; there are so many great takeaways. Now, if you're anything like me, you like to take on big projects. Or the idea of taking on a big project. Over the last 3 months, I have completely overhauled That Hummingbird Life's website, and when I completed it, like most things in my life, I asked myself, what are the lessons in this?

Any big project will tell you a lot about yourself. Pursuing any big dream, and the hard graft that it takes to get there, will teach you invaluable lessons.

So whatever project you're working on, or even thinking of starting, hopefully these home truths will help and inspire you.

1. You find out what really matters to you

When we take on projects, of course we always have hopes and aspirations for the end result, but it's fair to say that a guaranteed and specific financial income isn't set in stone. Money might not even come into it, like many things in life we love. What that means is that so many of us are motivated by the things that matter to us. Fulfilment, working for a purpose,  happiness, connection.

Taking on a project is a chance to get to the root of what lights us up. It's an opportunity to remind ourselves of what really matters, what we're working towards, and keep us grounded and focused. And no matter where we are in life, it's a welcome and much needed reminder for all of us.

2. You gain so much more confidence and resilience

Something will always go wrong last minute. And it's usually something you don't plan for. But it's not a reason not to try in the first place. After all, by the time you're near completing your project, you've gained so much self trust and confidence, the thing that goes wrong usually comes as a surprise. And as a result of that, you deal with it. It's a great cycle that shows you that you're able to deal with anything life throws at you, and in turn increases your confidence further. Win win.

3. Everyone will have advice but you have all the answers

E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. It might be well meaning from someone you love, it might be someone manipulating where you're at to sell you something (buy this book to write a BESTSELLING novel). Everyone loves to give out free advice. But somewhere in between starting out and really getting stuck in, you'll realise how much knowledge you already have. And how much listening to your gut tells you. And that's pretty fucking powerful stuff.

4. You realise you can't please everyone, and that's OK

The same way as everyone always has advice, everyone always has an opinion. And they'll give it to you, unsolicited at a moment's notice. If you have a friend/partner that you trust to tell you the truth (in a loving way), use them as a sounding board. But what many famous writers have advised around not telling everyone the whole story until it's done? I think there's some leg room in that. It's not your job to please everyone - it's an impossible goal, and you'll just end up feeling shite. But you'll learn that along the way, and that is pretty fucking powerful.

5. You have to trust in yourself, that you will be able to bring your vision to life

Putting your idea into words is hard. Explaining it can be even harder. Even with the most elaborate Pinterest boards or deck of notecards, it's hard to show other people your vision before it's come to life. But just because you can't find the right words, or other people seem confused as to what it is you're aiming for, doesn't mean that it's not going to happen. And it certainly doesn't mean your ideas are silly, or too big. In the moment when you're faced with fear and self doubt, remember that you had the idea. You have what it takes to bring it to life. And if people aren't understanding it just yet, it's more likely to be because you've tapped into something special, instead of your idea being intangible.

6. You'll accumulate a ridiculous amount of skills

You get such a larger set of skills by starting a project that sets your heart of fire, instead of starting out to just learn a skill. Instead of starting by trawling through technical details, you start with what makes you excited, and pick the skills you need up on the way. Research and development are two of the most essential parts when it comes to working on a project, and it's always worth writing a quick list of skills you accumulated after it's done. I guarantee you'll be surprised.

7. You have to start before you're ready

While research is important, it also functions as a defence mechanism against fear. When I was a teenager, I spent years buying writing magazines instead of just putting pen to paper. There's something safe about learning more about doing something, without actually doing anything. One thing starting a project shows you is that you'll never be 100% ready. There will always be something else you could have looked up, or something else you could have spent money on. But when you get that urge just to start already? That's an image that's going to stay in your head and motivate and inspire you for a long time to come.

8. You'll find courage you didn't know was there

Starting before you're ready takes a lot of fucking courage. And throughout all of the twists and turns of whatever you're working on, you'll find courage that you didn't even know existed. Courage to tell the outside world what you're doing. Courage to share yourself with the world, and courage to feel the fear and keep on going.

9. While everyone will marvel at what you've done, not many people will see the blood, sweat & tears

Dealing with other people's reactions is an important one. People will wonder where you found the time, where you found the energy and where the talent came from. It's always worth remembering that jealousy and admiration can be sides of the same coin, and the bitter ones? The words they speak say more about themselves than what you're doing. We're increasingly living in a world where people produce the latest shiny things as if it's as easy as taking a shit. They don't show you the messy bits, the late nights, the tears of frustration. They want to be seen as having it all figured out. 1) No one has it all figured out and 2) Seeing the messy bits shows that you're human. That you didn't come out of the womb dressed in a tutu and with an iPhone.

10. You learn that it's okay to take a break

You can only have so many sleepless nights, stare at the computer for so long, or read the same paragraph so many times. At some point, you're going to realise that, like it or not, you really need a break. Then you realise that when you're rested, you can get so much more done and it starts becoming fun again.There's nothing like tiredness and exhaustion to suck all the fun and enthusiasm out of your life like a dementor. When you learn that your mind and your body needs a break, and it's often the best thing you can do, life gets a hell of a lot easier.

11. Deadlines increase your ability to make decisions

When you have no timeframe, it's so easy to get caught up in analysis paralysis. Decisions can take days and it just gets really frustrating. But when you've got a big project and you set yourself deadlines, it can be a different story. Decisions that might have taken you a week to make? You don't want to stall the project for too long, so they're made much quicker. And you end up trusting your own judgement so much more. And self trust? That's something you're not going to find on Amazon.

12.  There is no right feeling when you've finished

This is a big one for me. When you finish a project, it's a whole mixed bag of emotions. We can put too much pressure on ourselves to feel over the moon and enthusiastic. For me, right when I finish a project, exhaustion sweeps over me. Any sort of pride, or ability to give a fuck goes. Then a couple of days it all catches up with me and I get a huge boost. Whatever you're feeling, your feelings are legitimate. Just remember to mark it/celebrate it in some way!

13. You learn to manage your own expectations

Starting a big project can do wonders for managing your own expectations. We tend to downplay the things we're great at, simultaneously giving ourselves huge goals that aren't always attainable. Somewhere in the process, you start working out your own definition of success and managing your own expectations to something that makes you feel great.

Everyone's experiences are different, but I know one thing for absolutely certain. Starting a big project gets you closer to where you want to be. Whatever the motivating factor, the main thing is that you start.

Because once you start? The world is your oyster. You have so much genius only you can put into the world, and the world needs to see it! Wrestle those fears!

I'm looking forward to writing more posts on starting and planning projects.

I'd love to know any questions you'd love me to answer, or any experiences you've had in the comment box below!

The ultimate guide to future tripping

Are you guilty of future tripping? I absolutely am!

What is future tripping

At its most basic, future tripping is when we occupy our time thinking in terms of the future. While there are a number of reasons why we all do it, it's basically when we're stuck in what we want our future to look like that we lose out on the present.

I first heard the term used by Bella Lively, and thought to myself, shit that's what people have meant all those times they told me to enjoy the present!

Future tripping usually occurs in two ways:

1. We're too busy worrying about the future, or end results of thing we're doing to enjoy the present so we end up future tripping

2. We don't like a situation we're in, but not ready to make a change, so end up fantasizing about our future instead.

For me, I spend a lot of time thinking about what my future holds, what I want to do, what I want to create, what I want to do with my time tomorrow.

Basically, future tripping is leaving the present to worry about the future.

Future tripping is something we all do to some extent, some more than others. And it's something we're brought up learning to do. What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life? You need to think about the future! Sound familiar?!

Here are some examples of how future tripping happens in our everyday life:

• Getting an opportunity/job and only focusing on how its going to impact future career decisions in a couple of years time, instead of celebrating new things

• Sitting in your office, dreaming of travelling and not doing anything to achieve it, other than spending an obscene amount of time on Trip Advisor at home

• Being at the dining room table surrounded by your loved ones, thinking not of how much your loved ones mean to you, but worrying about that deadline/chores/the kitchen sink.

• Spending all your time talking about the future

The thing about future tripping? We miss out on some great things that are happening/could be happening right now.

Don't get me wrong, future tripping is a great form of escapism and can be the source of making some  huge changes in your life. But, if your circumstances aren't great (you're in a relationship/job/house/place that doesn't serve you), you can easily sink into the black hole of future tripping.

Now, I could talk until the cows come home (or until Michael Buble shows up at my front door) about the importance of being present/ways to be present, but that's of no use if you can't see the dark underside of future tripping.

Future tripping helps you to imagine change, but without actually doing something to get it.

That's until you wake up one day, realise how truly shit you find the situation to discover that you're not any nearer to solving the situation. And that can be a pretty dark place.

You know what they say about how visualising your goals/telling someone you know about them can give you the same feeling of euphoria that you'd feel in achieving them? With future tripping, it's the same.

You can get so stuck in dreaming about your future, or worrying about the future, that you've completely let go of the present.

FUTURE TRIPPING WEB

Future-tripping's best friend

That's where action and planning comes into it - future tripping's counterpart. When we actively do things to change a situation, that's when we make the changes.

But, no matter how much you hate the reality, unless you truly acknowledge it, you're not going to do anything to change it.

And if you spend most of your life stuck in future tripping, you're sure as hell not going to enjoy it.

So what can you do to stop yourself from being caught in the trap of future tripping?

1. Be gentle with yourself - future tripping is learnt behaviour and takes a long time to change.

2. Recognise when you're future tripping and bring yourself back to the present.

3. Create some practices that keep you in the present:

When you're getting ready to go to something that you know you'll really enjoy (a birthday meal, visiting friends/relatives, going on a big trip or just going on a walk in beautiful weather), grab a piece of paper and write a list of what you're currently worrying about. Leave your worries behind on that piece of paper. It's up to you if you pick them back up when you return.

Start a gratitude practice. Each evening find three good things that have happened during your day to make you smile. Doing this right before you go to bed can make for a much better night's sleep.

Absorb the moment. When you're in a good situation, lap it up. Take a mental photograph of the moment, and enjoy it.

Future tripping is a call to action.

Whether that's making a big change in your life, or a call to live in the present, that's up to you.

Stay tuned as I have a very exciting post to come about how I'm taking action against future tripping in my own life, right now!