1302: The power of the pause
If you’re a people pleaser, today I’m sharing a really powerful tool that has been a game changer in my own life!
Episode transcript:
Good morning, Daily Peppers, and a very happy Wednesday to you. Today, I wanna share with you something that I find really helpful in so many different areas of my life. It is something that I find incredibly helpful if I remember to do it and I'm working on the remembering. So maybe we'll have a part two coming up. But for today, I just wanted to share with you what the thing is. And I call it the power of the pause. Now for many of us, we have things that we do on autopilot that maybe we wish we did less of. I know in my life, my autopilots have looked like saying yes to things before I've really thought about them and asking people around me for their opinions on something before I've really had a chance to figure out what it is I want.
And I'm particularly thinking of big life decisions here. For you, the things that you do on autopilot might be similar, they might be the same, or they might be completely different. And the first important thing here is that we try not to judge ourselves for them. Chances are they might come from a place of people pleasing. They might come from a place of putting everybody else first before yourself, or they might come from a place of being a good girl and trying to figure out the, quote, right thing to do, which we dove into a bit yesterday. Now I first came across what I'm calling the power of the pause in the fabulous book, The Curse of Lovely by Jacqui Marson. I'll put that in the show notes. And there's a section on saying no, and she recommends just taking a pause before you respond.
That can look like literally taking a pause, which often, especially if somebody's asking you to do something, can involve sitting on your hands and it is really uncomfortable. Or it can look like telling somebody that you'll get back to them later. The how here really isn't that important. It's the why we do it in the first place. I know that when I said yes to everything, I thought I was being really helpful, but, actually, I ended up over committing a lot and also letting people down. Some of the things that we do out of a want to please other people or to do the right thing can end up being the wrong thing both for us and for them. And sometimes, let's face it, we also make wild assumptions that we don't know a true either. It's like that quote, don't ask somebody for directions to place they've never been.
And sometimes we assume that somebody will know what is best for us when they haven't been to that place or they're coming from it from a completely different perspective. Now I believe that the pause gets easier and more comfortable the more we practice it. And the more we practice it, the more we tend to remember it exists, and that's a bit where I'm at at the moment. But I just wanna give you this tool as a way of giving yourself a chance to actually look within, to see what feels good for you and what feels right to you. In an age where we can pretty much find anything we want on Google and everybody and their pet chicken has a perspective on what they think we should or shouldn't do, It can be really easy to not even check-in with ourselves in the first place. And if we are people pleasers, it can be so much easier to say yes before we actually look at our capacity or, sometimes I forget this one even exists, whether we want to do it in the first place. So here's to the power of pausing. Try it out and have a think about the circumstances where it could be helpful for you.
And remember that it's okay to say to somebody, I'll have a think about that or I'll get back to you. If anything that shows that you're actually considering it, it's a sign of respect. And remember that if you do end up saying no, you don't have to overcompensate by agreeing to do something else, which is twice as much effort in the first place. And I say that from a lot of experience. So happy Wednesday, my darlings. And remember as always, everything changes when you believe you matter, and you really fucking do matter. See you tomorrow.
Transcription produced by Castmagic.io
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A short, snappy and sassy daily podcast to keep your internal - and external - dreamshitters at bay!
The Daily Pep! is the rebel-rousing, daily podcast for couragemakers, creative, multi-passionate and unconventional women.
If you’re surrounded by people who don’t get who you are or what you do, if you want reminders you’re on the right path (no matter how scary it feels), or you’re sick of being your very own worst enemy, this is the podcast for you.
Every weekday, your host - writer, coach and professional rebel-rouser - Meg Kissack helps you build a creative and wholehearted life, one day at a time. Through short and snappy insights, reminders and stories, The Daily Pep! is here to remind you you’re not alone, and that everything changes when you believe you matter. Each episode is short and snappy, designed to fit in with (or help you start) your habits and routines
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